Re: JAN - weight gain

[Guest guest]

Hi again Jan,

I can only relate to your situation w/ your husband from back in the ancient days when i was married and PREGNANT. My husband simply came straight out and told me he did not want any intimacy with me because he wasn't attracted to me with my "big belly". GOD that hurt.... not only because i was pregnant WITH HIS BABY - but even more: just because like you said: you crave being held and loved. Then after the pregancy, he wasn't attracted to me because my skin was stretched out and i didn't "look the same anymore". UGH! Maybe this is a reason why i've now remained single now for over 11yrs. Relationships hurt too much.

How about THERAPY? is he willing to go in for couple's therapy? Because abviously the problem is in himself. NOT YOU. It's VERY normal for women to gain somewhere around 50lbs average over the years as we get older and our hormones change -- and so your FMS doesn't even have to count into this non-mysterious weight gain, but you can use it as ONE reason -- and most normal, healthy, non-adolescent husbands understand this (and they ALSO usually put on their fair share of weight or other things that come with aging) (heck, is it possible he's become impodent and is too embarassed about it and would prefer to blame it on your weight gain than face the fact that he's gone "limp"?).

Sorry.... i could go on a full-blown rampage on this infurtiating topic. My final words: suggest that maybe your husband has been watching too much TV or something. This whole topic of weight should not even be a discussion unless you are at a health risk. 40lbs is not that much weight gain at all (unless you are a midget.) -- as i said; i've gained 40lbs since FMS -- nobody has really come out and said to me; "Gee Jaana; you've gotten FAT" -- because it's really not that much!!!! enough for our OWN selves to feel bad about our bodies, yes..... but heck: it shouldn't even be NOTICED by anyone else but our own selves and our doctors.

i better shut up.........

(((hugs)))))

Aloooooooooha!-JaanaModerator / Member De-Bouncerator / humble Group servant

Re: Re: New to the group

Janna~(Firslty: welcome you to the group/family!!! Yousound just like the majority of us here!! The downwardspiral, etc...) Thanks for your kind reply. I was so hoping someonewould anwer me!! I have tried to get him to read stuffabout Fibro, have left books around the house, emailedhim articles, etc. But he is such a workaholic that hedoen't even look at the stuff about me. I am anafterthought in his life except when he needs me to dosomething. The weight is such an issue~I would havehoped our love had more depth than what 40 poundscould effect but after 25 years of marraige he justdoesn't want to try anymore. I am hungry for affectionthough and if I felt better would probably look for itelsewhere even though that goes against all my ethicsand values! Anyway~ thanks again for answeringme~hopefully I can offer you some support as well inthe future. Have a nice day. Jan

[Guest guest]

Jaana~ Thanks for " sticking up " for me. You brought up

some very valid points. I have tried to get him to go

for counseling~ I even went by myself for a while but

he won't budge. VERY stubborn and VERY self-righteuos.

I look at him now and wonder what happened to the

affectionate funny young man I married. I know we all

change but this is so totally different. I have

thought about getting separated but havn't done

anything for many reasons~money, my kids and family,

vows. But I don't know how much more of this I can

take and still have any self respect left!! I just

want to be loved and respected and if at all possible

~ I want to be in live again. He is a total workaholic

and under alot of stress there but that is not an

excuse for all of his behavior. We had one or two

episodes of the limpness thing last summer~but it's

been so long now I wouldn't know if it was that or

not~but it is something to consider. I am sitting here

and not believing I am writing this! But, I do need to

get honest with myself and the situation if I am ever

going to do anything about it. I am working so hard to

get fit again~I don't care if I don't lose all the

weight~I would just like to be somewhat fit again. I

was supposed to go to the gym today but, have

procrastinated~the swelling on my ankle (I'm only 3

wks post-op from an arthroscopy), the storms and heat,

etc. I need to get off my butt and do something.

Anyway ~ thanks again and please keep sending me your

suport~God knows I need it!

--- Jaana Mäkipää wrote:

> Hi again Jan,

>

> I can only relate to your situation w/ your husband

> from back in the ancient days when i was married and

> PREGNANT. My husband simply came straight out and

> told me he did not want any intimacy with me because

> he wasn't attracted to me with my " big belly " . GOD

> that hurt.... not only because i was pregnant WITH

> HIS BABY - but even more: just because like you

> said: you crave being held and loved. Then after

> the pregancy, he wasn't attracted to me because my

> skin was stretched out and i didn't " look the same

> anymore " . UGH! Maybe this is a reason why i've now

> remained single now for over 11yrs. Relationships

> hurt too much.

>

> How about THERAPY? is he willing to go in for

> couple's therapy? Because abviously the problem is

> in himself. NOT YOU. It's VERY normal for women to

> gain somewhere around 50lbs average over the years

> as we get older and our hormones change -- and so

> your FMS doesn't even have to count into this

> non-mysterious weight gain, but you can use it as

> ONE reason -- and most normal, healthy,

> non-adolescent husbands understand this (and they

> ALSO usually put on their fair share of weight or

> other things that come with aging) (heck, is it

> possible he's become impodent and is too embarassed

> about it and would prefer to blame it on your weight

> gain than face the fact that he's gone " limp " ?).

>

> Sorry.... i could go on a full-blown rampage on this

> infurtiating topic. My final words: suggest that

> maybe your husband has been watching too much TV or

> something. This whole topic of weight should not

> even be a discussion unless you are at a health

> risk. 40lbs is not that much weight gain at all

> (unless you are a midget.) -- as i said; i've gained

> 40lbs since FMS -- nobody has really come out and

> said to me; " Gee Jaana; you've gotten FAT " --

> because it's really not that much!!!! enough for

> our OWN selves to feel bad about our bodies,

> yes..... but heck: it shouldn't even be NOTICED by

> anyone else but our own selves and our doctors.

>

> i better shut up.........

>

> (((hugs)))))

>

> Aloooooooooha!

> -Jaana

> Moderator / Member De-Bouncerator / humble Group

> servant

>

> Re: Re: New to the group

>

>

> Janna~(Firslty: welcome you to the group/family!!!

> You

> sound just like the majority of us here!! The

> downward

> spiral, etc...)

> Thanks for your kind reply. I was so hoping someone

> would anwer me!! I have tried to get him to read

> stuff

> about Fibro, have left books around the house,

> emailed

> him articles, etc. But he is such a workaholic that

> he

> doen't even look at the stuff about me. I am an

> afterthought in his life except when he needs me to

> do

> something. The weight is such an issue~I would have

> hoped our love had more depth than what 40 pounds

> could effect but after 25 years of marraige he just

> doesn't want to try anymore. I am hungry for

> affection

> though and if I felt better would probably look for

> it

> elsewhere even though that goes against all my

> ethics

> and values! Anyway~ thanks again for answering

> me~hopefully I can offer you some support as well in

> the future. Have a nice day. Jan

>

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