Self esteem/weight

[Guest guest]

Rita wrote:

> Not always, Joe... Here in the U.S. there is a huge percentage of

> the female population who has very low self-esteem concerning

> appearance and particularly weight. Has nothing to do with feeling bad

> about a behavior; however, the obsessive dissatisfaction with

> appearance can affect future behavior, causing obsessive dieting and/or

> expensive and unnecessary plastic surgery. There are even people who

> withdraw from social activities and become hermitlike because they are

> embarrassed or uncomfortable about what they feel is an ugly body.

I am a classic example of this. I gained 100 pounds in the last 5 years and

now I can hardly

even stand to be around other people at all. They look at me differently than

they used to,

sometimes even say rude things about me being so fat.

I don't know how it is possible for me to have self esteem when so many people

seem to

regard me as an eyesore that blights their landscape. I once heard a couple of

boys sitting in

the seat behind me on a bus. They were talking about sex...who they wanted to

have it with

and who they were most repulsed by. I distinctly heard one of them say " I would

rather fuck

a woman with third degree burns all over her body and face than fuck a 200 pound

woman! "

(And that's 50 pounds thinner than I am...gasp) Another incident that hurt me

very much was

when an old college friend (about the only one who hasn't gone and embraced

steppism) was

flirting with me through email because he was a guy I had a week-long fling with

around 1988

or so. He was unaware that I had gained the 100 pounds and so he was telling me

about

how his boss had gotten the idea that his wife had a crush on him. This guy

then went on to

say that he wanted to clear it up with his boss and explain that this woman was

completely

unattractive to him because " she weighs at least 200 pounds, maybe even more "

but didn't

know if it would get him fired faster to be suspected of flirting with the

boss's wife, or telling

him that she was fat and unattractive. I wrote back to him and informed him

that my weight

had increased considerably since I knew him last. His response was something

along the

lines of " Oh my...that's really terrible...I'm sorry to hear that. " And then I

never heard from

him again.

Every fat woman goes through experiences like this. We are made to feel we have

nothing to

offer, that we are incapable of, and unsuited for, sexuality. Self esteem is

impossible for us to

feel when made to believe we are this ugly and horrible.

> can't support advising them to " do something about it " i.e. change

> their appearance, although this is quite possible with today's

> technology, because it gives undue credibility to the " I'm ugly and

> unacceptable " mindset.

But there IS credibility to it. Much as I wish there wasn't...I have

experienced too many

incidents like the one above for me to ever doubt my own ugliness. But you

didn't mention

one thing: such surgical operations are only for the very rich. I will never be

able to afford

one. It looks like I had better find some way to live with my handicap (and it

is exactly that,

a handicap.)

It would drive me to drink, if only I could. Since I have a bad liver (HCV+) I

can't even

drink one beer.

-dmt

demitria monde thraam

transmits at:

http://thraam.com