Day one aaarrrrgghhain (NRBMU*)

[Guest guest]

Hey ya'll and Apple.

Thanks for the note to me. Miss Hell is my name said (Michele). I've

survived the hell of a tortured abused childhood. 6yrs6days6months in

AA/CA/NA Hell. Retraumatization of Jehovah's Witnesses. Racial prejudice

for being multi-racial. You can just imagine. It's giving me lots of

justification to just give the hell up.

And for some ding-dang reason I'm still here. Suffering and entertaining.

Well, I'm fed up. I've been un-sober for three years and my life is

terrific and horrible at the same time. I'm stuck in the programming of XA

and looking to free myself. I like to read here and at Moderation

Management. I'm working rather seriously now with a trauma survivor

specialist & research center therapist. I'm also looking to clean up from

MAC (mind-altering chemicals) so I can really get some healing from the

monsters in my mind. Not to mention to do something about the monsters

still lurking about killing and destroying innocent children.

I suffer from bouts of depression that take me to the suicidal edge and am

looking for a way to fly now and help aleve some of the pain around me by

healing or what-the-hell-ever it's gonna take the pain INSIDE me. Thus

being here @ 12SF. To XA bash maybe not, but to challenge and put up for

brutal examination the beliefs ingrained in me even more so by XA dogma.

I'm anti religious and seeking some kind of peace.

Glad to be here all. Hope to make it -- Miss Hell (Michele)

* = Not REALLY Beating Myself Up (cause I learned it's part of staying in

the cycle of overusing and abusing -- the " high " of negative

thinking/feeling bad about myself to recreate the childhood)

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