Re: Sex Addiction <fwd>

[Guest guest]

Thought y'all might like to hear my story of my experience

in Sexaholics Anonymous:

Its founder, Roy K., tells the classic " slide into

addiction " story one expects to hear.

He attended AA open meetings and " identified with those

guys right down the line " . Only his " drug of choice " was

different.

As to be expected Roy K worked hard to keep SA from

appearing Christian. however, in a hilariously pious

document i might try to get hold of again, he twists around

the Traditions to make SA what he wants - including

homophobic. Gay in SA = no sex.

Rather like the way AA promotes the idea of an alcoholic

as someone who can never drink at all, SA coins the term

" Sexaholic " . A sexaholic was only safe having the sex Roy K

approved of, which is within monogamous, legal,

heterosexual marriage. even masturbation is verboten.

cultural problems (like polygamy) are ducked by

ungrammatically referring to " the spouse " instead of " a

spouse " to emphasise, like Highlander, " there can be only

one " . If youre single, no sexual release whatsoever is

permitted. imho this can be very unhealthy for males at

least - ironically ejaculation helps prevent infection ( i

met one girl who's " sexual anorexic " father had it happen

to him) . Wet dreams were ok, but in the group i attended

wet dreamers told breathless tales of " how strong their

addiction must be to even get into my dreams " - and often

blamed themselves, saying " I mustnt really be sober if i'm

having wet dreams " . Yes, sexual abstinence was called

sobriety, and alcohol was replaced with " lust " . these guys

were powerless over lust. The first half of the meeting was

devoted to those 30 days " sober " .

Roy K was obliged to fight a battle to force SA into his

vision. my impresion is that he only started getting into

heterosexual-monogamy-for-all after a religious conversion.

by this time SA had some gay members and other undesirables

as far as Roy K was concerned, and in the aforementioned

document he generously " holds open the door to these ppl to

join other programs " i.e. fuck off. The literature never

uses the word " homosexual " - that would mean accepting that

there really is such a person - instead he talks of the

" same-sex lifestyle " - presumably unaware that " homosexual "

*means* same sex.

Some groups refused to comply, and the central Roy K

contingent sued the non-compliers over use of the SA name

and literature and appeared to have killed off the

heretics by the time i joined in london.

However, Roy K's descent into monomania continued, and

after I left SA he apparently became a priest and decided

that " sexaholics " could never have any sex at all of any

kind. (Yes, it *does* sound like Heaven's Gate). This meant

that everybody else in SA couldnt have sex either. in his

writings he always points out that since he was the first

" sexaholic " to get sober, he had the longest " sobriety " and

hence had access to insights nobody else had, and hence

could not question his judgement. Apparently another

purging of the party was required, and another rewrite of

the literature now saying that the sexaholic had to be

completely sexually abstinent. even before this

development, SA members had already become preoccupied with

lustful thoughts, peeking, and God knows what else as signs

of their disease which they talked abt at great length.

I dont know abt in the US, but either Roy K.'s ideas were

voted down or the UK groups split with the Roy K centre,

because heterosexual marriage remained permissible. not

that it mattered - the only married members had failed

marriages and were getting divorced. only one person was

dating, a young Jewish girl and she was obsessed with

whether kissing was permissible for " sexaholics " . rather

than asking her " Higher Power " (my suggestion at the time)

she decided to write to SA in the US for instructions. i

think i can guess what Roy K's answer would be.

the groups became even more extreme and even more overtly

religious. They contained some young and very pretty women

who dressed attractively in light and revealing clothes in

the Summer. the " ok to kiss? " girl used to wear

tight-fitting tracksuits and was absolutely GORGEOUS and I

couldnt keep my eyes off her and much of my thinking was

devoted to " sexaholic " thoughts abt her. i must say all

these sexually chaste young women seemed a terrible waste.

visiting the US became like a Mecca for her to meet the SAs

over there and sought out the kissing problem, amongst

other things. they immediately leaped on her

(metaphorically) for the tracksuits etc and from then on

she looked more like a Moslem than a Jew she was wrapped up

so much. i tried to be relieved that my " sexaholism " wasnt

triggered but i sure missed her figure.

The meetings were converted to a " Solutions " format where

only " constructive " ideas could be shared - which meant the

entertaining sexalogues couldnt be heard anymore. members

with 60 days " sobriety " could veto the shares of those with

shorter to keep them on track.a friend who stayed in

after I left said that he thought they kept lengthening the

interval to prevent him from reaching inner party status

and influencing policy. there was also increasing

pressure put on ppl to get sponsors.

The religious nature was by now unabashed, with group

prayers (as well as the Serenity Prayer) said at the end of

the meeting while everybody held hands. Prayers were even

said, by name, for ppl who had stopped coming to meetings or

had walked out in protest at being silenced by the inner

party.

it was at that point that i quit.

the funny thing abt this batch of neurotics was that they

exactly fitted floyd's description of a merry bunch of

steppers having a good time in meetings. they were all AAs

or NAs with a few years in the 12SP, and they were the

classic showpiece grouper - constantly smiling like the

peasants in those old Maoist propoganda films, laughing and

joking when reading literature they'd already read dozens

of times, and generally telling themsleves how grateful

they were for the program.

I couldnt help but find that mystifying, not least because

it contrasted so strongly with the *other* sex addiction

groups I went to - Sex Addicts Anonymous and Sex and Love

Addicts Anonymous - which did *not* advocate such severe

abstinence requirements. apparently sane in that regard,

those individuals were nearly always miserable, but i'll

post abt them later.

These 12-step sex abstainers sold their product exactly

like the way the 12-step alcohol abstainers sell their

product - with hearty chortles and plastic smiles. Like

they say, Denial is not a river in Egypt.

P.

----------------------

Pumpkin Eater

" Facts are stubborn things "

-- Judge Zobel, from Alain Rene Lesage

[no, I didnt know who he was either]

PERSONALITY-DISORDERS LIST:

http://rdz.acor.org/athenaeum/lists.phtml?personality-disorders

_____________________

--- End Forwarded Message ---

P.

----------------------

Pumpkin Eater

" Facts are stubborn things "

-- Judge Zobel, from Alain Rene Lesage

[no, I didnt know who he was either]

PERSONALITY-DISORDERS LIST:

http://rdz.acor.org/athenaeum/lists.phtml?personality-disorders

_____________________

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