Guest guest Posted December 14, 2006 Report Share Posted December 14, 2006 Hi Deanna. I can certainly sympathize with your situation! It is great to have a therapist to go to when facing challenges like the ones you mention. I was wondering if you have asked your therapist if she accepts a sliding scale payment (lower payment from people who can't afford quite as much). In my experience, some therapists do accept this type of payment since insurance often doesn't cover therapy. When I first started therapy (years ago) my therapist charged me a lot less than he does now, since I was just starting my job and couldn't afford much. I believe he charges some of his other patients a lower rate since they also can't afford a lot. But now that I have insurance that reimburses me for my visits, I pay more. My understanding is that this is a common practice. It doesn't hurt to ask! It may be a better solution than asking your parents for help if you feel that their help would bring up other issues for you. Good luck with everything! - Janet need advice please Hi guys.Well, I need everyone's opinion on something that I'm kind of struggling with here. I know most of you know the situation I'm in with my husband, in his current mental state, with his depression and panic attacks and phobias and huge amounts of paranoia, including some hallucinations, on top of his physical pain and limitations which stop him from doing most anything around the house.Also, I have my major depression and anxiety and am trying alone to recover from bulimia and compulsive overeating. I'm taking care of the house, trying to start working from home for my brother starting on Jan. 1st, doing college through a home school, and bringing in not really enough money to pay our bills through my disability payment, so we take out of savings every month right now.Here's my struggle: I really feel like going back to my therapist, who I haven't seen in at least 6-9 months, would probably help me alot. She always had a great calming steadying effect on me, kind of giving me strength to keep on going til the next time I saw her. Obviously, I have no money to go see her.However, in May of 2005, when I got out of my last eating disorder treatment center, my parents and I decided that as long I as wanted to continue therapy, they would pay for it, until I could pay for it again. Which they did for awhile, til my hubby got a job, and we continued to pay for it on our own. Even after he lost his job, I tried to pay for it for awhile, but just couldn't and had to stop so long ago.I want to ask my parents to pay for therapy for me, to go back even for awhile, even maybe once every other week. I really want to ask them. But right now, my relationship with my mother is just not good. It's really strained, and she thinks I don't want her in my life; she just doesn't understand that I can't handle so many things at one time, and she gets offended when she realizes that being around her is really just another thing to "handle." I hate that she feels that way, but I have to keep myself going right now, and she's responsible for herself.I don't know what to do. I would probably email her with the idea, and ask if I could sit down and talk to her about it, without trying to go too indepth about anything.Does anyone have any ideas, or suggestions, or anything at all to say? I'd love to hear anything right now that could help me with this.Thanks so much for reading all this.love, Deanna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 15, 2006 Report Share Posted December 15, 2006 Deanna, I really don't have any suggestions for you, but boy, can I sympathize with your situation! We've had " money troubles " for about 4-5 years now, and recently --due to other things-- my relationship with my mother has been super- strained (we've even gone for months at a time without speaking). SO, when I've been in dire need of help, I've had only my inlaws to turn to. And, if they weren't available... well, I was just out-of-luck. I didn't want to ask my Mom for anything, either, though. I always feel like she's going to turn around and say, " Well, I did this for you, so you can just do this for me. " I don't mind *doing* things for her, except when it's done with the wrong motives. I'd like to freely give, instead of feeling like I'm *obligated* to, ya know? So, I offer up my prayers for your situation. I wish I had suggestions for you, but I'm still working my way out of my own issue, and don't know how to fix it. :-? {{HUGS}} PS... Have you tried herbals for the anxiety? I have panic attacks & major anxiety issues (heart flutters, and chest pains, etc), and I researched herbals until I found one that sounded right... it's called " Rhodiola Rosea " root. It's kind of like the " wonder-drug " of herbal remedies... it's good for anxiety, insomnia, strength, endurance, etc. Combined with a B-complex " stress formula " vitamin, it really works! I don't have the chest pains or heart flutters any more (a good thing, given I'm not yet 29 yrs old!), and I don't have near as many panic attacks. I'm also sleeping through the night now, where I used to wake up nightly. :-? Jenn <>< > I want to ask my parents to pay for therapy for me, to go back even for awhile, even maybe once every other week. I really want to ask them. But right now, my relationship with my mother is just not > good. It's really strained... > Does anyone have any ideas, or suggestions, or anything at all to > say? I'd love to hear anything right now that could help me with > this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 15, 2006 Report Share Posted December 15, 2006 Yes, I have asked her once before, many months ago; I'm going to ask her again, try to call her office today, actually to get another idea of what her rates are before I think about talking to my mom. Thanks for the idea, though, and for your support. love, Deanna > > Hi Deanna. I can certainly sympathize with your situation! It is great to have a therapist to go to when facing challenges like the ones you mention. I was wondering if you have asked your therapist if she accepts a sliding scale payment (lower payment from people who can't afford quite as much). In my experience, some therapists do accept this type of payment since insurance often doesn't cover therapy. When I first started therapy (years ago) my therapist charged me a lot less than he does now, since I was just starting my job and couldn't afford much. I believe he charges some of his other patients a lower rate since they also can't afford a lot. But now that I have insurance that reimburses me for my visits, I pay more. My understanding is that this is a common practice. It doesn't hurt to ask! It may be a better solution than asking your parents for help if you feel that their help would bring up other issues for you. Good luck with everything! - Janet > > > need advice please > > Hi guys. > Well, I need everyone's opinion on something that I'm kind of > struggling with here. I know most of you know the situation I'm in > with my husband, in his current mental state, with his depression > and panic attacks and phobias and huge amounts of paranoia, > including some hallucinations, on top of his physical pain and > limitations which stop him from doing most anything around the house. > Also, I have my major depression and anxiety and am trying alone to > recover from bulimia and compulsive overeating. I'm taking care of > the house, trying to start working from home for my brother starting > on Jan. 1st, doing college through a home school, and bringing in > not really enough money to pay our bills through my disability > payment, so we take out of savings every month right now. > Here's my struggle: I really feel like going back to my therapist, > who I haven't seen in at least 6-9 months, would probably help me > alot. She always had a great calming steadying effect on me, kind > of giving me strength to keep on going til the next time I saw her. > Obviously, I have no money to go see her. > However, in May of 2005, when I got out of my last eating disorder > treatment center, my parents and I decided that as long I as wanted > to continue therapy, they would pay for it, until I could pay for it > again. Which they did for awhile, til my hubby got a job, and we > continued to pay for it on our own. Even after he lost his job, I > tried to pay for it for awhile, but just couldn't and had to stop so > long ago. > I want to ask my parents to pay for therapy for me, to go back even > for awhile, even maybe once every other week. I really want to ask > them. But right now, my relationship with my mother is just not > good. It's really strained, and she thinks I don't want her in my > life; she just doesn't understand that I can't handle so many things > at one time, and she gets offended when she realizes that being > around her is really just another thing to " handle. " I hate that > she feels that way, but I have to keep myself going right now, and > she's responsible for herself. > I don't know what to do. I would probably email her with the idea, > and ask if I could sit down and talk to her about it, without trying > to go too indepth about anything. > Does anyone have any ideas, or suggestions, or anything at all to > say? I'd love to hear anything right now that could help me with > this. > > Thanks so much for reading all this. > > love, Deanna > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 15, 2006 Report Share Posted December 15, 2006 Yes, I have asked her once before, many months ago; I'm going to ask her again, try to call her office today, actually to get another idea of what her rates are before I think about talking to my mom. Thanks for the idea, though, and for your support. love, Deanna > > Hi Deanna. I can certainly sympathize with your situation! It is great to have a therapist to go to when facing challenges like the ones you mention. I was wondering if you have asked your therapist if she accepts a sliding scale payment (lower payment from people who can't afford quite as much). In my experience, some therapists do accept this type of payment since insurance often doesn't cover therapy. When I first started therapy (years ago) my therapist charged me a lot less than he does now, since I was just starting my job and couldn't afford much. I believe he charges some of his other patients a lower rate since they also can't afford a lot. But now that I have insurance that reimburses me for my visits, I pay more. My understanding is that this is a common practice. It doesn't hurt to ask! It may be a better solution than asking your parents for help if you feel that their help would bring up other issues for you. Good luck with everything! - Janet > > > need advice please > > Hi guys. > Well, I need everyone's opinion on something that I'm kind of > struggling with here. I know most of you know the situation I'm in > with my husband, in his current mental state, with his depression > and panic attacks and phobias and huge amounts of paranoia, > including some hallucinations, on top of his physical pain and > limitations which stop him from doing most anything around the house. > Also, I have my major depression and anxiety and am trying alone to > recover from bulimia and compulsive overeating. I'm taking care of > the house, trying to start working from home for my brother starting > on Jan. 1st, doing college through a home school, and bringing in > not really enough money to pay our bills through my disability > payment, so we take out of savings every month right now. > Here's my struggle: I really feel like going back to my therapist, > who I haven't seen in at least 6-9 months, would probably help me > alot. She always had a great calming steadying effect on me, kind > of giving me strength to keep on going til the next time I saw her. > Obviously, I have no money to go see her. > However, in May of 2005, when I got out of my last eating disorder > treatment center, my parents and I decided that as long I as wanted > to continue therapy, they would pay for it, until I could pay for it > again. Which they did for awhile, til my hubby got a job, and we > continued to pay for it on our own. Even after he lost his job, I > tried to pay for it for awhile, but just couldn't and had to stop so > long ago. > I want to ask my parents to pay for therapy for me, to go back even > for awhile, even maybe once every other week. I really want to ask > them. But right now, my relationship with my mother is just not > good. It's really strained, and she thinks I don't want her in my > life; she just doesn't understand that I can't handle so many things > at one time, and she gets offended when she realizes that being > around her is really just another thing to " handle. " I hate that > she feels that way, but I have to keep myself going right now, and > she's responsible for herself. > I don't know what to do. I would probably email her with the idea, > and ask if I could sit down and talk to her about it, without trying > to go too indepth about anything. > Does anyone have any ideas, or suggestions, or anything at all to > say? I'd love to hear anything right now that could help me with > this. > > Thanks so much for reading all this. > > love, Deanna > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 15, 2006 Report Share Posted December 15, 2006 I understand the not speaking to your mother thing. Me and my mom have gone for months at a time, even living next door to each other, and using the same car at the same time, and managed to not speak to each other, figure that out. I totally feel obligated to offer something in return when my parents pay for something for me, but usually in the past they want to see it in my recovery, which just puts more pressure on me, but I've talked to them about that, and we've come to alot of boundaries and agreements about that. I've never heard of the herbal remedy that you mentioned, even though I have tried quite a few of them in the past. Where did you find it, is there a website or somewhere where I can find some information on it? Thanks, Deanna > > Deanna, > > I really don't have any suggestions for you, but boy, can I sympathize > with your situation! > > We've had " money troubles " for about 4-5 years now, and recently --due > to other things-- my relationship with my mother has been super- > strained (we've even gone for months at a time without speaking). SO, > when I've been in dire need of help, I've had only my inlaws to turn > to. And, if they weren't available... well, I was just out-of-luck. > I didn't want to ask my Mom for anything, either, though. I always > feel like she's going to turn around and say, " Well, I did this for > you, so you can just do this for me. " I don't mind *doing* things for > her, except when it's done with the wrong motives. I'd like to freely > give, instead of feeling like I'm *obligated* to, ya know? > > So, I offer up my prayers for your situation. I wish I had suggestions > for you, but I'm still working my way out of my own issue, and don't > know how to fix it. :-? > > {{HUGS}} > > PS... Have you tried herbals for the anxiety? I have panic attacks & > major anxiety issues (heart flutters, and chest pains, etc), and I > researched herbals until I found one that sounded right... it's > called " Rhodiola Rosea " root. It's kind of like the " wonder-drug " of > herbal remedies... it's good for anxiety, insomnia, strength, > endurance, etc. Combined with a B-complex " stress formula " vitamin, it > really works! I don't have the chest pains or heart flutters any more > (a good thing, given I'm not yet 29 yrs old!), and I don't have near > as many panic attacks. I'm also sleeping through the night now, where > I used to wake up nightly. :-? > > Jenn > <>< Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 15, 2006 Report Share Posted December 15, 2006 I understand the not speaking to your mother thing. Me and my mom have gone for months at a time, even living next door to each other, and using the same car at the same time, and managed to not speak to each other, figure that out. I totally feel obligated to offer something in return when my parents pay for something for me, but usually in the past they want to see it in my recovery, which just puts more pressure on me, but I've talked to them about that, and we've come to alot of boundaries and agreements about that. I've never heard of the herbal remedy that you mentioned, even though I have tried quite a few of them in the past. Where did you find it, is there a website or somewhere where I can find some information on it? Thanks, Deanna > > Deanna, > > I really don't have any suggestions for you, but boy, can I sympathize > with your situation! > > We've had " money troubles " for about 4-5 years now, and recently --due > to other things-- my relationship with my mother has been super- > strained (we've even gone for months at a time without speaking). SO, > when I've been in dire need of help, I've had only my inlaws to turn > to. And, if they weren't available... well, I was just out-of-luck. > I didn't want to ask my Mom for anything, either, though. I always > feel like she's going to turn around and say, " Well, I did this for > you, so you can just do this for me. " I don't mind *doing* things for > her, except when it's done with the wrong motives. I'd like to freely > give, instead of feeling like I'm *obligated* to, ya know? > > So, I offer up my prayers for your situation. I wish I had suggestions > for you, but I'm still working my way out of my own issue, and don't > know how to fix it. :-? > > {{HUGS}} > > PS... Have you tried herbals for the anxiety? I have panic attacks & > major anxiety issues (heart flutters, and chest pains, etc), and I > researched herbals until I found one that sounded right... it's > called " Rhodiola Rosea " root. It's kind of like the " wonder-drug " of > herbal remedies... it's good for anxiety, insomnia, strength, > endurance, etc. Combined with a B-complex " stress formula " vitamin, it > really works! I don't have the chest pains or heart flutters any more > (a good thing, given I'm not yet 29 yrs old!), and I don't have near > as many panic attacks. I'm also sleeping through the night now, where > I used to wake up nightly. :-? > > Jenn > <>< Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 15, 2006 Report Share Posted December 15, 2006 Hi Deanna, Have you ever talked to a financial advisor? A financial advisor can be very good at finding ways for you to fund the things that you want to prioritize and cut back where waste is occuring. I can think of nothing more important than prioritizing your own mental and physical health. An advisor may be able to point different ways for you to fund this with or without your parents help. Maybe you could sell assets or take out a loan? I suspect there are a lot of unexplored options out there that an expert could introduce to you. Some banks offer basic financial advisement for free. There are also a lot of financial advice articles online if you are willing to research. A financial solution that is independent of your parents is strongly advisable. You will own your own recovery. I really believe the best way to make changes in your life is take responsibility for making the change. If paying for the treatment makes you feel responsible for it as opposed to being pressured to recovery by someone else, then you need to take responsibility. Only *YOU* can change your life. No one else can force you to recover or to do anything else for that matter. Good luck! Amy > > > > Deanna, > > > > I really don't have any suggestions for you, but boy, can I sympathize > > with your situation! > > > > We've had " money troubles " for about 4-5 years now, and recently --due > > to other things-- my relationship with my mother has been super- > > strained (we've even gone for months at a time without speaking). SO, > > when I've been in dire need of help, I've had only my inlaws to turn > > to. And, if they weren't available... well, I was just out-of- luck. > > I didn't want to ask my Mom for anything, either, though. I always > > feel like she's going to turn around and say, " Well, I did this for > > you, so you can just do this for me. " I don't mind *doing* things for > > her, except when it's done with the wrong motives. I'd like to freely > > give, instead of feeling like I'm *obligated* to, ya know? > > > > So, I offer up my prayers for your situation. I wish I had suggestions > > for you, but I'm still working my way out of my own issue, and don't > > know how to fix it. :-? > > > > {{HUGS}} > > > > PS... Have you tried herbals for the anxiety? I have panic attacks & > > major anxiety issues (heart flutters, and chest pains, etc), and I > > researched herbals until I found one that sounded right... it's > > called " Rhodiola Rosea " root. It's kind of like the " wonder- drug " of > > herbal remedies... it's good for anxiety, insomnia, strength, > > endurance, etc. Combined with a B-complex " stress formula " vitamin, it > > really works! I don't have the chest pains or heart flutters any more > > (a good thing, given I'm not yet 29 yrs old!), and I don't have near > > as many panic attacks. I'm also sleeping through the night now, where > > I used to wake up nightly. :-? > > > > Jenn > > <>< > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 15, 2006 Report Share Posted December 15, 2006 Hi Deanna, Have you ever talked to a financial advisor? A financial advisor can be very good at finding ways for you to fund the things that you want to prioritize and cut back where waste is occuring. I can think of nothing more important than prioritizing your own mental and physical health. An advisor may be able to point different ways for you to fund this with or without your parents help. Maybe you could sell assets or take out a loan? I suspect there are a lot of unexplored options out there that an expert could introduce to you. Some banks offer basic financial advisement for free. There are also a lot of financial advice articles online if you are willing to research. A financial solution that is independent of your parents is strongly advisable. You will own your own recovery. I really believe the best way to make changes in your life is take responsibility for making the change. If paying for the treatment makes you feel responsible for it as opposed to being pressured to recovery by someone else, then you need to take responsibility. Only *YOU* can change your life. No one else can force you to recover or to do anything else for that matter. Good luck! Amy > > > > Deanna, > > > > I really don't have any suggestions for you, but boy, can I sympathize > > with your situation! > > > > We've had " money troubles " for about 4-5 years now, and recently --due > > to other things-- my relationship with my mother has been super- > > strained (we've even gone for months at a time without speaking). SO, > > when I've been in dire need of help, I've had only my inlaws to turn > > to. And, if they weren't available... well, I was just out-of- luck. > > I didn't want to ask my Mom for anything, either, though. I always > > feel like she's going to turn around and say, " Well, I did this for > > you, so you can just do this for me. " I don't mind *doing* things for > > her, except when it's done with the wrong motives. I'd like to freely > > give, instead of feeling like I'm *obligated* to, ya know? > > > > So, I offer up my prayers for your situation. I wish I had suggestions > > for you, but I'm still working my way out of my own issue, and don't > > know how to fix it. :-? > > > > {{HUGS}} > > > > PS... Have you tried herbals for the anxiety? I have panic attacks & > > major anxiety issues (heart flutters, and chest pains, etc), and I > > researched herbals until I found one that sounded right... it's > > called " Rhodiola Rosea " root. It's kind of like the " wonder- drug " of > > herbal remedies... it's good for anxiety, insomnia, strength, > > endurance, etc. Combined with a B-complex " stress formula " vitamin, it > > really works! I don't have the chest pains or heart flutters any more > > (a good thing, given I'm not yet 29 yrs old!), and I don't have near > > as many panic attacks. I'm also sleeping through the night now, where > > I used to wake up nightly. :-? > > > > Jenn > > <>< > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 15, 2006 Report Share Posted December 15, 2006 Hi Deanna, Have you ever talked to a financial advisor? A financial advisor can be very good at finding ways for you to fund the things that you want to prioritize and cut back where waste is occuring. I can think of nothing more important than prioritizing your own mental and physical health. An advisor may be able to point different ways for you to fund this with or without your parents help. Maybe you could sell assets or take out a loan? I suspect there are a lot of unexplored options out there that an expert could introduce to you. Some banks offer basic financial advisement for free. There are also a lot of financial advice articles online if you are willing to research. A financial solution that is independent of your parents is strongly advisable. You will own your own recovery. I really believe the best way to make changes in your life is take responsibility for making the change. If paying for the treatment makes you feel responsible for it as opposed to being pressured to recovery by someone else, then you need to take responsibility. Only *YOU* can change your life. No one else can force you to recover or to do anything else for that matter. Good luck! Amy > > > > Deanna, > > > > I really don't have any suggestions for you, but boy, can I sympathize > > with your situation! > > > > We've had " money troubles " for about 4-5 years now, and recently --due > > to other things-- my relationship with my mother has been super- > > strained (we've even gone for months at a time without speaking). SO, > > when I've been in dire need of help, I've had only my inlaws to turn > > to. And, if they weren't available... well, I was just out-of- luck. > > I didn't want to ask my Mom for anything, either, though. I always > > feel like she's going to turn around and say, " Well, I did this for > > you, so you can just do this for me. " I don't mind *doing* things for > > her, except when it's done with the wrong motives. I'd like to freely > > give, instead of feeling like I'm *obligated* to, ya know? > > > > So, I offer up my prayers for your situation. I wish I had suggestions > > for you, but I'm still working my way out of my own issue, and don't > > know how to fix it. :-? > > > > {{HUGS}} > > > > PS... Have you tried herbals for the anxiety? I have panic attacks & > > major anxiety issues (heart flutters, and chest pains, etc), and I > > researched herbals until I found one that sounded right... it's > > called " Rhodiola Rosea " root. It's kind of like the " wonder- drug " of > > herbal remedies... it's good for anxiety, insomnia, strength, > > endurance, etc. Combined with a B-complex " stress formula " vitamin, it > > really works! I don't have the chest pains or heart flutters any more > > (a good thing, given I'm not yet 29 yrs old!), and I don't have near > > as many panic attacks. I'm also sleeping through the night now, where > > I used to wake up nightly. :-? > > > > Jenn > > <>< > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 15, 2006 Report Share Posted December 15, 2006 I do appreciate all the suggestions, but unfortunately, you're not telling me anything I don't already know or haven't already tried. We've been through debt consolidation and even filed bankruptcy at one point a few years ago. I'm finally starting to be able to get credit, but only a few hundred dollars on a secured credit card for now. We've already cut back anywhere where we can now that we're only working with about $950 a month total for all expenses. When that's all you have coming in for rent, utilities, groceries, everything, it's not much at all. We have no assets to speak of and couldn't get a loan if we possibly tried. Amy, if I could pay for the therapy myself, I most certainly would, but I can't. I absolutely take responsibility for my recovery. At another point in my life, I would have blamed everyone and everything around me. But I know I'm in charge of this, and no one else is in charge of it. However, if I need someone's help to get the help I need, so be it. I might have to swallow some of my pride to do that; others have before. Thanks for your suggestions; I probably should have provided more information initially about what other stuff I'd already tried before. love, Deanna > > Hi Deanna, > > Have you ever talked to a financial advisor? A financial advisor > can be very good at finding ways for you to fund the things that you > want to prioritize and cut back where waste is occuring. I can > think of nothing more important than prioritizing your own mental > and physical health. An advisor may be able to point different ways > for you to fund this with or without your parents help. Maybe you > could sell assets or take out a loan? I suspect there are a lot of > unexplored options out there that an expert could introduce to you. > Some banks offer basic financial advisement for free. There are > also a lot of financial advice articles online if you are willing to > research. > > A financial solution that is independent of your parents is strongly > advisable. You will own your own recovery. I really believe the > best way to make changes in your life is take responsibility for > making the change. If paying for the treatment makes you feel > responsible for it as opposed to being pressured to recovery by > someone else, then you need to take responsibility. Only *YOU* can > change your life. No one else can force you to recover or to do > anything else for that matter. > > Good luck! > Amy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 16, 2006 Report Share Posted December 16, 2006 I may be wrong about this but I would say to work on your relationship with your mom. Ask her to pay for therapy but as far as " owing " her anything, I think working on your relationship with her is the best payment there is. And working on your relationship includes not letting her get to you, not feeling like you " owe " her. etc... Just my 2 cents, SylvieOn 12/15/06, Deanna wrote: I do appreciate all the suggestions, but unfortunately, you're not telling me anything I don't already know or haven't already tried. We've been through debt consolidation and even filed bankruptcy at one point a few years ago. I'm finally starting to be able to get credit, but only a few hundred dollars on a secured credit card for now. We've already cut back anywhere where we can now that we're only working with about $950 a month total for all expenses. When that's all you have coming in for rent, utilities, groceries, everything, it's not much at all. We have no assets to speak of and couldn't get a loan if we possibly tried. Amy, if I could pay for the therapy myself, I most certainly would, but I can't. I absolutely take responsibility for my recovery. At another point in my life, I would have blamed everyone and everything around me. But I know I'm in charge of this, and no one else is in charge of it. However, if I need someone's help to get the help I need, so be it. I might have to swallow some of my pride to do that; others have before. Thanks for your suggestions; I probably should have provided more information initially about what other stuff I'd already tried before. love, Deanna > > Hi Deanna, > > Have you ever talked to a financial advisor? A financial advisor > can be very good at finding ways for you to fund the things that you > want to prioritize and cut back where waste is occuring. I can > think of nothing more important than prioritizing your own mental > and physical health. An advisor may be able to point different ways > for you to fund this with or without your parents help. Maybe you > could sell assets or take out a loan? I suspect there are a lot of > unexplored options out there that an expert could introduce to you. > Some banks offer basic financial advisement for free. There are > also a lot of financial advice articles online if you are willing to > research. > > A financial solution that is independent of your parents is strongly > advisable. You will own your own recovery. I really believe the > best way to make changes in your life is take responsibility for > making the change. If paying for the treatment makes you feel > responsible for it as opposed to being pressured to recovery by > someone else, then you need to take responsibility. Only *YOU* can > change your life. No one else can force you to recover or to do > anything else for that matter. > > Good luck! > Amy -- Sylvie... working on it!Sylvie... je travaille là-dessus!The Solution : Kit 4 - Week 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 16, 2006 Report Share Posted December 16, 2006 Obviously, that's easier said than done, not letting her get to me, considering everything I'm going through. I've personally worked for years on the relationship with my mom, but I also have to NOT be the only one willing to work on it, which is the main problem I run into with her. I work wholeheartedly on it, and I get bitched at for not sharing everything with her, and yet she's not willing to work on herself or the relationship in general. I've told her many times, that she has to be willing to give in this as well. We also know that we both have to be able to work on ourselves, as well as the relationship, and she's not willing to work on her own issues; she just wants the better relationship, she wants the shortcut of a good relationship with only me working on it. It's a purely give and take relationship and she's the only one taking and it's entirely too exhausting to continue being the only one giving. That should shed some more light on the situation. love, Deanna > > > > > > Hi Deanna, > > > > > > Have you ever talked to a financial advisor? A financial advisor > > > can be very good at finding ways for you to fund the things that > > you > > > want to prioritize and cut back where waste is occuring. I can > > > think of nothing more important than prioritizing your own mental > > > and physical health. An advisor may be able to point different > > ways > > > for you to fund this with or without your parents help. Maybe you > > > could sell assets or take out a loan? I suspect there are a lot of > > > unexplored options out there that an expert could introduce to > > you. > > > Some banks offer basic financial advisement for free. There are > > > also a lot of financial advice articles online if you are willing > > to > > > research. > > > > > > A financial solution that is independent of your parents is > > strongly > > > advisable. You will own your own recovery. I really believe the > > > best way to make changes in your life is take responsibility for > > > making the change. If paying for the treatment makes you feel > > > responsible for it as opposed to being pressured to recovery by > > > someone else, then you need to take responsibility. Only *YOU* > > can > > > change your life. No one else can force you to recover or to do > > > anything else for that matter. > > > > > > Good luck! > > > Amy > > > > > > > > > > -- > Sylvie... working on it! > Sylvie... je travaille là-dessus! > The Solution : Kit 4 - Week 5 > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 16, 2006 Report Share Posted December 16, 2006 I'm sorry but I don't agree. You cannot force someone to work on themselves, or on a relationship. If you want a better relationship with your mother and she is not willing to work on it, what other choice do you have then to work on it yourself? It's what I had to do with mine, she hasn't change, isn't willing to change, doesn't even see that there are things wrong with her. Yet our relationship is much better. I hope this is helpful for you. Sylvie Obviously, that's easier said than done, not letting her get to me, considering everything I'm going through. I've personally worked for years on the relationship with my mom, but I also have to NOT be the only one willing to work on it, which is the main problem I run into with her. I work wholeheartedly on it, and I get bitched at for not sharing everything with her, and yet she's not willing to work on herself or the relationship in general. I've told her many times, that she has to be willing to give in this as well. We also know that we both have to be able to work on ourselves, as well as the relationship, and she's not willing to work on her own issues; she just wants the better relationship, she wants the shortcut of a good relationship with only me working on it. It's a purely give and take relationship and she's the only one taking and it's entirely too exhausting to continue being the only one giving. That should shed some more light on the situation. love, Deanna > > > > > > Hi Deanna, > > > > > > Have you ever talked to a financial advisor? A financial advisor > > > can be very good at finding ways for you to fund the things that > > you > > > want to prioritize and cut back where waste is occuring. I can > > > think of nothing more important than prioritizing your own mental > > > and physical health. An advisor may be able to point different > > ways > > > for you to fund this with or without your parents help. Maybe you > > > could sell assets or take out a loan? I suspect there are a lot of > > > unexplored options out there that an expert could introduce to > > you. > > > Some banks offer basic financial advisement for free. There are > > > also a lot of financial advice articles online if you are willing > > to > > > research. > > > > > > A financial solution that is independent of your parents is > > strongly > > > advisable. You will own your own recovery. I really believe the > > > best way to make changes in your life is take responsibility for > > > making the change. If paying for the treatment makes you feel > > > responsible for it as opposed to being pressured to recovery by > > > someone else, then you need to take responsibility. Only *YOU* > > can > > > change your life. No one else can force you to recover or to do > > > anything else for that matter. > > > > > > Good luck! > > > Amy > > > > > > > > > > -- > Sylvie... working on it! > Sylvie... je travaille là-dessus! > The Solution : Kit 4 - Week 5 > -- Sylvie... working on it!Sylvie... je travaille là-dessus!The Solution : Kit 4 - Week 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 16, 2006 Report Share Posted December 16, 2006 Then how is she ever supposed to see that the way she treats me and the way she talks to me, almost everything about our relationship is purely a trigger to my eating disorder? A couple of years ago, she came all the way from North Carolina to Arizona while I was in inpatient treatment for my eating disorder, to participate in family therapy. Her way of participating was to tell ME all the things I could do to make our relationship better. Even though I sat right in front of her, right then, and told her how she and our relationship was hurting me and my ED, she took no responsbibility for it whatsoever. I told her then that I refuse to be in a relationship that is going to be detrimental to my recovery, especially with everything else I have fighting against me right now, and SHE KNOWS THIS. We've worked on this over the past couple of years, and she outright agreed with me, that we can't have a good relationship unless we're both okay with ourselves; SHE AGREED. I don't mean to shout, but I just want to make the situation clear. This stuff HAS been talked about between us, and it's not something I have in me to go through again right now. She knows she's a trigger to me, and yet she does nothing to learn anything new that might possibly help me. To me, that shows an utter lack of compassion. I have a perfectly civil relationship with her, and we do sometimes talk about important stuff. Both her and my dad took me to lunch today, we had an okay time, but we know not to bring up anything remotely serious about our lives; it just never works. I'm sorry you disagree with me, but this is the conclusion we've come to after these years of ALOT of trying and work. It's kind of a mutual decision, kind of my own, but I very firmly stand by it. Right now, I honestly think SHE is the one who wants a relationship much more than I do; to be truthful, having a relationship with her is far more work than it's worth for me. That might sound harsh, but it's the truth. I get no love, compassion, kindness, or anything, and I am purely there for her, that's all. Thanks for your input. Deanna > > > > > > > > > > Hi Deanna, > > > > > > > > > > Have you ever talked to a financial advisor? A financial > > advisor > > > > > can be very good at finding ways for you to fund the things > > that > > > > you > > > > > want to prioritize and cut back where waste is occuring. I can > > > > > think of nothing more important than prioritizing your own > > mental > > > > > and physical health. An advisor may be able to point different > > > > ways > > > > > for you to fund this with or without your parents help. Maybe > > you > > > > > could sell assets or take out a loan? I suspect there are a > > lot of > > > > > unexplored options out there that an expert could introduce to > > > > you. > > > > > Some banks offer basic financial advisement for free. There are > > > > > also a lot of financial advice articles online if you are > > willing > > > > to > > > > > research. > > > > > > > > > > A financial solution that is independent of your parents is > > > > strongly > > > > > advisable. You will own your own recovery. I really believe the > > > > > best way to make changes in your life is take responsibility > > for > > > > > making the change. If paying for the treatment makes you feel > > > > > responsible for it as opposed to being pressured to recovery by > > > > > someone else, then you need to take responsibility. Only *YOU* > > > > can > > > > > change your life. No one else can force you to recover or to do > > > > > anything else for that matter. > > > > > > > > > > Good luck! > > > > > Amy > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > -- > > > Sylvie... working on it! > > > Sylvie... je travaille là-dessus! > > > The Solution : Kit 4 - Week 5 > > > > > > > > > > > > > -- > Sylvie... working on it! > Sylvie... je travaille là-dessus! > The Solution : Kit 4 - Week 5 > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 16, 2006 Report Share Posted December 16, 2006 Then how is she ever supposed to see that the way she treats me and the way she talks to me, almost everything about our relationship is purely a trigger to my eating disorder? A couple of years ago, she came all the way from North Carolina to Arizona while I was in inpatient treatment for my eating disorder, to participate in family therapy. Her way of participating was to tell ME all the things I could do to make our relationship better. Even though I sat right in front of her, right then, and told her how she and our relationship was hurting me and my ED, she took no responsbibility for it whatsoever. I told her then that I refuse to be in a relationship that is going to be detrimental to my recovery, especially with everything else I have fighting against me right now, and SHE KNOWS THIS. We've worked on this over the past couple of years, and she outright agreed with me, that we can't have a good relationship unless we're both okay with ourselves; SHE AGREED. I don't mean to shout, but I just want to make the situation clear. This stuff HAS been talked about between us, and it's not something I have in me to go through again right now. She knows she's a trigger to me, and yet she does nothing to learn anything new that might possibly help me. To me, that shows an utter lack of compassion. I have a perfectly civil relationship with her, and we do sometimes talk about important stuff. Both her and my dad took me to lunch today, we had an okay time, but we know not to bring up anything remotely serious about our lives; it just never works. I'm sorry you disagree with me, but this is the conclusion we've come to after these years of ALOT of trying and work. It's kind of a mutual decision, kind of my own, but I very firmly stand by it. Right now, I honestly think SHE is the one who wants a relationship much more than I do; to be truthful, having a relationship with her is far more work than it's worth for me. That might sound harsh, but it's the truth. I get no love, compassion, kindness, or anything, and I am purely there for her, that's all. Thanks for your input. Deanna > > > > > > > > > > Hi Deanna, > > > > > > > > > > Have you ever talked to a financial advisor? A financial > > advisor > > > > > can be very good at finding ways for you to fund the things > > that > > > > you > > > > > want to prioritize and cut back where waste is occuring. I can > > > > > think of nothing more important than prioritizing your own > > mental > > > > > and physical health. An advisor may be able to point different > > > > ways > > > > > for you to fund this with or without your parents help. Maybe > > you > > > > > could sell assets or take out a loan? I suspect there are a > > lot of > > > > > unexplored options out there that an expert could introduce to > > > > you. > > > > > Some banks offer basic financial advisement for free. There are > > > > > also a lot of financial advice articles online if you are > > willing > > > > to > > > > > research. > > > > > > > > > > A financial solution that is independent of your parents is > > > > strongly > > > > > advisable. You will own your own recovery. I really believe the > > > > > best way to make changes in your life is take responsibility > > for > > > > > making the change. If paying for the treatment makes you feel > > > > > responsible for it as opposed to being pressured to recovery by > > > > > someone else, then you need to take responsibility. Only *YOU* > > > > can > > > > > change your life. No one else can force you to recover or to do > > > > > anything else for that matter. > > > > > > > > > > Good luck! > > > > > Amy > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > -- > > > Sylvie... working on it! > > > Sylvie... je travaille là-dessus! > > > The Solution : Kit 4 - Week 5 > > > > > > > > > > > > > -- > Sylvie... working on it! > Sylvie... je travaille là-dessus! > The Solution : Kit 4 - Week 5 > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 18, 2006 Report Share Posted December 18, 2006 I agree. A long time ago in therapy, I was told that I can only change myself -- not anyone else. At first I felt sort of fake treating my mom differently, but after a while it became easier and easier not to let things she said or did get to me. After I broke my leg so severely, she and my dad came to our house four days a week to care for me and my family. I'm so grateful that I was finally able to move beyond the bitterness and forge a new relationship with my mom. For the next 18 months we had an entire different relationship than the one that had existed for 20+ years. She died very suddenly in September and my only regret was that I didn't let go earlier. > >I'm sorry but I don't agree. You cannot force someone to work on >themselves, >or on a relationship. If you want a better relationship with your mother >and >she is not willing to work on it, what other choice do you have then to >work >on it yourself? It's what I had to do with mine, she hasn't change, isn't >willing to change, doesn't even see that there are things wrong with her. >Yet our relationship is much better. _________________________________________________________________ Get free, personalized commercial-free online radio with MSN Radio powered by Pandora http://radio.msn.com/?icid=T002MSN03A07001 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 18, 2006 Report Share Posted December 18, 2006 I KNOW that I cannot change my mom. I DO know that. But she does not want to talk to me, or have anything to do with me, unless I CHANGE to meet her standards of what she wants in me, and that's not something I should have to do either, do you think? love, Deanna > > I agree. A long time ago in therapy, I was told that I can only change > myself -- not anyone else. At first I felt sort of fake treating my mom > differently, but after a while it became easier and easier not to let things > she said or did get to me. After I broke my leg so severely, she and my dad > came to our house four days a week to care for me and my family. I'm so > grateful that I was finally able to move beyond the bitterness and forge a > new relationship with my mom. For the next 18 months we had an entire > different relationship than the one that had existed for 20+ years. She died > very suddenly in September and my only regret was that I didn't let go > earlier. > > > > > >I'm sorry but I don't agree. You cannot force someone to work on > >themselves, > >or on a relationship. If you want a better relationship with your mother > >and > >she is not willing to work on it, what other choice do you have then to > >work > >on it yourself? It's what I had to do with mine, she hasn't change, isn't > >willing to change, doesn't even see that there are things wrong with her. > >Yet our relationship is much better. > > _________________________________________________________________ > Get free, personalized commercial-free online radio with MSN Radio powered > by Pandora http://radio.msn.com/?icid=T002MSN03A07001 > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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