Guest guest Posted March 7, 1999 Report Share Posted March 7, 1999 Original Article: /list/12-step-free/?start=3090 > I feel like I am stuck in AA. I keep going to meetings. The cause I find most worthwhile to fight for is my own dignity happiness. If what you're doing makes you happy this list provides a sort of counter-balance, go for it. Who knows, maybe views that you develop which this list helps establish will help bring some much needed insight into AA. Who knows... as long as you don't post the 12 steps here or try to convert us to Christianity, you should be fine on 12-step-free. I did find tho' that AA has a real power to suck people in. It was hard - very hard - for me to stop going. IT was like trying to climb out of quicksand. In fact a good friend stopped by this weekend. She has not had the horrific AA experiences that I did, and she made AA sound so good that I almost went to a meeting, but I know how easily I can get stuck in the routine and I'm frankly too afraid of it right now, cause it had done such a number on my brain. Anyway, that's me... Your expereiences are your own, and personally, I support anyone who is on a path of personal growth. Apple http://www.AAdeprogramming.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 7, 1999 Report Share Posted March 7, 1999 I feel like I am stuck in AA. I keep going to meetings. I have made commitments for the next three months. I have benefitted from going in that I have more or less overcome my extreme sociophobia, and the experience has been educational on a clandestine level; I pay attention to what people say in meetings and identify what I do and don't agree with, always careful to note the selective omissions, always careful to note the almost subliminal resignation of personal autonomy, and guarding my mind (they can't have it!) But I don't know how to meet people very well on the outside, and I have practically no friends anywhere else. I am also unemployed and looking for work. I am single, and have never had anything anywhere near a satisfying intimate relationship, although I am twenty-seven and definitely not ugly. In fact, I can't remember ever even being on a real date. I have interests which are still in a developmental stage. I am an undergraduate, a junior, and was majoring in Letters but am starting to get interested in Physics, and am not currently enrolled in school. I have had a history of psychological and emotional problems, including a month and a half period in which I experienced terrifying delusions, thinking lucidly that I was going to be executed on national television with no trial or anything in a terrible case of mistaken identity involving gruesome crimes I was completely innocent of (I even worked during this period, helping customers, thinking all the while that they and everyone else was just waiting for the right moment to come and they were going to do me in.) I seem to be free of many of these problems and experience a good deal of self esteem, self love, love of life, healthy intellectual and, increasingly, emotional integration; I'm just not sure what to do next. I have been going to AA for over nine months now, and have grown to like some of the people there, though I disagree fundamentally with parts of their philosophy. It appears so far that I have been lucky in that this group is nowhere near as abusive as some of the groups I have heard about on this list; nevertheless, it is becoming clear to me that I will not be there forever, but I would like to make my departure from it a peaceful one, and would prefer having healthy, supportive friends and active interests when I leave. I was in bad shape when I got there, and am much healthier now, without having to give up my identity or become a psychological slave; although I obviously have developed to some extent a dependency on the program, I am aware of its nature and plan to eliminate it. I would like feedback on this issue; I wish ultimately to be " 12-step free, " but don't want to just yank out of it and risk going back to lonely bitterness and semihermit subroutines, and didn't know just how shitty my life used to be until gradually, over the past year, I have begun to change. I don't want to lose what I have, and want to build on it. Any comments? ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 8, 1999 Report Share Posted March 8, 1999 Hi Pupship In both your personal and AA experience you seem to be in a similar place to me. Youre luckier perhaps in at least being friends with some of the groupers, whereas I am shunned by most of the OA's here. AA meetings at least usu have a fair bit of humor in them , even if it is of a self-deprecating kind. OA meetings are nearly always strile depressing episodes, and also very female oriented; sometimes some of them say how they *used* to resent men in OA when they've known me a long time. I am scared abt my prospects when I leave college. Both my f2f social life and net access will decline enormously. I want to try to get back to work and not be dependent on the kindness of strangers ( either by f2f or them paying at the office) but with these mood swings I dont know if I can achieve that. I'nm not sure what to say to help, so I've ended up talking abt myself. Anyway, take good care of yourself. It sounds like you have had a terrible time, you deserve happiness. Pete > I feel like I am stuck in AA. I keep going to meetings. I have made > commitments for the next three months. I have benefitted from going in that I > have more or less overcome my extreme sociophobia, and the experience has been > educational on a clandestine level; I pay attention to what people say in > meetings and identify what I do and don't agree with, always careful to note > the selective omissions, always careful to note the almost subliminal > resignation of personal autonomy, and guarding my mind (they can't have it!) > But I don't know how to meet people very well on the outside, and I have > practically no friends anywhere else. I am also unemployed and looking for > work. I am single, and have never had anything anywhere near a satisfying > intimate relationship, although I am twenty-seven and definitely not ugly. In > fact, I can't remember ever even being on a real date. I have interests which > are still in a developmental stage. I am an undergraduate, a junior, and was > majoring in Letters but am starting to get interested in Physics, and am not > currently enrolled in school. I have had a history of psychological and > emotional problems, including a month and a half period in which I experienced > terrifying delusions, thinking lucidly that I was going to be executed on > national television with no trial or anything in a terrible case of mistaken > identity involving gruesome crimes I was completely innocent of (I even worked > during this period, helping customers, thinking all the while that they and > everyone else was just waiting for the right moment to come and they were > going to do me in.) I seem to be free of many of these problems and experience > a good deal of self esteem, self love, love of life, healthy intellectual and, > increasingly, emotional integration; I'm just not sure what to do next. I have > been going to AA for over nine months now, and have grown to like some of the > people there, though I disagree fundamentally with parts of their philosophy. > It appears so far that I have been lucky in that this group is nowhere near as > abusive as some of the groups I have heard about on this list; nevertheless, > it is becoming clear to me that I will not be there forever, but I would like > to make my departure from it a peaceful one, and would prefer having healthy, > supportive friends and active interests when I leave. I was in bad shape when > I got there, and am much healthier now, without having to give up my identity > or become a psychological slave; although I obviously have developed to some > extent a dependency on the program, I am aware of its nature and plan to > eliminate it. I would like feedback on this issue; I wish ultimately to be > " 12-step free, " but don't want to just yank out of it and risk going back to > lonely bitterness and semihermit subroutines, and didn't know just how shitty > my life used to be until gradually, over the past year, I have begun to > change. I don't want to lose what I have, and want to build on it. Any > comments? > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > eGroup of the Day: > Mun-e-news - The United Nations' Model UN news & discussion eGroup. > http://offers./click/236/1 > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 8, 1999 Report Share Posted March 8, 1999 In a message dated 3/8/99 4:45:28 PM Central Standard Time, awatt04@... writes: << > > How long do you have to go, and what are you studying? BSc Psychology - graduate this year or that's it.>>> " THat's it " ? You mean, you can't go to school anymore after that? And what date must you graduate by? >> ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 8, 1999 Report Share Posted March 8, 1999 Hi, Pete, How close are you to graduating, and what do you plan to do when you graduate? I'm not trying to be nosy, I just believe that psychologists are no more perfect than the rest of us, and wondered whether you were abandoning some long range plan because of your current feelings. --- Kayleigh Zz zZ |\ z _,,,---,,_ /,`.-'`' _ ;-;;,_ |,4- ) )-,_..;\ ( `'-' '---''(_/--' `-'\_) >Hi Pupship > >In both your personal and AA experience you seem to be in a similar place to >me. Youre luckier perhaps in at least being friends with some of the >groupers, whereas I am shunned by most of the OA's here. AA meetings at >least usu have a fair bit of humor in them , even if it is of a >self-deprecating kind. OA meetings are nearly always strile depressing >episodes, and also very female oriented; sometimes some of them say how they >*used* to resent men in OA when they've known me a long time. > >I am scared abt my prospects when I leave college. Both my f2f social life >and net access will decline enormously. > >I want to try to get back to work and not be dependent on the kindness of >strangers ( either by f2f or them paying at the office) but with these mood >swings I dont know if I can achieve that. > >I'nm not sure what to say to help, so I've ended up talking abt myself. > >Anyway, take good care of yourself. It sounds like you have had a terrible >time, you deserve happiness. > >Pete > > > >> I feel like I am stuck in AA. I keep going to meetings. I have made >> commitments for the next three months. I have benefitted from going in that I >> have more or less overcome my extreme sociophobia, and the experience has been >> educational on a clandestine level; I pay attention to what people say in >> meetings and identify what I do and don't agree with, always careful to note >> the selective omissions, always careful to note the almost subliminal >> resignation of personal autonomy, and guarding my mind (they can't have it!) >> But I don't know how to meet people very well on the outside, and I have >> practically no friends anywhere else. I am also unemployed and looking for >> work. I am single, and have never had anything anywhere near a satisfying >> intimate relationship, although I am twenty-seven and definitely not ugly. In >> fact, I can't remember ever even being on a real date. I have interests which >> are still in a developmental stage. I am an undergraduate, a junior, and was >> majoring in Letters but am starting to get interested in Physics, and am not >> currently enrolled in school. I have had a history of psychological and >> emotional problems, including a month and a half period in which I experienced >> terrifying delusions, thinking lucidly that I was going to be executed on >> national television with no trial or anything in a terrible case of mistaken >> identity involving gruesome crimes I was completely innocent of (I even worked >> during this period, helping customers, thinking all the while that they and >> everyone else was just waiting for the right moment to come and they were >> going to do me in.) I seem to be free of many of these problems and experience >> a good deal of self esteem, self love, love of life, healthy intellectual and, >> increasingly, emotional integration; I'm just not sure what to do next. I have >> been going to AA for over nine months now, and have grown to like some of the >> people there, though I disagree fundamentally with parts of their philosophy. >> It appears so far that I have been lucky in that this group is nowhere near as >> abusive as some of the groups I have heard about on this list; nevertheless, >> it is becoming clear to me that I will not be there forever, but I would like >> to make my departure from it a peaceful one, and would prefer having healthy, >> supportive friends and active interests when I leave. I was in bad shape when >> I got there, and am much healthier now, without having to give up my identity >> or become a psychological slave; although I obviously have developed to some >> extent a dependency on the program, I am aware of its nature and plan to >> eliminate it. I would like feedback on this issue; I wish ultimately to be >> " 12-step free, " but don't want to just yank out of it and risk going back to >> lonely bitterness and semihermit subroutines, and didn't know just how shitty >> my life used to be until gradually, over the past year, I have begun to >> change. I don't want to lose what I have, and want to build on it. Any >> comments? >> >> ------------------------------------------------------------------------ >> eGroup of the Day: >> Mun-e-news - The United Nations' Model UN news & discussion eGroup. >> http://offers./click/236/1 >> >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 9, 1999 Report Share Posted March 9, 1999 In a message dated 3/9/99 12:44:48 PM Central Standard Time, awatt04@... writes: << > BSc Psychology - graduate this year or that's it.>>> > > " THat's it " ? You mean, you can't go to school anymore after that? And what > date must you graduate by? Yep - this is my last chance. My Final Finals start end of May. >> Good luck. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 9, 1999 Report Share Posted March 9, 1999 > > BSc Psychology - graduate this year or that's it.>>> > > " THat's it " ? You mean, you can't go to school anymore after that? And what > date must you graduate by? Yep - this is my last chance. My Final Finals start end of May. ---------- Pete Watts My childhood sent me Lemons: So I made Limerance PERSONALITY-DISORDERS SUPPORT LIST: http://rdz.acor.org/athenaeum/lists.phtml?personality-disorders ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 9, 1999 Report Share Posted March 9, 1999 On Tue, 09 Mar 1999 04:13:30 -0000 Kayleigh S wrote: > Hi, Pete, > > How close are you to graduating, and what do you plan to do when you graduate? I'm not trying to be nosy, I just believe that psychologists are no more perfect than the rest of us, and wondered whether you were abandoning some long range plan because of your current feelings. Hi Kayleigh, As you will have seen I am supposed to be graduating this year, butI'm not going to the way I am heading. My borderline pd has blighted me for over 20 years (actually longer) . In guess I will try to at least go down fighting but if you dont know what it's like to go thru, you dont know what it can do to someone. I think only the psychotic disorders surpass it as a form of hell on earth - made all the worse becuase ppl dont understand it or dont believe you have it. ---------- Pete Watts My childhood sent me Lemons: So I made Limerance PERSONALITY-DISORDERS SUPPORT LIST: http://rdz.acor.org/athenaeum/lists.phtml?personality-disorders ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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