Hello (update)

[Guest guest]

Hi there, I tried to take some time off, to no avail alas I am back, well

sort of, just lurking mostly. I guess I missed a few riffs and tiffs hate to

hear of conflicts since we are all ill, glad to see Dar is slwolye on the

mend wow! what a ride that woman has been through. Im on ASAP, Letstalk and

WACMA cant read alot of it.

My pain is uncontrolabel and been doing alot of work in my professional home

studio on my film and score, takes up alot of my time so dont get peeved if I

dont write anyone right away I dont read everyday anymore Im using what

little energy I have to work and tkae care of the kids and be with husband.

We are going to California for a few days to relax as a familt ans see my

family there and visit with my Film Producer about wrokign together on my

film the guys so cool looks like Denero no sh---t, I love what I do

for a living helps me keep mind off this body whihc is tortured beyond almost

anything I can comminucate these dyas.

Ive been talking alot latley with my husband about what Truly may be going on

with me, we think my spinealcord is at its worst at this point as does my

surgeon my Syringomyelia is basicaly debilitating me at this point, but

unfortunaly so is my brain, we both figure even if I have my surgery in Jluy

Im in for another spine surgery down the road its just hard to even tell you

had bad it has gotten I was in such severe pain last night and today I was on

the verge of vomiting from sheer pain alone, Demerol helps a bit of the

Scoliosis pain but barly touches the cervical(ACM) and SM pain and its

wreaking my stomache or at least messing with whats alrday going on in there

(hiatal hernia)Diaphragm paraylisis crap and now getting scan done on Kidneys

and gallstones ecttt... Its amazing how painful a hip and leg and foot can be

total!! numbess is back in foot went away almost totaly afyter Drain in Sept

came back soon but not badly now its back with a vengance!, using canes now

aoubt 75%, and we just decided its time to use my chair again for outings I

cant bare the pain to walk anylonger and the falling down ohhh just like the

old days what joy.

I wish I could cry more, today I was tlaking to my husbadna t work and saud I

am down Im in such opain I cant cope maybe they should just fix my spine

foirst before its too late, shunt or sotmhing, fusion ? somthing ,m anything

to stop this pain.My HUMP! is back I look like the hunchback of

notredam,ha,ha,h,aha damn it I hate that hump it fhurts and its back the same

time my foot went dead, the hump went wawy too after my drain in Sept I was

so happy as I had lived with it all these years and fianly it was gone WHERE

IS THAT DARN HUMP COMING FROM?????????

I got into some heated disucssions with some freinds of mune here in Co about

them talking about my weight or shoudl I say my body the little jokes ecttt

Ive heard for 4 years bease I cant swallow hardly and cant eat mcuh anyways

or my Diaphragm cant handle it, well right now Im holing up in my house not

talking to a few freinds of mine (good freinds ) I know they love me to

death, but they will never understand fully waht I go through daily there is

just no way I sit in here and suffer so mcuh I just want to cry and cry and

dont instead I work even harder and harder so I dont sit and think to hard

and long, dont want anyone to see my pain or see me cry so now Im hiding out

then go in garage get in car and ride off somehwere close by so I dont beocme

too isolated, but inside right now I am and I have worked years now not to do

that beacuse its sooooooo not! healthy for Seriously ill people to do that,

and Im the one who always tell people to reach out.

I cant give really anything right now to anyone I just cant I am toatol;y

depleted pysicaly and emotionaly and I cant be perfect Ive been there done

that, its a dead end. Well Im so osrry to ramble I think Im a bit depresseed

here, took a Zanax tonight havent taken one of those in a very very long time

like a year!!!!!, but gotta take the Edge off, belive me if I have to take a

Zanax it means Im major stressed out.

I tahnkyou for letting me talk tonight, Im scared and beginning to think this

wont end or I will be completly wheechiar bound again( my old fear) anyways,

peace everyoine and love.

Dawn in Co

ACM 12mm?SM T-4 to T-9 (never left) Lumbar and Cervical Scoliosis, ASthma,

Hiatal hernia, Inherited lung sh--t(Genetic), Bilateral Diaphragm Paraylisis,

permanat leftside damaged from face donw to toes,Pernicious Anemia, bad bad

body bad bad brain, good heart and soul.