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Whats up with this?

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Hey everyone I have a question.

This summer I have mostly been alone.

I have an odd living situation with my aunt and a couple exchange

students. I live downstairs but we all eat together.

I pay rent but I give my autn money for groceries and she cooks.

This can not change, I can not cook dinner for myself because it

would cause discompfort in the family. I would be rocking the boat

so to speak. It doesn't really matter why but i kind of have to eat

dinner with everyone else.

While i was alone I found a way to eat for my body that had me

felling really great and i lost 9 lbs.

Since everyone has come back i have gained 3-4 of it back.

They have me and they themselves too have been baking cookies and

pies. But more then that I feel like eating store bought junk now. I

hate it, it actually doesnt feel good to eat but i have this

compulsion. its totaly mental , not a physical need at all and it

hurts physically.

Chocolate makes my stomache ill but i can not stop buying it and

eating it quickly and by myself. No one judges what I eat, no one

would bother me about it if i ate it openly but i do not for some

reason.

What do you think is going on with me?

I am so confused and I am so scared. I felt so great before.

I think it has something to do with fear that others will mess

everything up for me.

What do you think?

How do I get out of this mind set?

Ash

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