Re: Something to Offend Everyone

[Guest guest]

Hi , I enjoyed your offending. I have to print most of the things on

e-mail out for and she (and I) enjoyed it a lot and will probably send

it on to family. Hope your winter is mild for you. Lot of luck, Byron and

in FL PS I see my hip Dr. tomorrow.

[Guest guest]

Hi , I enjoyed your offending. I have to print most of the things on

e-mail out for and she (and I) enjoyed it a lot and will probably send

it on to family. Hope your winter is mild for you. Lot of luck, Byron and

in FL PS I see my hip Dr. tomorrow.

[Guest guest]

,

Nothing offended me. I was too busy laughing. Some of it hits a little too

close to home, though.

At 10:47 PM 5/28/02 +1000, you wrote:

>1. What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?

>A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

>

>2. What's the best form of birth control after 50?

>Nudity

>

>3. What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

>45 kilos.

>

>4. What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

>45 minutes.

>

>5. How many women does it take to change a light bulb?

>None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.

>

>6. What's the fastest way to a man's heart?

>Through his chest with a sharp knife.

>

>7. Why are men and parking spaces alike?

>Because all the good ones are gone and the only ones left are disabled.

>

>8. What have men and floor tiles got in common?

>If you lay them properly the first time, you can walk all over them for

>life.

>

>9. Why do men want to marry virgins?

>They can't stand criticism.

>

>10. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring

>and good looking?

>Because those men already have boyfriends.

>

>11. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

>After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

>

>12. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

>The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of

>driving.

>

>13. What is the biggest problem for an atheist?

>No one to talk to during orgasm.

>

>14. What do you call a smart blonde?

>A golden retriever.

>

>15. Why does the bride always wear white?

>Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and

>refrigerator.

>

>16. A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in sixth grade. Who has

>the biggest boobs?

>The blonde, because she's 18.

>

>17. Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?

>Ask your Mum.

>

>18. How do you know when you're really ugly?

>Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.

>

>19. How do you know when you're leading a sad life?

>When a nymphomaniac tells you, " Lets just be friends. "

>

>20. Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?

>Because they have cotton balls.

>

>21. What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts?

>Her navel.

>

>22. What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?

>A Bingo Machine.

>

>23. Why did God create alcohol?

>So ugly people could have sex too.

>

>24. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

> " Are you sure it's mine? "

>

>25. What three two-letter words mean small?

> " Is It In? "

>

>26. Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?

>Mace will do that to you.

>

>27. If you are having sex with two women and one more walks in, what do

>you have?

>Divorce proceedings most likely.

>

>28. Why did OJ Simpson want to move to Tasmania?

>Everyone has the same DNA.

>

>29. Did you hear about the Chinese couple who had a retarded baby?

>They named him Sum Ting Wong.

>

>30. What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the

>other?

>A speech impediment.

>

>31. What does it mean when the flag at a US Post Office is flying at

>half mast?

>They're hiring.

>

>32. What do toilets, a clitoris, and an anniversary have in common?

>Men miss them all.

>

>33. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

>Breasts don't have eyes.

>

>34. Why aren't there any Aboriginals on Star Trek?

>Because they're not going to work in the future either.

>

>35. Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?

>He walks around saying " Yo. "

>

>36. What do you call a New Zealand farmer with a sheep under each arm?

>A Pimp.

>

>37. What's the difference between a Japanese zoo, and an Australian zoo?

>

>A Japanese zoo has a description of the animal on the front the cage,

>along with a recipe.

>

>38. What's the Indonesian National Anthem?

>Row row row your boat.

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Damn! Thought everyone would be offended by at least one of them! :-)

Reckon #7 hits close to home for me, plus a few others.

Mike wrote:

> ,

> Nothing offended me. I was too busy laughing. Some of it hits a little

> too

> close to home, though.

>

[Guest guest]

Damn! Thought everyone would be offended by at least one of them! :-)

Reckon #7 hits close to home for me, plus a few others.

Mike wrote:

> ,

> Nothing offended me. I was too busy laughing. Some of it hits a little

> too

> close to home, though.

>

[Guest guest]

Glad you enjoyed it Byron! Guess by now that you've already seen your

hip Dr - hope it went well. Must be that time of year - the guy who

sits next to me at work just went and had a check done on the hip joint

he had replaced early Dec last year.

It's now over 18 months since I broke my hip and the muscles around the

top of my thigh and groin muscles still really hurt for about the first

20 or so steps I take after being sat down anywhere. Watching me get

out of a chair and stagger along with my walker must look really funny

at the moment because for about a month now the ankle on my other leg

that has been slightly swollen and hurts for a similar number of steps.

I can't put my full weight on either leg after getting up at first so do

a PLS affected version of " Tiptoe through the tulips " until each leg

gets a bit warmed up.

cca4326794@... wrote:

> Hi , I enjoyed your offending. I have to print most of the things

> on

> e-mail out for and she (and I) enjoyed it a lot and will

> probably send

> it on to family. Hope your winter is mild for you. Lot of luck, Byron

> and

> in FL PS I see my hip Dr. tomorrow.

--

.

,-._|\ Covington

/ Oz \

\_,--.x/

v

[Guest guest]

Glad you enjoyed it Byron! Guess by now that you've already seen your

hip Dr - hope it went well. Must be that time of year - the guy who

sits next to me at work just went and had a check done on the hip joint

he had replaced early Dec last year.

It's now over 18 months since I broke my hip and the muscles around the

top of my thigh and groin muscles still really hurt for about the first

20 or so steps I take after being sat down anywhere. Watching me get

out of a chair and stagger along with my walker must look really funny

at the moment because for about a month now the ankle on my other leg

that has been slightly swollen and hurts for a similar number of steps.

I can't put my full weight on either leg after getting up at first so do

a PLS affected version of " Tiptoe through the tulips " until each leg

gets a bit warmed up.

cca4326794@... wrote:

> Hi , I enjoyed your offending. I have to print most of the things

> on

> e-mail out for and she (and I) enjoyed it a lot and will

> probably send

> it on to family. Hope your winter is mild for you. Lot of luck, Byron

> and

> in FL PS I see my hip Dr. tomorrow.

--

.

,-._|\ Covington

/ Oz \

\_,--.x/

v

[Guest guest]

Hi , I'm a little late in answering but here goes. The Dr. said the pain

in the leg from walking is from the loose banding that broke and is loose at

the joint site. It looks awful in x-rays. But he put his finger right on the

spot that hurts and said we could go in and remove the wire and that would

help. He said all of it could not be removed cause some of it was in the

cement, but the majority of it could come out. I am to call his nurse to

schedule it in. It is a 4 inch incision and overnight in hospital. I asked

about the bone that was loose and pulled up into the groin area. His reply

was that would be major surgery as tendon and tissue were attached to it. He

said it wasn't the cause of the groin pain. We will find out.

You said that you had trouble after sitting, then walking, you staggered. I

was that way with the first hip replacement, but if I stood still for 5 or 6

seconds I was O. K. I had a desk job and that didn't help. I needed the

exercise. I hope you get to feeling better and will keep you informed if the

surgery works. It will be the quickest I can get in. He said he had 10

scheduled this week.

Will talk later. Regards, Byron in FL

[Guest guest]

Hi , I'm a little late in answering but here goes. The Dr. said the pain

in the leg from walking is from the loose banding that broke and is loose at

the joint site. It looks awful in x-rays. But he put his finger right on the

spot that hurts and said we could go in and remove the wire and that would

help. He said all of it could not be removed cause some of it was in the

cement, but the majority of it could come out. I am to call his nurse to

schedule it in. It is a 4 inch incision and overnight in hospital. I asked

about the bone that was loose and pulled up into the groin area. His reply

was that would be major surgery as tendon and tissue were attached to it. He

said it wasn't the cause of the groin pain. We will find out.

You said that you had trouble after sitting, then walking, you staggered. I

was that way with the first hip replacement, but if I stood still for 5 or 6

seconds I was O. K. I had a desk job and that didn't help. I needed the

exercise. I hope you get to feeling better and will keep you informed if the

surgery works. It will be the quickest I can get in. He said he had 10

scheduled this week.

Will talk later. Regards, Byron in FL

[Guest guest]

Hi , I'm a little late in answering but here goes. The Dr. said the pain

in the leg from walking is from the loose banding that broke and is loose at

the joint site. It looks awful in x-rays. But he put his finger right on the

spot that hurts and said we could go in and remove the wire and that would

help. He said all of it could not be removed cause some of it was in the

cement, but the majority of it could come out. I am to call his nurse to

schedule it in. It is a 4 inch incision and overnight in hospital. I asked

about the bone that was loose and pulled up into the groin area. His reply

was that would be major surgery as tendon and tissue were attached to it. He

said it wasn't the cause of the groin pain. We will find out.

You said that you had trouble after sitting, then walking, you staggered. I

was that way with the first hip replacement, but if I stood still for 5 or 6

seconds I was O. K. I had a desk job and that didn't help. I needed the

exercise. I hope you get to feeling better and will keep you informed if the

surgery works. It will be the quickest I can get in. He said he had 10

scheduled this week.

Will talk later. Regards, Byron in FL