1st night without a cupcake/ready to lose (long)

[Guest guest]

Yesterday I decided I'm ready to lose weight. Of course I have been

wanting to lose weight, but I wasn't ready to do what it takes by

stopping in the middle of something if I was at a 5 or 6. I was in

nurturing, soothing mode, which is a GOOD THING. What I mean by that

is I was trying my best not to second-guess what I craved, and just

have it until I was satisfied. I didn't really worry about stopping at

a certain point. My stomach is really messed up from years of bulimia,

and sometimes full and empty feel the same. I have to try to gauge

from other physical signs. Anyway, I was being gentle with myself, not

trying to push anything, happy that the weight gain had stabilized.

I'm still going to be gentle and satisfy cravings, but I'm ready now

to focus more on fullness/satisfaction. I am such a clean-plate

person, but becoming less so.

For the past month I have had a cupcake almost every night. I get

really delicious gourmet cupcakes of all flavors and just enjoy it.

They have become a bit of a crutch, reminding me that I can have them

and savor them. Recently, I have noticed that my sugar craving is

satisfied with just half a cupcake. It was hard to put the other half

down since it was so good, but sometimes I was able to put it back in

the refrigerator (or give it away). The last few nights I had a hard

time picking what flavor I wanted. Then last night, my husband and I

had walked to 7-11 to try the Simpsons donut (very sugary) and I had 4

bites and gave him the rest. We finished watching a movie we had

started, and then I went for the cupcake. " Haven't you had enough? " he

said. (I knew he was trying to be helpful so I didn't take offense). I

thought about it, looked at both cupcakes I had left, and couldn't

settle on a flavor. I thought about the bites of donut that I had

savored, and thought--yes, I have had enough. His comment helped me

slow down and consider all the yummy food I had had in that day, and I

was actually satisfied!

From that I realized that I need to take a closer look at hunger and

fullness, and whether I'm " using " food instead of eating it. I am so

glad that my husband is supportive. I am going to finish reading Thin

Within (which I had put down for a while) and do the exercises in The

Rules of Normal Eating. I am excited about getting to know myself

better. I'll have to bring out some of the independent streak in me to

be able to say " You (restaurant, nutrition fact panel, grocery store,

family/friends) don't know what I want or how much of it I need. Only

I can know that, and you can't tell me what you don't know. I get to

choose what I am going to chew, swallow, and digest, and I won't let

the amount you put on my plate determine it!

[Guest guest]

I am a newbie in the group but this posting has been wonderful for me. Just what I needed to read. Thank you so much......

bites and gave him the rest. We finished watching a movie we had

started, and then I went for the cupcake. "Haven't you had enough?" he

said. (I knew he was trying to be helpful so I didn't take offense). I

thought about it, looked at both cupcakes I had left, and couldn't

settle on a flavor. I thought about the bites of donut that I had

savored, and thought--yes, I have had enough. His comment helped me

slow down and consider all the yummy food I had had in that day, and I

was actually satisfied!

From that I realized that I need to take a closer look at hunger and

fullness, and whether I'm "using" food instead of eating it. I am so

glad that my husband is supportive. I am going to finish reading Thin

Within (which I had put down for a while) and do the exercises in The

Angie

""You can have anything you want if you want it desperately enough. You must want it with an exuberance that erupts through the skin and joins the energy that created the world"

Sheila Graham ************************************** Get a sneak peek of the all-new AOL at http://discover.aol.com/memed/aolcom30tour