Very frustrated

[Guest guest]

I haven't posted here for quite some time because things have been very crazy and hectic for me. I have been trying to follow the IE principles but it has been a definite struggle. I was feeling good about myself and everything that has been going on until yesterday. Yesterday in the mail we received the papers back from Shriner's Hospital concerning Evan's surgery and follow up stuff. It was basically the paperwork for all of the procedures and stuff that was done there. They were kind enough to send it to us for our records as well as our doctor's records. As I was reading through the papers, some words jumped out glaringly at me. A couple of them being descritions of my son. In there several times he was referred to as being morbidly obese. It was like a stab in the heart. I know my son is overweight and needs to lose weight and get healthy but to see that

in front of my eyes, not in one place but in several, it really hurt. But the kicker is, and this keeps running through my head, is that I DID THIS TO HIM. I let him get this way. I gave him the food he wanted and let him eat what he wanted and didn't force him to have to eat what he wasn't hungry for. I didn't want to turn myself into my mother. I didn't want him to have the problems I did growing up but ultimately I have. He is picked on at school because of his size and it has been made worse because of the surgery. He hates to have anyone look at him and would rather be invisible. I HAVE CAUSED THIS. The good thing is HE HAS LOST WEIGHT. The only thing I fear is that when we went to our family doctor and we talked about his weight and his cholesterol, I know what he heard in his head is I AM FAT. I know I felt that way listening to the doctor. And after that, he

has been not eating. Somedays he eats more than others but for the most part he has definitely changed his eating habits. I have talked with him about IE and I have tried to instill what I believe about this process into him, but I know he is thinking in his wonderfully intelligent brain that if he quits eating he will lose the weight everyone is so concerned about. All the effort I put into being a great mother has just caused my son to have to go through all of the pain and stress I am going through. When I woke up today, I was in more of a depression than I anticipated and my brain started working. I did not eat this morning and I am starving and will not eat at lunch time either because this is the way I can control this. I can do this because that is the only thing I have control of right now and if I don't do this things will fall apart and I will not be around to fix

it. I know this is all the stress talking but I have to control something right now and if I try and control my son and his eating it is going to be more detrimental to him in the long run. I have to get past this and by not eating......well.....it does work sometimes. Thanks for listening to me rant and rave. Sorry to be such a downer. Michele

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