Guest guest Posted October 4, 2007 Report Share Posted October 4, 2007 > > > You know, I'm glad you posted this. Because I think you hit it on the > head. I guess I really haven't truly ditched the diets. I don't trust > myself and to be honest the size my body maintained without dieting is > not my ideal. > Believe me, I understand that it can take a looooong time to really get to the point where you truly ditch the diet. I read my first " life- changing " IE book almost 20 years ago! Yet it's only recently that I think (I *hope*) I've finally reached some sort of conclusion in my IE/diet internal battle and I have more faith that I'm not going to submit again to panic about the fact that my non-dieting body is, as you say, not my ideal. There can be a lot of doubt and fear along the way, and I think a lot of us, even if we say we're committed to intuitive eating, will occasionally (regularly?) still hear the siren call of diets and their promised weight loss, and it's hard work to refuse to heed that call. I wish you and everyone a much shorter journey to a contented choice of IE over dieting. :-) sigigee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 4, 2007 Report Share Posted October 4, 2007 > > > You know, I'm glad you posted this. Because I think you hit it on the > head. I guess I really haven't truly ditched the diets. I don't trust > myself and to be honest the size my body maintained without dieting is > not my ideal. > Believe me, I understand that it can take a looooong time to really get to the point where you truly ditch the diet. I read my first " life- changing " IE book almost 20 years ago! Yet it's only recently that I think (I *hope*) I've finally reached some sort of conclusion in my IE/diet internal battle and I have more faith that I'm not going to submit again to panic about the fact that my non-dieting body is, as you say, not my ideal. There can be a lot of doubt and fear along the way, and I think a lot of us, even if we say we're committed to intuitive eating, will occasionally (regularly?) still hear the siren call of diets and their promised weight loss, and it's hard work to refuse to heed that call. I wish you and everyone a much shorter journey to a contented choice of IE over dieting. :-) sigigee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 4, 2007 Report Share Posted October 4, 2007 Suzanne, Hello! I can relate to your post exactly. Oh, I'm the Food Police here. If DH eats say, chips and salsa. Immediately I say something like, " Always going for the junk, eh? " I think it's because of my own food issues and jealousy that he doesn't care about that stuff. He says he could stand to lose a few, but he doesn't care and if it happens it happens. He gets angry when I say, " That's it! I'm ditching the diets and giving up trying to lose weight! " Then I " over eat " or feel like I'm eating too much " bad food " or my pants are tight coming out of the dryer (over dryed them) and the hysteria begins. I've heard repeatedly that men are problem solvers. Everything can be fixed. When they see us in " self hate mode " or being " crazy " they want to fix it and they can't. It's not something they can fix. I think it frustrates them. I often think being male, they really don't have that " pressure " , so to them it's a shallow problem. My husband knows there's underlying things but all I get is, " You have to move past it. It's great you're making connections but you're not trying to move past the issues. " So maybe our husbands think we're not really trying. > > My husband has struggled along with my eating disorder. He hates it. Every > aspect about it. In the past, I've put him in the position of being The > Food Police. That's not fair and I've apologized for it. > > > > When I share with him my intention to take an action and I'm not fully > successful 100% of the time, he becomes frustrated. So, I've decided to not > involve him in my recovery. I won't talk to him of my struggles. I won't > talk to him about any plans of action. I won't seek his advice. I have > other sources of help and use them. > > > > It's sad to me that I can't count on his emotional support without judgment. > In the 7 ½ years that I've been in a 12-step program, his behavior has never > changed. So, I've proclaimed my recovery efforts off-limits to him. He's > not detached enough to listen without judging so I'm not going to continue > to open that world of hurt. > > > > Suzanne > > > > > < Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 4, 2007 Report Share Posted October 4, 2007 Suzanne, Hello! I can relate to your post exactly. Oh, I'm the Food Police here. If DH eats say, chips and salsa. Immediately I say something like, " Always going for the junk, eh? " I think it's because of my own food issues and jealousy that he doesn't care about that stuff. He says he could stand to lose a few, but he doesn't care and if it happens it happens. He gets angry when I say, " That's it! I'm ditching the diets and giving up trying to lose weight! " Then I " over eat " or feel like I'm eating too much " bad food " or my pants are tight coming out of the dryer (over dryed them) and the hysteria begins. I've heard repeatedly that men are problem solvers. Everything can be fixed. When they see us in " self hate mode " or being " crazy " they want to fix it and they can't. It's not something they can fix. I think it frustrates them. I often think being male, they really don't have that " pressure " , so to them it's a shallow problem. My husband knows there's underlying things but all I get is, " You have to move past it. It's great you're making connections but you're not trying to move past the issues. " So maybe our husbands think we're not really trying. > > My husband has struggled along with my eating disorder. He hates it. Every > aspect about it. In the past, I've put him in the position of being The > Food Police. That's not fair and I've apologized for it. > > > > When I share with him my intention to take an action and I'm not fully > successful 100% of the time, he becomes frustrated. So, I've decided to not > involve him in my recovery. I won't talk to him of my struggles. I won't > talk to him about any plans of action. I won't seek his advice. I have > other sources of help and use them. > > > > It's sad to me that I can't count on his emotional support without judgment. > In the 7 ½ years that I've been in a 12-step program, his behavior has never > changed. So, I've proclaimed my recovery efforts off-limits to him. He's > not detached enough to listen without judging so I'm not going to continue > to open that world of hurt. > > > > Suzanne > > > > > < Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 4, 2007 Report Share Posted October 4, 2007 What a wonderful, supportive husband you have! You are lucky. I'm single myself, but am constantly paranoid about what "they" will think if/when I gain weight. I don't even know who "they" are, but for some reason their opinions are terribly important to me. And I think I might actually step out of my isolation box and date again if I knew it wouldn't matter if I gained weight. If that makes sense!Jane. press182 wrote: As far as the weight, he echoes many of your sentiments. "Who cares if you do gain weight?" "Can't you focus on the positives?" "Why does it matter so much? It doesn't!" . Fussy? Opinionated? Impossible to please? Perfect. Join Yahoo!'s user panel and lay it on us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 4, 2007 Report Share Posted October 4, 2007 Jane I'm right there with you. I've dated only one man that weight didn't matter and he ended up being married - go figure! I'm always being told that there are men out there that don't care about a woman being heavier and actually like heavier women, but where are they? I too have been contemplating getting out there in the dating scene and finding a man that doesn't care. Just not sure where to go to find them. -- Alana -------------- Original message ---------------------- > What a wonderful, supportive husband you have! You are lucky. I'm single > myself, but am constantly paranoid about what " they " will think if/when I gain > weight. I don't even know who " they " are, but for some reason their opinions > are terribly important to me. And I think I might actually step out of my > isolation box and date again if I knew it wouldn't matter if I gained weight. > If that makes sense! > Jane. > > press182 wrote: > > As far as the weight, he echoes many of your sentiments. " Who cares if you do > gain weight? " " Can't you focus on the positives? " " Why does it matter so much? > It doesn't! " > > > Recent Activity > > 10 > New Members > > Visit Your Group > Healthy Eating > on Yahoo! Groups > A place for parents > to share their ideas. > > Yahoo! Groups > Your one stop > for beauty & fashion > tips and advice. > > Biz Resources > Y! Small Business > Articles, tools, > forms, and more. > > > > . > > > > > > --------------------------------- > Fussy? Opinionated? Impossible to please? Perfect. Join Yahoo!'s user panel and lay it on us. What a wonderful, supportive husband you have! You are lucky. I'm single myself, but am constantly paranoid about what "they" will think if/when I gain weight. I don't even know who "they" are, but for some reason their opinions are terribly important to me. And I think I might actually step out of my isolation box and date again if I knew it wouldn't matter if I gained weight. If that makes sense!Jane. press182 <press182> wrote: As far as the weight, he echoes many of your sentiments. "Who cares if you do gain weight?" "Can't you focus on the positives?" "Why does it matter so much? It doesn't!" . Fussy? Opinionated? Impossible to please? Perfect. Join Yahoo!'s user panel and lay it on us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 4, 2007 Report Share Posted October 4, 2007 Jane I'm right there with you. I've dated only one man that weight didn't matter and he ended up being married - go figure! I'm always being told that there are men out there that don't care about a woman being heavier and actually like heavier women, but where are they? I too have been contemplating getting out there in the dating scene and finding a man that doesn't care. Just not sure where to go to find them. -- Alana -------------- Original message ---------------------- > What a wonderful, supportive husband you have! You are lucky. I'm single > myself, but am constantly paranoid about what " they " will think if/when I gain > weight. I don't even know who " they " are, but for some reason their opinions > are terribly important to me. And I think I might actually step out of my > isolation box and date again if I knew it wouldn't matter if I gained weight. > If that makes sense! > Jane. > > press182 wrote: > > As far as the weight, he echoes many of your sentiments. " Who cares if you do > gain weight? " " Can't you focus on the positives? " " Why does it matter so much? > It doesn't! " > > > Recent Activity > > 10 > New Members > > Visit Your Group > Healthy Eating > on Yahoo! Groups > A place for parents > to share their ideas. > > Yahoo! Groups > Your one stop > for beauty & fashion > tips and advice. > > Biz Resources > Y! Small Business > Articles, tools, > forms, and more. > > > > . > > > > > > --------------------------------- > Fussy? Opinionated? Impossible to please? Perfect. Join Yahoo!'s user panel and lay it on us. What a wonderful, supportive husband you have! You are lucky. I'm single myself, but am constantly paranoid about what "they" will think if/when I gain weight. I don't even know who "they" are, but for some reason their opinions are terribly important to me. And I think I might actually step out of my isolation box and date again if I knew it wouldn't matter if I gained weight. If that makes sense!Jane. press182 <press182> wrote: As far as the weight, he echoes many of your sentiments. "Who cares if you do gain weight?" "Can't you focus on the positives?" "Why does it matter so much? It doesn't!" . Fussy? Opinionated? Impossible to please? Perfect. Join Yahoo!'s user panel and lay it on us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 4, 2007 Report Share Posted October 4, 2007 Jane, I never thought about it that way. You're right I should be counting my blessings that he's like that. The right man will love you no matter what your weight is. Oh my goodness! You just brought a memory up that I had pushed aside. When my father confronted me about my thinness, later that night DH and I had a talk. I KNEW he had been telling me for awhile I was " too skinny " but he was being careful about it. I flat out asked him, when was he the most attracted to my body. He said, " When you were a size 10 and lifting weights. You had muscle and a great round butt, and you looked fit but not crazy. Actually, you were bigger than that when we first met and I thought you were hot then. You just don't get it. " I told a friend of mine, who is currently struggling with thyroid weight gain issues what my husband had said. She said, " Jeez. I WISH my DH would tell me that. If I were you I would be like, hey alright! " I always feel guilty complaining to her about that stuff because she said she always thought I had a nice figure and never saw what I was unhappy about. > > As far as the weight, he echoes many of your sentiments. " Who cares if you do gain weight? " " Can't you focus on the positives? " " Why does it matter so much? It doesn't! " > > > Recent Activity > > 10 > New Members > > Visit Your Group > Healthy Eating > on Yahoo! Groups > A place for parents > to share their ideas. > > Yahoo! Groups > Your one stop > for beauty & fashion > tips and advice. > > Biz Resources > Y! Small Business > Articles, tools, > forms, and more. > > > > . > > > > > > --------------------------------- > Fussy? Opinionated? Impossible to please? Perfect. Join Yahoo!'s user panel and lay it on us. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 4, 2007 Report Share Posted October 4, 2007 Jane, I never thought about it that way. You're right I should be counting my blessings that he's like that. The right man will love you no matter what your weight is. Oh my goodness! You just brought a memory up that I had pushed aside. When my father confronted me about my thinness, later that night DH and I had a talk. I KNEW he had been telling me for awhile I was " too skinny " but he was being careful about it. I flat out asked him, when was he the most attracted to my body. He said, " When you were a size 10 and lifting weights. You had muscle and a great round butt, and you looked fit but not crazy. Actually, you were bigger than that when we first met and I thought you were hot then. You just don't get it. " I told a friend of mine, who is currently struggling with thyroid weight gain issues what my husband had said. She said, " Jeez. I WISH my DH would tell me that. If I were you I would be like, hey alright! " I always feel guilty complaining to her about that stuff because she said she always thought I had a nice figure and never saw what I was unhappy about. > > As far as the weight, he echoes many of your sentiments. " Who cares if you do gain weight? " " Can't you focus on the positives? " " Why does it matter so much? It doesn't! " > > > Recent Activity > > 10 > New Members > > Visit Your Group > Healthy Eating > on Yahoo! Groups > A place for parents > to share their ideas. > > Yahoo! Groups > Your one stop > for beauty & fashion > tips and advice. > > Biz Resources > Y! Small Business > Articles, tools, > forms, and more. > > > > . > > > > > > --------------------------------- > Fussy? Opinionated? Impossible to please? Perfect. Join Yahoo!'s user panel and lay it on us. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 4, 2007 Report Share Posted October 4, 2007 What makes sense to me is to be your own true self and that is what is the most attractive! I bet guys are as afraid to admit that they prefer 'an armful' because they think their buddies would make fun of them. And we all know how NOT going after what we really really want leads us astray ;-) ehugs, Katcha I too have been contemplating getting out there in the dating scene and finding a man that doesn't care. Just not sure where to go to find them. > > -- > Alana Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 4, 2007 Report Share Posted October 4, 2007 What makes sense to me is to be your own true self and that is what is the most attractive! I bet guys are as afraid to admit that they prefer 'an armful' because they think their buddies would make fun of them. And we all know how NOT going after what we really really want leads us astray ;-) ehugs, Katcha I too have been contemplating getting out there in the dating scene and finding a man that doesn't care. Just not sure where to go to find them. > > -- > Alana Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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