Binged today, any advice??

[Guest guest]

Hey guys,

So I had a great day yesterday but almost fell into a binge episode.

To avoid it I had to leave my house to my bros and we ended up eating

thai food. Usually I never eat the full curry chicken but this time I

ate my green curry and enjoyed every bite. Then I had some ice cream

later, butter pecan, and it tasted so good but I still felt sad that I

had to leave my place earlier to escape bingeing. I hate when I run

away from food but sometimes it feels like I'm doing the right thing.

Anyway, this morning I woke up and I wasn't feeling so hot because of

all the junk eaten yesterday so I went for a run to make myself feel

better. I felt so alive running again after 3 days of taking off so I

truly enjoyed that part but since I've had an ED in the past I'm still

holding myself back from being too healthy yet. When I do this I truly

doubt whether I'm doing the right thing because I wanted to eat

healthy today but I also have a list of taboo foods and I haven't

tried all of them yet (not that I should even try to have every single

one of them on the list.)

In any case, I went to BJ's pizza, ate a small mini by my lonesome,

although I was feeling a ton of anxiety at the time, I ate half the

pizza and saved the other half for later but I still felt way

unsatisfied. I wanted to get some ice cream or something to finish it

off but my mind was saying " no, food will always be there, you've had

enough for now " . Anywya I ended up going to Albertsons and buying a

salad because I couldn't control my hunger although I knew that the

best thing is probably just finish off the pizza or eat some frozen

yogurt which I wanted.

After, I came home, but being half satisfied food was still on my

mind. I sat down to play some video games but kept thinking about my

laundry to do, but also being somewhat scared of bingeing/going

overboard. Finally when I decided to get up an hour later I couldn't

control and I went into the fridge, ate the other half of the pizza

and then had some focaccia bread along with it. Still not fully

satisfied, probably due to waiting so long, I felt like eating a

brownie but once again started to peruse binge eating behaviors by

trying to avoid it. Fortunately due to this book I didn't do much

eating around it until I decided to give myself the brownie but I only

had half and still wasn't satisfied, but I said this time I have to be

done, so I walked away.

Anyway, I'm heading out now, but just a few minutes ago when I

realized I'm not going to be home till 12pm tonight, right now it's

6:00pm, I felt like I'm not allowing myself food, even though my

biological hunger is at a level 7 or 8. Maybe I felt I hadn't eaten

enough today or at least that I may not get to eat again so I ended up

walking into the kitchen, but fearing that I'm going against my IE

principles I tried avoiding food, but couldn't do it, I ended up

pouring cereal which I didn't want, then finally decided to eat half a

sandwich, and that didn't fully satisfy me either, so I ended up

following some binge behavior by snacking on stuff in the cupboard and

even sipping sugar free syrup. I need guidance and help because I feel

I've gone backwards again. What's wrong with me? Am I trying to make

IE like a diet for myself? Any help would be appreciated? Thanks.