Guest guest Posted November 10, 1999 Report Share Posted November 10, 1999 Hi Matt; A minister come alcoholism therapist taught me about the basics of love when I was in my thirties. As a kid I had been loved at fist point, but Len The Therapist was unaware of that. It just was something you didn't talk about. Some of the basics he taught me were that we, being just like God in that respect have an endless supply of love IF, WE LEARN TO LOVE OURSELVES FIRST!. He used to walk into a room, pick the person with the meanest look on their face and say " I love you(Pointing), and you know what?, There's nothing you can do about it. " Of course he went on to tell the person that they could do things that would force him to exclude them from his life, but the love would still be there and the behavior, if changed, forgiven. Len was one of only four men I've met in a lifetime that could hold my heart in their hand and I knew, not only they would not damage it, but it would be fuller when returned. These experiences are rare. Len gave me a one line no nonsense definition of love that helped me tremendously, so I'll pass it on in hopes it will give you a better understanding. " Love is an attitude, freely given. " You notice it doesn't mention taking, but if everyone is giving, there's no need to worry about taking, that will come when you love yourself. Not because you've done anything spectacular, but just because you are the unique human that you are. Once you truly feel it, JUST once, you'll know that's not just a bunch of pap written for other people. Be Cynical about politics, not about Love. When you love people they will do things that make you hurt, but not often and usually not intentionally, but keep in mind that you are doing it to them also. Here's a quick exercise that can reveal the bigger issue's. Take a blank sheet of paper, write down five things you are not happy with about yourself. Flip the paper and write down 5 things you really like about yourself. Since you do a journal it will be a snap, or will it? Serious business try it, you'll be amazed at the results. Let us know what happened, not the specifics, just what happened. Till Later Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 10, 1999 Report Share Posted November 10, 1999 Hi Matt; A minister come alcoholism therapist taught me about the basics of love when I was in my thirties. As a kid I had been loved at fist point, but Len The Therapist was unaware of that. It just was something you didn't talk about. Some of the basics he taught me were that we, being just like God in that respect have an endless supply of love IF, WE LEARN TO LOVE OURSELVES FIRST!. He used to walk into a room, pick the person with the meanest look on their face and say " I love you(Pointing), and you know what?, There's nothing you can do about it. " Of course he went on to tell the person that they could do things that would force him to exclude them from his life, but the love would still be there and the behavior, if changed, forgiven. Len was one of only four men I've met in a lifetime that could hold my heart in their hand and I knew, not only they would not damage it, but it would be fuller when returned. These experiences are rare. Len gave me a one line no nonsense definition of love that helped me tremendously, so I'll pass it on in hopes it will give you a better understanding. " Love is an attitude, freely given. " You notice it doesn't mention taking, but if everyone is giving, there's no need to worry about taking, that will come when you love yourself. Not because you've done anything spectacular, but just because you are the unique human that you are. Once you truly feel it, JUST once, you'll know that's not just a bunch of pap written for other people. Be Cynical about politics, not about Love. When you love people they will do things that make you hurt, but not often and usually not intentionally, but keep in mind that you are doing it to them also. Here's a quick exercise that can reveal the bigger issue's. Take a blank sheet of paper, write down five things you are not happy with about yourself. Flip the paper and write down 5 things you really like about yourself. Since you do a journal it will be a snap, or will it? Serious business try it, you'll be amazed at the results. Let us know what happened, not the specifics, just what happened. Till Later Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 10, 1999 Report Share Posted November 10, 1999 Hi Kim, that depends whether or not your the unabomber. In a message dated 11/9/99 7:01:49 PM Central Standard Time, kimrh67@... writes: > Burns says love is not an adult human need. > This flies in the face of all the pop-psych I've ever > read. What do you think- is it a need or isn't it? > Kim > > ===== Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 10, 1999 Report Share Posted November 10, 1999 Can we rename this " The Mushy Thread " ? OK, well here's my 2 cents on the topic. You seem to be making sense Matt. I learned how to love unconditionally by having pets. I'll tell ya, if anyone knew how good my dogs have it, they'd wish they were dogs. I am truly able to love them unconditionally, and gradually I am practicing making the transition to humans. Mostly by being loving in my simple interactions with them. I'm seeing changes at the workplace and with friends. It's very nice, and it's very new. Apple > Hi all. This is an interesting subject. A few days I wrote a passage in my > journal called " The Absence of Love. " In it, I attribute a lot of my > problems in life to an inablility to love others. I saw it as a trickle > down effect from my Mom and Dad. Both of them were not loved affectionately > for who they are. That got passed down to me. > I heard somewhere that its harder not being able to love than > having never been loved at all. I think that's true for me. At the end of > the day, my biggest regret is not being able to connect with other people. > Not being able to show emotion. Not being able to take the relationship > plunge. > Instead I've got these material objects to pacify me. But none of > its ever brought me contentment. I do think a human cannot be happy unless > they are able to love other humans. The irony is, in order to love others > someone has to love you first. I grew up in a household were no one was > affectionate or openly caring. I was never loved in the traditional sense. > So today as an adult I have no clue what unconditional love is. I can > only guess. And they don't teach courses in college on " how to love in a > healthy way. " I think not knowing how to love is hell on earth. Its like > being half human. Matt > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 10, 1999 Report Share Posted November 10, 1999 Hi Kim Depends how you define it. Romantic love probably isnt, but companionte love is. In total isolation, you go nuts; just simple friendly interaction, like: " Did you see the ball game last night? " is actually a kind of love which helps ppl stay sane. " Also, we are sexual creatures with sexual needs. This goes beyond mere sex itself imo, to a need for intimate affection. We can survive without it, particularly if we experience a lot of love in other areas - parenthood, friendship, etc.,but we are happier with it. Best, Pete kim rh wrote: original article:/group/12-step-free/?start=9266 > > Burns says love is not an adult human need. > This flies in the face of all the pop-psych I've ever > read. What do you think- is it a need or isn't it? > Kim > > ===== > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 10, 1999 Report Share Posted November 10, 1999 Hi Kim Depends how you define it. Romantic love probably isnt, but companionte love is. In total isolation, you go nuts; just simple friendly interaction, like: " Did you see the ball game last night? " is actually a kind of love which helps ppl stay sane. " Also, we are sexual creatures with sexual needs. This goes beyond mere sex itself imo, to a need for intimate affection. We can survive without it, particularly if we experience a lot of love in other areas - parenthood, friendship, etc.,but we are happier with it. Best, Pete kim rh wrote: original article:/group/12-step-free/?start=9266 > > Burns says love is not an adult human need. > This flies in the face of all the pop-psych I've ever > read. What do you think- is it a need or isn't it? > Kim > > ===== > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 10, 1999 Report Share Posted November 10, 1999 Hi Kim Depends how you define it. Romantic love probably isnt, but companionte love is. In total isolation, you go nuts; just simple friendly interaction, like: " Did you see the ball game last night? " is actually a kind of love which helps ppl stay sane. " Also, we are sexual creatures with sexual needs. This goes beyond mere sex itself imo, to a need for intimate affection. We can survive without it, particularly if we experience a lot of love in other areas - parenthood, friendship, etc.,but we are happier with it. Best, Pete kim rh wrote: original article:/group/12-step-free/?start=9266 > > Burns says love is not an adult human need. > This flies in the face of all the pop-psych I've ever > read. What do you think- is it a need or isn't it? > Kim > > ===== > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 12, 1999 Report Share Posted November 12, 1999 Well I would have to say that it is definitely a word tossed around a lot. Define love then define need and most of it one could do without. At this stage in my life I see love as a quality one develops for whatever or whomever that is an action more than a feeling. Something that requires commitment in order to experience it. A commitment that at times may feel terrible and at others one is glad to have yet in any event takes action. Of course one can make all kinds of commitments without love, but to be commited to something or someone out of love for it or them seems to be quite motivating to me. RA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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