Toxic TV

[Guest guest]

Just need a little boost after watching TV tonight. Today was a

strange day for me. I went rock climbing with my husband and found

that I was not up to my usual standard - weaker than normal. Then

when we got home, I felt famished despite my turkey & avocado sandwich

for lunch.

But, I spent the evening watching " trash " TV, including America's Top

Model and re-runs of American Idol.

And, shockingly, after watching very skinny 18-year-olds on TV now I

feel like a huge pig! I feel like I'm eating way, way too much and I

am gaining and I can't stop. It is everything I can do to keep me

away from the Weight Watchers website right now.

I know it is a phase - that it will pass, but I wonder when I'm going

to not be terrified that I'm gaining. I've stopped weighing myself,

I've made my peace with food (most of the time), I'm really paying

attention to my hunger and satisfaction levels, my binging has been

seriously curtailed. I'm even exercising because I enjoy it. But

that nagging voice in the back of my head keeps saying " you're gaining

weight. You're gaining weight. "

I've never trusted my body to know what to do - my body has always

been the enemy, every since I was 7 years old and diagnosed with Type

I Diabetes. How can I possibly trust it now, 30 years later?

Note to self: no more America's Next Top Model. It's making me crazy.

Thanks for listening all. -