Being older - humor - Not food related but maybe good for talks

[Guest guest]

Not diet related, but some good fodder if you're presenting to older

crowds. Might bring a couple chuckles.

Jan Patenaude, RD

____________________________________

No Refills

THE OLDER CROWD

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. 'Is it true,' she

wanted to know, 'that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for

the rest of my life?'

'Yes, I'm afraid so,' the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, I'm

wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is

marked 'NO REFILLS'.'

***********************

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he

insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was

about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son.'Yes, Dad, what is

it?' 'Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't

go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live

with you and your wife....'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your

age and start bragging about it.

---------------------------------

(My favorite)

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

---------------------------------

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me! I want

people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some

of the roads weren't paved.

********************

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of

Algebra.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

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One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a

nice change from being young.

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Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

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First you forget names, then you

forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. It's worse when you

forget to pull it down.

---------------------------------

Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called

witchcraft.

Today, it's called golf.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two old guys are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide.

The first old guy says

to the second guy, 'Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I

guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.

The second old guy says, 'That's OK; it's a coincidence. I'm looking for

my wife, too.' I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.'

The first old guy says, 'Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does

she look like?'

'The second old guy says, 'Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair,

blue eyes, long legs, and is wearing short shorts.

What does your wife look like?'

To which the first old guy says, 'Doesn't matter, --- let's look for

yours.'

*********************

Lord, Keep your arm around my shoulder, and, your hand over my mouth.

Jan Patenaude, RD, CLT

Consultant, Writer, Speaker

Director of Medical Nutrition

Signet Diagnostic Corporation

(Mountain Time)

Fax:

DineRight4@...

" Better to love the diet that keeps you well than fear the diet that made

you ill. "

Specialist in IBS, migraine, fibromyalgia and inflammatory conditions

which are often triggered by adverse reactions to foods and chemicals.

Co-Author of the Certified LEAP Therapist Training Course.