Re: /consulting husband

[Guest guest]

usually handles the check book. Just bc he's the one who always has

all of the receipts. But we still talk it over before buying anything out of

the ordinary. Well, most of the time. Sometimes, if we can't get ahold of

each other, we'll just do it. But it's usually only a couple of bucks. He

makes the money, but we all have to live off of it, so we both feel that the

other should be consulted. One time, someone called trying to get me to

switch long distance carriers, and I told the guy I had to talk to my

husband. He kept pushing, saying " Do you really think your husband's gonna

be mad at you for saving some money? " That was the last straw. I went off

on him! At the end he was all apologetic, and agreed to call back when

got home. But he must of changed his mind. What a shame. Guess he's not

used to women standing up for themselves.

Anyway, we check with each other on everything. We've already decided that

when we go home, we are each going to go out with our friends separately.

That's one discussion we won't have to have when we're there.

Amy

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 2/16/00 1:54:52 PM Central Standard Time,

@... writes:

<< That sounds like us. Don will do the same thing ( " Can I get this? " ) since

I

keep the finances. >>

that sounds like me. I love when he takes care of the bills. I do not have to

worry about money. I just call him up or ask before I go if I can spend $.

Then with a yes or no I am out the door. No worries. I also talk to him about

plans before they are made and yes if that is control then I am all for it

because it works for us.

Angel

[Guest guest]

Tara:

People think I am crazy because I will not make plans without talking to DH

either, and we have no children at this point. I have always made it a

policy not to speak for him and say " Oh sure, we can be there " or whatever.

I get the details and talk to him about it, then let those involved know if

we can participate. This is true even for spur of the moment things - the

people may be holding on the phone sometimes, but we do it.

If we are strange, I love being strange. It works for us hehehe

<Do what feels right for you, and forget what others say. Marriage is a >

<partnership, and if the 2 people in this partnership do not work together>

<it is quite another thing. Can you spell D-I-V-O-R-C-E? LOL:)>

I agree with this 100%!

[Guest guest]

,

Rico and I have learned to consult each other. It's happened where I made

plans for us on Sat night and so did he, with a different couple. Since

you can't be in 2 places at once, it's better to check schedules. It also

gives you a chance to say, I don't want to do that, go w/out me. I mean, I

would hate it if he scheduled my weekend for me, so I don't do it to him.

It actually works well this way, we communicate better now.

We have our own arenas of expertise -so to speak. I too keep the finances.

So he'll call on the cell and say can I buy this or that? I know his

friends rag on him, but hey if the money's not there why get overdrawn or

overextended. Last month his brother asked him to get together on a

certain night and I heard him say let me talk to Tara. Well his brother

laughed and made fun of him, said he needed permission from his mommy. Rico

very calmly told him that we treat each other with consideration and it

it's a 2-way street. He didn't know I overheard him, but boy what a rush.

Tara

Re: /consulting husband

Tara:

People think I am crazy because I will not make plans without talking to DH

either, and we have no children at this point. I have always made it a

policy not to speak for him and say " Oh sure, we can be there " or whatever.

I get the details and talk to him about it, then let those involved know if

we can participate. This is true even for spur of the moment things - the

people may be holding on the phone sometimes, but we do it.

If we are strange, I love being strange. It works for us hehehe

<Do what feels right for you, and forget what others say. Marriage is a >

<partnership, and if the 2 people in this partnership do not work together>

<it is quite another thing. Can you spell D-I-V-O-R-C-E? LOL:)>

I agree with this 100%!

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[Guest guest]

Ta:

That sounds like us. Don will do the same thing ( " Can I get this? " ) since I

keep the finances. I am glad to meet some others who feel the same way I do

about this...we seem to be the only ones in our circle of friends locally.

Nice to know we aren't crazy.

[Guest guest]

,

Paying on 3 overdrawn checks in one week teaches you to be more careful.

At $25 a pop, we were both feeling a little blue. I get the honors of

being the money keeper bc I balance the checking acct better. We tried

separate checking accts, but poor Rico kept forgetting to write in any

debits. I think the bank breathed a sigh of relief when he finally closed

it out. Now he just endorses his checks and asks for his " allowance " . Now

if we have to make a trip to Home Depot, I just smile, nod and let him know

what we can and cannot afford. Works out so much better.

Tara

Re: /consulting husband

Ta:

That sounds like us. Don will do the same thing ( " Can I get this? " ) since

I

keep the finances. I am glad to meet some others who feel the same way I

do

about this...we seem to be the only ones in our circle of friends locally.

Nice to know we aren't crazy.

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[Guest guest]

I inherited the responsibility when Don withdrew a pile of money from the

ATM without considering the fact that checks had not cleared. He probably

bounced 6 checks. This was about two months before we were married. We put

my name on the account that week and I have done it every since. He still

forgets to tell me about debits occasionally (gas or whatever) but generally

speaking we do very well

[Guest guest]

Amy,

I have that but from the other side. My dh. never does anything without

discussing it with me first, and we often have 'friends' saying to him

that he is 'hen pecked' and should start making up his own mind without

me controlling his life for him. That makes me so mad, coz, yeah I like

it that he includes me in his discisions, but that is what you are

supposed to do when you are married isn't it? but I have never

'controlled' him.I don't think it is possible to controll him.

life though, hey?

sonja

/consulting husband

Have you ever had anyone accuse you of letting your DH control you bc

you

talk to him about things first? I have, several people on several

occasions.

I don't feel controlled, just equal. It's so hard to make people

understand

that, especially when they are not married. I guess one day they will,

most

anyway.

Amy

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