Guest guest Posted January 26, 2003 Report Share Posted January 26, 2003 Those young whippersnappers don't remember the real Hollywood Squares. These great questions and answers are from the days when game show responses were spontaneous and clever, not scripted and dull as they are now. ( Marshall was the host asking the questions, of > course.) Q: Do female frogs croak? A: Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough. Q: If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high? A: Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it. Q: True or false - a pea can last as long as 5,000 years. A: Gobel: Boy it sure seems that way sometimes. Q: You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman? A: Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake. Q: According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he's really attractive, is it all right to come out directly and ask him if he's married? A: Rose Marie: No, wait until morning. Q: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? A: Charley Weaver: My sense of decency. Q: In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say " I love you " ? A: Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty. Q: What are " Do It " , " I Can Help " and " Can't Get it. " ? A: Gobel: I don't know but it's come from the next apartment. Q: As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while you are talking? A: Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing older question, , and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget! Q: , why do Hell's Angels wear leather? A: Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily. Q: Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during your first year? A: Charley Weaver: Of course not; I'm too busy growing strawberries! Q: In bowling, what's a perfect score? A: Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy. Q: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other? A: Lynde: Tape measures. Q: During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet? A: Rose Marie: Unfortunately, , I'm always safe in the bedroom. Q: Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls? A: Marty : Only after lights out. Q: When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What will a goose do? A: Lynde: Make him bark? Q: If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to? A: Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark. Q: According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people? A: Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army! Q: While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting " Poo! Poo! Poo! " What does that mean? A: Goebel: Cattle crossing. Q: It is the most abused and neglected part of your body - what is it? A: Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected! Q: Charley, what do you call a pig that weighs more than 150 pounds? A: Charley Weaver: A divorce! Q: Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do? A: Gobel: Get it in his mouth. Q: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant? A: Lynde: Who told you about my elephant? Q: When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex? A: Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car. The rest is up to him. Q: did it over 20 years ago, when he was 41 years old. Now he says it was " one of the best things I ever did. " What was it? A: Marty : Rhonda Fleming. Q: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they? A: Charley Weaver: His feet. ----------------------- Headers -------------------------------- . >> ----------------- Forwarded Message: Subj: Fw: Fw: Fw: The Real Hollywood Squares Date: 12/27/02 3:49:18 PM Central Standard Time >> .. Those young whippersnappers don't remember the real Hollywood Squares. These great questions and answers are from the days when game show responses were spontaneous and clever, not scripted and dull as they are now. ( Marshall was the host asking the questions, of > course.) Q: Do female frogs croak? A: Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough. Q: If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high? A: Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it. Q: True or false - a pea can last as long as 5,000 years. A: Gobel: Boy it sure seems that way sometimes. Q: You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman? A: Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake. Q: According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he's really attractive, is it all right to come out directly and ask him if he's married? A: Rose Marie: No, wait until morning. Q: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? A: Charley Weaver: My sense of decency. Q: In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I love you"? A: Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty. Q: What are "Do It", "I Can Help" and "Can't Get it."? A: Gobel: I don't know but it's come from the next apartment. Q: As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while you are talking? A: Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing older question, , and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget! Q: , why do Hell's Angels wear leather? A: Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily. Q: Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during your first year? A: Charley Weaver: Of course not; I'm too busy growing strawberries! Q: In bowling, what's a perfect score? A: Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy. Q: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other? A: Lynde: Tape measures. Q: During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet? A: Rose Marie: Unfortunately, , I'm always safe in the bedroom. Q: Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls? A: Marty : Only after lights out. Q: When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What will a goose do? A: Lynde: Make him bark? Q: If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to? A: Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark. Q: According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people? A: Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army! Q: While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo! Poo!" What does that mean? A: Goebel: Cattle crossing. Q: It is the most abused and neglected part of your body - what is it? A: Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected! Q: Charley, what do you call a pig that weighs more than 150 pounds? A: Charley Weaver: A divorce! Q: Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do? A: Gobel: Get it in his mouth. Q: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant? A: Lynde: Who told you about my elephant? Q: When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex? A: Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car. The rest is up to him. Q: did it over 20 years ago, when he was 41 years old. Now he says it was "one of the best things I ever did." What was it? A: Marty : Rhonda Fleming. Q: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they? A: Charley Weaver: His feet. ----------------------- Headers -------------------------------- .. Fwd: Fw: Fw: The Real Hollywood Squares > > Those young whippersnappers don't remember the real Hollywood Squares. These great questions and answers are from the days when game show responses were spontaneous and clever, not scripted and dull as they are now. ( Marshall was the host asking the questions, of > course.) Q: Do female frogs croak?A: Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough. Q: If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high?A: Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it. Q: True or false - a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.A: Gobel: Boy it sure seems that way sometimes. Q: You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?A: Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake. Q: According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he's really attractive, is it all right to come out directly and ask him if he's married?A: Rose Marie: No, wait until morning. Q: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?A: Charley Weaver: My sense of decency. Q: In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I love you"?A: Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty. Q: What are "Do It", "I Can Help" and "Can't Get it."?A: Gobel: I don't know but it's come from the next apartment. Q: As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while you are talking?A: Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing older question, , and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget! Q: , why do Hell's Angels wear leather?A: Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily. Q: Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during your first year?A: Charley Weaver: Of course not; I'm too busy growing strawberries! Q: In bowling, what's a perfect score?A: Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy. Q: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?A: Lynde: Tape measures. Q: During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?A: Rose Marie: Unfortunately, , I'm always safe in the bedroom. Q: Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?A: Marty : Only after lights out. Q: When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What will a goose do?A: Lynde: Make him bark? Q: If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?A: Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark. Q: According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?A: Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army! Q: While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo! Poo!" What does that mean?A: Goebel: Cattle crossing. Q: It is the most abused and neglected part of your body - what is it?A: Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected! Q: Charley, what do you call a pig that weighs more than 150 pounds?A: Charley Weaver: A divorce! Q: Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?A: Gobel: Get it in his mouth. Q: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?A: Lynde: Who told you about my elephant? Q: When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?A: Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car. The rest is up to him. Q: did it over 20 years ago, when he was 41 years old. Now he says it was "one of the best things I ever did." What was it?A: Marty : Rhonda Fleming. Q: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?A: Charley Weaver: His feet. 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