Re: doubting ie, so angry!!!! long

[Guest guest]

Hi , I find visiting with my family (no matter how much I love them) is a source of stress and anxiety - mostly because of my wieght and their perceptions about what I am doing or not doing to fix it. Your feelings are perfectly normal. You can't change other people or even their mindset. I once had a talk with my mother about accepting me the way I am. She doesn't get it. Her heart may be in the right place but her mind isn't and it won't be. I've stopped expecting her to be something that she isn't but it still frustrates me too. Eat and drink if you want to but don't let them get the best of you. p.s. kicking and screaming after a family visit can be good. so is kickboxing. Mar alex hinrichsen wrote: dear friends, i just visited my family for the weekend. overall it was a very nice fun visit. but in the end i had a little talk with my aunt. to understand what she means to me let me explain that she brought me up together and my mother. so she is also like my mother to me. anyways, i was a fat girl all my life, while my aunt has always been bordering on anorexic, and my ma has been anorexic, bulemic, and a binge eater. since i have been a fat kid almost form the beginning they made me go on uncountable

diets form age 4. i really, really believe that i am genetically fat. not programmed to be as heavy as i am now, though. my current weight is due to all the dieting i went through for 30 years and the resulting disordered eating. i forbid my mother and my aunt to make any comments about my weight anymore some years ago. we had a huge fight over that but after several months they left me alone. (during those months i refused to speak to them). they have been pretty good about that most of the time since then although i know they still think my weight is somehow my fault. well, during the last year i went through some life style changes: i quit smoking, put on quite a bit more weight and became a vegetarian - for purely ethical reasons. it had nothing to do with weight loss. some weeks ago i even decided to vegan when at home. so one day

my aunt visited me and noticed i didn't have milk in the house. so she asked why. i explained it to her. she was really excited about it and thought it was an excellent idea. i know i should have been suspicious but i'm sometimes still very, very naive. so, just before i left today she told she was so happy for me because she was absolutely sure if along with my new eating style i'd take up walking again i must lose a lot of weight. i am so hurt and soooo angry. i want to eat pizza and drink coke without stopping so that i will NEVER lose a pound again in my life just to not give in to her and this kind of discrimination. right now i am not even sure anymore, if ie is what i want to do. it hurts me to do something that is so focused on weight loss. i want my weight to be ok. i don't want to buy into this bloody discrimination of fat and fat people any longer. i want to be who i am and I AM FAT. always was,

always will be. #i can't stand it any longer. thanks for even reading this tirade. alex Was Sie schon immer wissen wollten aber nie zu Fragen trauten? Yahoo! Clever hilft Ihnen.

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[Guest guest]

Hang in there , we all support you here. I think even if our basic

stories are different, we all know the pain of weight issues. Hug

yourself from me. (Alles Gut!)

>

> dear friends,

>

> i just visited my family for the weekend. overall it was a very

nice fun visit. but in the end i had a little talk with my aunt. to

understand what she means to me let me explain that she brought me up

together and my mother. so she is also like my mother to me.

>

> anyways, i was a fat girl all my life, while my aunt has always

been bordering on anorexic, and my ma has been anorexic, bulemic, and

a binge eater. since i have been a fat kid almost form the beginning

they made me go on uncountable diets form age 4. i really, really

believe that i am genetically fat. not programmed to be as heavy as i

am now, though. my current weight is due to all the dieting i went

through for 30 years and the resulting disordered eating.

>

> i forbid my mother and my aunt to make any comments about my

weight anymore some years ago. we had a huge fight over that but after

several months they left me alone. (during those months i refused to

speak to them).

>

> they have been pretty good about that most of the time since then

although i know they still think my weight is somehow my fault.

>

> well, during the last year i went through some life style changes:

i quit smoking, put on quite a bit more weight and became a vegetarian

- for purely ethical reasons. it had nothing to do with weight loss.

>

> some weeks ago i even decided to vegan when at home. so one day my

aunt visited me and noticed i didn't have milk in the house. so she

asked why. i explained it to her. she was really excited about it and

thought it was an excellent idea. i know i should have been suspicious

but i'm sometimes still very, very naive.

>

> so, just before i left today she told she was so happy for me

because she was absolutely sure if along with my new eating style i'd

take up walking again i must lose a lot of weight.

>

> i am so hurt and soooo angry. i want to eat pizza and drink coke

without stopping so that i will NEVER lose a pound again in my life

just to not give in to her and this kind of discrimination. right now

i am not even sure anymore, if ie is what i want to do. it hurts me to

do something that is so focused on weight loss. i want my weight to be

ok. i don't want to buy into this bloody discrimination of fat and fat

people any longer. i want to be who i am and I AM FAT. always was,

always will be.

> #i can't stand it any longer.

>

> thanks for even reading this tirade.

>

> alex

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Was Sie schon immer wissen wollten aber nie zu Fragen trauten?

Yahoo! Clever hilft Ihnen.

>

[Guest guest]

Dear , I read your email twice. I can understand why you're angry and want to eat. Your aunt's remark has turned your vegan diet into a weight loss diet when that wasn't why you started it in the first place. And just to prove that, you want to pig out. Makes sense to me. Grrrrr, I would be furious. BUT, keep this in mind: it sounds like your aunt and your mom have major issues with food, and we all know that beneath the food issues lurk all sorts of other issues. So they're not exactly in a very good position to be telling you what to eat. They are so focused on weight and food and thin that that's all they think about for YOU, too. They think that because they are thin, that you can/should be thin, too. Maybe the best way to show them that you're not buying into their dysfunction is by being happy with who you are, fat or not-so-fat. I would

rather hang out with a fat person who is accepting of her weight and thinks about enjoying life, than a thin (or fat) person who has a bunch of diet hangups (like me). So you'll never be thin. So what? The important thing is that you accept you, then you can get on with your life. Hang in there, , go do something fun! Joanalex hinrichsen wrote: dear friends, i just visited my family for the weekend. overall it was a very nice fun visit. but in the end i had a little talk with my aunt. to understand what she means to me let me explain that she brought me up together and my mother. so she is also like my mother to me. anyways, i was a fat girl all my life, while my aunt has always been bordering on anorexic, and my ma has been anorexic, bulemic, and a binge eater. since i have been a fat kid almost form the beginning they made me go on uncountable diets form age 4. i really, really believe that i am genetically fat. not programmed to be as heavy as i am now, though. my current weight is due to all the dieting i went through for 30 years and the resulting disordered eating. i forbid my mother and my aunt to make any comments about my weight anymore some years ago. we had a huge fight over that but after several months they left me alone. (during

those months i refused to speak to them). they have been pretty good about that most of the time since then although i know they still think my weight is somehow my fault. well, during the last year i went through some life style changes: i quit smoking, put on quite a bit more weight and became a vegetarian - for purely ethical reasons. it had nothing to do with weight loss. some weeks ago i even decided to vegan when at home. so one day my aunt visited me and noticed i didn't have milk in the house. so she asked why. i explained it to her. she was really excited about it and thought it was an excellent idea. i know i should have been suspicious but i'm sometimes still very, very naive. so, just before i left today she told she was so happy for me because she was absolutely sure if along with my new eating style i'd take up walking again i must

lose a lot of weight. i am so hurt and soooo angry. i want to eat pizza and drink coke without stopping so that i will NEVER lose a pound again in my life just to not give in to her and this kind of discrimination. right now i am not even sure anymore, if ie is what i want to do. it hurts me to do something that is so focused on weight loss. i want my weight to be ok. i don't want to buy into this bloody discrimination of fat and fat people any longer. i want to be who i am and I AM FAT. always was, always will be. #i can't stand it any longer. thanks for even reading this tirade. alex Was Sie schon immer wissen wollten aber nie zu Fragen trauten? Yahoo! Clever hilft Ihnen.

[Guest guest]

Are you really doubting ie?

It sounds to me like you're having difficulties coping with the fact

that you think your mother and your aunt's love for you is

conditional. It's a terrible feeling. You want them to love you as

you are, therefore you subconciously sabotage yourself every time you

make progress because you want them to love you as you are. For them,

they've equated fat with failure, lack of control...they've had these

issues with themselves, and you become an extension of themselves

that they fear, a part of themselves they've been trying to suppress

and keep down. Deep down, they're like you, too.

When they talk to you and tell you you need to lose weight,in a sense

they are speaking to themselves. They become the Food Police that

criticizes THEM all the time, and extend that criticism to you.

Please understand that while they may have a genuine concern for your

health and happiness, a lot of what they say to you is them

projecting their own issues. I know it's difficult to separate

yourself from what they are saying, but try to take pity on them.

They are caught in their disorders and may never have the strength to

try and get back in touch with themselves and start learning to eat

intuitively. It takes strength, it takes courage, it takes a

TREMENDOUS will to grow and get to know yourself to endeavor into the

world of Intuitive Eating.

Do it all for yourself; you are your own child that needs to be taken

care of. It's your responsability to yourself. They may not love you

unconditionally, but you are there for yourself and that's worth more

than anything in the world.

Good luck!

[Guest guest]

Hey,

I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this with your aunt all

the time. Comments from family can get really rough. But, maybe you

could think about it along the lines of your aunt wants you to lose

weight b/c in her mind, that is what makes people happy -- being

thin. So, in a warped way maybe this is just her way of wanting

happiness for you. Of course, I have no idea if this is the way it

really is, it's just a suggestion.

Anyway, the way you were talking reminded me of a book I read called

The Fat Girl's Guide to Life by Shanker. Have you read it?

It's really good. It's funny and just really relaxed me when I read

it.

> so, just before i left today she told she was so happy for me

because she was absolutely sure if along with my new eating style i'd

take up walking again i must lose a lot of weight.

>

> i am so hurt and soooo angry. i want to eat pizza and drink coke

without stopping so that i will NEVER lose a pound again in my life

just to not give in to her and this kind of discrimination. right now

i am not even sure anymore, if ie is what i want to do. it hurts me

to do something that is so focused on weight loss. i want my weight

to be ok. i don't want to buy into this bloody discrimination of fat

and fat people any longer. i want to be who i am and I AM FAT. always

was, always will be.

> #i can't stand it any longer.

>

> thanks for even reading this tirade.

>

> alex

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Was Sie schon immer wissen wollten aber nie zu Fragen trauten?

Yahoo! Clever hilft Ihnen.

>

[Guest guest]

,

I am new to the group, but your post hit a nerve for me so I am

replying before I introduce myself.

I am an aspiring vegan as well, and I just want to let you know that

being a vegan is NOT a way to lose weight. Try the cookbook " Vegan

Cupcakes Take Over the World " if you don't believe me. (I especially

like the Red Velveteen cupcakes.) Some of the substitutions I make

are both delicious and high in calories, like my cashew pizza

" cheese. " Other things are delicious but low in calories like tofu

scramble or greens. It's a mix.

I've struggled a bit trying to integrate IE with veganism because in

the vegan mindset, some foods are definitely " bad " since they cause

suffering. Anyway, it is a process. I hope you can accept your self

no matter what your family thinks. I think it is really beautiful

that you are trying to cause less suffering with your eating choices.

[Guest guest]

,

I am new to the group, but your post hit a nerve for me so I am

replying before I introduce myself.

I am an aspiring vegan as well, and I just want to let you know that

being a vegan is NOT a way to lose weight. Try the cookbook " Vegan

Cupcakes Take Over the World " if you don't believe me. (I especially

like the Red Velveteen cupcakes.) Some of the substitutions I make

are both delicious and high in calories, like my cashew pizza

" cheese. " Other things are delicious but low in calories like tofu

scramble or greens. It's a mix.

I've struggled a bit trying to integrate IE with veganism because in

the vegan mindset, some foods are definitely " bad " since they cause

suffering. Anyway, it is a process. I hope you can accept your self

no matter what your family thinks. I think it is really beautiful

that you are trying to cause less suffering with your eating choices.

[Guest guest]

,

Honour YOU....whatever that looks like. It sounds like your Mother and

your Aunt are also sick people. Defiance really only hurts us. We're

standing right here behind you! Hang in there!

Audrey

[Guest guest]

,

Honour YOU....whatever that looks like. It sounds like your Mother and

your Aunt are also sick people. Defiance really only hurts us. We're

standing right here behind you! Hang in there!

Audrey

[Guest guest]

,

Honour YOU....whatever that looks like. It sounds like your Mother and

your Aunt are also sick people. Defiance really only hurts us. We're

standing right here behind you! Hang in there!

Audrey

[Guest guest]

Just interjecting this as it struck me to do so -

my cousin introduced me to the idea of using cauliflower instead of

pasta in some dishes. And while Goulash made with chicken isn't

vegetarian, it does taste good and is filling/satisfying without

served over oodles of noodles

>

> ,

>

> I am new to the group, but your post hit a nerve for me so I am

> replying before I introduce myself.

>

> I am an aspiring vegan as well, and I just want to let you know that

> being a vegan is NOT a way to lose weight. Try the cookbook " Vegan

> Cupcakes Take Over the World " if you don't believe me. (I especially

> like the Red Velveteen cupcakes.) Some of the substitutions I make

> are both delicious and high in calories, like my cashew pizza

> " cheese. " Other things are delicious but low in calories like tofu

> scramble or greens. It's a mix.

>

> I've struggled a bit trying to integrate IE with veganism because in

> the vegan mindset, some foods are definitely " bad " since they cause

> suffering. Anyway, it is a process. I hope you can accept your self

> no matter what your family thinks. I think it is really beautiful

> that you are trying to cause less suffering with your eating choices.

>

>

>