Re: Topic of the Week....This Is My Story

February 25, 2000

Hello to all:

My name is Dana. I live in North Carolina. I am ready to tell my

story. I am 26, married to a wonderful man and have 2 children and 2 angel

babies. My first child is a little boy named Landon he is 6 years old, next I

had a miscarriage in March of 1996, then I our 2nd child is a little girl

named (Allie) who will be 2 years old March 6th. then our most recent

angel baby was lost due to EP. This occurred on Thursday, February 17th 2000.

This past week has been so hard on me. first of all I have always been

somewhat of an irregular person. I had no idea I was even pregnant. We hadn't

totally decided not to have any more children but we also hadn't planned to

have any either. We were going to make this decision when Allie turned 2.

Deep in my heart I have always wanted another child. And we decided that if

God thought it was meant to be, then it was meant to be. At the age of 18 I

was diagnosed with endometrosis and told that I would never have any children

at all> well I beat that odd and have been blessed with 2 and 2 angel babies!

This has been so hard for me to understand. I feel somewhat cheated inside.

It feels good to know that there're other women out here that are just like

me (ep).It all happened so fast I had been hurting for over a week and I

could actually feel a knot on my lower left side. I just figured that it was

another ovar. cyst. I had them before and most of the time they would go away

on there on. Well, this time was a little different I had lots of heavy bl.

and bad sharp pain on my L side. Thurs. morning of last week I finally got a

hold of my ob/gyn and told him directly what was going on, he told me to come

ASAP because it sounded like something was going on. well around 1:00pm that

afternoon it all hit I had a pain of all pains! I had not never felt this way

before. I was trying to wait till my son got out of school at 2:30 and then

go. I had already had a sitter lined up. Well, the pain was so bad I went on

early to get him. I could not even go inside to sign him out. luckily they

brought him to my car. I took them to my grandmothers house and went on. I

tried to reach my dh before I left and I couldn't get a hold of him. he is a

crane operator and works 1 hour away from our home in yadkinville,NC. I

bearly remember driving down to Statesville, which was approx. 30 min.

away.dh called me on my cell phone to see what was wrong and he told me he

would meet me @ the Drs. office. When I arrived at the drs.They took me

straight back I could hardly stand=up straight let alone walk. The DR asked

me 1st thing if I was pg, I said no I have had my per off and on for a couple

of months again but that was not unusual for me. He asked me to take a test

and 2 min. later he came and told me that it was +. i could not believe it.

By this time I was crying even harder and I was scared! He told me he had to

do a trans vag. us to see where the baby was. That hurt so bad! And sure

enough our baby was not in utero he said he was pretty sure it was in my

tube. He told me as soon as my dh got there he would let him know what was

going on and for him to take me to the hosp.asap for surgery. My dh arrived

10 min after I had heard all this bad news and when I seen him all I could do

was cry even harder. He took me straight to the hosp and at 4:30pm I was in

surgery. My dr. told me that he hoped we had caught it in time and that he

could make a small incision in my tube and that would be all or if my tube

had rup. that he may have to remove it.Well I got to my room at 6: 30 that

evening and my dh was waiting on me. I could tell by the look on his face

that something was wrong. And he told me that it had already ruptured and

that I was hemorrhaging inside and that he had removed all of my L-ft. I

wasn't prepared to hear that. I didn't know what to say or think except that

this just wasn't fair!I had very little knowledge of EP. I had so many ?'s

going through my head. Well, the next morning after a very sleepless night my

ob/gyn came in to check on me and to let me go home. He told me that I was a

very lucky person and that if I had let it go another day or 2 I wouldn't be

here! I asked him how far I was and he said at least 10 weeks if not more. By

this time I am more confused more than ever and I wanted to know more about

EP! He also said the only likely cause he could think of was that I had a

tremendous amount of scar tissue from my 2 prev. c-sections sites and that

maybe some broke loose and attached to the tube pinching ti off. Is this

possible? When I finally got home all I could do was cry I felt so empty and

cheated inside! It was like I found out we were exp. and then less than 2

hours later our baby was gone and I didn't understand and still don't! I know

God has a reason for everything but this is still hard. Deep down inside I

really wanted another baby! Sat. morning I got up and went to my pc and

looked up ep and this is how I got here. It has meant so much to me knowing

that I am not alone. I signed the dreambook and then signed up for the

e-group and it has took me this long to tell my story. I have been reading

all week and I admire all of you for ttc and for what all you have been

through! All of you guys hang in there it will happen! Then I read Krista's

mail and that was what made me decide to write. I feel so empty inside right

now. And I am so scared to even think about trying ttc again! Then I have all

this neg. feedback from a lot of my family (except dh) OH, put it behind you

and go on. That hurts even more that was my baby and it was real even if it

was all said and done in 2 hours!!!!! And I feel in my heart that need to

deal with my feelings now and not let them bottle up. Sorry that this story

has been so long I just wanted to say what was on my mind. And if any of you

guys have any suggestions for me please let me know! I am open to all

suggestions. The main? I have is did any of you cry a lot? this has been so

hard for me and my dh has been so supportive but I still feel so alone. Is

this normal? Well, this is my story if any of you want to e-mail me priv. you

can at CMDRuss@... please feel free to.And to all of you who are ttc

please dot give up!!!! Thanks for taking the time to read my story!

Dana

February 26, 2000

Dear Dana,

Welcome to our group... I'm sorry you have to meet all of us under these

circumstances, but I know you will get as much support as possible from all

of the kind, wonderful women in this group.

Your story sounds so similiar to so many of the ladies here, so you are

definitley not alone. I have a 5 yr old daughter and have been TTC #2 for

almost 4 yrs now. I have had 3 EP's and 2 miscarriages. All of my EP's have

been in my right tube and I have been lucky in that I have not had a rupture.

The bad part of that is that I still have this defective body part inside of

me that makes TTC a little tricky. I am currently seeing an R.E.

(reproductive endocrinologist) to assist me in TTC. I have been going in to

the office on day 12 of my cycle to have an U/S. They can tell you ahead of

time which side you will ovulate from, this way, when I am O'ing from the

right (bad) side my DH (dear Hubby) & I will not TTC. If this does not work

by June, we will go ahead with IVF.

There is so much that you will learn in the coming weeks. If understanding

and support is what you are looking for, then you've come to the right place.

Take care of yourself and e-mail me anytime if you want to chat...

And, yes, after you go through something as traumatic and frightining as

this, crying seems to be the only thing you can do for awhile, but you'll

soon start to have more good days than bad and we'll be here anytime you need

us!!

Take Care,

February 26, 2000

Dana,

I'm sorry that you had to have this horrible experience. You have found a

wonderful group of people, and I hope that we can be of help to you. You

asked about the possibility of the c-section being the cause. All I can

tell you is that it is assumed that my c-section with my daughter caused the

first ep. Nobody really gave me an idea of how it affected my tubes, but I

didn't have any other risk factors. As far as crying goes, with my first ep,

I cried for several months. With the second, I was better. I still cry

about it once in a while, but not the way I did before. I think it's okay

now, I don't believe that it is neccessary for me to quit grieving all

together. I've lost alot.

Well, let me know if there's anything you need. I'm at Fort Bragg, and I

don't know how far that is from you, but we're at least in the same state.

Amy

February 26, 2000

Dana,

Hi, I am so sorry to hear about all you have been through this last

while.This is not an easy road, but all the girls here are a wonderfull

source of support and comfort, and you don't have to go through this

alone.I know right now you don't think that the pain will ever heal,and

you don't really want anyone to tell you that it will get better, but,

it does get easier with time.I don't believe that one ever gets 'over'

something like an ectopic pregnancy, or any other type of loss, you just

learn how to cope with your emotions in time,and after a while, the

pain does become bearable.Just take your time, don't rush things. Cry

lots and lots and lots,and don't let anyone tell you that it is time to

move on, you will in your own time.Take things slow, give yourself all

the time you need to grieve,and to heal.

If you have any questions, or just need to vent, or a shoulder to cry

on, we will be here for you.I had my ectopic pregnancy now a year and 8

months ago, we only started trying again last year October, over a year

after the ep.I still cry sometimes,and I still think of my angel baby

often, I miss her terribly sometimes.( I was about 12 weeks along)I did

not know I was pg. either, but found out in the emergency room,and I was

in surgery within 30 minutes of finding out.(I had had 'periods' all

along so never suspected anything) The shock alone is more than you can

cope with sometimes,and I think what others find hard to understand is

that apart from the physical recovery, the emotional recovery takes much

longer.

anyways, I am glad you found us, just sorry that it had to be for such a

sad reason.

Welcome,and thank you for sharing your story with us all.

take care,and take it slow.

sonja

Re: Topic of the Week....This Is My Story

Hello to all:

My name is Dana. I live in North Carolina. I am ready to

tell my

story. I am 26, married to a wonderful man and have 2 children and 2

angel

babies. My first child is a little boy named Landon he is 6 years old,

next I

had a miscarriage in March of 1996, then I our 2nd child is a little

girl

named (Allie) who will be 2 years old March 6th. then our most

recent

angel baby was lost due to EP. This occurred on Thursday, February 17th

2000.

This past week has been so hard on me. first of all I have always been

somewhat of an irregular person. I had no idea I was even pregnant. We

hadn't

totally decided not to have any more children but we also hadn't planned

to

have any either. We were going to make this decision when Allie turned

2.

Deep in my heart I have always wanted another child. And we decided that

if

God thought it was meant to be, then it was meant to be. At the age of

18 I

was diagnosed with endometrosis and told that I would never have any

children

at all> well I beat that odd and have been blessed with 2 and 2 angel

babies!

This has been so hard for me to understand. I feel somewhat cheated

inside.

It feels good to know that there're other women out here that are just

like

me (ep).It all happened so fast I had been hurting for over a week and I

could actually feel a knot on my lower left side. I just figured that it

was

another ovar. cyst. I had them before and most of the time they would go

away

on there on. Well, this time was a little different I had lots of heavy

bl.

and bad sharp pain on my L side. Thurs. morning of last week I finally

got a

hold of my ob/gyn and told him directly what was going on, he told me to

come

ASAP because it sounded like something was going on. well around 1:00pm

that

afternoon it all hit I had a pain of all pains! I had not never felt

this way

before. I was trying to wait till my son got out of school at 2:30 and

then

go. I had already had a sitter lined up. Well, the pain was so bad I

went on

early to get him. I could not even go inside to sign him out. luckily

they

brought him to my car. I took them to my grandmothers house and went on.

I

tried to reach my dh before I left and I couldn't get a hold of him. he

is a

crane operator and works 1 hour away from our home in yadkinville,NC. I

bearly remember driving down to Statesville, which was approx. 30 min.

away.dh called me on my cell phone to see what was wrong and he told me

he

would meet me @ the Drs. office. When I arrived at the drs.They took me

straight back I could hardly stand=up straight let alone walk. The DR

asked

me 1st thing if I was pg, I said no I have had my per off and on for a

couple

of months again but that was not unusual for me. He asked me to take a

test

and 2 min. later he came and told me that it was +. i could not believe

it.

By this time I was crying even harder and I was scared! He told me he

had to

do a trans vag. us to see where the baby was. That hurt so bad! And sure

enough our baby was not in utero he said he was pretty sure it was in my

tube. He told me as soon as my dh got there he would let him know what

was

going on and for him to take me to the hosp.asap for surgery. My dh

arrived

10 min after I had heard all this bad news and when I seen him all I

could do

was cry even harder. He took me straight to the hosp and at 4:30pm I was

in

surgery. My dr. told me that he hoped we had caught it in time and that

he

could make a small incision in my tube and that would be all or if my

tube

had rup. that he may have to remove it.Well I got to my room at 6: 30

that

evening and my dh was waiting on me. I could tell by the look on his

face

that something was wrong. And he told me that it had already ruptured

and

that I was hemorrhaging inside and that he had removed all of my L-ft. I

wasn't prepared to hear that. I didn't know what to say or think except

that

this just wasn't fair!I had very little knowledge of EP. I had so many

?'s

going through my head. Well, the next morning after a very sleepless

night my

ob/gyn came in to check on me and to let me go home. He told me that I

was a

very lucky person and that if I had let it go another day or 2 I

wouldn't be

here! I asked him how far I was and he said at least 10 weeks if not

more. By

this time I am more confused more than ever and I wanted to know more

about

EP! He also said the only likely cause he could think of was that I had

a

tremendous amount of scar tissue from my 2 prev. c-sections sites and

that

maybe some broke loose and attached to the tube pinching ti off. Is this

possible? When I finally got home all I could do was cry I felt so empty

and

cheated inside! It was like I found out we were exp. and then less than

2

hours later our baby was gone and I didn't understand and still don't! I

know

God has a reason for everything but this is still hard. Deep down inside

I

really wanted another baby! Sat. morning I got up and went to my pc and

looked up ep and this is how I got here. It has meant so much to me

knowing

that I am not alone. I signed the dreambook and then signed up for the

e-group and it has took me this long to tell my story. I have been

reading

all week and I admire all of you for ttc and for what all you have been

through! All of you guys hang in there it will happen! Then I read

Krista's

mail and that was what made me decide to write. I feel so empty inside

right

now. And I am so scared to even think about trying ttc again! Then I

have all

this neg. feedback from a lot of my family (except dh) OH, put it behind

you

and go on. That hurts even more that was my baby and it was real even if

it

was all said and done in 2 hours!!!!! And I feel in my heart that need

to

deal with my feelings now and not let them bottle up. Sorry that this

story

has been so long I just wanted to say what was on my mind. And if any of

you

guys have any suggestions for me please let me know! I am open to all

suggestions. The main? I have is did any of you cry a lot? this has been

so

hard for me and my dh has been so supportive but I still feel so alone.

Is

this normal? Well, this is my story if any of you want to e-mail me

priv. you

can at CMDRuss@... please feel free to.And to all of you who are ttc

please dot give up!!!! Thanks for taking the time to read my story!

Dana

------------------------------------------------------------------------

What Your Home Is Worth? Find Out Instantly!

http://click./1/1584/2/_/26068/_/951551798/

eGroups.com Home: /group/ectopicpregnancy/

- Simplifying group communications

February 26, 2000

Dear Dana,

I am so glad that you decided to post your story! I hope that everyone can

be of great help to you, as I am sure that they will try. Many of the ladies

don't get to post too often on the weekends, so don't be alarmed if you don't

hear too much until Monday...

I would think that it would be very rare for your previous c-sections to have

caused your ectopic. It is more likely that the endo played some sort of a

role, but who knows? That is the frustrating part-we can each have our own

reproductive problems, but there will (probably) never be a conclusion for

all of us.

As for crying...I don't think that for the rest of my life, all the times

that I cry, will equal how much I cried in the months after Tucker's loss.

This is normal, very normal, grieving. It will pass...

Take care,

Krista

February 27, 2000

Hi Dana,

Your story sounds remarkably like mine.(except I'm older @ 34) I had surgery for

an ep on Dec. 2 last year and am minus my left fallopian tube too. I already

have 3 boys but had a miscarriage in August of last year, then the ep.

Whatever

'reasons' the experts cite that cause ep, I have none of, so it is frustrating

and sad. I think what bothered me the most was that when I came back to work no

one said a word, not even Oh you are back, they just ignored a painful subject

with silence. I sat at work the whole first week and broke into tears at any

given moment, it did get less and less often, though it still happens. Welcome

to the group,

Vicki

CMDRuss@... wrote:

> Hello to all:

> My name is Dana. I live in North Carolina. I am ready to tell my

> story. I am 26, married to a wonderful man and have 2 children and 2 angel

> babies. My first child is a little boy named Landon he is 6 years old, next I

> had a miscarriage in March of 1996, then I our 2nd child is a little girl

> named (Allie) who will be 2 years old March 6th. then our most recent

> angel baby was lost due to EP. This occurred on Thursday, February 17th 2000.

> This past week has been so hard on me. first of all I have always been

> somewhat of an irregular person. I had no idea I was even pregnant. We hadn't

> totally decided not to have any more children but we also hadn't planned to

> have any either. We were going to make this decision when Allie turned 2.

> Deep in my heart I have always wanted another child. And we decided that if

> God thought it was meant to be, then it was meant to be. At the age of 18 I

> was diagnosed with endometrosis and told that I would never have any children

> at all> well I beat that odd and have been blessed with 2 and 2 angel babies!

> This has been so hard for me to understand. I feel somewhat cheated inside.

> It feels good to know that there're other women out here that are just like

> me (ep).It all happened so fast I had been hurting for over a week and I

> could actually feel a knot on my lower left side. I just figured that it was

> another ovar. cyst. I had them before and most of the time they would go away

> on there on. Well, this time was a little different I had lots of heavy bl.

> and bad sharp pain on my L side. Thurs. morning of last week I finally got a

> hold of my ob/gyn and told him directly what was going on, he told me to come

> ASAP because it sounded like something was going on. well around 1:00pm that

> afternoon it all hit I had a pain of all pains! I had not never felt this way

> before. I was trying to wait till my son got out of school at 2:30 and then

> go. I had already had a sitter lined up. Well, the pain was so bad I went on

> early to get him. I could not even go inside to sign him out. luckily they

> brought him to my car. I took them to my grandmothers house and went on. I

> tried to reach my dh before I left and I couldn't get a hold of him. he is a

> crane operator and works 1 hour away from our home in yadkinville,NC. I

> bearly remember driving down to Statesville, which was approx. 30 min.

> away.dh called me on my cell phone to see what was wrong and he told me he

> would meet me @ the Drs. office. When I arrived at the drs.They took me

> straight back I could hardly stand=up straight let alone walk. The DR asked

> me 1st thing if I was pg, I said no I have had my per off and on for a couple

> of months again but that was not unusual for me. He asked me to take a test

> and 2 min. later he came and told me that it was +. i could not believe it.

> By this time I was crying even harder and I was scared! He told me he had to

> do a trans vag. us to see where the baby was. That hurt so bad! And sure

> enough our baby was not in utero he said he was pretty sure it was in my

> tube. He told me as soon as my dh got there he would let him know what was

> going on and for him to take me to the hosp.asap for surgery. My dh arrived

> 10 min after I had heard all this bad news and when I seen him all I could do

> was cry even harder. He took me straight to the hosp and at 4:30pm I was in

> surgery. My dr. told me that he hoped we had caught it in time and that he

> could make a small incision in my tube and that would be all or if my tube

> had rup. that he may have to remove it.Well I got to my room at 6: 30 that

> evening and my dh was waiting on me. I could tell by the look on his face

> that something was wrong. And he told me that it had already ruptured and

> that I was hemorrhaging inside and that he had removed all of my L-ft. I

> wasn't prepared to hear that. I didn't know what to say or think except that

> this just wasn't fair!I had very little knowledge of EP. I had so many ?'s

> going through my head. Well, the next morning after a very sleepless night my

> ob/gyn came in to check on me and to let me go home. He told me that I was a

> very lucky person and that if I had let it go another day or 2 I wouldn't be

> here! I asked him how far I was and he said at least 10 weeks if not more. By

> this time I am more confused more than ever and I wanted to know more about

> EP! He also said the only likely cause he could think of was that I had a

> tremendous amount of scar tissue from my 2 prev. c-sections sites and that

> maybe some broke loose and attached to the tube pinching ti off. Is this

> possible? When I finally got home all I could do was cry I felt so empty and

> cheated inside! It was like I found out we were exp. and then less than 2

> hours later our baby was gone and I didn't understand and still don't! I know

> God has a reason for everything but this is still hard. Deep down inside I

> really wanted another baby! Sat. morning I got up and went to my pc and

> looked up ep and this is how I got here. It has meant so much to me knowing

> that I am not alone. I signed the dreambook and then signed up for the

> e-group and it has took me this long to tell my story. I have been reading

> all week and I admire all of you for ttc and for what all you have been

> through! All of you guys hang in there it will happen! Then I read Krista's

> mail and that was what made me decide to write. I feel so empty inside right

> now. And I am so scared to even think about trying ttc again! Then I have all

> this neg. feedback from a lot of my family (except dh) OH, put it behind you

> and go on. That hurts even more that was my baby and it was real even if it

> was all said and done in 2 hours!!!!! And I feel in my heart that need to

> deal with my feelings now and not let them bottle up. Sorry that this story

> has been so long I just wanted to say what was on my mind. And if any of you

> guys have any suggestions for me please let me know! I am open to all

> suggestions. The main? I have is did any of you cry a lot? this has been so

> hard for me and my dh has been so supportive but I still feel so alone. Is

> this normal? Well, this is my story if any of you want to e-mail me priv. you

> can at CMDRuss@... please feel free to.And to all of you who are ttc

> please dot give up!!!! Thanks for taking the time to read my story!

>

> Dana

>

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

> What Your Home Is Worth? Find Out Instantly!

> http://click./1/1584/2/_/26068/_/951551798/

>

> eGroups.com Home: /group/ectopicpregnancy/

> - Simplifying group communications

February 28, 2000

Dana,

First I am so sorry for you loss. I am glad you found us. I cried a lot.

For a very long time. Last Thurs was the 2nd anniversary of my loss and I

cried as soon as I opened my eyes in the morning. So it is totally normal.

You have suffered a major loss and you need to grieve. If others are

uncomfortable with that, then maybe you need to step back from them for a

while.

I too lost my left tube. It was a terrible horrible experience. I didn't

know I was pg, and by the time I found out, my baby was already gone. I

had no pain until the rupture, and by the time they operated, I had already

lost over 50% of my blood due to internal bleeding. I did not have any

vaginal bleeding, which made it all the harder to diagnose. Having

suffered such severe blood loss and being cut significantly, I spent 5 days

in the hosp and 3 weeks flat on my back. I coulnd't drive for nearly 6

weeks. But it wasn't really until after my physical recovery that I began

to focus on my emotional recovery. It takes time, but it does get easier.

Tara

Re: Topic of the Week....This Is My Story

Hello to all:

My name is Dana. I live in North Carolina. I am ready to tell

my

story. I am 26, married to a wonderful man and have 2 children and 2 angel

babies. My first child is a little boy named Landon he is 6 years old, next

I

had a miscarriage in March of 1996, then I our 2nd child is a little girl

named (Allie) who will be 2 years old March 6th. then our most

recent

angel baby was lost due to EP. This occurred on Thursday, February 17th

2000.

This past week has been so hard on me. first of all I have always been

somewhat of an irregular person. I had no idea I was even pregnant. We

hadn't

totally decided not to have any more children but we also hadn't planned to

have any either. We were going to make this decision when Allie turned 2.

Deep in my heart I have always wanted another child. And we decided that if

God thought it was meant to be, then it was meant to be. At the age of 18 I

was diagnosed with endometrosis and told that I would never have any

children

at all> well I beat that odd and have been blessed with 2 and 2 angel

babies!

This has been so hard for me to understand. I feel somewhat cheated inside.

It feels good to know that there're other women out here that are just like

me (ep).It all happened so fast I had been hurting for over a week and I

could actually feel a knot on my lower left side. I just figured that it

was

another ovar. cyst. I had them before and most of the time they would go

away

on there on. Well, this time was a little different I had lots of heavy bl.

and bad sharp pain on my L side. Thurs. morning of last week I finally got

a

hold of my ob/gyn and told him directly what was going on, he told me to

come

ASAP because it sounded like something was going on. well around 1:00pm

that

afternoon it all hit I had a pain of all pains! I had not never felt this

way

before. I was trying to wait till my son got out of school at 2:30 and then

go. I had already had a sitter lined up. Well, the pain was so bad I went

on

early to get him. I could not even go inside to sign him out. luckily they

brought him to my car. I took them to my grandmothers house and went on. I

tried to reach my dh before I left and I couldn't get a hold of him. he is

a

crane operator and works 1 hour away from our home in yadkinville,NC. I

bearly remember driving down to Statesville, which was approx. 30 min.

away.dh called me on my cell phone to see what was wrong and he told me he

would meet me @ the Drs. office. When I arrived at the drs.They took me

straight back I could hardly stand=up straight let alone walk. The DR asked

me 1st thing if I was pg, I said no I have had my per off and on for a

couple

of months again but that was not unusual for me. He asked me to take a test

and 2 min. later he came and told me that it was +. i could not believe it.

By this time I was crying even harder and I was scared! He told me he had

to

do a trans vag. us to see where the baby was. That hurt so bad! And sure

enough our baby was not in utero he said he was pretty sure it was in my

tube. He told me as soon as my dh got there he would let him know what was

going on and for him to take me to the hosp.asap for surgery. My dh arrived

10 min after I had heard all this bad news and when I seen him all I could

do