Guest guest Posted December 29, 2001 Report Share Posted December 29, 2001 Hi there. I'm sorry that your boyfriend is being so unsupportive. I think that many men just don't know what to do - and this is a problem they can't fix! I really can't say much without knowing him, but have you considered couples therapy? It can be so helpful! My DH has been supportive, but if this happened years ago, I don't think that would have been true. And, don't get me wrong, we've had our fights. But, overall........ I wish you lots of luck. And, please vent here if you need to. Tara a > Hello Everyone, > I am so stressed out right now. My boyfriend and I > are having serious problems, the main one being that > he is so unsupportive of me and my recent medical > condition ( septate uterus ). How has your > significant others coped with this stuff with you and > have they been supportive for you? I think I may have > picked a sour apple! ANY coments are welcome! > Thanks! -AMY > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2001 Report Share Posted December 29, 2001 Hi there. I'm sorry that your boyfriend is being so unsupportive. I think that many men just don't know what to do - and this is a problem they can't fix! I really can't say much without knowing him, but have you considered couples therapy? It can be so helpful! My DH has been supportive, but if this happened years ago, I don't think that would have been true. And, don't get me wrong, we've had our fights. But, overall........ I wish you lots of luck. And, please vent here if you need to. Tara a > Hello Everyone, > I am so stressed out right now. My boyfriend and I > are having serious problems, the main one being that > he is so unsupportive of me and my recent medical > condition ( septate uterus ). How has your > significant others coped with this stuff with you and > have they been supportive for you? I think I may have > picked a sour apple! ANY coments are welcome! > Thanks! -AMY > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2001 Report Share Posted December 29, 2001 <<I am so stressed out right now. My boyfriend and I are having serious problems, the main one being that he is so unsupportive of me and my recent medical condition ( septate uterus ). How has your significant others coped with this stuff with you and have they been supportive for you? I think I may have picked a sour apple! ANY coments are welcome!>> Hi Amy, Sorry that you are having so much stress right now. I sometimes think men are from a different planet when it comes to reproduction. For every involved, interested and supportive man, there are probably three who would like to deliver the sperm and then be notified when the baby arrives. I might be exaggerating a little. . . When I was diagnosed, my husband was really shocked, but responded with humor and encouragement. He sat down beside me and said the same thing my doctor had, which was " Don't you see? This is why you lost the baby. " If anything has been less than ideal, it's that he is convinced that my subsequent surgery fixed everything and that we will definitely have a baby. I appreciate the optimism, but also wish I could feel as good as he does about our chances. His persistent sunniness about the odds makes me feel a little alone. He also flips out in hospitals, so I don't ask him to come along to the artificial inseminations, surgeries, HSGs, or anything related to testing or conception. Because I know how deeply he feels for the babies I conceive, this is okay with me . . . I guess we are strong for each other where we really need to be. Perhaps this is a tolerance that has come with 11 years of marriage. IMHO, having a husband over a boyfriend is so much nicer all around. Husbands have been trained. LOL. Beth -- full septum reduced to partial septum Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2001 Report Share Posted December 29, 2001 <<I am so stressed out right now. My boyfriend and I are having serious problems, the main one being that he is so unsupportive of me and my recent medical condition ( septate uterus ). How has your significant others coped with this stuff with you and have they been supportive for you? I think I may have picked a sour apple! ANY coments are welcome!>> Hi Amy, Sorry that you are having so much stress right now. I sometimes think men are from a different planet when it comes to reproduction. For every involved, interested and supportive man, there are probably three who would like to deliver the sperm and then be notified when the baby arrives. I might be exaggerating a little. . . When I was diagnosed, my husband was really shocked, but responded with humor and encouragement. He sat down beside me and said the same thing my doctor had, which was " Don't you see? This is why you lost the baby. " If anything has been less than ideal, it's that he is convinced that my subsequent surgery fixed everything and that we will definitely have a baby. I appreciate the optimism, but also wish I could feel as good as he does about our chances. His persistent sunniness about the odds makes me feel a little alone. He also flips out in hospitals, so I don't ask him to come along to the artificial inseminations, surgeries, HSGs, or anything related to testing or conception. Because I know how deeply he feels for the babies I conceive, this is okay with me . . . I guess we are strong for each other where we really need to be. Perhaps this is a tolerance that has come with 11 years of marriage. IMHO, having a husband over a boyfriend is so much nicer all around. Husbands have been trained. LOL. Beth -- full septum reduced to partial septum Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2001 Report Share Posted December 29, 2001 Amy, I wish I had some magic " fix it " advice, but all I can offer you is my support. I know from experience how hard it is to process and deal with the diagnosis of a uterine anomaly itself, never mind dealing with the lack of support of those closest to you. My heart goes out to you, I am so sorry you have to go through this all at once. I knew about my MA for some time before I shared it with my husband, we really didn't get into discussions about it until I got pregnant. I guess my feeling was that with UD, there was no surgical intervention possible, so there wasn't anything to be " done " . I know your situation is different with a septate, and I think you probably need the support all the more, with all the diagnostics and possible correction ahead of you. I don't know the specifics of what you mean by " unsupportive " , but I just wanted to offer the possibility that perhaps he just doesn't know how to deal with the news or doesn't know how to " help " you. My husband is very action/solution oriented and he reacts with frustration when there isn't anything he can do to " fix " the problem. Sometimes we just need an empathetic ear and men can sometimes not know how to provide that. When I was first pregnant, I obsessed endlessly about what-if's, all the POSSIBLE complications and scenarios. My husband tended to dismiss these, until/unless they were actually happening. This used to upset me because I also felt he was unsupportive or making light of a serious situation, but I guess he just had a different approach to coping. Maybe therapy could be an option for you to try to figure out specifically what you need and what is stopping him from being there for you. Big hugs to you, I hope your situation improves and you find some common ground towards understanding and support for your road ahead. Keep in touch here, I think a lot of us understand where you're coming from. Take care, Lia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 29, 2001 Report Share Posted December 29, 2001 I'm so sorry this is adding to your stress over your new reproductive diagnosis. I agree with Beth that all men handle these things differently, but that husband vs. boyfriend would probably work out better. My hubby is from a large family, yet is so sweet about our (my!) problem, and is content with our 3 year old miracle. He has been to drs. appts., " donated samples " and more. Again, we've been married for 6.5 years and together for 9+, so these things are part of our life together. Is your boyfriend's reaction a surprise to you? Is this out-of-character for him? Does he need time to adjust? Were you talking about getting married, and then this is changing things? You may have more to think about than just his reaction to this ... Hang in there, try not to stress too much about someone you may not be able to change. Take care -- Kate > > <html><body> > > > <tt> > Hello Everyone,<BR> > I am so stressed out right now. & nbsp; My boyfriend and I<BR> > are having serious problems, the main one being that<BR> > he is so unsupportive of me and my recent medical<BR> > condition ( septate uterus ). & nbsp; How has your<BR> > significant others coped with this stuff with you and<BR> > have they been supportive for you? & nbsp; I think I may have<BR> > picked a sour apple! ANY coments are welcome!<BR> > Thanks! & nbsp; -AMY<BR> > <BR> > __________________________________________________<BR> > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 1, 2002 Report Share Posted January 1, 2002 Amy, I am sorry about your bf. How long have you been with him? Are you guys going to get married? I strongly suggest you both see a counselor before you get married. I did and that has helped a lot! My husband has been very supportive of my medical conditions. It s important that you get support from your partner for your medical problems. That s what the marriage is all about! Hang in there and let us know how it goes with your bf. Rita Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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