Introducing myself

[Guest guest]

So glad to have you here Eva from Spain my name is Eva too and I am always happy to meet someone with my name. welcome EvaSee what's new at AOL.com and Make AOL Your Homepage.

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone,

I'm a new member here, and have spent the last few days reading over

many of your posts and feeling so thankful to have found the group.

I've been following the principles of IE for the past few months, and

wanted to be able to hear from others about their experiences with

this, so I'm really happy to be here!

I was a normal-sized kid until around 8-13 years old, when my family

went through some really hard times psychologically and I started

using food an an escape. I had always felt that I was really fat,

even as a young child, there was always lots of talk about how

I " didn't need " that extra sandwich or cookie or helping at dinner or

whatever, but looking back at old photos I can see that I was a very

normal child, and started to get extra-chubby (as opposed to the sort

of pre-pubescent chubby that lots of kids get) from 8-13.

I expect all those early messages were part of my mom's bad attitudes

about food and looks being directed to me, even though I was just a

child. In fact, it was mom who introduced me, the summer of my 13th

year, to the " joys " of the starvation diet combined with intensive

exercise. By living on 1 hardboiled egg for breakfast, 1 lettuce

salad for lunch and 1 hamburger (no bun) for dinner, with an endless

supply of diet pop, 10-mile bike rides and almost constant

calisthenics for the summer, I quickly dropped the extra 25 pounds I

was carrying around. <sigh>

I'm sure I don't have to tell you how overpoweringly frightening and

confusing it was to watch myself melt away in such a short period of

time (and especially right on the cusp of the whole " young womanhood

thing) and hear a constant refrain from my mom of " you would be so

gorgeous if you could just lose 15 more pounds " , no matter how much I

lost.

From then on, my weight didn't really yo-yo, but it crept slowly up

over the years because every time I was in a difficult or frightening

or stressful period of my life, I would find myself doing this sort

of semi-conscious overeating. I would know that the portions I was

taking would be too filling for me (whether at meals or bingeing on

my own), but it seemed that something was driving me to stuff myself

so full I wouldn't be able to feel. (hope this makes sense, it's the

only way I've been able to describe this feeling so far).

I grew up, got married, had three children, finished my undergraduate

degree, took a master's degree, went out to work as a librarian in

the high-tech field, got a divorce, lost my job and found another,

made a new life for myself, helped my kids grow up, found a new

partner, helped his kids grow up, and am working on another master's

degree right now, and through it all I just kept having these periods

where I would eat way more than I wanted during stressful or

frightening periods. I tried all the diet routines through the years

too, and in the last round of that, in 2003 when I did WW, I started

to get a glimmer of understanding about what was happening inside my

head at these times. I just wasn't sure how to piece everything

together.

Back in the 80s, I happened upon a copy of the original Thin Within

book in a bargain bin, and bought it. I remember that something about

it had touched me enough (I think it was the non-judgmental, loving

nature of the writing) that I'd carried it with me through all the

years since. I thought about the concepts in the book often, but

never really felt that I would be able to follow them.

This summer, I dug out the old Thin Within book, and began applying

the principles.

Up until this past week, I've been having amazing experiences with

this. It's been like re-uniting with an old friend or lover as I have

taken the time to actually listen to my body rather than ignoring it

for so long. I've been comfortable at a 3, let's say, and even

getting to 0 and sitting there for a while, feeling confident that my

body will let me know what it needs.

This past week has seen me back to eating too much and allowing

myself to be way too full, but rather than get discouraged and stop

the whole process, I'm trying to learn from this and " observe and

correct " with love and care for myself.

Just reading through so many of the posts tonight has encouraged me,

so thank you all for that!

I look forward to getting to know you better as time goes by,

Cyn

[Guest guest]

Welcome . It sounds like you are off to a solid start with IE.

Reading back thru the posts is a good way to see that the best way to

get something out of this group is to post yourself! The more the

better for us all.