Wish I'd read up on stress dosing. . .

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 09/12/2006 20:06:33 GMT Standard Time, amystuff@...

writes:

Amy the Redhead

Amy darlin'

I really don't mean to be hard on you and what I am hearing is victim,

victim, victim.

I may be thinking about me really because I have an issue with this so it

may be all about me and not about you at all.

What I want to say to you is this:

Stand up to your full height and ROAR LIKE A LION!

Much, much love

Mo xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

NOVA Counselling & Healing Services

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 09/12/2006 20:06:33 GMT Standard Time, amystuff@...

writes:

Amy the Redhead

Amy darlin'

I really don't mean to be hard on you and what I am hearing is victim,

victim, victim.

I may be thinking about me really because I have an issue with this so it

may be all about me and not about you at all.

What I want to say to you is this:

Stand up to your full height and ROAR LIKE A LION!

Much, much love

Mo xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

NOVA Counselling & Healing Services

[Guest guest]

Wish I'd seen this post last night. Didn't have a computer handy, but

maybe I'll get a laptop one day to travel with.

I went to the company holiday ball last night (12/8/06) and BOY do I wish

I'd passed. NEVER AGAIN. They put me up on the 15th floor; when I

called the girls who were staying with me to tell them where I was, I

told them I was on a " suicide floor. " I was in the Hyatt Regency in

downtown Houston crying upstairs while my two room mates were downstairs

having fun. I don't " belong, " I realized very quickly. They came up a

couple of times and pretty much ignored me, except when one wanted to

tell me that we didn't have to get up so early to leave in the am. The

other, who doesn't work with us, asked why I was upstairs in bed. I

said, " I don't go where I'm not wanted. " Her lame comment: " well, we

want you. " The other was too busy with the rum, I guess--I ignored both

of them.

Well, OK--one interesting thing did happen. When I was pulling into the

parking lot I saw a huge grille behind me. It was a tour bus with an SUV

on a trailer behind it. The SUV had a California plate on it. What was

painted on the whole tour bus? " Girls Gone Wild. " No kidding--they

really are in Houston this weekend staying at the Hyatt Regency downtown.

I told the concierge to put them on our floor to keep the nerds occupied.

Later I told my boss I was there to audition for the video. It was

intended to be funny, of course, but it was the only reason I smiled--to

make a joke. Otherwise I kept ducking into the bathroom so nobody would

see me crying. I left right after dessert and nobody noticed. I figured

it was the most discreet thing to do.

I was given the very distinct impression that, after buying a ticket,

making a new dress, purchasing appropriate lingerie (read: strapless bra

and waist-controlling corset) I was not welcome at all. I was assigned

to the wrong table, so I sat with the folks I was *supposed* to sit with.

When two other people came late, (there was a bad accident on the

freeway and a number of folks were late), someone made the comment that

" These are the people who are SUPPOSED to be seated here. " I asked if I

should move--this was halfway through dinner--and I was told, " oh, no,

you can stay. " Even the wait staff ignored me, and I made sure I said

" thank you " to every one of them. I'm usually fine by myself--I actually

went by myself and didn't think twice about it until dinner--but I've

never felt so alone in my life. After it was obvious that I wasn't

getting any coffee like everyone else at my table, I left. There is a

cafe downstairs that servers Starbucks and I got me a cup to read with.

Glad I brought a book to read--I figured I'd get there early and read

before the ball started.

There is an old saying among strippers: " Don't sh*t where you eat. " I

guarantee I will NEVER socialize with anyone from work ever again. EVER.

Under any circumstances. I never used to do that, and I started this

year. Bad year all the way around, and I will never do it again.

Really, I feel like sh*t; if I didn't have two spoiled fat cats with me,

I'd check out tonight for good. (Yes, it means what you think it means.)

Catmandu says that if I wasn't here to take care of them, they would be

all alone and have nobody. I wasted a to of time and some money (not too

much, I had roommates at the Hyatt, plus a rate) on an activity I was not

completely welcome to attend. I tried to call a couple of my Buddhist

friends of mine in Phoenix, but one is a nurse and was working; the other

was away from the phone. I don't expect to hear from either of them,

either. I was wishing I had 's phone number with me so I could

ask her about stress dosing! (I don't actually HAVE it, however, don't

panic.) Eventually the melatonin kicked in and I slept, although they

did continue to make noise in the room.

The one who works in my building rode home with me because the first one

had to leave at 7 or so. I said NOTHING the whole drive back to the

building. She tried to do the talking thing and I gave her one word

answers. I couldn't wait to get her huge butt and suitcases of crap out

of my car and leave. All I said to her was, " see you Monday. " I think I

heard " thank you, " but I'm not sure.

Soon as I call Sprint I'm having my phone number changed. I'm going to

make sure I'm left alone. My family's not getting it, either.

Well, anyway. . .

I gotta go wash clothes, clean the cat box and put out trash again. My

head hurts and I'm ready to sleep for a week. Unfortunately, I need to

make up my hours Monday and Tuesday so I can finish the week at 40 and

then get ready for the holiday break.

If anyone needs a break from everything, it's ME. My goal: no human

contact for ten days. I will try to have all the supplies I need to

survive and not go out at any point until January 2, when we go back to

work.

Later.

Amy the Redhead

[Guest guest]

Well, Mo--I prefer roaring like a Tyger, I like the stripes. But

anyway. . . .

I'd been looking forward to going, and Monday I will request that my

picture, name and building location are removed from the internal

website and send an email to the person who owns the distribution list

and simply say, " I am no longer a ticket rep, please remove my name

from the distribution list. "

I have a long standing policy that I don't go where I'm not wanted.

Guess I don't always know where I should stay away from. Not sure

about the " victim " part, but I was grossly offended by the way these

people acted and extremely disappointed with everything.

The stars must have been all wrong because I was going to have a glass

of wine and the only red they had was Cabernet Sauvignon. I don't

like Cabernet, and the bar guy kept telling me everything else he

had. Don't want it. He took a glass and was going to pour--I thought

he wass going to chase me down with it.

Never again. Really.

Amy The Redhead

> Amy darlin'

> I really don't mean to be hard on you and what I am hearing is

victim,

> victim, victim.

> I may be thinking about me really because I have an issue with this

so it

> may be all about me and not about you at all.

> What I want to say to you is this:

> Stand up to your full height and ROAR LIKE A LION!

>

> Much, much love

> Mo xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Guest guest]

Amy:

My computer is having problems so I don't know if you posted more of your

story before. I wanted to say I am sorry you had such a terrible time at

the party and I can relate. Hope you regenerate during the holidays and am

glad your cats are there to be sweet to you, like only cats can.

-- Wish I'd read up on stress dosing. . .

Wish I'd seen this post last night. Didn't have a computer handy, but

maybe I'll get a laptop one day to travel with.

I went to the company holiday ball last night (12/8/06) and BOY do I wish

I'd passed. NEVER AGAIN. They put me up on the 15th floor; when I

called the girls who were staying with me to tell them where I was, I

told them I was on a " suicide floor. " I was in the Hyatt Regency in

downtown Houston crying upstairs while my two room mates were downstairs

having fun. I don't " belong, " I realized very quickly. They came up a

couple of times and pretty much ignored me, except when one wanted to

tell me that we didn't have to get up so early to leave in the am. The

other, who doesn't work with us, asked why I was upstairs in bed. I

said, " I don't go where I'm not wanted. " Her lame comment: " well, we

want you. " The other was too busy with the rum, I guess--I ignored both

of them.

Well, OK--one interesting thing did happen. When I was pulling into the

parking lot I saw a huge grille behind me. It was a tour bus with an SUV

on a trailer behind it. The SUV had a California plate on it. What was

painted on the whole tour bus? " Girls Gone Wild. " No kidding--they

really are in Houston this weekend staying at the Hyatt Regency downtown.

I told the concierge to put them on our floor to keep the nerds occupied.

Later I told my boss I was there to audition for the video. It was

intended to be funny, of course, but it was the only reason I smiled--to

make a joke. Otherwise I kept ducking into the bathroom so nobody would

see me crying. I left right after dessert and nobody noticed. I figured

it was the most discreet thing to do.

I was given the very distinct impression that, after buying a ticket,

making a new dress, purchasing appropriate lingerie (read: strapless bra

and waist-controlling corset) I was not welcome at all. I was assigned

to the wrong table, so I sat with the folks I was *supposed* to sit with.

When two other people came late, (there was a bad accident on the

freeway and a number of folks were late), someone made the comment that

" These are the people who are SUPPOSED to be seated here. " I asked if I

should move--this was halfway through dinner--and I was told, " oh, no,

you can stay. " Even the wait staff ignored me, and I made sure I said

" thank you " to every one of them. I'm usually fine by myself--I actually

went by myself and didn't think twice about it until dinner--but I've

never felt so alone in my life. After it was obvious that I wasn't

getting any coffee like everyone else at my table, I left. There is a

cafe downstairs that servers Starbucks and I got me a cup to read with.

Glad I brought a book to read--I figured I'd get there early and read

before the ball started.

There is an old saying among strippers: " Don't sh*t where you eat. " I

guarantee I will NEVER socialize with anyone from work ever again. EVER.

Under any circumstances. I never used to do that, and I started this

year. Bad year all the way around, and I will never do it again.

Really, I feel like sh*t; if I didn't have two spoiled fat cats with me,

I'd check out tonight for good. (Yes, it means what you think it means.)

Catmandu says that if I wasn't here to take care of them, they would be

all alone and have nobody. I wasted a to of time and some money (not too

much, I had roommates at the Hyatt, plus a rate) on an activity I was not

completely welcome to attend. I tried to call a couple of my Buddhist

friends of mine in Phoenix, but one is a nurse and was working; the other

was away from the phone. I don't expect to hear from either of them,

either. I was wishing I had 's phone number with me so I could

ask her about stress dosing! (I don't actually HAVE it, however, don't

panic.) Eventually the melatonin kicked in and I slept, although they

did continue to make noise in the room.

The one who works in my building rode home with me because the first one

had to leave at 7 or so. I said NOTHING the whole drive back to the

building. She tried to do the talking thing and I gave her one word

answers. I couldn't wait to get her huge butt and suitcases of crap out

of my car and leave. All I said to her was, " see you Monday. " I think I

heard " thank you, " but I'm not sure.

Soon as I call Sprint I'm having my phone number changed. I'm going to

make sure I'm left alone. My family's not getting it, either.

Well, anyway. . .

I gotta go wash clothes, clean the cat box and put out trash again. My

head hurts and I'm ready to sleep for a week. Unfortunately, I need to

make up my hours Monday and Tuesday so I can finish the week at 40 and

then get ready for the holiday break.

If anyone needs a break from everything, it's ME. My goal: no human

contact for ten days. I will try to have all the supplies I need to

survive and not go out at any point until January 2, when we go back to

work.

Later.

Amy the Redhead

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 10/12/2006 00:24:54 GMT Standard Time, amystuff@...

writes:

I was grossly offended by the way these

people acted and extremely disappointed with everything.

Morning Amy

A tiger huh? Yeah they're pretty good also.

I suppose what I was hearing when I read the post was that possibly you

seemed to be a little too accepting of the bad behaviour.

You know? I would have liked to have seen you expecting to be treated well

and at the first sign of that not happening, to speak up and set the situation

straight, to go for what you wanted and needed in that moment.

Like ensure the waiter brought you your coffee and making sure you got a

drink you liked in the wine department or if they simply did not have anything

you liked to drink then maybe let the hotel management have some feedback on

that?

Let the two women youshared the room with know how you felt. You are

entitled to express that, the Tiger is you may have really wanted to do that but

it

sounds like the roar went inwards rather than outwards.

I am glad youf elt you could let it out here with us Amy, I really am. Cause

that stuff makes us so ill if we keep it in, it certainly does me anyway.

Maybe you could have - like you say - just avoided the whole situation by

not going in the first place if you felt these people were not your friends and

that seems to be where you are now with it.

A wise friend of mine said to me recently when I was allowing a neighbour to

treat me badly, my friend said that " people will treat you the way you train

them to treat you " .

Well I never thought about it like that, especially the training bit.

So I thought maybe, by allowing certain disrespectful behaviours we are

indeed training others as to what we will accept from them.

And some people will just see that acceptance as a 'red light' - as

permission almost - to just go ahead and treat others like s***t which is how

you

ended up feeling.

loving you

Mo xx

NOVA Counselling & Healing Services

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 10/12/2006 15:12:13 GMT Standard Time, amystuff@...

writes:

After years of

disappointments and awful relationships (had my heart broken for the last

time earlier this year) I'm just so ready to check out for good.

I know that feeling hon and I am sure many others on the list can relate.

And, like you, sometimes the only thing that has kept me going is knowing I

have responsibilities - to my son, to my doggie. I would ruin both their lives

and I could not, would not do that to them. My doggie is a rescue hound and

he would end up being put down if anything happened to me. My son is in his

first year at university so he certainly could not take him. There is no-one

else who would be able to handle Blondie, who is very emotioanlly damaged from

abuse.

I often feel that nobody really loves me but that is not true. It FEELS true

to me a lot of the time though.

We are here Amy and we love you.

Mo xxxx

NOVA Counselling & Healing Services

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 10/12/2006 15:12:13 GMT Standard Time, amystuff@...

writes:

After years of

disappointments and awful relationships (had my heart broken for the last

time earlier this year) I'm just so ready to check out for good.

I know that feeling hon and I am sure many others on the list can relate.

And, like you, sometimes the only thing that has kept me going is knowing I

have responsibilities - to my son, to my doggie. I would ruin both their lives

and I could not, would not do that to them. My doggie is a rescue hound and

he would end up being put down if anything happened to me. My son is in his

first year at university so he certainly could not take him. There is no-one

else who would be able to handle Blondie, who is very emotioanlly damaged from

abuse.

I often feel that nobody really loves me but that is not true. It FEELS true

to me a lot of the time though.

We are here Amy and we love you.

Mo xxxx

NOVA Counselling & Healing Services

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 10/12/2006 15:12:13 GMT Standard Time, amystuff@...

writes:

After years of

disappointments and awful relationships (had my heart broken for the last

time earlier this year) I'm just so ready to check out for good.

I know that feeling hon and I am sure many others on the list can relate.

And, like you, sometimes the only thing that has kept me going is knowing I

have responsibilities - to my son, to my doggie. I would ruin both their lives

and I could not, would not do that to them. My doggie is a rescue hound and

he would end up being put down if anything happened to me. My son is in his

first year at university so he certainly could not take him. There is no-one

else who would be able to handle Blondie, who is very emotioanlly damaged from

abuse.

I often feel that nobody really loves me but that is not true. It FEELS true

to me a lot of the time though.

We are here Amy and we love you.

Mo xxxx

NOVA Counselling & Healing Services

[Guest guest]

I've known these people for quite some time and certainly never expected

to see that. I didn't want to upset anyone else or make a scene around

people who weren't involved--like the other folks at the table, one of

whom I'd met twice.

Mind you, these are people from WORK.

There will be an email to a few people informing them that I am no longer

involved with that org, and if asked I will let them know--promise,

actually--that I will never attend an external company function again in

any capacity. My immediate boss will probably hear it later, or he'll ask

me how I enjoyed it. He's a nice man, and I'll just tell him that I did

not have a lovely time and will no longer be a ticket rep nor joining

like I thought I would. If that's the way people are outside of work, I

don't want anything to do with them.

I'm telling you, I was reading up on Texas probate and holographic wills

last night and downloaded forms. I trained as a paralegal, so it's not

like I don't know this stuff, but I trained in Louisiana, not Texas. (My

Tulane education comes in handy occasionally.) After years of

disappointments and awful relationships (had my heart broken for the last

time earlier this year) I'm just so ready to check out for good.

But I gotta go feed the Kittenz. . .Catmandu says I shouldn't be in here

on the computer so much.

Amy the Redhead

[Guest guest]

I've known these people for quite some time and certainly never expected

to see that. I didn't want to upset anyone else or make a scene around

people who weren't involved--like the other folks at the table, one of

whom I'd met twice.

Mind you, these are people from WORK.

There will be an email to a few people informing them that I am no longer

involved with that org, and if asked I will let them know--promise,

actually--that I will never attend an external company function again in

any capacity. My immediate boss will probably hear it later, or he'll ask

me how I enjoyed it. He's a nice man, and I'll just tell him that I did

not have a lovely time and will no longer be a ticket rep nor joining

like I thought I would. If that's the way people are outside of work, I

don't want anything to do with them.

I'm telling you, I was reading up on Texas probate and holographic wills

last night and downloaded forms. I trained as a paralegal, so it's not

like I don't know this stuff, but I trained in Louisiana, not Texas. (My

Tulane education comes in handy occasionally.) After years of

disappointments and awful relationships (had my heart broken for the last

time earlier this year) I'm just so ready to check out for good.

But I gotta go feed the Kittenz. . .Catmandu says I shouldn't be in here

on the computer so much.

Amy the Redhead

[Guest guest]

I've known these people for quite some time and certainly never expected

to see that. I didn't want to upset anyone else or make a scene around

people who weren't involved--like the other folks at the table, one of

whom I'd met twice.

Mind you, these are people from WORK.

There will be an email to a few people informing them that I am no longer

involved with that org, and if asked I will let them know--promise,

actually--that I will never attend an external company function again in

any capacity. My immediate boss will probably hear it later, or he'll ask

me how I enjoyed it. He's a nice man, and I'll just tell him that I did

not have a lovely time and will no longer be a ticket rep nor joining

like I thought I would. If that's the way people are outside of work, I

don't want anything to do with them.

I'm telling you, I was reading up on Texas probate and holographic wills

last night and downloaded forms. I trained as a paralegal, so it's not

like I don't know this stuff, but I trained in Louisiana, not Texas. (My

Tulane education comes in handy occasionally.) After years of

disappointments and awful relationships (had my heart broken for the last

time earlier this year) I'm just so ready to check out for good.

But I gotta go feed the Kittenz. . .Catmandu says I shouldn't be in here

on the computer so much.

Amy the Redhead