Re: Re: Jacquie's open letter to the universe

[Guest guest]

Jacquie,

I am crying also. I worry every day about (3) and how he will be treated by

everyone in this world...

bluescluesmama wrote: I'm crying with you,

Jacquie Why is the world so damn cruel....

(in Ohio)

[Guest guest]

Jacquie,

I snipped this a little bit, to make a point. I think that you ARE the right

person to help him, whether by God or genetics. You understand him, and he

understands you better than most of us. You have taught him sooo much. Maybe

as much as he has taught you. You have also grown and changed because of him.

Sometimes you have even forced yourself to gain something on purpose, because

you knew that there wasn't any other way to give him what he needed.

You want him to be confident, independent, content, and have good self esteem?

I'm betting that, as much as you may fear that you can't, you and he will find

someway of giving those qualities to each other. And remember, Marc is their

too. Between the three of you, I know you can succeed. I think you will.

B

...and if He has placed in your care, it is because you

> are the person who can best help him in life.

> is

> truly blessed---and he is a blessing to you, because he brings out

> wonderful strength and deep, deep emotions of love, compassion and

> empathy. You understand him, you feel his joys and sorrows...and it

> changes your view of what is important in life.

He really does bring out those things. Before him, I had no idea what I was

capable of, the love and devotion that I have inside me to give. And he has

given me strength, courage, patience, and perseverance -- things I never

knew I had.

But there are so many things I want to give back to him -- confidence,

independance, contentment, self-esteem -- that I am so afraid I just can't

pass to him. I am afraid sometimes that I am just not up to the task.

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

> Many schools have " friendshipping " programs for children who lack the

> social skills to make friends...

Not our school. Our school SUCKS.

> At the risk of offending you, I will say that I also firmly believe

> that the Lord does not put us in situations to hurt us or

> others...and if He has placed in your care, it is because you

> are the person who can best help him in life.

You don't offend. At the risk of offending you right back, I just can't

believe this. Not because I doubt any of it on a theological level, but

because I just do not believe in god. To me, the universe is completely

random, with no rhyme or reason. Sometimes I wish I COULD see things as you

do, because I think then it would be easier to make peace with my life,

knowing there was a purpose to it all. It would be a comfort that is

missing in my life. I do envy those with faith, regardless of which faith

it is. I just envy that knowledge that there is something more, something

bigger, something else. It must be an incredible well of strength and

peace.

> is

> truly blessed---and he is a blessing to you, because he brings out

> wonderful strength and deep, deep emotions of love, compassion and

> empathy. You understand him, you feel his joys and sorrows...and it

> changes your view of what is important in life.

He really does bring out those things. Before him, I had no idea what I was

capable of, the love and devotion that I have inside me to give. And he has

given me strength, courage, patience, and perseverance -- things I never

knew I had.

But there are so many things I want to give back to him -- confidence,

independance, contentment, self-esteem -- that I am so afraid I just can't

pass to him. I am afraid sometimes that I am just not up to the task.

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

I am so sorry Jacquie... is also desperate to fit in,

and has only been invited to 2 parties since she started

school. invited 11 kids to hers but most didn't

invite to theirs. It can be so heartbreaking to me.

Strangely, seems to just accept it, when I say that

Kate could only invite 8 kids, or Jay is going to the movies

and didn't have an invitation for everyone, etc. She shrugs

and goes on. And when I think about it, I think I was only

invited to about 3 parties total up till the age of 12...

And I hadn't even noticed until I thought about it just now.

Maybe the parents get more upset than the kids. I hope

is ok. I know things will get better in time. Quirky kids

often get seen as " cool " in the teen years simply because

they are individual. In the meantime, try not to let on to

him that you're upset. Can you pin a friend's mom down to

the child coming over to play? They can't forget to call you

back if you say to their face, " Can ny come over to play

tomorrow? " Maybe it will help.

Hugs

in Sydney, Australia

Mum to , 6yo AS ADHD, and , 5yo mild hearing

loss

Re: Jacquie's open letter to the

universe

Jacquie,

I am so sorry for you. Greggory has only been invited to

1

birthday party I think. It was when he was 4 yrs old. A

little girl

on his soccer team invited the whole team. We were ok

friends with

her father, but other than that not another party. That has

been

almost 2 yrs now. I am sure there have been other parties

and I dont

know exactly why he wasnt invited to them. Greggory thinks

everyonhe

is his friend. he likes everyone! I have no idea how to

explain to

him that this is just not true. There are people who just

dont like

him, for whatever reason. I didnt invite all of Greggory's

classmates

to his birthday party and at that only 2 boys showed up. But

there

were his real friends anyway. I choose not to invite a boy

because I

dont like that way he treats Greggory even though Greggory

thinks he

is his friend and seems to like this boy anyway. I think

when you

have a child whose main problem is the social part of it and

they

really want friends it becomes a whole new challenge. It is

sad to

see them rejected but that is just the way it is. It would

be nice if

parents were more understanding but that isnt always the

case. Maybe

if he goes to another school next year he might find a real

friend.

Jacquie H

> Dear Horrible Reality That I Inhabit:

>

> You really socked it to me today, didn't ya? Got me right

in the

kisser when I wasn't looking.

>

> I guess I've been handling this whole autism thing you

handed me a

little too well lately -- I can't think of any other reason

you'd

throw such a cruel twist into my life.

>

> I have to admit, though, that your timing couldn't have

been

better. On my period, on a grey rainy day when the edges of

depression were closing in. Nice touch.

>

> I was already feeling sad when I went to pick up at

school.

It was just 'one of those days'. Of course, when his

teacher

reported he hadn't hit a single person today, I was

overjoyed! (nice

touch, again -- setting me up for the fall)

>

> And then, as we neared the car, you swung your diabolical

plan into

action. " See you Saturday?! " called Dale's mom. Of course,

taking

the bait, I turned back: " What's on Saturday? " " Oh, " said

your

minion, realizing she'd been a pawn in your nasty little

Jacquie

takedown, " ummmm....oh, well..... " I walked away.

>

> Along came another mom, one I trust, one who doesn't seem

to play

your games. " So Debbie, " I said, " tell me what we haven't

been

invited to on Saturday. " " Austin's birthday party, " she

replied,

having the good grace to look ashamed on behalf of Austin's

mother.

>

> Universe, don't you KNOW that calls Austin his

FRIEND????

That really really LIKES Austin?

>

> Well, all the suspected univited parties have now been

confirmed.

>

> I managed, although you didn't think I could,to NOT cry

until we

were home and was upstairs. Then, admittedly, I lost

it, not

even allowing my husband to touch me for fear the contact

would send

me over the edge into hysteria.

>

> If you had given me an autistic child who didn't give a

crap about

other kids, this wouldn't hurt me so badly. But you gave me

an

autistic child who, paradoxically, LOVES people and WANTS to

have

friends. The key to this is social skills, I know. He

needs more

social skills in order to have friends. But how will he

learn social

skills with no friends to learn them from?

>

> Have you given me a child who wants so badly to have

people be with

him, and about whom " 's your boyfriend! " will be a

playground

taunt? Have you given me a child with such a capacity to

love, but

who may never be loved? A child who never judges, but who

will

always BE judged? A child who wants so badly to be included

in

things, but who will always be overlooked and pushed to the

sidelines?

>

> What the HELL did he ever do to YOU???????

>

> Jacquie

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

>>> if He has placed in your care, it is because you

are the person who can best help him in life <<<

Well said, Raena... as always...

and for the non-religious among us, call it " fate " or

whatever, the universe has a purpose for us all, and it was

karma that brought these children to us, and we will see our

rewards in the future.

Surely these kids were put with the best people for the job.

The existence of this entire world, whether you believe in

the big bang, or the six days of creation, was not a freak

accident. Feel proud that you are the chosen person who has

exactly what the child needs in this world.

in Sydney, Australia

Mum to , 6yo AS ADHD, and , 5yo mild hearing

loss

[Guest guest]

Don't blame the universe. Blame that one insensitive mother. Was she wrong?

Absolutely. Should she have included ? You betcha. Now call her a few

choice words (under your breath) and move on. There are good people out there.

And you and will find them. I too have been obsessing over how unfair most

people are, and I too have been worried about my kid's future friendships or

lack of friendships. But you can't predict the future. We don't know what's

going to happen for our kids. All we can do is deal with each moment as it

happens.

has friends. And so do you. Treasure them and forget people like that

mom.

TunaGet more from the Web. FREE MSN Explorer download : http://explorer.msn.com

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/13/02 1:36:51 PM Pacific Daylight Time, vhunnius@...

writes:

<< t's something in my wiring. I can't believe in that which I can't SEE. >>

Hold on a second, you believe in love, don't you? You love . And you

can't see that.

explain that one please.

:-)

kandie

Kandie and (9 years)

* 's website: <A

HREF= " http://kidsactivities.homestead.com/spage.html " >spage</A>

*

[Guest guest]

> I can FEEL it in my stomach. It's a tightening in my stomach, or a clutch

> in my chest. But it's a physical feeling.

>

So is a spiritual experience.

It's the feeling that says, " You are not alone " and that " I will take care

of you. " It's the calm that comes over your heart at your darkest moments

that tells you, " Hang on..... you'll get through this, I am watching over

you. " QUITE similar to the mesmerizing feeling of looking at your child

and feeling the immense swelling of love in your heart... .only you're on

the receiving end of it, and you feel it in an NT kind of way.

> And I can SEE . He's right in front of me for me to react to, and

> interact with. It's not so much I believe in LOVE as it is that I believe

> in ERIC and the feelings he stirs up in me.

I believe in the fact that the boy you see was handpicked for you for a

certain reason. I didn't end up with . I didn't end up with my

neighbor's kid. I didn't end up with just " any ol' kid " . I ended up with

mine. You ended up with yours... and the " fit " of it all is quite amazing.

Just as you have faith in your husband and what he will be like as a father,

as a husband, although you have not lived out your whole life with him

yet - - - - just as you have faith in 's potential <most of the time

anyhow> even though he has a far way to go to be " at his best " - - - - -

believing in God is much the same way. I have faith in God..... even though

I have not experienced it all with Him yet either. I mean.... if faith were

visible and tangible... it wouldn't be faith.

[Guest guest]

> I will say that the reason I can't believe in nothing is because of

> things like simple laws of physics. Take inertia...NOTHING moves

> until an outside force is applied to it...so in my mind, something or

> someone had to apply some force to start that first little

> atom/electron/particle moving...people can debate about what that

> something was, but I can't see debating about the need for it to

> exist. But that's just how I see it; others have very different

> views.

I took a philosophy class in college, and an assignment was to come up with

our own theory of how life began on the planet. I was INTENT on proving

that there was no Prime Motivator...and I couldn't do it!!! I rewrote that

sucker a million times, and every time I took it in to my prof, he pointed

out that I still hadn't gotten back to step one, as it were...

I certainly don't have any answers. I wish I did! I wish I was one of

those atheists that just KNEW they were " right " -- but I'm not. I see the

gaping hole in the theory, because a Prime Motivator really is a

necessity -- I just can't make the leap of faith to embrace it.

It's something in my wiring. I can't believe in that which I can't SEE.

<sigh>

> Jacquie, from what I have seen, you are more than up to the task.

> Don't sell yourself short...you are nothing short of amazing.

>

> Raena

Well, aren't you just wonderful. Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

Thanks to everyone who wrote about this. Having that rush of support really

helped me get through last night and this morning.

I wish I could tell you all that I've come around to the popular idea that

it was all a misunderstanding, but I haven't. :-( I live in a very

affluent area with people who don't believe anything less than perfect can

touch their lives, and my son and I are far from perfect -- and it shows.

We've been snubbed consistently since moving here 2 1/2 years ago by the

families of 's peers, with the exception of Amber and her mother -- who

are ALSO far from perfect in the eyes of the local gentry for their own

reasons.

I wrote about 18 paragraphs after that one, but I'll just leave it at that.

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

> Hold on a second, you believe in love, don't you? You love . And

you

> can't see that.

>

> explain that one please.

Okay smartypants, I'll try... :-)

I can FEEL it in my stomach. It's a tightening in my stomach, or a clutch

in my chest. But it's a physical feeling.

I have never felt anything when considering 'something bigger', except

confused.

And I can SEE . He's right in front of me for me to react to, and

interact with. It's not so much I believe in LOVE as it is that I believe

in ERIC and the feelings he stirs up in me.

Make any sense?

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

My Gram had a saying: " People who look perfect are just better at putting up a

front. "

My mom used to say: " People who have everything are usually up to their eyeballs

in debt. "

Tuna

Re: Re: Jacquie's open letter to the universe

Thanks to everyone who wrote about this. Having that rush of support really

helped me get through last night and this morning.

I wish I could tell you all that I've come around to the popular idea that

it was all a misunderstanding, but I haven't. :-( I live in a very

affluent area with people who don't believe anything less than perfect can

touch their lives, and my son and I are far from perfect -- and it shows.

We've been snubbed consistently since moving here 2 1/2 years ago by the

families of 's peers, with the exception of Amber and her mother -- who

are ALSO far from perfect in the eyes of the local gentry for their own

reasons.

I wrote about 18 paragraphs after that one, but I'll just leave it at that.

JacquieGet more from the Web. FREE MSN Explorer download :

http://explorer.msn.com

[Guest guest]

> Yeah, see? I have NEVER felt that.

>

> NEVER.

Well, yeah!

Because you have no faith LOL!!

Think of those pictures where it's a whole mess of paint, or so it seems,

but if you concentrate on the center or something - - you're to see some

wonderful picture form. Well, you have to believe there can be something in

that mess to see the picture. I cannot comprehend how a picture can come of

that whopping mess, and to this day, I do not SEE anything.

That said - if you can't believe in what you can't see, and you can't " see "

God in everyday life in the things that happen around you - then

naturally, He must not exist, in which case, you can't FEEL the spiritual

stuff that results from faith.

I totally understand.

I was raised a Christian, but it did no good, really. It was a good

foundation, but nothing would grow on that. Then I went to college... and

majored in Philosophy for awhile until I realized that it proved everything

I believed to be wrong. Theology and philosophy cannot co-exist peacefully.

After a couple of years and thousands of unanswered contradictions - - not

to mention the numerous contradictions in the Bible..... I just had to

choose one. My life is better with God in it, and Socrates can kiss my ass.

So I continued to believe, LOL. Blind faith. I always say I will be the

one ARGUING with God in heaven, I have a couple bones to pick with Him. But

believe, I do. So I shall get there, if only to pick those bones!

> I really feel like I'm missing out on something.

>

Some would say religion, and particularly Christianity, is just a human

being's great NEED to believe in a higher power.

To not believe in such a thing would definitely make a person feel like they

are missing out. But the way I see it - the only thing you're really

missing out on is the ability to say, " OK, that's it, my work is done " and

leave it all in a higher entity's " hands " . Peace of mind, I guess you could

call it. But with or without a religion - - you've done wonderfully all

this time, you know.

Grace

[Guest guest]

> > I can FEEL it in my stomach. It's a tightening in my stomach, or a

clutch

> > in my chest. But it's a physical feeling.

> >

> So is a spiritual experience.

> It's the feeling that says, " You are not alone " and that " I will take care

> of you. " It's the calm that comes over your heart at your darkest moments

> that tells you, " Hang on..... you'll get through this, I am watching over

> you

Yeah, see? I have NEVER felt that.

NEVER.

I really feel like I'm missing out on something.

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

>

> I wish I could tell you all that I've come around to the popular idea that

> it was all a misunderstanding, but I haven't

Jacquie:

If this is how you feel even after all the hopeful comments that everyone

has made then I think it is quite likely your feelings are correct and I am

sorry.

Salli

[Guest guest]

> So maybe what you are is an agnostic, instead of an atheist?

>

> Raena

Don't think so. I couldn't prove it in philosophy class, but I still can't

wrap my brain around the acceptance of a prime motivator. As I understand

it, an agnostic feels there's *something* out there, but not necessarily the

standard acceptance of God-as-seen-by-xxxx. I don't feel that way. I feel

like there's nothing out there. Period. Except maybe some other life forms

on other planets where life has evolved.

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

> You are not like them. You are a true person with a good and warm

> heart. You are focused on your family and on advocating for your

> son, believing that he will succeed. Your anger is not that your son

> doesn't fit your image, but that these ignorant people can't see past

> their noses to see how wonderful and what he has accomplished

> thus far. I wish you were here so that we could invite you to

> Chris's upcoming birthday. I would have been priveledged for you

> and to come.

>

> It's their loss Jacquie. Not yours.

, you made me cry, not from sadness but from gratitude and such a

feeling of being understood and accepted. And from showing me a picture of

myself through YOUR eyes that just caught me off guard with its insight and

caring.

THANK YOU.

[Guest guest]

> If this is how you feel even after all the hopeful comments that everyone

> has made then I think it is quite likely your feelings are correct and I

am

> sorry.

>

> Salli

Don't apologize. And I'm not necessarily right, either. Which is why I've

decided to take no action and just push this behind us.

<sigh>

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

I was very much as atheist until I studied Physics at

school. The odds of the universe just happening are so

overwhelmingly amazing... the odds first off of getting a

planet that's the correct distance from the sun... that has

the correct atmosphere... that has the right temperature...

we know of hundreds of other planets, yet none of them come

close to being the right temperature for humans. One that

has the right amount of water... all those things alone go

to one in a billion trillion who-knows-how many bajillions.

Then what are the odds even that bacteria can survive... add

a few billion trillion gadzillions... add the right

conditions for plants to live... there goes a million

bajillions more... the odds that humans could live, and that

the right kind of plants would be here that we could eat...

the number of aspects we need just to be here is truly

staggering.

A mathematician once tried to calculate the odds of us

existing here purely by accident. He spent months working it

out and ended up with a number too big to write in an email.

My Physics teacher said, " Most people out there with

logical, no-nonsense minds say that a god you can't see

can't be real. That's logical. And when they study the laws

of the universe, they come to an understanding that the

amazing way that every part relies on another is absolutely

impossible by chance alone. " For a science teacher to say

that... well I thought, this guy is nuts. Science and faith

don't belong in the same person!

Nowadays, I'm still not overly religious but I have no doubt

there is a higher power who exists. Have a look at the

dandelions. Can something so amazing be an accident? Yeah,

most of us think weeds are a pest, but the petals are pretty

amazing. And the seeds are engineered to catch the wind.

Look at the snails. Dull little things, but they are

everywhere! Something must be very clever in their design.

Birds. How could microbes gradually change over hundreds of

centuries, until they became an animal that could FLY? From

one little dot? Into something with feathers and wings? An

accident?

Perhaps this won't change your mind, and that's cool - but

those of us who DO believe definitely feel that our faith

will help those who don't. WE are convinced that got

the right mom, and not by chance, either. No matter how much

you convince yourself that it's just you against the world,

it ain't, sunshine... there is a bunch of people at the

other end of your phone line that are on your side. And

there's nothing you can do about it. )

in Sydney, Australia

Mum to , 6yo AS ADHD, and , 5yo mild hearing

loss

[Guest guest]

> there is a higher power who exists. Have a look at the

> dandelions. Can something so amazing be an accident? Yeah,

> most of us think weeds are a pest, but the petals are pretty

> amazing. And the seeds are engineered to catch the wind.

>

I think it was Tuna who mentioned the beautiful views of lakes and trees

tonight?

Anyhow.... I was thinking while reading that, that the main thought that

occurs to me when I gaze at something so peaceful, so beautiful.... is that

an entity that can make a world that is SO lovely, so PERFECT..... can

surely handle the life of little ol' me.

Nature..... and with me, smack dab in the middle of it. For now.

Good post, !

And by the way - - that mathematician you referred to......

Can you think of ANYONE who really needed to find something to DO? LOL

Grace

[Guest guest]

>>>>>>

Many schools have " friendshipping " programs for children who lack the

social skills to make friends.

<<<<<<

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Sorry Raena -

Of course, this is a true statement...but let me add that more than likely

you must ask SPECIFICALLY if these things exist.

I'm sure you've read my post already about my little incident.

Jacqui's been at her school for almost 2 years, her BIGGEST issue are social

issues, I HAVE asked about peer groups or buddies, and have NEVER been told

about this friendship group until *I* stumbled upon an issue.

Why??? who the hell knows.

Still pissed,

Penny

[Guest guest]

Wow...that's the understatement of the year.

I feel this way every single day.

>>>>>

But there are so many things I want to give back to him -- confidence,

independance, contentment, self-esteem -- that I am so afraid I just can't

pass to him. I am afraid sometimes that I am just not up to the task.

Jacquie

<<<<

Penny

[Guest guest]

Don't feel too bad Jacquie, I've never felt that either.

Actually, I felt something once. I felt something that I KNEW was my

faith... I felt it. I knew it.

Then the feeling went away, and I totally forgot what it was.

I'm sad about that, because I literally can not remember.

Anyhow, I understand.

Penny

>>>>>

Yeah, see? I have NEVER felt that.

NEVER.

I really feel like I'm missing out on something.

Jacquie

<<<<<

[Guest guest]

Yep.

Penny

Re: Re: Jacquie's open letter to the

universe

My Gram had a saying: " People who look perfect are just better at putting up

a front. "

My mom used to say: " People who have everything are usually up to their

eyeballs in debt. "

Tuna