Guest guest Posted November 14, 2006 Report Share Posted November 14, 2006 In a message dated 14/11/2006 23:13:00 GMT Standard Time, LRink0606@... writes: I think I have turned into a mean ol' witch.HypoT? Adrenal stress? I have pretty much shut myself off people now and that is not like me in my old life. People have very much used my good nature and my feelings are almost gone. Hi there I found i had to shut myself off from people to heal also. I am only re-emerging back in the real world at this time - in baby steps. You aint a mean ol' witch, you are instictively doing what you need to do to heal. ~So I would say TRUST THAT INSTINCT. I cut off from just about everyone a couple of years ago when I realised that my relationships were all about me giving and everyone else taking. And I found that I had to take a long and hard look about what part I played in this dynamic. I felt I had to change ME first in order to change any future relationships which I hoped would be healthier with more give and take. I struggled with having a bit of a helping compulsion, everyone else's issues took precedence over my own, everyone else's needs were more important than mine. In fact I have had a serious struggle, and this is ongoing, in even recognising what my own needs were because, for many years, all of my life really, I have operated on the level of feeling happy if everyone else was happy.......... Duh! Sounds like you have shut down somewhat for a little self-protection. And that is probably precisely what you need at this point in time? Mo NOVA Counselling & Healing Services Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 14, 2006 Report Share Posted November 14, 2006 In a message dated 14/11/2006 23:13:00 GMT Standard Time, LRink0606@... writes: I think I have turned into a mean ol' witch.HypoT? Adrenal stress? I have pretty much shut myself off people now and that is not like me in my old life. People have very much used my good nature and my feelings are almost gone. Hi there I found i had to shut myself off from people to heal also. I am only re-emerging back in the real world at this time - in baby steps. You aint a mean ol' witch, you are instictively doing what you need to do to heal. ~So I would say TRUST THAT INSTINCT. I cut off from just about everyone a couple of years ago when I realised that my relationships were all about me giving and everyone else taking. And I found that I had to take a long and hard look about what part I played in this dynamic. I felt I had to change ME first in order to change any future relationships which I hoped would be healthier with more give and take. I struggled with having a bit of a helping compulsion, everyone else's issues took precedence over my own, everyone else's needs were more important than mine. In fact I have had a serious struggle, and this is ongoing, in even recognising what my own needs were because, for many years, all of my life really, I have operated on the level of feeling happy if everyone else was happy.......... Duh! Sounds like you have shut down somewhat for a little self-protection. And that is probably precisely what you need at this point in time? Mo NOVA Counselling & Healing Services Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 14, 2006 Report Share Posted November 14, 2006 In a message dated 14/11/2006 23:13:00 GMT Standard Time, LRink0606@... writes: I think I have turned into a mean ol' witch.HypoT? Adrenal stress? I have pretty much shut myself off people now and that is not like me in my old life. People have very much used my good nature and my feelings are almost gone. Hi there I found i had to shut myself off from people to heal also. I am only re-emerging back in the real world at this time - in baby steps. You aint a mean ol' witch, you are instictively doing what you need to do to heal. ~So I would say TRUST THAT INSTINCT. I cut off from just about everyone a couple of years ago when I realised that my relationships were all about me giving and everyone else taking. And I found that I had to take a long and hard look about what part I played in this dynamic. I felt I had to change ME first in order to change any future relationships which I hoped would be healthier with more give and take. I struggled with having a bit of a helping compulsion, everyone else's issues took precedence over my own, everyone else's needs were more important than mine. In fact I have had a serious struggle, and this is ongoing, in even recognising what my own needs were because, for many years, all of my life really, I have operated on the level of feeling happy if everyone else was happy.......... Duh! Sounds like you have shut down somewhat for a little self-protection. And that is probably precisely what you need at this point in time? Mo NOVA Counselling & Healing Services Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 14, 2006 Report Share Posted November 14, 2006 In a message dated 15/11/2006 11:32:59 GMT Standard Time, phonicity@... writes: Morning everyone else first and leaving yourself to last, if ever, seemed to be a common among fibromites. Strange, huh? Indeed. And ppossibly predates any physical illness, this imbalance? whi is trying to teach herself how to ask for help when she needs it. This is another area I forgot to mention, thank you for reminding me. I really struggled with this. I reckon part of the reason I became so incapacitated is because I needed to learn this lession, to be able to ask for help. And yet it took me many, many years because it was safer to be in the giv9ing role rather than the asking. Hell's bells, someone might say NO to me and I would DIE ON THE SPOT! Or so part of me thought. So I determined that I would take some risks in this department when eventually the penny dropped that this is what I had to do to get emotionally well/balanced. Tiny little risks to begin with and then bigger and bigger. I still have an issue with this but I am so much better than I was. Part of me truly believed that there was no-one out there who would want to do anything for me and the only way I could have people like me was if I cared for them and met their every need! But when I started to ask for a little and give a little less, then something magical started to happen. People appeared who wanted to give to me, wanted to support me. I was and still am blown away by this. Mo Also trying to learn how to say no to others who ask for help when I don't have anything left to give. NOVA Counselling & Healing Services Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 14, 2006 Report Share Posted November 14, 2006 In a message dated 15/11/2006 11:32:59 GMT Standard Time, phonicity@... writes: Morning everyone else first and leaving yourself to last, if ever, seemed to be a common among fibromites. Strange, huh? Indeed. And ppossibly predates any physical illness, this imbalance? whi is trying to teach herself how to ask for help when she needs it. This is another area I forgot to mention, thank you for reminding me. I really struggled with this. I reckon part of the reason I became so incapacitated is because I needed to learn this lession, to be able to ask for help. And yet it took me many, many years because it was safer to be in the giv9ing role rather than the asking. Hell's bells, someone might say NO to me and I would DIE ON THE SPOT! Or so part of me thought. So I determined that I would take some risks in this department when eventually the penny dropped that this is what I had to do to get emotionally well/balanced. Tiny little risks to begin with and then bigger and bigger. I still have an issue with this but I am so much better than I was. Part of me truly believed that there was no-one out there who would want to do anything for me and the only way I could have people like me was if I cared for them and met their every need! But when I started to ask for a little and give a little less, then something magical started to happen. People appeared who wanted to give to me, wanted to support me. I was and still am blown away by this. Mo Also trying to learn how to say no to others who ask for help when I don't have anything left to give. NOVA Counselling & Healing Services Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 14, 2006 Report Share Posted November 14, 2006 In a message dated 15/11/2006 12:32:28 GMT Standard Time, phonicity@... writes: my circle walked the most loving, giving, caring of men. Now you'd think I would jump for joy, but it actually took about a year of pushing and pulling for me to ALLOW him to actually DO for me. I was so used to being the doer, that I didn't know how to relax and let go. I am blessed that he hung in there during my transition Hey That is absolutely brilliant. Sounds like we are on similar paths and my hope is that if a nice guy (and all my past ones have been abusers in one respect or another), that I will be balanced enough emotionally to: a. attract someone who is not needy or abusive and b. that I will be balanced enough emotionally to allow myself some trust. Though I suspect that I would be just like you, any poor man would really have to prove himself to me before I could believe he was different from what have been used to. Mo NOVA Counselling & Healing Services Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 14, 2006 Report Share Posted November 14, 2006 In a message dated 15/11/2006 12:32:28 GMT Standard Time, phonicity@... writes: my circle walked the most loving, giving, caring of men. Now you'd think I would jump for joy, but it actually took about a year of pushing and pulling for me to ALLOW him to actually DO for me. I was so used to being the doer, that I didn't know how to relax and let go. I am blessed that he hung in there during my transition Hey That is absolutely brilliant. Sounds like we are on similar paths and my hope is that if a nice guy (and all my past ones have been abusers in one respect or another), that I will be balanced enough emotionally to: a. attract someone who is not needy or abusive and b. that I will be balanced enough emotionally to allow myself some trust. Though I suspect that I would be just like you, any poor man would really have to prove himself to me before I could believe he was different from what have been used to. Mo NOVA Counselling & Healing Services Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 14, 2006 Report Share Posted November 14, 2006 In a message dated 15/11/2006 12:32:28 GMT Standard Time, phonicity@... writes: my circle walked the most loving, giving, caring of men. Now you'd think I would jump for joy, but it actually took about a year of pushing and pulling for me to ALLOW him to actually DO for me. I was so used to being the doer, that I didn't know how to relax and let go. I am blessed that he hung in there during my transition Hey That is absolutely brilliant. Sounds like we are on similar paths and my hope is that if a nice guy (and all my past ones have been abusers in one respect or another), that I will be balanced enough emotionally to: a. attract someone who is not needy or abusive and b. that I will be balanced enough emotionally to allow myself some trust. Though I suspect that I would be just like you, any poor man would really have to prove himself to me before I could believe he was different from what have been used to. Mo NOVA Counselling & Healing Services Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 15, 2006 Report Share Posted November 15, 2006 In a message dated 15/11/2006 16:22:17 GMT Standard Time, phonicity@... writes: Good luck on your journey! Thanks , you are an inspiration. Mo NOVA Counselling & Healing Services Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 15, 2006 Report Share Posted November 15, 2006 In a message dated 15/11/2006 16:22:17 GMT Standard Time, phonicity@... writes: Good luck on your journey! Thanks , you are an inspiration. Mo NOVA Counselling & Healing Services Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 15, 2006 Report Share Posted November 15, 2006 Mo, that is my story precisely...couldn't have said it better. I've been on a lot of fibro message boards in the past. Taking care of everyone else first and leaving yourself to last, if ever, seemed to be a common among fibromites. Strange, huh? whi is trying to teach herself how to ask for help when she needs it. Also trying to learn how to say no to others who ask for help when I don't have anything left to give. NOVAexeter@... wrote: In a message dated 14/11/2006 23:13:00 GMT Standard Time, LRink0606@... writes: I think I have turned into a mean ol' witch.HypoT? Adrenal stress? I have pretty much shut myself off people now and that is not like me in my old life. People have very much used my good nature and my feelings are almost gone. Hi there I found i had to shut myself off from people to heal also. I am only re-emerging back in the real world at this time - in baby steps. You aint a mean ol' witch, you are instictively doing what you need to do to heal. ~So I would say TRUST THAT INSTINCT. I cut off from just about everyone a couple of years ago when I realised that my relationships were all about me giving and everyone else taking. And I found that I had to take a long and hard look about what part I played in this dynamic. I felt I had to change ME first in order to change any future relationships which I hoped would be healthier with more give and take. I struggled with having a bit of a helping compulsion, everyone else's issues took precedence over my own, everyone else's needs were more important than mine. In fact I have had a serious struggle, and this is ongoing, in even recognising what my own needs were because, for many years, all of my life really, I have operated on the level of feeling happy if everyone else was happy.......... Duh! Sounds like you have shut down somewhat for a little self-protection. And that is probably precisely what you need at this point in time? Mo NOVA Counselling & Healing Services Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 15, 2006 Report Share Posted November 15, 2006 Mo, that is my story precisely...couldn't have said it better. I've been on a lot of fibro message boards in the past. Taking care of everyone else first and leaving yourself to last, if ever, seemed to be a common among fibromites. Strange, huh? whi is trying to teach herself how to ask for help when she needs it. Also trying to learn how to say no to others who ask for help when I don't have anything left to give. NOVAexeter@... wrote: In a message dated 14/11/2006 23:13:00 GMT Standard Time, LRink0606@... writes: I think I have turned into a mean ol' witch.HypoT? Adrenal stress? I have pretty much shut myself off people now and that is not like me in my old life. People have very much used my good nature and my feelings are almost gone. Hi there I found i had to shut myself off from people to heal also. I am only re-emerging back in the real world at this time - in baby steps. You aint a mean ol' witch, you are instictively doing what you need to do to heal. ~So I would say TRUST THAT INSTINCT. I cut off from just about everyone a couple of years ago when I realised that my relationships were all about me giving and everyone else taking. And I found that I had to take a long and hard look about what part I played in this dynamic. I felt I had to change ME first in order to change any future relationships which I hoped would be healthier with more give and take. I struggled with having a bit of a helping compulsion, everyone else's issues took precedence over my own, everyone else's needs were more important than mine. In fact I have had a serious struggle, and this is ongoing, in even recognising what my own needs were because, for many years, all of my life really, I have operated on the level of feeling happy if everyone else was happy.......... Duh! Sounds like you have shut down somewhat for a little self-protection. And that is probably precisely what you need at this point in time? Mo NOVA Counselling & Healing Services Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 15, 2006 Report Share Posted November 15, 2006 NOVAexeter@... wrote: >Part of me truly believed that there was no-one out there who would want to do anything for me and the only way I could have people like me was if I cared for them and met their every need! My family of origin was instrumental in my developing this belief system...even though I was the youngest, I was the problem-solver and believe me, there were a LOT of problems. They dangled their love and acceptance of me in front of me so that I would jump through hoops to get inside their circle of love. Only there was no such circle! Haha! >But when I started to ask for a little and give a little less, then something magical started to happen. People appeared who wanted to give to me, wanted to support me. I was and still am blown away by this. After my divorce, I put it together in my head that my belief system was causing me to attract certain people...needy people...into my circle. I worked hard at changing my mind set about my Self and others and voila, into my circle walked the most loving, giving, caring of men. Now you'd think I would jump for joy, but it actually took about a year of pushing and pulling for me to ALLOW him to actually DO for me. I was so used to being the doer, that I didn't know how to relax and let go. I am blessed that he hung in there during my transition. --------------------------------- Sponsored Link Degrees for working adults in as fast as 1 year. Bachelors, Masters, Associates. Top schools Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 15, 2006 Report Share Posted November 15, 2006 NOVAexeter@... wrote: >Part of me truly believed that there was no-one out there who would want to do anything for me and the only way I could have people like me was if I cared for them and met their every need! My family of origin was instrumental in my developing this belief system...even though I was the youngest, I was the problem-solver and believe me, there were a LOT of problems. They dangled their love and acceptance of me in front of me so that I would jump through hoops to get inside their circle of love. Only there was no such circle! Haha! >But when I started to ask for a little and give a little less, then something magical started to happen. People appeared who wanted to give to me, wanted to support me. I was and still am blown away by this. After my divorce, I put it together in my head that my belief system was causing me to attract certain people...needy people...into my circle. I worked hard at changing my mind set about my Self and others and voila, into my circle walked the most loving, giving, caring of men. Now you'd think I would jump for joy, but it actually took about a year of pushing and pulling for me to ALLOW him to actually DO for me. I was so used to being the doer, that I didn't know how to relax and let go. I am blessed that he hung in there during my transition. --------------------------------- Sponsored Link Degrees for working adults in as fast as 1 year. Bachelors, Masters, Associates. Top schools Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 15, 2006 Report Share Posted November 15, 2006 Mo, What really held us together was we both had previous relationships in which we realized we were not being our true selves. IF you can find someone who doesn't want to abuse you AND who doesn't want to change you, and of course you don't want to change them, then your relationship can really sing! We both love finding out who we really are...it's been a process kind of like life...you know it's a journey, not a destination? I love that saying! Glad your pulse is down to 80...hopefully with Val's help you can get to 75 even! Good luck on your journey! NOVAexeter@... wrote: Sounds like we are on similar paths and my hope is that if a nice guy (and all my past ones have been abusers in one respect or another), that I will be balanced enough emotionally to: a. attract someone who is not needy or abusive and b. that I will be balanced enough emotionally to allow myself some trust. Though I suspect that I would be just like you, any poor man would really have to prove himself to me before I could believe he was different from what have been used to. --------------------------------- Sponsored Link Mortgage rates as low as 4.625% - $150,000 loan for $579 a month. Intro-*Terms Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 15, 2006 Report Share Posted November 15, 2006 Mo, What really held us together was we both had previous relationships in which we realized we were not being our true selves. IF you can find someone who doesn't want to abuse you AND who doesn't want to change you, and of course you don't want to change them, then your relationship can really sing! We both love finding out who we really are...it's been a process kind of like life...you know it's a journey, not a destination? I love that saying! Glad your pulse is down to 80...hopefully with Val's help you can get to 75 even! Good luck on your journey! NOVAexeter@... wrote: Sounds like we are on similar paths and my hope is that if a nice guy (and all my past ones have been abusers in one respect or another), that I will be balanced enough emotionally to: a. attract someone who is not needy or abusive and b. that I will be balanced enough emotionally to allow myself some trust. Though I suspect that I would be just like you, any poor man would really have to prove himself to me before I could believe he was different from what have been used to. --------------------------------- Sponsored Link Mortgage rates as low as 4.625% - $150,000 loan for $579 a month. Intro-*Terms Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 15, 2006 Report Share Posted November 15, 2006 In a message dated 15/11/2006 22:17:12 GMT Standard Time, quest4us@sbcgloba l.net writes: like you getting more and more in control and won't just accept the > next needy guy that shows up. Wait for the guy who can bring 100% plus to the table, it's worth it Yes Jackie, I like to think that is the case. With all relationships not just with the men because i have a history of women friends who have been less than respectful to me also. So I suppose that is just what I am doing right now. Observing and monitoring myself and what I an attracting and saying " No thank you " to those who offer less than I deserve. Sounds like you have found this in your life already? Mo NOVA Counselling & Healing Services Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 15, 2006 Report Share Posted November 15, 2006 > Mo, we all have a habit of just accepting what shows up. It sounds > like you getting more and more in control and won't just accept the > next needy guy that shows up. Wait for the guy who can bring 100% plus to the table, it's worth it Jackie > > > > Hey > That is absolutely brilliant. Sounds like we are on similar paths > and my > hope is that if a nice guy (and all my past ones have been abusers > in one > respect or another), that I will be balanced enough emotionally to: > > a. attract someone who is not needy or abusive and > b. that I will be balanced enough emotionally to allow myself some > trust. > > Though I suspect that I would be just like you, any poor man would > really > have to prove himself to me before I could believe he was different > from what > have been used to. > > Mo > > NOVA Counselling & Healing Services > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 15, 2006 Report Share Posted November 15, 2006 Energy flows where attention goes! Think on what you would like to find in yourself and in others. NOVAexeter@... wrote: In a message dated 15/11/2006 22:17:12 GMT Standard Time, quest4us@sbcgloba l.net writes: like you getting more and more in control and won't just accept the > next needy guy that shows up. Wait for the guy who can bring 100% plus to the table, it's worth it Yes Jackie, I like to think that is the case. With all relationships not just with the men because i have a history of women friends who have been less than respectful to me also. So I suppose that is just what I am doing right now. Observing and monitoring myself and what I an attracting and saying " No thank you " to those who offer less than I deserve. Sounds like you have found this in your life already? Mo NOVA Counselling & Healing Services Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 15, 2006 Report Share Posted November 15, 2006 In a message dated 16/11/2006 09:08:57 GMT Standard Time, quest4us@... writes: But I am learning that sometimes it is easier in the long run to be your own best friend first Don't know about easier Jackie, this is the bit that I find the most challenging, like climbing Mount Everest kind of challenging, lol BUT very worthwhile, essential in fact. Mo ps good morning NOVA Counselling & Healing Services Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 15, 2006 Report Share Posted November 15, 2006 In a message dated 16/11/2006 09:08:57 GMT Standard Time, quest4us@... writes: But I am learning that sometimes it is easier in the long run to be your own best friend first Don't know about easier Jackie, this is the bit that I find the most challenging, like climbing Mount Everest kind of challenging, lol BUT very worthwhile, essential in fact. Mo ps good morning NOVA Counselling & Healing Services Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 15, 2006 Report Share Posted November 15, 2006 In a message dated 16/11/2006 02:13:52 GMT Standard Time, phonicity@... writes: Energy flows where attention goes! Think on what you would like to find in yourself and in others. Exactly ! I am more and more believing in the Law of Attraction. My attention has been going on wanting to meet some local women friends. I have been beginning to feel ready to re-emerge into the world. So I was amused and delighted recently when I found a leaflet (at the GP's of all places) about a new local group of women called The Womens Network. Specifically set up for women who have become isolated for whatever reason. I was delighted. I had lunch with about 30 of them last Friday, coffee with another group of about 25 or Tuesday morning at a local hostelry, we are off to see the new Bond movie (about 6 of us) on Monday and on and on it goes....... so happy! Mo NOVA Counselling & Healing Services Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 16, 2006 Report Share Posted November 16, 2006 > I have in the men in my life, but no so much the women friends. > It's hard, because i want friends I tend to accept what shows up > still. I'm sure as I get more comfortable with the idea that I may not have any close friends locally, ( I have friends, but they live in different states). But I am learning that sometimes it is easier in the long run to be your own best friend first Jackie > > > > Yes Jackie, I like to think that is the case. With all > relationships not > just with the men because i have a history of women friends who > have been less > than respectful to me also. > So I suppose that is just what I am doing right now. Observing and > monitoring myself and what I an attracting and saying " No thank > you " to those who > offer less than I deserve. > Sounds like you have found this in your life already? > > Mo > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 16, 2006 Report Share Posted November 16, 2006 Definitely challenging! BUt as you say, worth it, so I'll keep trying. Good morning to you, but... good night to me ) It's almost 2:00 a.m. Jackie > > > In a message dated 16/11/2006 09:08:57 GMT Standard Time, > quest4us@... writes: > > But I am learning that sometimes it is easier in the long run to be > your own best friend first > > Don't know about easier Jackie, this is the bit that I find the most > challenging, like climbing Mount Everest kind of challenging, lol > BUT very worthwhile, essential in fact. > > Mo > > ps good morning > > . > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 16, 2006 Report Share Posted November 16, 2006 Oh that's beautiful! Tailor made for you Mo! I should start one of those here! South Florida is very transient. People move here, stay for a year or two and then move away again. It's completely normal not to have long-standing or deep relationships with friends. Takes new people a while to get used to this. They often don't understand why people don't open up right away. It's because they don't want to invest energy into a relationship that in another year won't be there. Most clubs we have are for the elderly or moms. I'm neither, so...would you send me info on your group? Thanks, NOVAexeter@... wrote: In a message dated 16/11/2006 02:13:52 GMT Standard Time, phonicity@... writes: Energy flows where attention goes! Think on what you would like to find in yourself and in others. Exactly ! I am more and more believing in the Law of Attraction. My attention has been going on wanting to meet some local women friends. I have been beginning to feel ready to re-emerge into the world. So I was amused and delighted recently when I found a leaflet (at the GP's of all places) about a new local group of women called The Womens Network. Specifically set up for women who have become isolated for whatever reason. I was delighted. I had lunch with about 30 of them last Friday, coffee with another group of about 25 or Tuesday morning at a local hostelry, we are off to see the new Bond movie (about 6 of us) on Monday and on and on it goes....... so happy! Mo NOVA Counselling & Healing Services Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.