Guest guest Posted October 27, 1999 Report Share Posted October 27, 1999 Have you thought of Moderation Management? The desire to drink just left, poof, when my Mr. AA left my life. Hmmm. I actually was at a friends the other night and they handed me a drink. I had a few sips and didn't want anymore. Not because of being scared, or thinking about it, I just didn't. Nice. And awhile back I had a beautiful dinner with and a half glass of wine. It was a little celebration and I was pleasantly suprised that the compulsion to drink more than a little just was not there. So, has maturity hit? I don't know. I can take it or leave it and it is so nice to know that. also takes away the compulsion to want to. Interesting. But if I felt like getting loopy, I would stay on the course of sobriety plain and simple. I tread very carefully Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 27, 1999 Report Share Posted October 27, 1999 Have you thought of Moderation Management? The desire to drink just left, poof, when my Mr. AA left my life. Hmmm. I actually was at a friends the other night and they handed me a drink. I had a few sips and didn't want anymore. Not because of being scared, or thinking about it, I just didn't. Nice. And awhile back I had a beautiful dinner with and a half glass of wine. It was a little celebration and I was pleasantly suprised that the compulsion to drink more than a little just was not there. So, has maturity hit? I don't know. I can take it or leave it and it is so nice to know that. also takes away the compulsion to want to. Interesting. But if I felt like getting loopy, I would stay on the course of sobriety plain and simple. I tread very carefully Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 27, 1999 Report Share Posted October 27, 1999 Does anybody out drink? I was sober for 2 years and 8 months. In the last month I drank twice. I had 4 beers and 2 tequila shots on one occaission (I was celebrating breaking my sobriety) and the next day I had 4 shots of tequila. That as about 3 weeks ago. On the third day I called a friend and agreed to go back to AA. I got scared. I went to two meetings and with the help of alot of people in this group I haven't been back since. Listen, I drank frewuently and usually to get drunk. I did not however consume the insane quantities that AA former brethren consumed. 6 drinks is pretty much my limit. Usually I'd drink a couple of tall cans and pass out or go to sleep, however you prefer. I was in a rut. I became estranged from myself. I felt nervous around people and doubted myself. Being sober helped me regain a sense of self confidence and I got stuff done. Of course after a while I felt so riddled with guilt for missing committments, not following sponsor direction, etc. I started thinking about ending it all. Not seriously suicidal, but the thought popped into my head with increasing regularity. Anyways, I got away from AA. It's been about a month and a half since I left my home group and a couple weeks since I went to a meeting. I guess a question I have for myself which I would like help on is whether I can ever hope to drink successfully. Like, socially. I know that I felt alcohol was some kind of cure-all. I felt (when I was sober) that if I could just drink I'd be happy. Well, I know that aint true, but I am tired of denying myself a stupid few beers. So what if I drink a six pack if I don't do it all the time. Right? Will I lose the self esteem that I've gained from being sober? By self esteem I mean things like being around people and not drinking and being okay with that. Or laughing and dancing and not drinking. I couldn't do that before. I think I thought the alcohol was my personality, but I guess I had something to do with my personality, too. Partly I still feel an urge to buy a pint when I go to a club. Everyone is drinking so I want to do it, too. I haven't been in a club or bar really in 2 and a half years. I went out the other night to a little club/bar. I didn't drink but I went in thinking I would which helped me to want to go. I had fun anyway, but part of me doesn't know why a couple of beers seems, well, evil to me. I'm more than a partier. I know that now. But can I party sometimes and not become that? Hmmm? I'm not sure. I know that I can stop if I want to. Icould always go back to AA if I got out of control, but I do want to ever crawl back to them. I might check them (AA) out from time to time butI don't want to go in there on my hands and knees and have to turn off my brain. Which I can't do. Would I kill myself rather than go back to AA? I realize that I've got a little AA chip in my brain. I know it's in there but is there any truth to it? I made a deal with a close friend not to drink for months.His thinking being that if I can stay sober, abstinent, I regret making that committment, but I also feel safe with it. Like it gives me some boundaries. Can I set my own boundaries or am I doomed to be hopelessly out of control? Physical I feel alright when I'm drinking. I'm older now and there's no way I can or would want to drink like I did in college which is where I did my serious drinking or partying. But I started getting these voices in my head (my brain of course) telling me that I was gonna go out of control if I kept drinking and that I would die in the gutter or kill myself. I think the worst thing alcohol ever did to me was exascerbate my already low self esteem and lead my down a pathy to unreliability and inconsistency. Never resided in a gutter. In short I wasn't reaching my potential which I am committed to doing today, BUT I want to enjoy a few drinks from time to time. Enjoy some crisp wine, honey wheat beer, some of that new blue agave tequila. Don't get me wrong. I'm not looking to have one shot or one beer. I'll have a few, but not a so many that I'm stupid. I want to use it as a complement to life not as a centerpiece. Will I ever get that shaming, guilt tripping, fear generating voice out of my head? And can I at least try social drinking for a while and see how it suits me? Thanks. kiki Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 28, 1999 Report Share Posted October 28, 1999 Hi Kiki The evidence suggests that most ppl are capable of moderate drinking, especially women. However, starting drinking again soon after leaving AA may be dangerous, for as you say, you still have an AA chip in your brain that is programmed for you to fail. I would recommend joining Moderation Management (they have a list you can find on the web) and following their scheme if you want to try moderate drinking. Best, kikibaby6-@... wrote: original article:/group/12-step-free/?start=8844 > Does anybody out drink? I was sober for 2 years and 8 months. In the > last month I drank twice. I had 4 beers and 2 tequila shots on one > occaission (I was celebrating breaking my sobriety) and the next day I > had 4 shots of tequila. That as about 3 weeks ago. On the third day I > called a friend and agreed to go back to AA. I got scared. I went to > two meetings and with the help of alot of people in this group I > haven't been back since. Listen, I drank frewuently and usually to get > drunk. I did not however consume the insane quantities that AA former > brethren consumed. 6 drinks is pretty much my limit. > Usually I'd drink a couple of tall cans and pass out or go to sleep, > however you prefer. I was in a rut. I became estranged from myself. I > felt nervous around people and doubted myself. Being sober helped me > regain a sense of self confidence and I got stuff done. Of course after > a while I felt so riddled with guilt for missing committments, not > following sponsor direction, etc. I started thinking about ending it > all. Not seriously suicidal, but the thought popped into my head with > increasing regularity. Anyways, I got away from AA. It's been about a > month and a half since I left my home group and a couple weeks since I > went to a meeting. > I guess a question I have for myself which I would like help on is > whether I can ever hope to drink successfully. Like, socially. I know > that I felt alcohol was some kind of cure-all. I felt (when I was > sober) that if I could just drink I'd be happy. Well, I know that aint > true, but I am tired of denying myself a stupid few beers. So what if I > drink a six pack if I don't do it all the time. Right? Will I lose the > self esteem that I've gained from being sober? By self esteem I mean > things like being around people and not drinking and being okay with > that. Or laughing and dancing and not drinking. I couldn't do that > before. I think I thought the alcohol was my personality, but I guess I > had something to do with my personality, too. > Partly I still feel an urge to buy a pint when I go to a club. > Everyone is drinking so I want to do it, too. I haven't been in a club > or bar really in 2 and a half years. I went out the other night to a > little club/bar. I didn't drink but I went in thinking I would which > helped me to want to go. I had fun anyway, but part of me doesn't know > why a couple of beers seems, well, evil to me. I'm more than a partier. > I know that now. But can I party sometimes and not become that? Hmmm? > I'm not sure. I know that I can stop if I want to. Icould always go > back to AA if I got out of control, but I do want to ever crawl back to > them. I might check them (AA) out from time to time butI don't want to > go in there on my hands and knees and have to turn off my brain. Which > I can't do. Would I kill myself rather than go back to AA? > I realize that I've got a little AA chip in my brain. I know it's > in there but is there any truth to it? > I made a deal with a close friend not to drink for months.His > thinking being that if I can stay sober, abstinent, I regret making > that committment, but I also feel safe with it. Like it gives me some > boundaries. Can I set my own boundaries or am I doomed to be hopelessly > out of control? Physical I feel alright when I'm drinking. I'm older > now and there's no way I can or would want to drink like I did in > college which is where I did my serious drinking or partying. But I > started getting these voices in my head (my brain of course) telling me > that I was gonna go out of control if I kept drinking and that I would > die in the gutter or kill myself. I think the worst thing alcohol ever > did to me was exascerbate my already low self esteem and lead my down a > pathy to unreliability and inconsistency. Never resided in a gutter. > In short I wasn't reaching my potential which I am committed to doing > today, BUT I want to enjoy a few drinks from time to time. Enjoy some > crisp wine, honey wheat beer, some of that new blue agave tequila. > Don't get me wrong. I'm not looking to have one shot or one beer. I'll > have a few, but not a so many that I'm stupid. I want to use it as a > complement to life not as a centerpiece. > Will I ever get that shaming, guilt tripping, fear generating voice > out of my head? And can I at least try social drinking for a while and > see how it suits me? Thanks. kiki > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 28, 1999 Report Share Posted October 28, 1999 Hi Kiki The evidence suggests that most ppl are capable of moderate drinking, especially women. However, starting drinking again soon after leaving AA may be dangerous, for as you say, you still have an AA chip in your brain that is programmed for you to fail. I would recommend joining Moderation Management (they have a list you can find on the web) and following their scheme if you want to try moderate drinking. Best, kikibaby6-@... wrote: original article:/group/12-step-free/?start=8844 > Does anybody out drink? I was sober for 2 years and 8 months. In the > last month I drank twice. I had 4 beers and 2 tequila shots on one > occaission (I was celebrating breaking my sobriety) and the next day I > had 4 shots of tequila. That as about 3 weeks ago. On the third day I > called a friend and agreed to go back to AA. I got scared. I went to > two meetings and with the help of alot of people in this group I > haven't been back since. Listen, I drank frewuently and usually to get > drunk. I did not however consume the insane quantities that AA former > brethren consumed. 6 drinks is pretty much my limit. > Usually I'd drink a couple of tall cans and pass out or go to sleep, > however you prefer. I was in a rut. I became estranged from myself. I > felt nervous around people and doubted myself. Being sober helped me > regain a sense of self confidence and I got stuff done. Of course after > a while I felt so riddled with guilt for missing committments, not > following sponsor direction, etc. I started thinking about ending it > all. Not seriously suicidal, but the thought popped into my head with > increasing regularity. Anyways, I got away from AA. It's been about a > month and a half since I left my home group and a couple weeks since I > went to a meeting. > I guess a question I have for myself which I would like help on is > whether I can ever hope to drink successfully. Like, socially. I know > that I felt alcohol was some kind of cure-all. I felt (when I was > sober) that if I could just drink I'd be happy. Well, I know that aint > true, but I am tired of denying myself a stupid few beers. So what if I > drink a six pack if I don't do it all the time. Right? Will I lose the > self esteem that I've gained from being sober? By self esteem I mean > things like being around people and not drinking and being okay with > that. Or laughing and dancing and not drinking. I couldn't do that > before. I think I thought the alcohol was my personality, but I guess I > had something to do with my personality, too. > Partly I still feel an urge to buy a pint when I go to a club. > Everyone is drinking so I want to do it, too. I haven't been in a club > or bar really in 2 and a half years. I went out the other night to a > little club/bar. I didn't drink but I went in thinking I would which > helped me to want to go. I had fun anyway, but part of me doesn't know > why a couple of beers seems, well, evil to me. I'm more than a partier. > I know that now. But can I party sometimes and not become that? Hmmm? > I'm not sure. I know that I can stop if I want to. Icould always go > back to AA if I got out of control, but I do want to ever crawl back to > them. I might check them (AA) out from time to time butI don't want to > go in there on my hands and knees and have to turn off my brain. Which > I can't do. Would I kill myself rather than go back to AA? > I realize that I've got a little AA chip in my brain. I know it's > in there but is there any truth to it? > I made a deal with a close friend not to drink for months.His > thinking being that if I can stay sober, abstinent, I regret making > that committment, but I also feel safe with it. Like it gives me some > boundaries. Can I set my own boundaries or am I doomed to be hopelessly > out of control? Physical I feel alright when I'm drinking. I'm older > now and there's no way I can or would want to drink like I did in > college which is where I did my serious drinking or partying. But I > started getting these voices in my head (my brain of course) telling me > that I was gonna go out of control if I kept drinking and that I would > die in the gutter or kill myself. I think the worst thing alcohol ever > did to me was exascerbate my already low self esteem and lead my down a > pathy to unreliability and inconsistency. Never resided in a gutter. > In short I wasn't reaching my potential which I am committed to doing > today, BUT I want to enjoy a few drinks from time to time. Enjoy some > crisp wine, honey wheat beer, some of that new blue agave tequila. > Don't get me wrong. I'm not looking to have one shot or one beer. I'll > have a few, but not a so many that I'm stupid. I want to use it as a > complement to life not as a centerpiece. > Will I ever get that shaming, guilt tripping, fear generating voice > out of my head? And can I at least try social drinking for a while and > see how it suits me? Thanks. kiki > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 28, 1999 Report Share Posted October 28, 1999 Hi Kiki The evidence suggests that most ppl are capable of moderate drinking, especially women. However, starting drinking again soon after leaving AA may be dangerous, for as you say, you still have an AA chip in your brain that is programmed for you to fail. I would recommend joining Moderation Management (they have a list you can find on the web) and following their scheme if you want to try moderate drinking. Best, kikibaby6-@... wrote: original article:/group/12-step-free/?start=8844 > Does anybody out drink? I was sober for 2 years and 8 months. In the > last month I drank twice. I had 4 beers and 2 tequila shots on one > occaission (I was celebrating breaking my sobriety) and the next day I > had 4 shots of tequila. That as about 3 weeks ago. On the third day I > called a friend and agreed to go back to AA. I got scared. I went to > two meetings and with the help of alot of people in this group I > haven't been back since. Listen, I drank frewuently and usually to get > drunk. I did not however consume the insane quantities that AA former > brethren consumed. 6 drinks is pretty much my limit. > Usually I'd drink a couple of tall cans and pass out or go to sleep, > however you prefer. I was in a rut. I became estranged from myself. I > felt nervous around people and doubted myself. Being sober helped me > regain a sense of self confidence and I got stuff done. Of course after > a while I felt so riddled with guilt for missing committments, not > following sponsor direction, etc. I started thinking about ending it > all. Not seriously suicidal, but the thought popped into my head with > increasing regularity. Anyways, I got away from AA. It's been about a > month and a half since I left my home group and a couple weeks since I > went to a meeting. > I guess a question I have for myself which I would like help on is > whether I can ever hope to drink successfully. Like, socially. I know > that I felt alcohol was some kind of cure-all. I felt (when I was > sober) that if I could just drink I'd be happy. Well, I know that aint > true, but I am tired of denying myself a stupid few beers. So what if I > drink a six pack if I don't do it all the time. Right? Will I lose the > self esteem that I've gained from being sober? By self esteem I mean > things like being around people and not drinking and being okay with > that. Or laughing and dancing and not drinking. I couldn't do that > before. I think I thought the alcohol was my personality, but I guess I > had something to do with my personality, too. > Partly I still feel an urge to buy a pint when I go to a club. > Everyone is drinking so I want to do it, too. I haven't been in a club > or bar really in 2 and a half years. I went out the other night to a > little club/bar. I didn't drink but I went in thinking I would which > helped me to want to go. I had fun anyway, but part of me doesn't know > why a couple of beers seems, well, evil to me. I'm more than a partier. > I know that now. But can I party sometimes and not become that? Hmmm? > I'm not sure. I know that I can stop if I want to. Icould always go > back to AA if I got out of control, but I do want to ever crawl back to > them. I might check them (AA) out from time to time butI don't want to > go in there on my hands and knees and have to turn off my brain. Which > I can't do. Would I kill myself rather than go back to AA? > I realize that I've got a little AA chip in my brain. I know it's > in there but is there any truth to it? > I made a deal with a close friend not to drink for months.His > thinking being that if I can stay sober, abstinent, I regret making > that committment, but I also feel safe with it. Like it gives me some > boundaries. Can I set my own boundaries or am I doomed to be hopelessly > out of control? Physical I feel alright when I'm drinking. I'm older > now and there's no way I can or would want to drink like I did in > college which is where I did my serious drinking or partying. But I > started getting these voices in my head (my brain of course) telling me > that I was gonna go out of control if I kept drinking and that I would > die in the gutter or kill myself. I think the worst thing alcohol ever > did to me was exascerbate my already low self esteem and lead my down a > pathy to unreliability and inconsistency. Never resided in a gutter. > In short I wasn't reaching my potential which I am committed to doing > today, BUT I want to enjoy a few drinks from time to time. Enjoy some > crisp wine, honey wheat beer, some of that new blue agave tequila. > Don't get me wrong. I'm not looking to have one shot or one beer. I'll > have a few, but not a so many that I'm stupid. I want to use it as a > complement to life not as a centerpiece. > Will I ever get that shaming, guilt tripping, fear generating voice > out of my head? And can I at least try social drinking for a while and > see how it suits me? Thanks. kiki > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 30, 1999 Report Share Posted October 30, 1999 Hi Kiki, I drink occasionally. One and a half glasses of wine is my limit. Simply because one and a half glasses makes me pretty loopy and then I fall asleep. It is pretty funny that I can only handle such a small amount of alcohol it disproves that AA myth that when you return to drinking you are where you left off. I went for eighteen years without drinking, nine of those years were in AA. Eventually I realized that over-drinking was a behaviour not a disease. So when I returned to drinking I did so with certain personal rules of behaviour in mind. For me this was very important, I set limits and found them easy to abide by. I now know that I matured out of my destructive behaviour of my youth. I would do some research and study before jumping into drinking again. Because AA programmed us to be over drinkers. We heard this rubbish at every meeting by some poor sucker who came crawling back with his tail between his legs to tell us how awful it is to " go back out " and how you have no control over your behaviour. Rubbish! But it takes time to deprogramme that garbage out of your brain. And behaviour is often difficult to change, but definitely possible. I am glad you brought up the topic, I thought I was the only one here who drank. I sometimes felt like maybe I didn't belong here. It's great to know there are other moderate drinkers out there. Suzy I did a lot of research and soul searching before I started drinking again. Stanton Peele is a good place to start. original article:/group/12-step-free/?start=8844 > Does anybody out drink? I was sober for 2 years and 8 months. In the > last month I drank twice. I had 4 beers and 2 tequila shots on one > occaission (I was celebrating breaking my sobriety) and the next day I > had 4 shots of tequila. That as about 3 weeks ago. On the third day I > called a friend and agreed to go back to AA. I got scared. I went to > two meetings and with the help of alot of people in this group I > haven't been back since. Listen, I drank frewuently and usually to get > drunk. I did not however consume the insane quantities that AA former > brethren consumed. 6 drinks is pretty much my limit. > Usually I'd drink a couple of tall cans and pass out or go to sleep, > however you prefer. I was in a rut. I became estranged from myself. I > felt nervous around people and doubted myself. Being sober helped me > regain a sense of self confidence and I got stuff done. Of course after > a while I felt so riddled with guilt for missing committments, not > following sponsor direction, etc. I started thinking about ending it > all. Not seriously suicidal, but the thought popped into my head with > increasing regularity. Anyways, I got away from AA. It's been about a > month and a half since I left my home group and a couple weeks since I > went to a meeting. > I guess a question I have for myself which I would like help on is > whether I can ever hope to drink successfully. Like, socially. I know > that I felt alcohol was some kind of cure-all. I felt (when I was > sober) that if I could just drink I'd be happy. Well, I know that aint > true, but I am tired of denying myself a stupid few beers. So what if I > drink a six pack if I don't do it all the time. Right? Will I lose the > self esteem that I've gained from being sober? By self esteem I mean > things like being around people and not drinking and being okay with > that. Or laughing and dancing and not drinking. I couldn't do that > before. I think I thought the alcohol was my personality, but I guess I > had something to do with my personality, too. > Partly I still feel an urge to buy a pint when I go to a club. > Everyone is drinking so I want to do it, too. I haven't been in a club > or bar really in 2 and a half years. I went out the other night to a > little club/bar. I didn't drink but I went in thinking I would which > helped me to want to go. I had fun anyway, but part of me doesn't know > why a couple of beers seems, well, evil to me. I'm more than a partier. > I know that now. But can I party sometimes and not become that? Hmmm? > I'm not sure. I know that I can stop if I want to. Icould always go > back to AA if I got out of control, but I do want to ever crawl back to > them. I might check them (AA) out from time to time butI don't want to > go in there on my hands and knees and have to turn off my brain. Which > I can't do. Would I kill myself rather than go back to AA? > I realize that I've got a little AA chip in my brain. I know it's > in there but is there any truth to it? > I made a deal with a close friend not to drink for months.His > thinking being that if I can stay sober, abstinent, I regret making > that committment, but I also feel safe with it. Like it gives me some > boundaries. Can I set my own boundaries or am I doomed to be hopelessly > out of control? Physical I feel alright when I'm drinking. I'm older > now and there's no way I can or would want to drink like I did in > college which is where I did my serious drinking or partying. But I > started getting these voices in my head (my brain of course) telling me > that I was gonna go out of control if I kept drinking and that I would > die in the gutter or kill myself. I think the worst thing alcohol ever > did to me was exascerbate my already low self esteem and lead my down a > pathy to unreliability and inconsistency. Never resided in a gutter. > In short I wasn't reaching my potential which I am committed to doing > today, BUT I want to enjoy a few drinks from time to time. Enjoy some > crisp wine, honey wheat beer, some of that new blue agave tequila. > Don't get me wrong. I'm not looking to have one shot or one beer. I'll > have a few, but not a so many that I'm stupid. I want to use it as a > complement to life not as a centerpiece. > Will I ever get that shaming, guilt tripping, fear generating voice > out of my head? And can I at least try social drinking for a while and > see how it suits me? Thanks. kiki > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 30, 1999 Report Share Posted October 30, 1999 Hi Kiki, I drink occasionally. One and a half glasses of wine is my limit. Simply because one and a half glasses makes me pretty loopy and then I fall asleep. It is pretty funny that I can only handle such a small amount of alcohol it disproves that AA myth that when you return to drinking you are where you left off. I went for eighteen years without drinking, nine of those years were in AA. Eventually I realized that over-drinking was a behaviour not a disease. So when I returned to drinking I did so with certain personal rules of behaviour in mind. For me this was very important, I set limits and found them easy to abide by. I now know that I matured out of my destructive behaviour of my youth. I would do some research and study before jumping into drinking again. Because AA programmed us to be over drinkers. We heard this rubbish at every meeting by some poor sucker who came crawling back with his tail between his legs to tell us how awful it is to " go back out " and how you have no control over your behaviour. Rubbish! But it takes time to deprogramme that garbage out of your brain. And behaviour is often difficult to change, but definitely possible. I am glad you brought up the topic, I thought I was the only one here who drank. I sometimes felt like maybe I didn't belong here. It's great to know there are other moderate drinkers out there. Suzy I did a lot of research and soul searching before I started drinking again. Stanton Peele is a good place to start. original article:/group/12-step-free/?start=8844 > Does anybody out drink? I was sober for 2 years and 8 months. In the > last month I drank twice. I had 4 beers and 2 tequila shots on one > occaission (I was celebrating breaking my sobriety) and the next day I > had 4 shots of tequila. That as about 3 weeks ago. On the third day I > called a friend and agreed to go back to AA. I got scared. I went to > two meetings and with the help of alot of people in this group I > haven't been back since. Listen, I drank frewuently and usually to get > drunk. I did not however consume the insane quantities that AA former > brethren consumed. 6 drinks is pretty much my limit. > Usually I'd drink a couple of tall cans and pass out or go to sleep, > however you prefer. I was in a rut. I became estranged from myself. I > felt nervous around people and doubted myself. Being sober helped me > regain a sense of self confidence and I got stuff done. Of course after > a while I felt so riddled with guilt for missing committments, not > following sponsor direction, etc. I started thinking about ending it > all. Not seriously suicidal, but the thought popped into my head with > increasing regularity. Anyways, I got away from AA. It's been about a > month and a half since I left my home group and a couple weeks since I > went to a meeting. > I guess a question I have for myself which I would like help on is > whether I can ever hope to drink successfully. Like, socially. I know > that I felt alcohol was some kind of cure-all. I felt (when I was > sober) that if I could just drink I'd be happy. Well, I know that aint > true, but I am tired of denying myself a stupid few beers. So what if I > drink a six pack if I don't do it all the time. Right? Will I lose the > self esteem that I've gained from being sober? By self esteem I mean > things like being around people and not drinking and being okay with > that. Or laughing and dancing and not drinking. I couldn't do that > before. I think I thought the alcohol was my personality, but I guess I > had something to do with my personality, too. > Partly I still feel an urge to buy a pint when I go to a club. > Everyone is drinking so I want to do it, too. I haven't been in a club > or bar really in 2 and a half years. I went out the other night to a > little club/bar. I didn't drink but I went in thinking I would which > helped me to want to go. I had fun anyway, but part of me doesn't know > why a couple of beers seems, well, evil to me. I'm more than a partier. > I know that now. But can I party sometimes and not become that? Hmmm? > I'm not sure. I know that I can stop if I want to. Icould always go > back to AA if I got out of control, but I do want to ever crawl back to > them. I might check them (AA) out from time to time butI don't want to > go in there on my hands and knees and have to turn off my brain. Which > I can't do. Would I kill myself rather than go back to AA? > I realize that I've got a little AA chip in my brain. I know it's > in there but is there any truth to it? > I made a deal with a close friend not to drink for months.His > thinking being that if I can stay sober, abstinent, I regret making > that committment, but I also feel safe with it. Like it gives me some > boundaries. Can I set my own boundaries or am I doomed to be hopelessly > out of control? Physical I feel alright when I'm drinking. I'm older > now and there's no way I can or would want to drink like I did in > college which is where I did my serious drinking or partying. But I > started getting these voices in my head (my brain of course) telling me > that I was gonna go out of control if I kept drinking and that I would > die in the gutter or kill myself. I think the worst thing alcohol ever > did to me was exascerbate my already low self esteem and lead my down a > pathy to unreliability and inconsistency. Never resided in a gutter. > In short I wasn't reaching my potential which I am committed to doing > today, BUT I want to enjoy a few drinks from time to time. Enjoy some > crisp wine, honey wheat beer, some of that new blue agave tequila. > Don't get me wrong. I'm not looking to have one shot or one beer. I'll > have a few, but not a so many that I'm stupid. I want to use it as a > complement to life not as a centerpiece. > Will I ever get that shaming, guilt tripping, fear generating voice > out of my head? And can I at least try social drinking for a while and > see how it suits me? Thanks. kiki > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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