Free At Last?

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone!

Well yesterday was my first whole day of truly listening to my

hunger. Wow! I was truly amazed at just how much I wasn't hungry

before but ate anyways out of anger, sadness or boredome mostly!

This tells me how much I was eating just to eat. A definite eye

opener. I also took alot of comfort in knowing that the food was

there if I wanted it, but to get to it I had to really be hungry.

The day turned out great, I felt as if a huge weight's been lifted

off my shoulders. I think I actually slept better than I can ever

remember!

A little about me...

I have been overweight my whole life (or so I was told by my mom)

and been on a perpetual diet since I think the age of 12. As a

little girl, around 7 I can remember my mom poking me (picture

Pillsbury dough boy poke) and telling me I was getting fat. She

continued to do this growing up and would start to tell me I needed

to get busy with the exercise and quit eating crap. Uh, well,

aren't you the one buying it?? While I grew up watching her cycle

from one diet to another (she was thin up until I was about 13)

while she fed the rest of the family sugary fatty foods. Can you

say mixed messages? lol Needless to say I grew up thinking I was

gigantic when looking back at pictures I clearly was not as big as

she'd made me out to feel. I was maybe 5-10lbs (if that) heavier

than my friends. I remember feeling so out of place, constantly

just being the wallflower, calling no attention to myself. At the

age of 12 I was put on a liquid diet, thus beginning my foray into

binge eating. The binge eating continues to this day, something that

I desperately want to let go of.

For the first time I am actually excited to be finding out what

*I'm* all about. I feel as if I've been waiting my whole life to

actually MATTER. As if I had to lose all the weight, be a perfect

size in order to be somebody. It is such a foreign concept to me to

know that it's perfectly alright to " just be " . I am excited!!

Yesterday was a great day. I listened to my hunger sounds, ate what

I wanted, when I wanted and realized that I actually could eat

within the normal range and not binge and be satisfied. Again, the

whole idea of knowing that there was more food available when I was

hungry again. It was perfectly ok to eat again in an hour if I was

truly hungry. No timetables!! While I did still indulge in some dark

chocolate after dinner, I was able to only eat 3 squares instead of

the entire bar. What I realized was that I never take the time to

savor anything!! What a concept! lol Progress!

Anyways, just wanted to share my excitement in the new things I am

learning. I have to tell you, the support and advice that is given

here, truly inspring! Thanks for sharing, you're all amazing!

¢¾danielle