Way OT but...Grandma Smackdown

[Guest guest]

I wanna clone this lady and send her to Washington to represent US!!

> > Grandma Beats Up Airport Security Guards by Bob Wallace

> >

> > Charges were dropped yesterday against Ruth " Grammy " Gordon, an

> > 83-year-old wheelchair-bound grandmother, who was originally charged

with

> assault and battery, and assault with a deadly weapon, because an

> altercation she had last week with six airport security guards, that left

> all six hospitalized.

> >

> > " Justice has been served, " said the 95-pound mother of three and

> grandmother of six, as she sat in her wheelchair, aided in her breathing

by

> an oxygen bottle. " Now I'm going to sue every fool in the federal

government

> for ignorance, stupidity, and just plain general incompetence. I'm an

> American, and I won't be treated like this. "

> >

> > The problem began last month as Gordon was attempting to board an

> airplane. " These guys are supposed to be some kind of professionals, " she

> said, " but they're dumber than rocks. Here they were letting guys who

looked

> just like terrorists walk through without searching them, and then they

pull

> me aside and tell me they're going to search me? I don't think so. "

> >

> > According to one witness, Bud Cort of Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio, one guard,

> " who weighed about 300 pounds, looked like he was drunk, and had his shirt

> out, told this woman she couldn't board the plane unless they searched

her.

> He was really rude. That's when the trouble started. "

> >

> > Videotapes showed that Gordon ran the guard down with her motorized

> wheelchair, then sat on top of the screaming man while spinning her chair

in

> circles. " Doofus was so fat he couldn't get up, " said Gordon with a

giggle.

> >

> > One guard who attempted to pull Gordon's wheelchair off of the screaming

> man from behind was hit over the head with an oxygen bottle and knocked

> unconscious. A third guard, who approached Gordon from the front, was also

> left dazed on the floor. Witnesses said she was cackling, " Put your hands

on

> an old lady, will you? " as she bashed both guards.

> >

> > The tape also showed a fourth guard attempting to grab Gordon's

> wheelchair. Gordon removed a knitting needle from her purse and stabbed

him

> in his left buttock. " What a wimp, " she told reporters. " He started

> screaming and grabbing his butt and running like a puppy that someone

> kicked. "

> >

> > " It was amazing, " said another witness, a . " The whole crowd

> just stood there cheering and clapping. I mean, she was whupping butt. "

> >

> > A fifth guard that attempted to grab Gordon had the seat of his pants

set

> on fire with a cigarette lighter than had escaped detection. " He just went

> whoosh across the concourse, screaming and slapping at all these flames

> flying out of his rear, " said .

> >

> > A sixth guard did finally manage to get Gordon in a body hug. " I think

> that was the wrong thing to do, " said another witness, who declined to be

> identified. " She just grabbed him by his greasy hair with one hand and

> cracked him across the jaw with her skinny fist. And down and out he

went. "

> >

> > After all this, Gordon's chair was still sitting on top of the first

> guard. The tapes clearly showed her leaning over and yelling, " Apologize

to

> me, you fat sumbitch, or when I'm done with you you'll just be a greasy

spot

> on the floor! "

> >

> > As the crowd roared, the guard cried, " I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Uncle! I

> won't do it again! "

> >

> > Finally, Gordon surrendered without further incident, and was taken to

> jail and released on her own recognizance. " We didn't have any choice, "

said

> an unidentified officer of the court. " Over 200 people showed up to

support

> her. I think if we had demanded bail, there would have been a riot. "

> >

> > Over 20 lawyers offered to defend her for free. However, realizing the

> precariousness of the case, Gordon was not charged with anything. " I doubt

> there's a jury in the whole country that would have found her guilty of

> anything, " said one of the lawyers.

> >

> > " I'm flying again tomorrow, " Gordon told reporters. " And I suggest no

one

> at the airport so much as look at me wrong. "

>

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