chores

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 1/24/2006 9:47:49 AM Eastern Standard Time,

blueareviolets@... writes:

I can accept she has a handicap, but I want to quit enabling her to

be dependent and enable her to be as independent as she is capable

of. So what resources do I look at?

well, I would certainly expect her to do her share at that age. But you

should also realize she will have problems learning how to do things - even

" simple " things. So I would start small and build up. I would even break down

jobs into smaller steps and write them out for her. So, for instance, start

with having her help with dishes and teach her the steps involved. If she

won't do it, I would withold things she likes - like unplug her computer until

she has the dishes done. Once you have taught her how, I would make all her

" extras " conditional upon doing her work. But definitely start small and work

up because it is probably too overwhelming to just give her a list of

chores. My ds has the worst time planning anything out. So I have to give him

specific jobs and sometimes I have had to stand there supervising as well until

he gets it. He is 17 yo now. He knows he has to do the dishes every other

day and while he drags his feet, he does do it. He does his own laundry now

as well. So far, that's it besides asking him to help with chores when

necessary.

Roxanna

[Guest guest]

,

When my husband and I were married, my stepson was 16. He didn't

cook, didn't put dishes in the dish washer, didn't put his dirty

clothes in the hamper (he actually slept with his clean and dirty

clothes in his bed).

I had never experienced this sort of behavior. We had him set up for

neuro-psychological testing, but his mother intervened.

Before he bailed and went to live with his mother, we tried a simple

system of three strikes (which is usually what is used for grade

schoolers). Before we tried the strike system (three stikes equaled

24 hours restriction from all electronics, driving, etc.), he didn't

even flush the toilet after himself. He only got one strike for the

lack of toilet flushing, and flushed the toilet from then on, so I

know that the behavioral modification worked somewhat. He even

accomplished cleaning his room (7 30-gal bags of trash, 3 30-gal bags

of dirty clothes, etc. in a 11 x 11 bedroom--I kid you not) BUT after

each accomplishement, after each positive step forward, within two or

three days he would have a major meltdown.

He would rage, throw things, scream obscenities, hit himself, etc.

We did not receive an official diagnosis of Aspergers, but hopefully

some day he will be correctly diagnosed and will get the help he needs.

We tried our darndest with the Dr. Phil type behavioral modification,

but it was not successful.

I look forward to reading comments from others that might have more

helpful, positive suggestions.

[Guest guest]

>

>

> In a message dated 1/24/2006 9:47:49 AM Eastern Standard Time,

> blueareviolets@y... writes:

>

> I can accept she has a handicap, but I want to quit enabling her

to

> be dependent and enable her to be as independent as she is capable

> of. So what resources do I look at?

>

>

>

> well, I would certainly expect her to do her share at that age.

But you

> should also realize she will have problems learning how to do

things - even

> " simple " things. So I would start small and build up. I would

even break down

> jobs into smaller steps and write them out for her. So, for

instance, start

> with having her help with dishes and teach her the steps

involved. If she

> won't do it, I would withold things she likes - like unplug her

computer until

> she has the dishes done. Once you have taught her how, I would

make all her

> " extras " conditional upon doing her work. But definitely start

small and work

> up because it is probably too overwhelming to just give her a list

of

> chores. My ds has the worst time planning anything out. So I

have to give him

> specific jobs and sometimes I have had to stand there supervising

as well until

> he gets it. He is 17 yo now. He knows he has to do the dishes

every other

> day and while he drags his feet, he does do it. He does his own

laundry now

> as well. So far, that's it besides asking him to help with chores

when

> necessary.

>

> Roxanna

>

> Ro

>

[Guest guest]

,

My son will be 15 in April. He has been diagnosed & misdiagnosed for years.

(ie.. bipolar, OCD, ODD, Conduct Disorder, ADHD, Depression, Anxiety..) AS

is the only thing that fit. The only way I can get him to do chores is

either I can hold his hand and walk him thru it (which takes forever with

all the arguing & back talking), I could also say you cant eat dinner until

the chores are done, which does work now that he is a teenager (haha). But

the major break thru for us came during the Holiday's. We shall call it a

MIRACLE!! It turns out, if I make a chart with my boys ea. Week and he can

see that we all have an equal amount to do to maintain the house, he's much

happier and he doesn't feel singled out, being told over and over again..

Now if you have found the solution to Toothpaste, Soap, Water in general.

I'm all ears, or eyes so to speak, because showering is now & always has

been a problem. (I use the food thing to get him to bathe) I hate doing it

that way, but he is bigger than me now. I was informed a few days ago by

him, that I'm lucky he fears me. What a joke!!

I'm glad to hear your daughter graduated. That is a big fear for me since

my son sleeps thru school. He says he doesn't like being bossed around all

day, you know like, sit up, do your work, stay awake. Sometimes all I can

do is laugh.

Good Luck,

_____

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of blueareviolets

Sent: Monday, January 23, 2006 12:54 PM

Subject: ( ) chores

Hi,

My 18 year old daughter was only recently diagnosed with aspergers. I

just knew she wasn't learning to do things and that it worked better

if I suggested the correct behavior than if I attempted behavior

modification.

Please realize she has been diagnosed and mis-diagnosed with several

other conditions. When taking ADHD medications and we tried several-

she actually did worse in school than when we took her off the

medications.

So give me a clue. How do you get an aspergers child (adult) to do

chores? Where do you look for this information. She graduated from

high school last week and was accepted at an in town college, but I

can't get her wash a single dish or keep up her own room. What is

appropriate for me to try? How hard do I push? How do I know? Who do

I ask?

I can accept she has a handicap, but I want to quit enabling her to

be dependent and enable her to be as independent as she is capable

of. So what resources do I look at?

I found a support group for her near by. I hope she will try it.

Right now she has found an on-line support group for depression, but

I am not sure if she isn't identifying to strongly with this group.

It seems to be encouraging her to be dis-abled rather than en-abled.

Thanks,

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

My son is going to be 18 in March. We have a rule that everybody does

20 minutes of choes at least 4 days a week. We break the 20 minutes up

into four 5 minute segments. We set a timer so that everybody's clear

on starting and stopping time. (The grownups actually do more than

this. The rule is for 's benefit.)

empties the dishwasher. If he lets it go too long and dirty

dishes pile up in the sink, he gets to not only empty t he dishwasher,

but wash the dirty dishes, too. He has learned the hard way.

I have simply explained it that he is a member of the family, and I

really need his help, and I hoped that he could find it in his heart to

give me a hand. Usually he does.

Liz

On Jan 23, 2006, at 9:54 AM, blueareviolets wrote:

> Hi,

> My 18 year old daughter was only recently diagnosed with aspergers. I

> just knew she wasn't learning to do things and that it worked better

> if I suggested the correct behavior than if I attempted behavior

> modification.

>

> Please realize she has been diagnosed and mis-diagnosed with several

> other conditions. When taking ADHD medications and we tried several-

> she actually did worse in school than when we took her off the

> medications.

>

> So give me a clue. How do you get an aspergers child (adult) to do

> chores? Where do you look for this information. She graduated from

> high school last week and was accepted at an in town college, but I

> can't get her wash a single dish or keep up her own room. What is

> appropriate for me to try? How hard do I push? How do I know? Who do

> I ask?

>

> I can accept she has a handicap, but I want to quit enabling her to

> be dependent and enable her to be as independent as she is capable

> of. So what resources do I look at?

>

> I found a support group for her near by. I hope she will try it.

> Right now she has found an on-line support group for depression, but

> I am not sure if she isn't identifying to strongly with this group.

> It seems to be encouraging her to be dis-abled rather than en-abled.

>

> Thanks,

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

When Jake needs to clean his room, I don't say " clean your room " I say " will you

go pick up your dirty clothes for me? " when he is done with that I ask him " will

you pick up your toys " . I only request one step at a time so he is not

overwhelmed, and he also has a hard time remembering " steps "

Theresa

kneeleee@... wrote:

In a message dated 1/24/2006 9:47:49 AM Eastern Standard Time,

blueareviolets@... writes:

I can accept she has a handicap, but I want to quit enabling her to

be dependent and enable her to be as independent as she is capable

of. So what resources do I look at?

well, I would certainly expect her to do her share at that age. But you

should also realize she will have problems learning how to do things - even

" simple " things. So I would start small and build up. I would even break down

jobs into smaller steps and write them out for her. So, for instance, start

with having her help with dishes and teach her the steps involved. If she

won't do it, I would withold things she likes - like unplug her computer until

she has the dishes done. Once you have taught her how, I would make all her

" extras " conditional upon doing her work. But definitely start small and work

up because it is probably too overwhelming to just give her a list of

chores. My ds has the worst time planning anything out. So I have to give him

specific jobs and sometimes I have had to stand there supervising as well until

he gets it. He is 17 yo now. He knows he has to do the dishes every other

day and while he drags his feet, he does do it. He does his own laundry now

as well. So far, that's it besides asking him to help with chores when

necessary.

Roxanna

[Guest guest]

I guess I have always noticed that she complains if I give her too many

instructions at once. On the other hand, she is 18. She travels through video

games where she has to remember what she tried last time and repeat the same

steps over and over until she gets them. I am becoming convinced that I do need

to write it down and post it so that she knows where to look to find what she

needs next. I am also convinced that we need to work on one habit at a time and

really remove privileges which in this case means removing electronic appliances

until I get compliance.

I once removed the plug from the television because I didn't know how else to

disconnect the thing where she wouldn't just hook it back up again and it was

too large to remove. She knows how to install parental controls on the

television on me, but I don't know how to do it to her. Removing the electronics

will no doubt cause a melt down, but appears to be the wisest course of action.

Thank you for your comments. I need the re-enforcement right now.

Theresa Harding <disorderlybehavior@...> wrote:

When Jake needs to clean his room, I don't say " clean your room " I say " will

you go pick up your dirty clothes for me? " when he is done with that I ask him

" will you pick up your toys " . I only request one step at a time so he is not

overwhelmed, and he also has a hard time remembering " steps "

Theresa

kneeleee@... wrote:

In a message dated 1/24/2006 9:47:49 AM Eastern Standard Time,

blueareviolets@... writes:

I can accept she has a handicap, but I want to quit enabling her to

be dependent and enable her to be as independent as she is capable

of. So what resources do I look at?

well, I would certainly expect her to do her share at that age. But you

should also realize she will have problems learning how to do things - even

" simple " things. So I would start small and build up. I would even break down

jobs into smaller steps and write them out for her. So, for instance, start

with having her help with dishes and teach her the steps involved. If she

won't do it, I would withold things she likes - like unplug her computer until

she has the dishes done. Once you have taught her how, I would make all her

" extras " conditional upon doing her work. But definitely start small and work

up because it is probably too overwhelming to just give her a list of

chores. My ds has the worst time planning anything out. So I have to give him

specific jobs and sometimes I have had to stand there supervising as well until

he gets it. He is 17 yo now. He knows he has to do the dishes every other

day and while he drags his feet, he does do it. He does his own laundry now

as well. So far, that's it besides asking him to help with chores when

necessary.

Roxanna

[Guest guest]

I guess I have always noticed that she complains if I give her too many

instructions at once. On the other hand, she is 18. She travels through video

games where she has to remember what she tried last time and repeat the same

steps over and over until she gets them. I am becoming convinced that I do need

to write it down and post it so that she knows where to look to find what she

needs next. I am also convinced that we need to work on one habit at a time and

really remove privileges which in this case means removing electronic appliances

until I get compliance.

I once removed the plug from the television because I didn't know how else to

disconnect the thing where she wouldn't just hook it back up again and it was

too large to remove. She knows how to install parental controls on the

television on me, but I don't know how to do it to her. Removing the electronics

will no doubt cause a melt down, but appears to be the wisest course of action.

Thank you for your comments. I need the re-enforcement right now.

Theresa Harding <disorderlybehavior@...> wrote:

When Jake needs to clean his room, I don't say " clean your room " I say " will

you go pick up your dirty clothes for me? " when he is done with that I ask him

" will you pick up your toys " . I only request one step at a time so he is not

overwhelmed, and he also has a hard time remembering " steps "

Theresa

kneeleee@... wrote:

In a message dated 1/24/2006 9:47:49 AM Eastern Standard Time,

blueareviolets@... writes:

I can accept she has a handicap, but I want to quit enabling her to

be dependent and enable her to be as independent as she is capable

of. So what resources do I look at?

well, I would certainly expect her to do her share at that age. But you

should also realize she will have problems learning how to do things - even

" simple " things. So I would start small and build up. I would even break down

jobs into smaller steps and write them out for her. So, for instance, start

with having her help with dishes and teach her the steps involved. If she

won't do it, I would withold things she likes - like unplug her computer until

she has the dishes done. Once you have taught her how, I would make all her

" extras " conditional upon doing her work. But definitely start small and work

up because it is probably too overwhelming to just give her a list of

chores. My ds has the worst time planning anything out. So I have to give him

specific jobs and sometimes I have had to stand there supervising as well until

he gets it. He is 17 yo now. He knows he has to do the dishes every other

day and while he drags his feet, he does do it. He does his own laundry now

as well. So far, that's it besides asking him to help with chores when

necessary.

Roxanna

[Guest guest]

With my son (who's only 13) I have to write things down for him to do, but

then he does get them done. The only thing is that each step has to be on a

separate line. I tried once writing, " Clean the bathroom, pick the garbage

up off the floor in there, and get a new bag in the bathroom trash " and he

missed the garbage steps. But if I write each step on a separate line, he

does them all 'cause he checks them off.

Then again, I just found out he's AS and this was before I even knew that.

So maybe I have no place to talk.

Tyler, too, can remember all sorts of things about video games and movies.

It's just the other real-life stuff he can't get the hang of. :-)

-Jenn

_____

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of Heifner

Sent: Wednesday, January 25, 2006 9:07 AM

Subject: Re: ( ) chores

I guess I have always noticed that she complains if I give her too many

instructions at once. On the other hand, she is 18. She travels through

video games where she has to remember what she tried last time and repeat

the same steps over and over until she gets them. I am becoming convinced

that I do need to write it down and post it so that she knows where to look

to find what she needs next. I am also convinced that we need to work on one

habit at a time and really remove privileges which in this case means

removing electronic appliances until I get compliance.

I once removed the plug from the television because I didn't know how else

to disconnect the thing where she wouldn't just hook it back up again and it

was too large to remove. She knows how to install parental controls on the

television on me, but I don't know how to do it to her. Removing the

electronics will no doubt cause a melt down, but appears to be the wisest

course of action.

Thank you for your comments. I need the re-enforcement right now.

Theresa Harding <disorderlybehavior@...> wrote:

When Jake needs to clean his room, I don't say " clean your room " I say

" will you go pick up your dirty clothes for me? " when he is done with that I

ask him " will you pick up your toys " . I only request one step at a time so

he is not overwhelmed, and he also has a hard time remembering " steps "

Theresa

kneeleee@... wrote:

In a message dated 1/24/2006 9:47:49 AM Eastern Standard Time,

blueareviolets@... writes:

I can accept she has a handicap, but I want to quit enabling her to

be dependent and enable her to be as independent as she is capable

of. So what resources do I look at?

well, I would certainly expect her to do her share at that age. But you

should also realize she will have problems learning how to do things - even

" simple " things. So I would start small and build up. I would even break

down

jobs into smaller steps and write them out for her. So, for instance,

start

with having her help with dishes and teach her the steps involved. If she

won't do it, I would withold things she likes - like unplug her computer

until

she has the dishes done. Once you have taught her how, I would make all

her

" extras " conditional upon doing her work. But definitely start small and

work

up because it is probably too overwhelming to just give her a list of

chores. My ds has the worst time planning anything out. So I have to give

him

specific jobs and sometimes I have had to stand there supervising as well

until

he gets it. He is 17 yo now. He knows he has to do the dishes every other

day and while he drags his feet, he does do it. He does his own laundry

now

as well. So far, that's it besides asking him to help with chores when

necessary.

Roxanna

[Guest guest]

LOL I hide the mouse for the computer on my oldest son; it drives him

crazy!

--- In , Heifner ...I am also

convinced that we need to work on one habit at a time and really

remove privileges which in this case means removing electronic

appliances until I get compliance.

>

> I once removed the plug from the television because I didn't know

how else to disconnect the thing where she wouldn't just hook it back

up again and it was too large to remove....

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 1/26/2006 1:57:25 PM Eastern Standard Time,

blueareviolets@... writes:

I guess I have always noticed that she complains if I give her too many

instructions at once. On the other hand, she is 18. She travels through video

games where she has to remember what she tried last time and repeat the same

steps over and over until she gets them. I am becoming convinced that I do need

to write it down and post it so that she knows where to look to find what she

needs next. I am also convinced that we need to work on one habit at a time

and really remove privileges which in this case means removing electronic

appliances until I get compliance.

I once removed the plug from the television because I didn't know how else

to disconnect the thing where she wouldn't just hook it back up again and it

was too large to remove. She knows how to install parental controls on the

television on me, but I don't know how to do it to her. Removing the

electronics

will no doubt cause a melt down, but appears to be the wisest course of

action.

Thank you for your comments. I need the re-enforcement right now.

I know how you feel. She is 18 so she should be able to do this stuff. And

then, if she can play these complicated video games.....But unfortunately,

she still needs the step by step instructions. My 9 yo can do complicated math

assignments but can't remember to flush the toilet.

I am sure taking away the computer will cause intense meltdown behavior.

This has happened at my house. But give her the option - for instance, don't

take it away for days at a time. Tell her, " Finish the dishwasher and you can

get online. " Make it simple and immediate. I have found it works that way

and causes less of a tantrum because they are thinking, " I could have it

back...if I only did this.... " And if they don't do it, then it's their choice.

Just make sure you have outlined what it is that needs to be done. As long

as you know she knows how to do it, then this is a plan. Hang in there!

Roxanna ô¿ô

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

this also works best for us, When I write things down for my AS son and he

checks it off. He feels more independent doing this and I don't have to repeat

myself. - Rose

Pike <jenn.pike@...> wrote:

With my son (who's only 13) I have to write things down for him to do, but

then he does get them done. The only thing is that each step has to be on a

separate line. I tried once writing, " Clean the bathroom, pick the garbage

up off the floor in there, and get a new bag in the bathroom trash " and he

missed the garbage steps. But if I write each step on a separate line, he

does them all 'cause he checks them off.

Then again, I just found out he's AS and this was before I even knew that.

So maybe I have no place to talk.

Tyler, too, can remember all sorts of things about video games and movies.

It's just the other real-life stuff he can't get the hang of. :-)

-Jenn

_____

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of Heifner

Sent: Wednesday, January 25, 2006 9:07 AM

Subject: Re: ( ) chores

I guess I have always noticed that she complains if I give her too many

instructions at once. On the other hand, she is 18. She travels through

video games where she has to remember what she tried last time and repeat

the same steps over and over until she gets them. I am becoming convinced

that I do need to write it down and post it so that she knows where to look

to find what she needs next. I am also convinced that we need to work on one

habit at a time and really remove privileges which in this case means

removing electronic appliances until I get compliance.

I once removed the plug from the television because I didn't know how else

to disconnect the thing where she wouldn't just hook it back up again and it

was too large to remove. She knows how to install parental controls on the

television on me, but I don't know how to do it to her. Removing the

electronics will no doubt cause a melt down, but appears to be the wisest

course of action.

Thank you for your comments. I need the re-enforcement right now.

Theresa Harding <disorderlybehavior@...> wrote:

When Jake needs to clean his room, I don't say " clean your room " I say

" will you go pick up your dirty clothes for me? " when he is done with that I

ask him " will you pick up your toys " . I only request one step at a time so

he is not overwhelmed, and he also has a hard time remembering " steps "

Theresa

kneeleee@... wrote:

In a message dated 1/24/2006 9:47:49 AM Eastern Standard Time,

blueareviolets@... writes:

I can accept she has a handicap, but I want to quit enabling her to

be dependent and enable her to be as independent as she is capable

of. So what resources do I look at?

well, I would certainly expect her to do her share at that age. But you

should also realize she will have problems learning how to do things - even

" simple " things. So I would start small and build up. I would even break

down

jobs into smaller steps and write them out for her. So, for instance,

start

with having her help with dishes and teach her the steps involved. If she

won't do it, I would withold things she likes - like unplug her computer

until

she has the dishes done. Once you have taught her how, I would make all

her

" extras " conditional upon doing her work. But definitely start small and

work

up because it is probably too overwhelming to just give her a list of

chores. My ds has the worst time planning anything out. So I have to give

him

specific jobs and sometimes I have had to stand there supervising as well

until

he gets it. He is 17 yo now. He knows he has to do the dishes every other

day and while he drags his feet, he does do it. He does his own laundry

now

as well. So far, that's it besides asking him to help with chores when

necessary.

Roxanna

[Guest guest]

I take the keyboard to work with me some days. My older son isn't often

home from school sick, but I will do this when I detect he just wants a " day

off " . Pam

[Guest guest]

> One of my biggest frustrations is feeling like I can't keep up with

> my daily chores.....and I feel it's the least I can do for my family.

One thing I do is clean up in little spurts. (Keeping in mind my house

is still a total mess, but hey, every little bit helps.) Like, when I

heat up my coffee for a minute in the microwave I can get the dishwasher

unloaded. Then I sit down. Or when I'm waiting on hold on the phone, I

fold a basket of clothes. It adds up if you do it in little segments.

Of course, the dirty dishes and the laundry add up just as quickly, but

at least it's something

Sorry again for the multiple emails, it's just that I'm catching up

[Guest guest]

awesome; I am all over it, and will be doing this one tonight!!! Maybe it will get me all kinds of pampered treatment (can't hurt?!?!) It is worth a try; and I love the idea for the kids, too, as they never want to do anything or go anywhere. Ruthie

( ) Chores

My shrink taught me this great technique to use on my spouse and my son that's been working really well. It goes like this.Me: , it's time to go grocery shopping.Dan: I don't want to go grocery shopping.Me: Oh? Why wouldn't you want to go grocery shopping? I thought we'd agreed you were going to help.Dan: I don't feel well.Me: Do you have a fever?Dan: No.Me: Would you like to contribute to the household in some other way?Dan: Like what?Me: Like clean off the kitchen table (a major undertaking) and wash the dinner dishes.Dan: Okay, okay, I'll come grocery shopping.The idea is, you play dumb. Like you don't know why on earth somebody views grocery shopping as so odious, and that you're really, really interested in his/her answer. Works on spouses as well as children.Liz

[Guest guest]

OH this is priceless! I love it.. And have used something similar.. Like OH ya.. You're probably right... Too little to do it.. Ya you are right.. ( worked on my husband best LOL)

-- ( ) Chores

My shrink taught me this great technique to use on my spouse and my son that's been working really well. It goes like this.Me: , it's time to go grocery shopping.Dan: I don't want to go grocery shopping.Me: Oh? Why wouldn't you want to go grocery shopping? I thought we'd agreed you were going to help.Dan: I don't feel well.Me: Do you have a fever?Dan: No.Me: Would you like to contribute to the household in some other way?Dan: Like what?Me: Like clean off the kitchen table (a major undertaking) and wash the dinner dishes.Dan: Okay, okay, I'll come grocery shopping.The idea is, you play dumb. Like you don't know why on earth somebody views grocery shopping as so odious, and that you're really, really interested in his/her answer. Works on spouses as well as children.Liz

[Guest guest]

I'm tryin that. Thanks,Betty Liz Bohn <lbohn@...> wrote: My shrink taught me this great technique to use on my spouse and my son that's been working really well. It goes like this.Me: , it's time to go grocery shopping.Dan: I don't want to go grocery shopping.Me: Oh? Why wouldn't you want to go grocery shopping? I thought we'd agreed you were going to help.Dan: I don't feel well.Me: Do you have a

fever?Dan: No.Me: Would you like to contribute to the household in some other way?Dan: Like what?Me: Like clean off the kitchen table (a major undertaking) and wash the dinner dishes.Dan: Okay, okay, I'll come grocery shopping.The idea is, you play dumb. Like you don't know why on earth somebody views grocery shopping as so odious, and that you're really, really interested in his/her answer. Works on spouses as well as children.Liz

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[Guest guest]

I'm heading upstairs to try this on DS right now!!! He is wailing

over having to make his bed.

>

>

>

> Thanks for this Liz - it's often a problem in our household! I

think it would work on other things as well as chores - like doing

homework or piano practice!

>

> Best wishes -

>

>

> " My shrink taught me this great technique to use on my spouse and my

> son that's been working really well. It goes like this.

>

> Me: , it's time to go grocery shopping.

>

> Dan: I don't want to go grocery shopping.

>

> Me: Oh? Why wouldn't you want to go grocery shopping? I thought we'd

> agreed you were going to help.

>

> Dan: I don't feel well.

>

> Me: Do you have a fever?

>

> Dan: No.

>

> Me: Would you like to contribute to the household in some other way?

>

> Dan: Like what?

>

> Me: Like clean off the kitchen table (a major undertaking) and wash

> the dinner dishes.

>

> Dan: Okay, okay, I'll come grocery shopping.

>

> The idea is, you play dumb. Like you don't know why on earth somebody

> views grocery shopping as so odious, and that you're really, really

> interested in his/her answer. Works on spouses as well as children.

>

> Liz "

>