Couple describe life with HIV

[Guest guest]

Couple describe life with HIV

Infected husband and wife fight many misconceptions in India

MEGHAN WATERS, KITCHENER (Aug 21, 2006)

Asha Ramaiah found out she was HIV-positive soon after she became a

teenage widow. Elango Ramachandar discovered he was infected after

donating blood.

Their lives were forever marked by a virus that carries a terrible

social stigma in their native India.

After her 1998 diagnosis, Ramaiah's neighbours in Bangalore gossiped

about her supposed loose morals. Her father kicked her out of the

family home.

Ramachandar, who was diagnosed in 1994, said he lived at first in

darkness, with little knowledge of HIV or AIDS.

Today Ramachandar and Ramaiah are married, and after the alienation

they felt early on with HIV, have a supportive extended family.

The change in their own families is what the couple hope will happen

throughout conservative India, where an estimated 5.7 million people

have HIV or AIDS.

Ramachandar and Ramaiah visited friends in Kitchener over the

weekend after speaking at the International AIDS Conference in

Toronto.

Ramaiah said her family had misconceptions about the illness, but

now the same father who threw her out of the house is the first to

defend her.

" Same father, same family, now really supportive, " she said in an

interview yesterday.

" We are a role model, " Ramachandar said. " People living with HIV can

live a normal life. There is life after infection. "

Because the couple are open about their disease, however, they have

experienced discrimination. Recently, a local newspaper incorrectly

portrayed Ramaiah as a sex worker with AIDS, a double dishonour in

India.

Her youngest sister was preparing to marry, but when her future in-

laws smelled scandal the engagement ended.

" They have a very small mentality and very small thinking capacity, "

Ramaiah said.

She recalled that her sister told her: " How can I go to that family?

They have not accepted you. "

Ramachandar began working with other infected people soon after his

diagnosis.

Ramaiah joined the same organization four years later. They wed in

2000, and two years later Ramaiah gave birth to a son, Yathin, who

is HIV free.

The two have found happiness while living with HIV, but they are

determined to halt the spread of the virus.

Ramachandar and Ramaiah have both worked with sex workers on HIV-

related issues and are working to educate other Indians about the

virus.

The couple believe the prevention model known as ABC -- for

abstinence, be faithful and condom use -- is the best way to prevent

HIV's transmission.

In high schools, education about condoms is limited, Ramaiah said.

" You can say you can use a condom -- that's it. " she said. " You

can't demo or you can't show. "

" If you want to control the infection, you want to use all three, "

Ramachandar said.

The couple have seen improvements in attitudes about HIV and AIDS in

the last five years.

" When we came open there were very few people, " Ramachandar

said. " Now, many people are willing to come open and be advocates in

the media.

" But right now, there are still marginalized groups like

transsexuals and sex workers. A sex worker, she's been stigmatized

because of her profession, but the sex worker who may also be HIV

positive, she's not able to disclose her status within the

community, because she'll be rejected. "

Ramaiah and Ramachandar say that one of the biggest hurdles in

fighting the disease in India is an obstinate government.

" We are trying to bring (about) HIV law in India for three years,

but still it is lying in Parliament, " Ramachandar said.

AIDS activists try to work around the slow-moving bureaucracy by

going to others with power in India: Bollywood stars.

" They're powerful messengers, " Ramachandar said. " If any actor comes

and says any message of HIV/AIDS, people will follow.

" They already follow the dress, they follow the style. "

Ramaiah has been hired by a charitable foundation to teach print

media, television production crews and film stars about the disease.

She said she hopes AIDS can be dealt with on television the way

other serious illnesses, such as cancer are dealt with.

The couple's biggest challenge, however, is being parents to four-

year-old Yathin.

Neither parent has developed AIDS, and both are getting good health

care, which can't be said of most Indians with HIV, Ramachandar said.

" We are thinking about our child's future and nothing else, " said

Ramachandar. " We want to take care of ourselves and our child.

" If you're not able to take care of yourself then your child becomes

an orphan. We want to live another 15 years at least. "

Ramachandar and Ramaiah were visiting Sanjay Govindaraj, a public

health worker in Kitchener. Govindaraj was an HIV counsellor in

India in the 1990s, and Ramachandar was one of his first patients.

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