RE: If you could ask your child ...

November 28, 2007

To and the rest that have replied. So touching.

--- dolphintrn@... wrote:

>

> I don't have a child on the spectrum, but I am a

> new parent. I have worked with children on the

> spectrum for over 12 years and I just found myself

> in complete hysterics when I read your email. I

> guess it's still the hormones, but my heart was

> tugged at.......... and this is what I would like to

> know.

>

> 1)Why is it that when I ask you to do something you

> don't do it, but I can give you a look and you know

> what I am asking?

>

> 2)How is it that you don't know how to show

> affection appropriately, but when I am having a bad

> day, you come over and sit in my lap and play with

> my hair?

>

> 3)Where do you go when you stare off into space?

> What are you thinking? Or are you not? Can I come

> too?

>

> 4)When yout stare at nothing and then smile, who do

> you see? Can you tell them to watch over me too?

>

> 5)How is it that I can try and teach you a million

> times how to do something so simple to me, and then

> when I least expect it you do it?

>

> 6)Why is it that you can communicate fully with me

> online in a chat room, but when I see you, you can't

> even say hi?

>

> 7)How is it that you have things down to such a

> ritual, but things that should be ritualistic become

> dramatic when trying to achieve?

>

> There are just so many more questions that I

> have.... I guess the best answer that I have ever

> gotten from one of my kids that was on the spectrum

> about his brother and himself..... it went something

> like this....

>

> " He doesn't mean to jump around like that. God got

> confused. I think God gave him a bunnies brain and

> the bunny his brain.... Out there somewhere, there

> is a bunny talking up a storm! And when God gave me

> my brain, he forgot that my brain could only hold so

> much. That's why when I talk about things you don't

> understand, I have to get rid of it out of my head.

> I guess God needs to work on brains a little bit

> better, don't you think a? "

>

> Let's always remember that no matter what level on

> the spectrum our kids are on, they are in there....

> just waiting for us to show them the rainbows.

>

> a Kingsley-

>

> If you could ask your child

> ...

>

> For those of you who have children on the spectrum

> who really can't

>

> fully communicate how they feel, what they are

> thinking etc...

>

> If you were able to, just for a few minutes, or

> maybe a day have

>

> them be able to communicate with you like a typical

> child, what

>

> would you want to know? What would you ask them?

>

> For me, off the top of my head I would ask:

>

> 1) What are some things that really makes you

> happy.

>

> 2) Why do you hold objects pinched between your

> thumb and index

>

> finger with both hands and stare at it while shaking

> it in a left

>

> particular motion for 5, 10 or 20 minutes at a time.

> How does that

>

> make you feel?

>

> 3) You seem to understand so much but have trouble

> communicating.

>

> Do you know this and how does it make you feel?

>

> 4) what do you wish inside that your mom and I

> would do or

>

> understand about you but you don't know how to tell

> us?

>

> 5) Why sometimes do certain things get you so very

> upset when to us

>

> they seem so trivial? Like when your mom says " come

> eat dinner " and

>

> she has things we know you like you may just start

> screaming " I want

>

> noodles " Mom didn't make them though. There are

> none around, we

>

> show you, we know you undestand but you keep

> screaming, why? Or if

>

> we turn off the alarm to the house and forget to let

> you do it.

>

> 6) Why are you so obssesed with our cell phones and

> house phone.

>

> Why do you freak if you don't get to say good bye to

> the person we

>

> are talking to.

>

> 7) How are you so good with remembering everyone's

> phone numbers

>

> when I can't. How is it that you are so good with

> letters and

>

> memorizing words and now you are beginning to read

> by sounding out

>

> the letters?

>

> 8) Do you know, I mean do you really know what it

> means to be loved

>

> and that we love you. And, do you feel love for us?

>

=== message truncated ===

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November 30, 2007

it's very interesting if you look carefully at the questions.

The person with the autistic child asks questions on how to make the child more comfortable. Asking the questions with the understanding that the open communication would be done in a short time and doing all to make sure that they collect as much information as possible to continue to be able to make the child as happy as possible.

the person who worked with autistic children asks questions that seem to come from curiosity.

just an observation.

To: sList From: pam_pmm@...Date: Wed, 28 Nov 2007 14:18:28 -0800Subject: Re: If you could ask your child ...

To and the rest that have replied. So touching.--- dolphintrnaol wrote:> > I don't have a child on the spectrum, but I am a> new parent. I have worked with children on the> spectrum for over 12 years and I just found myself> in complete hysterics when I read your email. I> guess it's still the hormones, but my heart was> tugged at.......... and this is what I would like to> know.> > 1)Why is it that when I ask you to do something you> don't do it, but I can give you a look and you know> what I am asking?> > 2)How is it that you don't know how to show> affection appropriately, but when I am having a bad> day, you come over and sit in my lap and play with> my hair?> > 3)Where do you go when you stare off into space?> What are you thinking? Or are you not? Can I come> too?> > 4)When yout stare at nothing and then smile, who do> you see? Can you tell them to watch over me too?> > 5)How is it that I can try and teach you a million> times how to do something so simple to me, and then> when I least expect it you do it?> > 6)Why is it that you can communicate fully with me> online in a chat room, but when I see you, you can't> even say hi?> > 7)How is it that you have things down to such a> ritual, but things that should be ritualistic become> dramatic when trying to achieve?> > There are just so many more questions that I> have.... I guess the best answer that I have ever> gotten from one of my kids that was on the spectrum> about his brother and himself..... it went something> like this....> > "He doesn't mean to jump around like that. God got> confused. I think God gave him a bunnies brain and> the bunny his brain.... Out there somewhere, there> is a bunny talking up a storm! And when God gave me> my brain, he forgot that my brain could only hold so> much. That's why when I talk about things you don't> understand, I have to get rid of it out of my head.> I guess God needs to work on brains a little bit> better, don't you think a?"> > Let's always remember that no matter what level on> the spectrum our kids are on, they are in there....> just waiting for us to show them the rainbows.> > a Kingsley-> > > > > > > > > If you could ask your child> ...> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > For those of you who have children on the spectrum> who really can't > > fully communicate how they feel, what they are> thinking etc...> > > > If you were able to, just for a few minutes, or> maybe a day have > > them be able to communicate with you like a typical> child, what > > would you want to know? What would you ask them?> > > > For me, off the top of my head I would ask:> > > > 1) What are some things that really makes you> happy.> > > > 2) Why do you hold objects pinched between your> thumb and index > > finger with both hands and stare at it while shaking> it in a left > > particular motion for 5, 10 or 20 minutes at a time.> How does that > > make you feel?> > > > 3) You seem to understand so much but have trouble> communicating. > > Do you know this and how does it make you feel?> > > > 4) what do you wish inside that your mom and I> would do or > > understand about you but you don't know how to tell> us?> > > > 5) Why sometimes do certain things get you so very> upset when to us > > they seem so trivial? Like when your mom says "come> eat dinner" and > > she has things we know you like you may just start> screaming "I want > > noodles" Mom didn't make them though. There are> none around, we > > show you, we know you undestand but you keep> screaming, why? Or if > > we turn off the alarm to the house and forget to let> you do it.> > > > 6) Why are you so obssesed with our cell phones and> house phone. > > Why do you freak if you don't get to say good bye to> the person we > > are talking to.> > > > 7) How are you so good with remembering everyone's> phone numbers > > when I can't. How is it that you are so good with> letters and > > memorizing words and now you are beginning to read> by sounding out > > the letters? > > > > 8) Do you know, I mean do you really know what it> means to be loved > > and that we love you. And, do you feel love for us?> > > === message truncated ===__________________________________________________________Be a better sports nut! Let your teams follow you with Yahoo Mobile. Try it now. http://mobile.yahoo.com/sports;_ylt=At9_qDKvtAbMuh1G1SQtBI7ntAcJ Connect and share in new ways with Windows Live. Connect now!

November 30, 2007

And which category do you fall into and what would you want to know or ask?

I am surprised there has not been more of a response to this question.

From: sList [mailto:sList ] On Behalf Of Plague BeastSent: 2007-11-30 9:36 AMTo: deniseslist Subject: RE: If you could ask your child ...

it's very interesting if you look carefully at the questions. The person with the autistic child asks questions on how to make the child more comfortable. Asking the questions with the understanding that the open communication would be done in a short time and doing all to make sure that they collect as much information as possible to continue to be able to make the child as happy as possible. the person who worked with autistic children asks questions that seem to come from curiosity. just an observation.

To: sList From: pam_pmmDate: Wed, 28 Nov 2007 14:18:28 -0800Subject: Re: If you could ask your child ...

To and the rest that have replied. So touching.--- dolphintrnaol wrote:> > I don't have a child on the spectrum, but I am a> new parent. I have worked with children on the> spectrum for over 12 years and I just found myself> in complete hysterics when I read your email. I> guess it's still the hormones, but my heart was> tugged at.......... and this is what I would like to> know.> > 1)Why is it that when I ask you to do something you> don't do it, but I can give you a look and you know> what I am asking?> > 2)How is it that you don't know how to show> affection appropriately, but when I am having a bad> day, you come over and sit in my lap and play with> my hair?> > 3)Where do you go when you stare off into space?> What are you thinking? Or are you not? Can I come> too?> > 4)When yout stare at nothing and then smile, who do> you see? Can you tell them to watch over me too?> > 5)How is it that I can try and teach you a million> times how to do something so simple to me, and then> when I least expect it you do it?> > 6)Why is it that you can communicate fully with me> online in a chat room, but when I see you, you can't> even say hi?> > 7)How is it that you have things down to such a> ritual, but things that should be ritualistic become> dramatic when trying to achieve?> > There are just so many more questions that I> have.... I guess the best answer that I have ever> gotten from one of my kids that was on the spectrum> about his brother and himself..... it went something> like this....> > "He doesn't mean to jump around like that. God got> confused. I think God gave him a bunnies brain and> the bunny his brain.... Out there somewhere, there> is a bunny talking up a storm! And when God gave me> my brain, he forgot that my brain could only hold so> much. That's why when I talk about things you don't> understand, I have to get rid of it out of my head.> I guess God needs to work on brains a little bit> better, don't you think a?"> > Let's always remember that no matter what level on> the spectrum our kids are on, they are in there....> just waiting for us to show them the rainbows.> > a Kingsley-> > > > > > > > > If you could ask your child> ...> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > For those of you who have children on the spectrum> who really can't > > fully communicate how they feel, what they are> thinking etc...> > > > If you were able to, just for a few minutes, or> maybe a day have > > them be able to communicate with you like a typical> child, what > > would you want to know? What would you ask them?> > > > For me, off the top of my head I would ask:> > > > 1) What are some things that really makes you> happy.> > > > 2) Why do you hold objects pinched between your> thumb and index > > finger with both hands and stare at it while shaking> it in a left > > particular motion for 5, 10 or 20 minutes at a time.> How does that > > make you feel?> > > > 3) You seem to understand so much but have trouble> communicating. > > Do you know this and how does it make you feel?> > > > 4) what do you wish inside that your mom and I> would do or > > understand about you but you don't know how to tell> us?> > > > 5) Why sometimes do certain things get you so very> upset when to us > > they seem so trivial? Like when your mom says "come> eat dinner" and > > she has things we know you like you may just start> screaming "I want > > noodles" Mom didn't make them though. There are> none around, we > > show you, we know you undestand but you keep> screaming, why? Or if > > we turn off the alarm to the house and forget to let> you do it.> > > > 6) Why are you so obssesed with our cell phones and> house phone. > > Why do you freak if you don't get to say good bye to> the person we > > are talking to.> > > > 7) How are you so good with remembering everyone's> phone numbers > > when I can't. How is it that you are so good with> letters and > > memorizing words and now you are beginning to read> by sounding out > > the letters? > > > > 8) Do you know, I mean do you really know what it> means to be loved > > and that we love you. And, do you feel love for us?> > > === message truncated ===__________________________________________________________Be a better sports nut! Let your teams follow you with Yahoo Mobile. Try it now. http://mobile.yahoo.com/sports;_ylt=At9_qDKvtAbMuh1G1SQtBI7ntAcJ

Connect and share in new ways with Windows Live. Connect now!

December 1, 2007

I have an autistic 5 year old boy, all the time I wonder why things make him upset or sad. I want to know how to help him from getting so frustrated that he bangs his head on the floor. I want to know why, suddenly, things that he loved, now make him go off the deep end.

The list is endless but for a parent or caregiver , the questions move towards making the child more comfortable rather then curiosity.

To: sList From: jsdw100@...Date: Fri, 30 Nov 2007 19:48:25 -0500Subject: RE: If you could ask your child ...

And which category do you fall into and what would you want to know or ask?

I am surprised there has not been more of a response to this question.

From: sList [mailto:sList ] On Behalf Of Plague BeastSent: 2007-11-30 9:36 AMTo: deniseslist Subject: RE: If you could ask your child ...

it's very interesting if you look carefully at the questions. The person with the autistic child asks questions on how to make the child more comfortable. Asking the questions with the understanding that the open communication would be done in a short time and doing all to make sure that they collect as much information as possible to continue to be able to make the child as happy as possible. the person who worked with autistic children asks questions that seem to come from curiosity. just an observation.

To: sList From: pam_pmmDate: Wed, 28 Nov 2007 14:18:28 -0800Subject: Re: If you could ask your child ...

To and the rest that have replied. So touching.--- dolphintrnaol wrote:> > I don't have a child on the spectrum, but I am a> new parent. I have worked with children on the> spectrum for over 12 years and I just found myself> in complete hysterics when I read your email. I> guess it's still the hormones, but my heart was> tugged at.......... and this is what I would like to> know.> > 1)Why is it that when I ask you to do something you> don't do it, but I can give you a look and you know> what I am asking?> > 2)How is it that you don't know how to show> affection appropriately, but when I am having a bad> day, you come over and sit in my lap and play with> my hair?> > 3)Where do you go when you stare off into space?> What are you thinking? Or are you not? Can I come> too?> > 4)When yout stare at nothing and then smile, who do> you see? Can you tell them to watch over me too?> > 5)How is it that I can try and teach you a million> times how to do something so simple to me, and then> when I least expect it you do it?> > 6)Why is it that you can communicate fully with me> online in a chat room, but when I see you, you can't> even say hi?> > 7)How is it that you have things down to such a> ritual, but things that should be ritualistic become> dramatic when trying to achieve?> > There are just so many more questions that I> have.... I guess the best answer that I have ever> gotten from one of my kids that was on the spectrum> about his brother and himself..... it went something> like this....> > "He doesn't mean to jump around like that. God got> confused. I think God gave him a bunnies brain and> the bunny his brain.... Out there somewhere, there> is a bunny talking up a storm! And when God gave me> my brain, he forgot that my brain could only hold so> much. That's why when I talk about things you don't> understand, I have to get rid of it out of my head.> I guess God needs to work on brains a little bit> better, don't you think a?"> > Let's always remember that no matter what level on> the spectrum our kids are on, they are in there....> just waiting for us to show them the rainbows.> > a Kingsley-> > > > > > > > > If you could ask your child> ...> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > For those of you who have children on the spectrum> who really can't > > fully communicate how they feel, what they are> thinking etc...> > > > If you were able to, just for a few minutes, or> maybe a day have > > them be able to communicate with you like a typical> child, what > > would you want to know? What would you ask them?> > > > For me, off the top of my head I would ask:> > > > 1) What are some things that really makes you> happy.> > > > 2) Why do you hold objects pinched between your> thumb and index > > finger with both hands and stare at it while shaking> it in a left > > particular motion for 5, 10 or 20 minutes at a time.> How does that > > make you feel?> > > > 3) You seem to understand so much but have trouble> communicating. > > Do you know this and how does it make you feel?> > > > 4) what do you wish inside that your mom and I> would do or > > understand about you but you don't know how to tell> us?> > > > 5) Why sometimes do certain things get you so very> upset when to us > > they seem so trivial? Like when your mom says "come> eat dinner" and > > she has things we know you like you may just start> screaming "I want > > noodles" Mom didn't make them though. There are> none around, we > > show you, we know you undestand but you keep> screaming, why? Or if > > we turn off the alarm to the house and forget to let> you do it.> > > > 6) Why are you so obssesed with our cell phones and> house phone. > > Why do you freak if you don't get to say good bye to> the person we > > are talking to.> > > > 7) How are you so good with remembering everyone's> phone numbers > > when I can't. How is it that you are so good with> letters and > > memorizing words and now you are beginning to read> by sounding out > > the letters? > > > > 8) Do you know, I mean do you really know what it> means to be loved > > and that we love you. And, do you feel love for us?> > > === message truncated ===__________________________________________________________Be a better sports nut! Let your teams follow you with Yahoo Mobile. Try it now. http://mobile.yahoo.com/sports;_ylt=At9_qDKvtAbMuh1G1SQtBI7ntAcJ

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December 18, 2007

I am sorry it took so long for me to respond to this. I wanted

to do it earlier but have had little to no time to even take the time. Think

Ill take a shot now at sharing some of my thoughts since it is such a valued

discussion to have…

1)

Do you really understand how much I ( & Daddy) love you?

2)

You seem so happy and content even though you are different from

those around you…is it real happiness for you? Will you always be able to

find this kind of joy in life or will you be plagued by the fact that you are different

from others?

3)

Do you even realize that you are different? If not, will you

realize it in the future?

4)

Do you love your little brother? Do you realize how much he

loves you?

5)

Why is it so hard for you to stay focused…or why are you

so easily distracted…how can I make this better for you?

6)

How can I make your school experience more successful? What

would help you do better?

7)

Why will you chew paper towels and lick soap but not eat a

cookie? What do you get from putting those things in your mouth?

8)

Do you want to have a husband and family some day or will you be

able to find happiness alone? Will you be able to have a joyful life?

After reviewing this, it seems my biggest questions are about my

daughter’s future. As a 4 year old, she seems to have happiness but I worry

about whether that happiness will remain once she starts to develop an

understanding of the world around her and how she is different. There are so

many things I want for her which I equate with happiness ( a husband, kids, hobbies,

etc) but I realize those things may not bring her the same happiness that I

would expect it to. And I guess I am OK with that as long as I know she could

be happy in whatever she finds. I guess time will tell.

From:

sList [mailto:sList ] On Behalf

Of jsdw100

Sent: Monday, November 26, 2007 10:37 PM

To: sList

Subject: If you could ask your child ...

For those of you who have children on the

spectrum who really can't

fully communicate how they feel, what they are thinking etc...

If you were able to, just for a few minutes, or maybe a day have

them be able to communicate with you like a typical child, what

would you want to know? What would you ask them?

For me, off the top of my head I would ask:

1) What are some things that really makes you happy.

2) Why do you hold objects pinched between your thumb and index

finger with both hands and stare at it while shaking it in a left

particular motion for 5, 10 or 20 minutes at a time. How does that

make you feel?

3) You seem to understand so much but have trouble communicating.

Do you know this and how does it make you feel?

4) what do you wish inside that your mom and I would do or

understand about you but you don't know how to tell us?

5) Why sometimes do certain things get you so very upset when to us

they seem so trivial? Like when your mom says " come eat dinner " and

she has things we know you like you may just start screaming " I want

noodles " Mom didn't make them though. There are none around, we

show you, we know you undestand but you keep screaming, why? Or if

we turn off the alarm to the house and forget to let you do it.

6) Why are you so obssesed with our cell phones and house phone.

Why do you freak if you don't get to say good bye to the person we

are talking to.

7) How are you so good with remembering everyone's phone numbers

when I can't. How is it that you are so good with letters and

memorizing words and now you are beginning to read by sounding out

the letters?

8) Do you know, I mean do you really know what it means to be loved

and that we love you. And, do you feel love for us?

Parents, grandparents, Aunts, Uncles etc... what would you ask your

kids? What do you want to know. I am curious.

December 18, 2007