(No subject)

[Guest guest]

i feel like my problems  are  so  small compared  to  some of  you   i pray for 

all  each night  knowing  that  im just a begginer  in all this  and  i ask for 

your  prayers     i really need to ask you all  and  say first  i feel guilty 

about  my actions   but  have any of  you ever  gotten mad and  lashed  out  at 

loved  ones    im afraid  i have     he keeps  me up  all night  asking   who 

the  other  people  that live  her   ;where  are  they;    he doesnt  know 

me    well i guess  he  knows  maryann  is his  wife   but  its  not  me   his 

wife   is   17  and  slim      i try to tell him  thats  me  but  he  just 

laughts   and says   my wife  doesnt  look like  you      but  at  same time   i

have to be  within his reach   24-7      yesterday   for the first time  in

over  a  year   i went to town by  myself   

of course  i left him in good  hand    but  now  hes  gonna  report  me  to  a 

judicial court  for  breaking  rules---leaving  him---i cant believe  this  

its  like  a  dream   i woke  up  other  night   and  he was  standing  by  my

side of  bed  with the  awfullest  look on his  face --  scared  me  --   and 

all night  he  wants  to know  why  im in bed   with  him    only  his  wife 

sleeps  with  him     and   on  and  on    i blew  it  other  day  and  started 

screaming  at  him--and  honestly  thats  not  in my nature---i copied  remarks 

from this site  and  dr  put him on  aricept   zoflst    but  not  seraquil    

its  been  one week  now    when  does  it start  taking  effect      he s  

been a preacher  --in his past  life-that s what it seems  like--   and  now 

he  cursed  me  when i came back from town 

yesterday    should  i not  leave  at  all    sometimes  i feel like  im going 

crazy  just  listening  to  him  and  i just  want  to  run   anywhere   just 

to get  away    i try to keep up  a  good  faace  and  laugh    but  i feel

like  crying  all the  time     im sorry this is  so  long   but  i could 

write  forever  it seems   so much is going  on     ONE  more  thing  and  i ll

quit     our  son wants  to take us to memphis--where i came from-- and  se 

our  relatives  etc.   and  i dont  know  wheather  we  should  or  not    i

really value  all of your  opions       maryann