You won't believe what my father said to me!

[Guest guest]

I just cannot believe my father sometimes. He is a

professor...of psychology no less....and has a

long-standing habit of telling people, (especially me

it seems) how we should feel and act, and what we

should be doing with our lives.

Well, I was speaking with him late yesterday and told

him of my upcoming appointment today and how worried I

was, and how much I feared the doctor would tell me

that we should " give up " our quest for a biological

child. His response to me was: " Why are you upset

about this? It's totally irrational to be upset about

something that you have no control over, did not

cause, and can't do anything about! Move on with your

life! You have Hannah - you don't need another child

anyway. "

Can you believe it? My own father! I went on to try

to explain that my " life plan " had always included a

family of children not an only child to which he

answered: " Well, that is what you get for living in a

fantasy world Gwen, life isn't fair, you can't always

get what you want....deal with it. "

Very nice huh?....then I tried explaining to him how

much I want a sibling for Hannah and how I don't want

her to have to grow up alone and how sad it makes me

not to be able to give her that. His reply? " Well,

you just sit Hannah down and explain to her that your

pregnancy with her ruined your uterus and because of

that you can't have any more children. "

Oh THAT'S a good idea! I think I'll blame my

3-YEAR-OLD daughter for the fact that I can't have any

children! Laying a guilt-trip like that on a little

girl!? And he calls himself a psychologist! What an

A**hole!

He then went on to lecture me for a good 20 minutes

(in the middle of my workday I might add) about how

I've always been " emotionally indulgent " and " unable

to control " my emotions...and adds " You can choose how

you feel about this Gwen, you can decide there's

nothing you can do and be greatful for Hannah and be

happy, or you can sit around and feel sorry for

yourself for the rest of your life...it's your choice.

If you want to waste your life being sad about this I

suppose that's up to you. "

How dare he judge me!? How dare he tell me I have no

right to be sad! To mourn! To be angry!? Ooooh! I am

still so furious with him....(can you tell?!)

The thing that really galls me is that my mother was

in an accident about 9-1/2 years ago that has left her

permanently brain-damaged and unable to walk and my

father was/is a basket case. My sister and I

literally kept him alive for months as all he did was

cry and mope around in such a depression he wouldn't

even eat.

And he remains, to this day, so depressed about it

that he regularly calls me (as recently as last month)

IN TEARS about how he has no life because all he does

is take care of Mom and he can't take it anymore and

so on. He also started drinking after Mom's accident

and my sister and I are quite sure he has developed a

drinking problem but he won't admit it or get any

help.

So, let me ask you? Why is it ok for him to be sad

and mourn and not ME?! I asked him that and his reply

was that he had REASON to be sad and I did not.... " not

being able to have another child is not a tragedy

Gwen " was his actual response.

I cried for hours after talking to him....had to close

my door here at the office I was such a wreck. I

spoke with my sister who was very comforting and

called my father an " insensitive clod " and my husband

was great reminding me that my father had probably

already had a few drinks before speaking to me and was

just picking a fight (my father is one of those people

who, after a few drinks, will purposely start a

conversation about politics or religion just to upset

people....)and also reminded me that my father always

calls to apologize eventually, which is true.

When I finally ended the very hurtful conversation

with my Dad can you believe he actually said to me

" Call me tomorrow after your appointment, I'll be

interested in hearing what your doctor has to say. "

YEAH RIGHT! Like I'm going to call the person who

critcized me and called me irrational for 40 minutes

with news of my infertility, (good or bad). After the

screaming match he treated me to yesterday - I don't

think so.

From now on....no conversations with my father about

this issue as he obviously has no sympathy or

understanding or even support for us on this....

Sorry to babble on-and-on ladies...just still very

emotional about this. (But that's me....Ms.

" Emotionally Indulgent " Hassan!)

Gwen

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