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I threw it out

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I finally just got fed up and threw out the scale. I had weighed

myself this morning and was up about 5 lbs in a few days. Of course,

it put me into a terrible mood. What if I keep gaining? What if IE

isn't for me? What if I am kidding myself? And then I realized I

can't keep an old, stinking inaccurate hunk of metal that persists in

telling me I'm not good enough.

I am furious at the scale for all the judgments it's rendered on me my

whole life. Why does it have the right to ruin my day for me? Why

does it have the right to make me worry about my relationships? Who

the @#%^ does it think it is, anyway???

So, I wrote in my journal. I had eaten when I saw the number. My

desire for food temporarily left. I have to commit to IE more, the

hard part for me: not eating at 5, or neutral. (You should hear my

head. I'm at 5, but it's almost 4. It will be 4 soon. I'll be hungry

if I don't eat now. Eating at 4 works for other people, I can eat at

5.)) However, if I do eat, I don't want to make myself feel wrong or

bad. (I'm still going to let myself eat fruit if I'm not hungry, or

drink decaf.)

This process is not for the faint of heart. It is hard. Thanks to all

you sisters out there being there, and helping me out. (Any guys out

there, I wonder? They can use IE too.)

Lily

>

> I think being up late at night makes you prone to temptation, period.

> I just finished a difficult semester during which I averaged 4-6 hours

>

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