Been a while...

[Guest guest]

I'm home today and feeling pretty good so I thought I'd check in with everyone.

As some of you may recall, I moved in with Mom and Dad (81 and 86) a year ago to

help Dad deal with Mom's LBD. It's been a HUGE adjustment for me, and then on

New Year's Eve I found I have cancer in my colon which had travelled to my

ovaries. I've had two major surgeries (one on New Year's Eve and one on

February 22), and am undergoing chemo.

At the same time, I'm working as many days as I can (chemo is not for sissies,

and I've run out of sick leave), trying to keep my health insurance paid so that

I can afford my cancer treatments, and still trying to take care of Mom and Dad.

My kids help as much as they can, and we're managing.

Mom continues her mental decline. I would put her mental and emotional age

right now at about 2-3 years. Sometimes she can ask to be put on the commode,

but incontinence is becoming more the order than the exception. I've found that

I have to hide out in my room most of the time, because her seeing me triggers

incessant and strange demands and accusations of theft and all kinds of stuff.

She's renamed the entire family, denies ever being married to my Dad, says she's

her mother and that my Dad is her father, and most of the time she doesn't know

who the hell I am... *LOL*

Mom has started asking for her " little " things. I'm sure this is an indicator

of how she's thinking...she asks for her " little shoes " and her " little gownie "

and her " little potty " ...

She whines and cries to get her way on things...very manipulative...and pits my

father against me when I try to make the better decisions for her.

A year ago the doctor said that caring for her at home was not appropriate, but

here we still are. Dad's still willing to sacrifice his life AND mine for Mom.

He's angry that I can't pick Mom up any longer (she outweighs me by 30-40

pounds), and basically I'm worthless as far as he's concerned except to cook,

clean and keep an eye on Mom while he sleeps in his recliner. He complains

constantly, overdoses himself on pain meds and antidepressants so that he sleeps

all the time, and then I have TWO to take care of.

I regret coming here on a daily basis, because I realize now that rather than

helping the situation, I've enabled Dad to continue in a situation that is not

good for any of us, and which is seriously impacting my ability to beat back the

cancer in my body. So for those of you who think that maybe you're doing

something helpful by moving in to help or moving a parent or parents to your

home, you might want to think about a little further down the road. It may NOT

be the most loving thing you can do.

Jannis

Daughter of E., initially diagnosed

with depression, Parkinson's, before

final diagnosis of LBD in 2006; unable

to stand, sit upright; dependent for

all activities