Good Morning everyone.

January 25, 2003

Josie, Will you be allowed contact with the girls after they are placed? I

would

send cards, letters and gifts at appropriate times, but I would not send

" unburdening "

letters until they are older and perhaps asking questions about their

adoption. I have

four adopted children, and with each one the age at placement, infancy to age

at

placement experiences, general health questions, special needs seriously

effected

their ability to adapt. BUT, the central theme in all of them, no matter

what their

birth origins or experience, is the need for an extended " family " of caring

people who

mentor and are " there " for these kids, no matter what. It isn't necessary to

be in the

immediate presence of these children to have a positive affect on their

lives, to love

them. I have learned through all our trials and tribulations with my kids

(all of whom

were adopted after age two, and one after age fourteen) that, even if I

cannot be with

them physically, I CAN be with them spiritually, emotionally, and as a mentor

through

letters, telephone, and email when it is available.

I believe, after you have had some time to grieve their going, that the

lessening of

the physical burden of caring for additional children, and the shift to

" auntie " status

will prove a positive one for your health and well being. I will pray for

that, and for

the girls' lives to be happy and constructive, too.

And, as for you, personally, if prayer or meditation is something you find

comfort in,

by all means, spend a significant amount of time at it. It, writing to the

group, or

calling someone just to talk can be very helpful, and consoling. I have had

to separate

myself from two of my children due to either their mental illness or trouble

they

have brought on the family through their own poor decisions and actions.

BUT, that

does not stop me from calling them, encouraging them to change their lives,

and

sending gifts and letters on appropriate occasions. Yes, I still have

moments of

whining about it, yes, I still grieve the loss of their immediate company,

but I believe

I am doing what is best for all of us. I hope this is helpful to you, if not

now, perhaps

later on. If you'd like to call and talk about things sometime, please email

me and

I will email you at your private email addy with my home phone number. I

know how

tough this kind of thing can be. Loving hugs, MM aka: Mike

January 25, 2003

Josie, Will you be allowed contact with the girls after they are placed? I

would

send cards, letters and gifts at appropriate times, but I would not send

" unburdening "

letters until they are older and perhaps asking questions about their

adoption. I have

four adopted children, and with each one the age at placement, infancy to age

at

placement experiences, general health questions, special needs seriously

effected

their ability to adapt. BUT, the central theme in all of them, no matter

what their

birth origins or experience, is the need for an extended " family " of caring

people who

mentor and are " there " for these kids, no matter what. It isn't necessary to

be in the

immediate presence of these children to have a positive affect on their

lives, to love

them. I have learned through all our trials and tribulations with my kids

(all of whom

were adopted after age two, and one after age fourteen) that, even if I

cannot be with

them physically, I CAN be with them spiritually, emotionally, and as a mentor

through

letters, telephone, and email when it is available.

I believe, after you have had some time to grieve their going, that the

lessening of

the physical burden of caring for additional children, and the shift to

" auntie " status

will prove a positive one for your health and well being. I will pray for

that, and for

the girls' lives to be happy and constructive, too.

And, as for you, personally, if prayer or meditation is something you find

comfort in,

by all means, spend a significant amount of time at it. It, writing to the

group, or

calling someone just to talk can be very helpful, and consoling. I have had

to separate

myself from two of my children due to either their mental illness or trouble

they

have brought on the family through their own poor decisions and actions.

BUT, that

does not stop me from calling them, encouraging them to change their lives,

and

sending gifts and letters on appropriate occasions. Yes, I still have

moments of

whining about it, yes, I still grieve the loss of their immediate company,

but I believe

I am doing what is best for all of us. I hope this is helpful to you, if not

now, perhaps

later on. If you'd like to call and talk about things sometime, please email

me and

I will email you at your private email addy with my home phone number. I

know how

tough this kind of thing can be. Loving hugs, MM aka: Mike

January 25, 2003

Good morning everyone, welcome to all the new people. This is Josie, I have not posted in a while, been kinda down, I have a questions for anyone who can answer. I have been having alot of problem with my right hand being so cold all the time, nothing I do makes it warm. It just seems to be my right hand, my left one seems fine, has anyone had this before? I have alot of headaches as well and I can see this is a common thread among all of us. I just wish I could bring my self out of this funk I have been in. I guess it doesn't help with all the junk going on in my life. My two neices are leaving next Sunday to go back into foster care. I was suppose to adopt them but thanks too this nasty illness I can't because I can't care for them. I am trying not to think about this but it is hard, I have to spend all next week going through their things and packing them up. How do I get through this and the pain after they are gone, they are so little to be going through this, one is four and the other sixteen months. They have been bounced around so much already. Oh lord I don't understand all of this. Well I do hope all of you are doing well and having a pain free weekend, I hope the weather warms up soon, we have not been above 20 in weeks, and as low as minus 2, I have had enough, I want spring!!!!! Thanks for listening to me whine once again. Your all great!!!

Josie

January 25, 2003

Thank you marymike, and I would like the support, I do beleive I will be able to have contact after the adoption, they say yes but we all know how things can change. I don't want to lose contact I know that. My e-mail is jlittle4@.... Thanks again Josie

Re: Good Morning everyone.

Josie, Will you be allowed contact with the girls after they are placed? I wouldsend cards, letters and gifts at appropriate times, but I would not send "unburdening"letters until they are older and perhaps asking questions about their adoption. I havefour adopted children, and with each one the age at placement, infancy to age atplacement experiences, general health questions, special needs seriously effectedtheir ability to adapt. BUT, the central theme in all of them, no matter what theirbirth origins or experience, is the need for an extended "family" of caring people whomentor and are "there" for these kids, no matter what. It isn't necessary to be in theimmediate presence of these children to have a positive affect on their lives, to lovethem. I have learned through all our trials and tribulations with my kids (all of whomwere adopted after age two, and one after age fourteen) that, even if I cannot be withthem physically, I CAN be with them spiritually, emotionally, and as a mentor throughletters, telephone, and email when it is available. I believe, after you have had some time to grieve their going, that the lessening ofthe physical burden of caring for additional children, and the shift to "auntie" statuswill prove a positive one for your health and well being. I will pray for that, and forthe girls' lives to be happy and constructive, too. And, as for you, personally, if prayer or meditation is something you find comfort in,by all means, spend a significant amount of time at it. It, writing to the group, orcalling someone just to talk can be very helpful, and consoling. I have had to separatemyself from two of my children due to either their mental illness or trouble theyhave brought on the family through their own poor decisions and actions. BUT, thatdoes not stop me from calling them, encouraging them to change their lives, andsending gifts and letters on appropriate occasions. Yes, I still have moments ofwhining about it, yes, I still grieve the loss of their immediate company, but I believeI am doing what is best for all of us. I hope this is helpful to you, if not now, perhapslater on. If you'd like to call and talk about things sometime, please email me andI will email you at your private email addy with my home phone number. I know howtough this kind of thing can be. Loving hugs, MM aka: Mike"The LUPIES Store" Come check out our store...http://www.cafepress.com/thelupies"The LUPIES Web Page"http://www.itzarion.com/lupusgroup.html"The LUPIES online photo albums!" Check out what your fellow Lupies look like...http://www.picturetrail.com/gallery/view?username=lupies

January 25, 2003

Hi Josie I can tell your heart is aching and I would feel the same. But I do thank God that both my girls are fully grown because with all that is going on with my health and lack of energy I could have never kept up with them if they were still wee little ones. I help my friend baby-sit her Grandson a lot he will be 1 next month. He is such a good baby but he wears me out in no time flat. I just wish his mother knew what a precious little gift she has instead she does everything she can to pass him off so she can go have fun. That is one thing I could never tolerate from a parent why have them if you don't want to spend the time with them. I know it's hard to see them go but lets hope they will do fine. I remember you writing that they are going back with a person they had been with before. I gather since I haven't heard you didn't think this other person was good for them that at least you know they will be loved. They are so young and your right they shouldn't have to go through this. But with most children you give them a loving family and they will blossom. I will say a special pray for you and the little ones that life will be good to them. I take it you will still be able to see the kids and not be a part of there lives. You may not think since they are not there with you that you aren't important to them. yes, YOU ARE!! I can tell just from your email's how much you love them and I know they can feel your love as well. I was in a foster home but only for a few months when I was very young I think 4 my Mom had tried to kill herself with sleeping pills. I had found her and of course went and told my grandma I couldn't wake my Mom up. So while she committed herself to the state hospital me my sister and brother were put in a foster home after being bounced around by so called family. We were beaten everyday by one of my Aunts. She was a crazy woman it was really nice to be somewhere that you knew the people cared and showed you only love and not hate. So Josie hang in there you will get through this.

January 25, 2003

Hi Josie I can tell your heart is aching and I would feel the same. But I do thank God that both my girls are fully grown because with all that is going on with my health and lack of energy I could have never kept up with them if they were still wee little ones. I help my friend baby-sit her Grandson a lot he will be 1 next month. He is such a good baby but he wears me out in no time flat. I just wish his mother knew what a precious little gift she has instead she does everything she can to pass him off so she can go have fun. That is one thing I could never tolerate from a parent why have them if you don't want to spend the time with them. I know it's hard to see them go but lets hope they will do fine. I remember you writing that they are going back with a person they had been with before. I gather since I haven't heard you didn't think this other person was good for them that at least you know they will be loved. They are so young and your right they shouldn't have to go through this. But with most children you give them a loving family and they will blossom. I will say a special pray for you and the little ones that life will be good to them. I take it you will still be able to see the kids and not be a part of there lives. You may not think since they are not there with you that you aren't important to them. yes, YOU ARE!! I can tell just from your email's how much you love them and I know they can feel your love as well. I was in a foster home but only for a few months when I was very young I think 4 my Mom had tried to kill herself with sleeping pills. I had found her and of course went and told my grandma I couldn't wake my Mom up. So while she committed herself to the state hospital me my sister and brother were put in a foster home after being bounced around by so called family. We were beaten everyday by one of my Aunts. She was a crazy woman it was really nice to be somewhere that you knew the people cared and showed you only love and not hate. So Josie hang in there you will get through this.

January 25, 2003

Josie, hang in there please! I know that some people say that they will allow

people to stay in touch after the adoption and then dont, but not everyone

does that. My husband and I have been taking our oldest son to see his birth

brother for six years now. He was adopted by a very nice man in Flagstaff and

is very happy. One other thing that is sad but true is that after the age of

two, it gets much harder to place kids in adoptive homes. Most people want

babies. So it is a wonderful thing that the girls will always have each

other! All six of our kids have birth siblings that they can not have contact

with and it just breaks my heart. I dont know what to say to you to help you

feel better, I wish I did, but you will be in my prayers.

a

January 25, 2003