Re: bad news (m/c mentioned)

[Guest guest]

Oh , I am so sorry to learn your news. :'-(

> If there is a positive point to all of this, I know my body is capable

> of pregnancy, now the trick is to learn how to carry it.

That is comforting, as I remember, but it can be such cold comfort after a

while.

> If you have miscarried, how have you gotten through it?

The earlier ones saddened me although I was, as you say, relieved to know

that my body was functioning normally in some respect.

The latest m/c at 19 weeks still has me devastated, though, after 18 months.

Right after it happened I swung between feelings of hope for next time and

wanting to just be dead to get away from the emotional pain. I got through

it by reminding myself daily that while I would never be the same, I *would*

get better. Soon the pain would be more tolerable. And it has ebbed a

great deal.

Finding out about the septum and having it removed (well ok, mostly

removed), has helped me a lot. It feels good to be able to do something to

help the next baby along.

That has been my experience. Sometimes, when grief weighs heavily, you just

have to trust in a better day.

Try not to listen to well meaning people who say silly things. I sometimes

had a hard time holding my tongue (as when a nurse friend told me, " You

know, this is Mother Nature's way of correcting a mistake. " " My son was not

a mistake; he was *perfect* " I snapped back). Possibly the most offensive

thing was when my mother said that after a certain point I should just get

over it. For silly. Who says grief has a strict timetable? We have the

right to grieve long and loud if we wish . . . after all, someone we love

has died.

Anyhow, those are some of my strategies. They don't dull the pain very

well, but they keep me wanting to forge ahead.

Again, I am *so* sorry that this has happened to you and your baby. I will

be thinking of you a lot in days ahead and hoping for your ultimate success.

Love,

Beth

[Guest guest]

,

I am so sorry. My mom gave me a book that was very helpful and after reading

it cover to cover, I highly recommend it. It's called A Silent Sorrow, by

Ingrid Kohn and -Lynn Moffitt, published by Routledge.

Buy the most recent edition, copyright 2000. It is sold in all major

bookstores. It really hit upon every issue most of us face...from the

overwhelming grief, to the total lack of control, to the stupid comments people

make (you can't imagine how dumb some people are).

The best advice I got was from my boss... " There are no words I can say to

relieve your pain...just lean on your friends and family for support and get

through it the best you can " . It's true. Personally, I couldn't stand the

" It wasn't meant to be " or " At least you found out early " comments, although I

know these people meant well and were saying what they thought was best. Try

and let it go in one ear and out the other.

Also, I'm guessing many of the women here will agree, don't hesistate to get

counseling if you feel you need it.

Your hormones are in flux and this type of loss can be devistating. Just

because no one openly talks about the pain of miscarriage, doesn't mean the

grief isn't overwhelming...it can be, and it can sneak up on you at the

strangest moments. Hang in there.

Take care,

Lizbeth Ager or Persson wrote:

> Oh , I am so sorry to learn your news. :'-(

>

> > If there is a positive point to all of this, I know my body is capable

> > of pregnancy, now the trick is to learn how to carry it.

>

> That is comforting, as I remember, but it can be such cold comfort after a

> while.

>

> > If you have miscarried, how have you gotten through it?

>

> The earlier ones saddened me although I was, as you say, relieved to know

> that my body was functioning normally in some respect.

>

> The latest m/c at 19 weeks still has me devastated, though, after 18 months.

> Right after it happened I swung between feelings of hope for next time and

> wanting to just be dead to get away from the emotional pain. I got through

> it by reminding myself daily that while I would never be the same, I *would*

> get better. Soon the pain would be more tolerable. And it has ebbed a

> great deal.

>

> Finding out about the septum and having it removed (well ok, mostly

> removed), has helped me a lot. It feels good to be able to do something to

> help the next baby along.

>

> That has been my experience. Sometimes, when grief weighs heavily, you just

> have to trust in a better day.

>

> Try not to listen to well meaning people who say silly things. I sometimes

> had a hard time holding my tongue (as when a nurse friend told me, " You

> know, this is Mother Nature's way of correcting a mistake. " " My son was not

> a mistake; he was *perfect* " I snapped back). Possibly the most offensive

> thing was when my mother said that after a certain point I should just get

> over it. For silly. Who says grief has a strict timetable? We have the

> right to grieve long and loud if we wish . . . after all, someone we love

> has died.

>

> Anyhow, those are some of my strategies. They don't dull the pain very

> well, but they keep me wanting to forge ahead.

>

> Again, I am *so* sorry that this has happened to you and your baby. I will

> be thinking of you a lot in days ahead and hoping for your ultimate success.

>

> Love,

>

> Beth

>

>

[Guest guest]

I am so sorry to hear that. I can relate to your situation. I had 3 m/c before I

successfully carried to full term.

The only thing that got me through any of them was just to be left alone when I

needed to be. You need to make sure that You can TALK to someone if you feel

like it or just be alone and cry when you want to. All of here are excellent

listners if you need someone to talk to.

Faith

[Guest guest]

-

I am so sorry.

I have also suffered from two early miscarriages and have a bicornuate uterus.

Take comfort in the fact that the women in this group do know how you feel.

You are not alone.

And, like you, I have remained hopeful because I have been able to easily

conceive two times. And, like you, I feel that my body just needs to learn

how to carry a baby.

I agree with the other women who have responded to you already...ignore the

silly things people say, talk to someone if you need to, cry if you need

to... And, for me, my catholic faith has also helped.

Take care of yourself...

Stacey

[Guest guest]

,

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. My situation was similair to

yours in that I had the miscarriage at 6weeks a couple of months

back. Others on the list have given you good suggestions..what I

found helped me was letting myself cry every time I felt like it,

keeping myself busy so that I would'nt go crazy with worry during

times that I was'nt weepy, reading books, talking to friends/family

and letting them know what I was going through, volunteering...

One book that I found helpful for me was " Preventing Miscarriage :

The Good News " . It is a fairly quick read. The medical/physical

reasons associated with miscarriage are very thoroughly explained

without using too much medical jargon.

Take care,

meera

[Guest guest]

> One book that I found helpful for me was " Preventing Miscarriage :

> The Good News " . It is a fairly quick read. The medical/physical

> reasons associated with miscarriage are very thoroughly explained

> without using too much medical jargon.

Great suggestion, Meera. I got a lot out of that book, too. I don't think

the author spent a lot of time on uterine problems, but he did deal with

many subjects pertaining to women like us, such as premature labor, IC and

bed rest.

Beth

--

The Congenital Uterine Anomalies Home Page

http://www.wegrokit.com/uterineanomalies/

[Guest guest]

,

I am so sorry for your loss. It is such a life altering event to be

pregnant, and your connection to the baby and your sig. other is so

incredibly wonderful, the end of these precious gifts are so devistating. I

have somehow survived 2 mcs. My advice to you is to take your time to

mourn. You will feel a loss very close to losing someone you have known and

loved all your life. Make sure you feel whatever your body is forcing you

to feel and do not gloss over those feelings for anyone. If your

significant other is like mine, he wanted to make everything all better. It

drove me crazy to think I had to give up my grief and look good on the

outside for him and everyone. He didn't realize that I needed that time.

Make him understand from the start. I also was upset because it didn't seem

he was upset about the loss of our baby. Man grieve in different ways. The

best advice is to force him to talk about it. It will be good in the long

run for the both of you. And if you feel, after a period of time it's not

getting better, please talk to someone or seek counselling. The grief and

loss you feel is very real and deserves it's own respect. I was sad for a

long time. The first 2 months were unbelievable. The pain and want for a

child kicked in after that. It has been 1.5 years since my first mc and I

yearn for another opportunity to be filled with that hope for the future

again. I think it's something you carry with you, like a badge, for all of

your life.

I wish you inner peace, continued strength, love, and your baby to join your

family when you are ready.

bad news (m/c mentioned)

I lost the baby... I spotted for 2 days and then last night I had

massive cramps and bleeding. I was 6wk3d.

If there is a positive point to all of this, I know my body is capable

of pregnancy, now the trick is to learn how to carry it.

If you have miscarried, how have you gotten through it?

Any suggestions would be great.

[Guest guest]

Oh, ...I am so, so very sorry to hear this. I am

keeping you in my thoughts.

Ula

--- lindagore@... wrote:

> I lost the baby... I spotted for 2 days and then

> last night I had

> massive cramps and bleeding. I was 6wk3d.

>

> If there is a positive point to all of this, I know

> my body is capable

> of pregnancy, now the trick is to learn how to carry

> it.

>

> If you have miscarried, how have you gotten through

> it?

>

> Any suggestions would be great.

>

>

>

>

>

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