Fw: Thanks for your Concern

[Guest guest]

To all my friends and family, Thank you for making me safe, secure, blessed, and

wealthy by sending me your chain letters over the last year.

Because of your concern:

I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products

are atheists who refuse to put " Under God " on their cans.

I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat

feces and urine.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer go to movies because I could sit on a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could get pricked with

a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer causing deodorants even though I smell like a wet dog on

a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume

sample and try to rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda

in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American

troops.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number

for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda, Singapore,

and Uzbekistan.

I no longer eat prepackaged foods because the estrogen's they contain will turn

me gay.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks

with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer look at the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and leave

me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

I no longer have any sneakers but that will change once I receive my free

replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their

recipe.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for

me.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl about to die in

the hospital for the 1,000th time.

I no longer have any money but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that

Microsoft and AOL are sending me since I participated in their special e-mail

program.

I want to thank all of you so much for looking out for me!

Now if you DON'T send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60 seconds

a large bird with diarrhea will crap on your head at 5:00 pm this afternoon.