Guest guest Posted May 17, 2007 Report Share Posted May 17, 2007 All these posts about the voice of ED and bad ex-husbands got me thinking as to whether I am the ED in my husband's mind. We agreed before we got married that we'd let the other person know if they were getting too heavy (of course with some room to grow built in--I'm not talking a couple pounds). I was obsessed with dieting then and couldn't (still can't) bear the thought of him looking at me and having to pretend he liked it when really he didn't. Well, he has probably gained 30 or so pounds since our wedding 3 years ago (he doesn't exercise because he has too many responsibilities in supporting me and his fledgling career), and I was having a hard time getting through to him, so I became less and less subtle until I finally just started outright making fun of his gut. I assumed he just wasn't that sensitive about it because he always laughs at the jokes or makes a look like he's feigning offense. He's a really fun-loving guy and we tease each other about lots of stuff all the time. But some of my comments have just been mean, and now I'm thinking that I've actually been projecting my discomfort with my body onto him. He has always been so supportive through my weight highs and lows, and this is what I do to him?!? I thank God that he's very level-headed and stubborn and won't destroy himself over the snide comments I have made. And although I wish he were in better shape, there are advantages to a bit of a gut--he's very snuggly! Maybe that's what he thinks about my " soft curves " too? Lovers always see the best in each other; if only I can learn to see myself this way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 17, 2007 Report Share Posted May 17, 2007 Wow! Im so proud of you. Its a really BIG step to confess that youve been participating in EDs behaviors. I think for me its important to seperate myself from ED. I am not ED. ED doesnt have to be a male. Some people make their ED a female persona. To me ED wouldve never admitted what you just admitted. ED would make you think the thoughts and try to control your husbands weight and body by making comments and remarks though. BTW, my Dad used to do that to my Mom and my Mother took it in stride but gained even more weight in silent rebellion to his attempts to control her. I think thats when I first met ED and fell in love with him. I decided that ED knew the way to make my Dad love me the most. He already bragged about how thin I was compared to my sisters. I felt powerful. I felt omnipotent. ED said, " If thin is good, thinner is better " and I started starving myself. I see ED as my disease, my eating disorder. You and your husband made a pact about the weight issue. I never heard you mention health? There are so many other issues associated with the extra weight that have nothing to do with its aesthetic. I can no longer focus on judging people for their outsides because it means Im still married to ED. I cant be there for my partner when I am with ED. Maybe you could read the book I did and find what works for you? " My Life without ED " > > All these posts about the voice of ED and bad ex-husbands got me thinking as to whether I > am the ED in my husband's mind. We agreed before we got married that we'd let the other > person know if they were getting too heavy (of course with some room to grow built in--I'm > not talking a couple pounds). I was obsessed with dieting then and couldn't (still can't) bear > the thought of him looking at me and having to pretend he liked it when really he didn't. > Well, he has probably gained 30 or so pounds since our wedding 3 years ago (he doesn't > exercise because he has too many responsibilities in supporting me and his fledgling career), > and I was having a hard time getting through to him, so I became less and less subtle until I > finally just started outright making fun of his gut. I assumed he just wasn't that sensitive > about it because he always laughs at the jokes or makes a look like he's feigning offense. > He's a really fun-loving guy and we tease each other about lots of stuff all the time. But some > of my comments have just been mean, and now I'm thinking that I've actually been projecting > my discomfort with my body onto him. He has always been so supportive through my weight > highs and lows, and this is what I do to him?!? I thank God that he's very level-headed and > stubborn and won't destroy himself over the snide comments I have made. And although I > wish he were in better shape, there are advantages to a bit of a gut--he's very snuggly! > Maybe that's what he thinks about my " soft curves " too? Lovers always see the best in each > other; if only I can learn to see myself this way. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 17, 2007 Report Share Posted May 17, 2007 Wow! Im so proud of you. Its a really BIG step to confess that youve been participating in EDs behaviors. I think for me its important to seperate myself from ED. I am not ED. ED doesnt have to be a male. Some people make their ED a female persona. To me ED wouldve never admitted what you just admitted. ED would make you think the thoughts and try to control your husbands weight and body by making comments and remarks though. BTW, my Dad used to do that to my Mom and my Mother took it in stride but gained even more weight in silent rebellion to his attempts to control her. I think thats when I first met ED and fell in love with him. I decided that ED knew the way to make my Dad love me the most. He already bragged about how thin I was compared to my sisters. I felt powerful. I felt omnipotent. ED said, " If thin is good, thinner is better " and I started starving myself. I see ED as my disease, my eating disorder. You and your husband made a pact about the weight issue. I never heard you mention health? There are so many other issues associated with the extra weight that have nothing to do with its aesthetic. I can no longer focus on judging people for their outsides because it means Im still married to ED. I cant be there for my partner when I am with ED. Maybe you could read the book I did and find what works for you? " My Life without ED " > > All these posts about the voice of ED and bad ex-husbands got me thinking as to whether I > am the ED in my husband's mind. We agreed before we got married that we'd let the other > person know if they were getting too heavy (of course with some room to grow built in--I'm > not talking a couple pounds). I was obsessed with dieting then and couldn't (still can't) bear > the thought of him looking at me and having to pretend he liked it when really he didn't. > Well, he has probably gained 30 or so pounds since our wedding 3 years ago (he doesn't > exercise because he has too many responsibilities in supporting me and his fledgling career), > and I was having a hard time getting through to him, so I became less and less subtle until I > finally just started outright making fun of his gut. I assumed he just wasn't that sensitive > about it because he always laughs at the jokes or makes a look like he's feigning offense. > He's a really fun-loving guy and we tease each other about lots of stuff all the time. But some > of my comments have just been mean, and now I'm thinking that I've actually been projecting > my discomfort with my body onto him. He has always been so supportive through my weight > highs and lows, and this is what I do to him?!? I thank God that he's very level-headed and > stubborn and won't destroy himself over the snide comments I have made. And although I > wish he were in better shape, there are advantages to a bit of a gut--he's very snuggly! > Maybe that's what he thinks about my " soft curves " too? Lovers always see the best in each > other; if only I can learn to see myself this way. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.