Cult shock

[Guest guest]

I have to all intents and purposes left AA now, but I am sharing the opening

(i.e. the organisation) of the group in the Royal Edinburgh Hospital, the

mental hospital where I came into AA; they are good people, if a bit

misguided, and they give hope to some hopeless people, like me. In my case

it worked, and I moved onward. I don't want to leave them completely in the

lurch - there is nothing to take its place.

However I was at another meeting, normally a quite intelligent discussion

group, today, by chance as I was in the area and wanted to see who was

there. There were 4 friends of mine that I hadn't seen for a while so I was

glad to be there, educated people. But I grew irritated at the collective

dependency on their highly interventionist HP; most were 2-3 years sober and

still there because they 'needed' a meeting. Still trying to transmit

concepts that in any other context everyone there would be able to

understand, I used there language to show that my HP was an evolving one and

had now become the power of my whole, healthy self as opposed to the

inadequate power of my previous selves, disintegrated by PTSD (and Avoidant

Personality Disorder). People gave nothing in verbal or non-verbal feedback;

the 2 people who had received me to Xmas lunch last year and the year before

completely ignored me after the meeting. Generally when I speak people

listen as I usually say something interesting, but I do not really mind if

people find what I say incompatible with their belief system - that 's their

loss. However, I find it very hurtful when friends cut me out for

intractable heresy. It echoes the naughty child feeling, having to accept

the adults' illogic 'for your own good', or otherwise be cold-shouldered or

considered as bad, mad or wilful.

I won't be going back.