You Have The Right To... Say NO To Family, Friends & Food!

[Guest guest]

You Have The Right To... Say NO To Family, Friends & Food!

- November 30, 2000

by Dr. Mendelsohn

eDiets.com Psychologist

Learning how to say NO to family, friends and associates is similar to

saying no to food. Until you can assert yourself to say no to family and

friends, you will probably have difficulty saying no to food -- especially

around the holiday time.

Regrettably, many of us who have struggled with our weight for so much of

our lives have learned to either give in to other's requests in fear of them

not liking us. Or we have harbored so much anger and resentment towards

ourselves that we have turned to food as our only source of comfort.

When you stand up to someone and express your own thoughts and opinions, you

will feel good about yourself. Thus you have no need to use food as your

comfort. Hence, learning to cope more effectively with your feelings will

ultimately help you feel more in control of your life -- you'll have greater

self-esteem, and a greater sense of self-efficacy.

Assertiveness is a way of acting that strikes a balance between two

extremes: Aggressiveness and submissiveness. It is an attitude and a way of

acting in any situation where you need to express your feelings, ask for

what you want, and say no to something you don't want.

Sadly, as children we were taught to behave in a certain manner... according

to our parents' conditions. However, as an adult, we have the option of

deciding whether or not to continue behaving according to the assumptions of

others. We can become an assertive adult.

When you attempt to please everyone by putting their needs before yours,

anger and resentment occur because you view yourself as being wronged. Isn't

it time for a change? Aren't you ready to stop feeling like a victim and

start feeling energized?

The following is a list of " rights " that we all have as human beings. These

rights will help to remind you that you can be assertive and you do not have

to carry around that burden of anger and resentment.

Post this list in a conspicuous place. By taking time to carefully read it

through the list every day, you will eventually learn to accept that you are

entitled to each and every one of these rights.

Do not try to incorporate all of these ideas into your lives at once. Taking

one step at a time will allow you sufficient time to integrate these ideas

into your daily repertoire.

I have a right to ask for what I want!

I have the right to say no to requests or demands that I cannot meet!

I have the right to express all of my feelings, positive or negative!

I have the right to change my mind!

I have the right to make mistakes and not have to be perfect!

I have the right to follow my own values and standards!

I have the right to say NO to anything when I feel I am not ready, it is

unsafe, or it violates my values!

I have the right to determine my own priorities!

I have the right to expect honestly from others!

I have the right to not to be responsible for others' behaviors, actions,

feelings or problems!

I have the right to be uniquely myself!

I have the right to be angry at someone I love!

I have the right to feel scared and say, " I'm afraid! "

I have the right to say, " I don't know! "

I have the right not to give excuses or reasons for my behavior!

I have the right to make decisions based on my feelings!

I have the right to own my own needs for personal space and time!

I have the right to be playful and frivolous!

I have the right to be healthier than those around me!

I have the right to be in a non-abusive environment!

I have the right to make friends and be comfortable around people!

I have the right to change and grow!

I have the right to have me needs and wants respected by others!

I have the right to be treated with dignity and respect!

I have the right to be happy!

We all have rights. Your ultimate right is to be the sole judge of yourself,

to initiate and accept the consequences of your own actions, your own

thoughts, and your own feelings.

However, I am by no means suggesting that you are to put the needs of your

dependent children or ill relatives behind yours. I am simply suggesting

that you learn to find time for yourself everyday.

Balance is the key to successful living. Finding time to nurture yourself

will make you that much more effective in caring for your loved ones! If you

are exhausted and run down, how in the world do you think you will find the

energy to care for everyone else?

Learn to assert your rights and you too will feel invigorated!

Dianne

163/140/138

" The weakest among us can become some kind of an athlete,

but only the strongest can survive as spectators. "

[Guest guest]

Thank you for posting that article. It was very helpful.

Beth