People saying silly things.

January 21, 2002

Hi. Argh. I just shared my pregnancy with a woman I work with. She

knew that I had found out I had a uterine anomaly, that I wanted to

get pregnant and that there are risks.

She was VERY excited for me which was nice. She has a 10 year old

son, but did have a miscarriage first. She also tried to have a 2nd

child and did IVF but was unsuccessful and eventually gave up due to

age.

So, we were talking and she was telling me about her miscarriage,

asking me about my risks and so forth. Then, she said, " well if

anything does happen......I was at least relieved to know that I

could get pregnant. " Argh. Does she really think I want to hear " if

anything does happen..... " I just said I was trying to be positive

and not to think about the risks, although I am aware of them. She

asked a few more quesitons and then backed off.

She wasn't being malicious, but it really upset me! Anyway, just

wanted to vent. I'm tired today and bored at work and wish I was

home

Thanks for listening. I just wish I could hide from the thought/word -

miscarriage.

Tara

January 21, 2002

I wish I could say it gets better. But, unfortunately, I have just come to

believe that people say things without putting them into the perspective of

who they are saying it to.

> Then, she said, " well if anything does happen......I was at least relieved

to know that I

> could get pregnant. " Argh. Does she really think I want to hear " if

> anything does happen..... " I just said I was trying to be positive

> and not to think about the risks, although I am aware of them.

When I first got pregnant, I received a few of the " well at least you know

you can get pregnant now " comments from people who knew of my recently

diagnosed MA. Meanwhile I was fearful of a miscarriage each & every day.

I'm now in my ninth month & I am constantly hearing " little " I am & " how so

& so was so much bigger " than me... on & on & on. It got to the point one

day that a co-worker who I normally eat lunch with said that she was sick of

hearing people tell me that, so she could only imagine how sick I was of

hearing it.

I used to jump on the defensive & reply back with the full statistics of my

weight gain, fundal height, etc. all being within normal ranges. But, now

I've just come up with a blanket statement of " Everyone carries

differently. "

Maybe we can submit a Top Ten List to Letterman about the top ten

things NOT to say to a pregnant woman no matter how well intended your

comment may be.

Take care & try to keep up the positive attitude (no matter what someone

says to you).

Tammy

UD

January 21, 2002

No words of advice, just that I'm thinking *positive* thoughts for

you.

January 21, 2002

No words of advice, just that I'm thinking *positive* thoughts for

you.

January 21, 2002

Tara and Tammy,

I have no great words of wisdom, just wanted to say that I've been in

your shoes, 3 times over. First, the " well at least you got PG "

comments, and then the " you hardly look pregnant, you're so small "

comments in all my 3 pregnancies. The latter comments happened all

the way into my 9th month. It was particularly hard to take since

all my pregnancies had a potential diagnosis of IUGR and I really

didn't feel like getting into my long, complicated reproductive

history with casual aquaintances. By my third PG, I just learned to

say " well, I'm just lucky I guess " . Or alternately - " it's just one

of the advantages of being tall " (I'm 5' 10 " ).

I think you just need to learn to ignore things and let them go.

People truly can't put themselves in our shoes, or don't take the

trouble to think through casual comments. I know they mean no harm

but it doesn't make it easier to take. Hang in there, hopefully you

won't get too many more of these charming comments.

Lia

January 21, 2002