Guest guest Posted August 22, 2001 Report Share Posted August 22, 2001 Sort of digressing here, but I have become paranoid about this (see snipet from 's posting below), wondering if I should have been extremely discreet about who I told that I had cancer. I have begun to feel like I won't be desired later because I had/have cancer. I am divorced, but would like to remarry again. I would welcome anybody's experiences with feelings similar to mine, and what can be done about them, what to expect from people, etc... Debbi Wash., DC Age 41 dx pap thyca 5/01 TT 7/01 2 cm tumor/no spread to nodes WBS sch Friday 8/24 In a message dated 8/22/01 1:56:16 PM Eastern Daylight Time, soniac@... writes: > I also noticed that it took me a long time to see myself as a > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2001 Report Share Posted August 22, 2001 >>Having thyca as a single woman has been wonderful help in weeding out the losers from my life! << Dear , That is awesome, and so true. I have already begun to see the light. I thought that from being hypo I was overly emotional (and still not sure) but I have noticed that many people will offer to do things for you, but they ever rarely just do it. Or, offer to come visit, but rarely do. Three people told me this past weekend they would visit. None of those three did (although others did) and only one of those three bothered to call (at 4:00 p.m. on Sunday to say that she just got too busy unwrapping her wedding gifts). Through all of this, I think I need to make a paradigm change in my life as far as my choice of friends. Not that I would drop the ones I have, but I want to be able to really count on people and not feel as if I would be interrupting their busy (and self-absorbed lives) with my needs...I can " make do " , but it sure would have been nice to have someone call and say, " gee, Deb, I am going to the grocery store tonight...put together a list for me and I will pick the stuff up for you and drop it off later on my way home...instead I get....can I get you anything? OR, better yet, I noticed one friend was beng very generous with an offer to visit, but said in the same breath...isn't it too bad I can't come over because you had the radioiodine pill yesterday? Am I being too sensitive? When I was healthy, I thought I had an abundance of really great friends. Thoughts anyone? Debbi dx pap thyca 5/01 TT 7/01 WSB sch 8/24 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2001 Report Share Posted August 22, 2001 I would like to know if anybody has had a decrease in sex drive since they started treatment. Before surgery, I had a very high sex drive and now it doesn't exsist. My doctor told me that it is not due to the cancer or the treatments I have received. My husband would beg to differ on this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2001 Report Share Posted August 22, 2001 I have not had any significant decrease in my sex drive either while I'm supressed or while I'm hypo, except at the very end. I don't know your history such as when you got your dx, but I'm wondering if you are experiencing anxiety or depression. That will affect your sex drive. If you are depressed then it could be because of the stress of having cancer and/or because you are maybe a little bit hypo. It can be so difficult to get your dosage adjusted because just a few micrograms makes a huge ifference in how you feel. I also noticed that it took me a long time to see myself as a desirable woman again, and not as someone that was sick with cancer. Your self image may need some evaluation. Do you have someone you can talk to? I'm sorry that your dr hasn't been more supportive on this issue, you might need to push to get this taken care of. Having a happy sex life and close relationship with your husband will do more for your health than just about anything else you can do.Good luck to you!Peace, Love and all that Hippie Stuff! Problems in the bedroom > I would like to know if anybody has had a decrease in sex drive since > they started treatment. Before surgery, I had a very high sex drive > and now it doesn't exsist. My doctor told me that it is not due to > the cancer or the treatments I have received. My husband would beg > to differ on this. > > > > For more information regarding thyroid cancer visit www.thyca.org. If you do not wish to belong to this group, you may UNSUBSCRIBE by sending a blank email to thyca-unsubscribe > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2001 Report Share Posted August 22, 2001 In a message dated 8/22/2001 1:01:32 PM Eastern Daylight Time, mthornton38@... writes: > I would like to know if anybody has had a decrease in sex drive since > they started treatment. Before surgery, I had a very high sex drive > and now it doesn't exsist. My doctor told me that it is not due to > the cancer or the treatments I have received. My husband would beg > to differ on this. > You don't say whether you are hypothyroid or not at this time, but I would say that if your medication is not gotten your TSH in the normal range then it definitely DOES have an effect on your sex drive. I have experienced this while going through treatment but all returns to normal once my TSH levels are stabilized. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2001 Report Share Posted August 22, 2001 In a message dated 8/22/2001 2:30:39 PM Eastern Daylight Time, djkoplen@... writes: > Sort of digressing here, but I have become paranoid about this (see snipet > from 's posting below), wondering if I should have been extremely > discreet about who I told that I had cancer. I have begun to feel like I > won't be desired later because I had/have cancer. I am divorced, but would > like to remarry again. > > I would welcome anybody's experiences with feelings similar to mine, and > what > can be done about them, what to expect from people, etc... > > Debbi > Debbi, First off, let me state that I am married and have been throughout all this; however, I am a female in my mid-thirties and work in an office FULL of men that have also been through this disease with me!!!! Anyway, when I first was diagnosed, I did feel " less " of person and I guess " less " of a woman. And lets face it, married or not, we all still like to feel that we are attractive and desireable to others. So for the first year or so, I really felt so inferior and unhealthy and I felt that others viewed me the same way. I did finally get over that when the same members of the opposite sex continued to flirt with me as always--they really don't care! If I was single, I don't think I'd have a problem finding someone despite my diagnosis. I guess you can always run into that bad apple, but it is my view that they were bad to begin with if they feel that way about your health and your better off not having them! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2001 Report Share Posted August 22, 2001 , One thing I have noticed is that the guys have not been as " nurturing " as the women in all of this. But, what's new with that? (sorry guys). I guess the image I have always portrayed in my adult years is one of health and fitness, so this is probably more my problem than anyone else's. Anyway, I had a male friend accompany me jogging the other night (in case I fell out or something) and he said unless he didn't know better, he would never have known I was sick. I hugged him and told him that was the sweetest thing anyone has told me in quite some time! Debbi In a message dated 8/22/01 5:49:26 PM Eastern Daylight Time, ChristiNorman@... writes: > Subj: Re: Problems in the bedroom > Date: 8/22/01 5:49:26 PM Eastern Daylight Time > From: ChristiNorman@... > Reply-to: <A HREF= " mailto:Thyca " >Thyca </A> > To: Thyca > > > > > In a message dated 8/22/2001 2:30:39 PM Eastern Daylight Time, > djkoplen@... writes: > > > > Sort of digressing here, but I have become paranoid about this (see > snipet > > from 's posting below), wondering if I should have been extremely > > discreet about who I told that I had cancer. I have begun to feel like I > > won't be desired later because I had/have cancer. I am divorced, but > would > > like to remarry again. > > > > I would welcome anybody's experiences with feelings similar to mine, and > > what > > can be done about them, what to expect from people, etc... > > > > Debbi > > > > Debbi, > First off, let me state that I am married and have been throughout all > this; > however, I am a female in my mid-thirties and work in an office FULL of men > that have also been through this disease with me!!!! Anyway, when I first > was diagnosed, I did feel " less " of person and I guess " less " of a woman. > And lets face it, married or not, we all still like to feel that we are > attractive and desireable to others. So for the first year or so, I really > felt so inferior and unhealthy and I felt that others viewed me the same > way. > I did finally get over that when the same members of the opposite sex > continued to flirt with me as always--they really don't care! If I was > single, I don't think I'd have a problem finding someone despite my > diagnosis. I guess you can always run into that bad apple, but it is my > view > that they were bad to begin with if they feel that way about your health > and > your better off not having them! > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2001 Report Share Posted August 22, 2001 , That all makes good sense to me. I have thought about seriously taking up one of these gals offers, but haven't felt " desparate " yet. I suppose one doesn't need to feel desparate just to accept help. They just all seem so damn busy. I live in a hectic metropolitan area with my buds spread out all over the place, they work hard and play hard, and while I am a divorced woman with a nine-year old son, my friends are mostly single or married and childless, enjoying the rewards of their hard work-going here, running there, buying this and that....it all seems so boring to me now. I have no family here. :-( That is what I meant by " changing my paradigm " , finding more meaning in life and finding people who are already there themselves, finding friends with children who would have offered to take my son a night or two (although I will say that his Dad lives across the street from me and we have shared custody, so there was never a problem there...but I am sure Dad could use a break at this point). Anyway, I won't ramble, and I hope that I don't sound pathetic, and maybe I do, but I know this could have had more of a warm fuzzy feeling to it than phone calls with insincere offers to help. One thing I learned...when someone is sick, don't assume...just go over there, visit, hold their hand, bring over a funny movie, bring some food, anything to help them feel not so alone. Sorry if I have brought the group down. There are always lessons to come from dark moments like these, though. Thanks for letting me share mine. Debbi <---hypo and PMS-O Wash., DC Age 41 dx pap thyca 5/01 TT 7/01 2 cm tumor/no spread WBS sch 8/24 In a message dated 8/22/01 5:31:12 PM Eastern Daylight Time, soniac@... writes: > Subj: Re: Problems in the bedroom > Date: 8/22/01 5:31:12 PM Eastern Daylight Time > From: soniac@... (soniac) > Reply-to: <A HREF= " mailto:Thyca " >Thyca </A> > To: Thyca > > > > > Debbi, > I think that you're not being too sensitive, and I'm sure most of us have > felt the way you do now. I think that unless people have had to deal with a > serious illness themselves the y really don't know how to respond or what > you might need. Most people don't mean to be insensitive. This last time I > went hypo, (the 4th time) and had surgery I had learned what my different > friends had to offer. I was very specifc and made requests when they offered > to help. I asked 2 friends to have my sons over a couple of nights. I asked > another friend to drive me to the doctor. I asked a different friend to > spend the night after I gotout of the hospital. In short, I tried to spread > out my requests so I didn't burden anyone and I tried to tailor my requests > to each person's schedule, abilies etc. I found that everyone was happy to > help and feel needed, I didn't feel like a sponge, and I didn't need as much > help as I had originally thought. It's a learning process I guess. I also > found that once I was mentally comfortable in asking for what I needed > people literally came out of the woodwork with food, visits, etc, without me > asking. Go figure! > Peace, Love and all that Hippie Stuff! > > Re: Problems in the bedroom > > > > >>Having thyca as > > a single woman has been wonderful help in weeding out the losers from my > > life! > > << > > > > Dear , > > > > That is awesome, and so true. I have already begun to see the light. I > > thought that from being hypo I was overly emotional (and still not sure) > but > > I have noticed that many people will offer to do things for you, but they > > ever rarely just do it. Or, offer to come visit, but rarely do. Three > > people told me this past weekend they would visit. None of those three > did > > (although others did) and only one of those three bothered to call (at > 4:00 > > p.m. on Sunday to say that she just got too busy unwrapping her wedding > > gifts). > > > > Through all of this, I think I need to make a paradigm change in my life > as > > far as my choice of friends. Not that I would drop the ones I have, but I > > want to be able to really count on people and not feel as if I would be > > interrupting their busy (and self-absorbed lives) with my needs...I can > " make > > do " , but it sure would have been nice to have someone call and say, " gee, > > Deb, I am going to the grocery store tonight...put together a list for me > and > > I will pick the stuff up for you and drop it off later on my way > > home...instead I get....can I get you anything? OR, better yet, I noticed > > one friend was beng very generous with an offer to visit, but said in the > > same breath...isn't it too bad I can't come over because you had the > > radioiodine pill yesterday? > > > > Am I being too sensitive? When I was healthy, I thought I had an > abundance > > of really great friends. > > > > Thoughts anyone? > > > > Debbi > > dx pap thyca 5/01 > > TT 7/01 > > WSB sch 8/24 > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2001 Report Share Posted August 22, 2001 It all makes you think about them, you, etc...where you were when they might have needed you, blah, blah, blah...and I am trying very hard to see it from their perspective. I did notice that during and after surgery, they were here in droves. My parents were here and so many friends showed up, called, sent flowers, food, etc...it felt very good and I thought that when I went hypo, I would have the same support. NOT! I guess there is something about hospitals and knives, surgeons and IVs that being hypo can't convey. But, I will say this...and I know all of you will agree, that by week #7 of being hypo, surgery doesn't compare (sorry, don't mean to scare any of you who have not quite become hypo yet-you'll get the rhythm of being hypo, too). Don't get me wrong.....3 of my girlfriends call me/email me every single day..but there is something missing...the human element, the dimension of touch, of face to face dialogue.... Debbi In a message dated 8/22/01 6:07:27 PM Eastern Daylight Time, sandycg1@... writes: > Subj: Re: Problems in the bedroom > Date: 8/22/01 6:07:27 PM Eastern Daylight Time > From: sandycg1@... > Reply-to: <A HREF= " mailto:Thyca " >Thyca </A> > To: Thyca > > > > > Debbi, > > I've noticed the same thing!! After surgery, I had all sorts of > visitors and dinners (had to freeze them for later, but it's the > thought). Bunch of cards and well wishes.....now, a year later I > find many have dropped by the wayside. I know I isolated myself from > friends for awhile - just didn't feel social until meds took effect. > > I think everybody jumps to help when they know you have > CANCER/sugery. Not many of my friends really wanted to understand > the " rest of the saga " ....so some sort of drifted. I sense that they > don't want to talk about it, so I make a point not to bring the > subject up - which really isn't a sign of a good friendship. > > Anyway, I'm also taking a long look at true friendships, not > the " obligatory flowers and food " friends. > > Strange turn of events...I'm also taking a good look at myself (am I > a good friend????) > > Sandy > > > > > I > > thought that from being hypo I was overly emotional (and still not > sure) but > > I have noticed that many people will offer to do things for you, > but they > > ever rarely just do it. Or, offer to come visit, but rarely do. > > > > Am I being too sensitive? When I was healthy, I thought I had an > abundance > > of really great friends. > > > > Thoughts anyone? > > > > Debbi > > dx pap thyca 5/01 > > TT 7/01 > > WSB sch 8/24 > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2001 Report Share Posted August 22, 2001 Hi Debbi, I too am divorced. It took me a while but a wonderful friend of mine helped to allay my fears once and for all. I was hypo(believe it or not) and he became very ardent. When I expressed my surprise that he still found me desirable, he was honestly confused. His answer to me was " Why wouldn't I still find you attractive, you're still you! " Another boyfiend said " It's not like it's contagious, what's the big deal? " Not quite as sweet, but still reassuring in a twisted way. LOL I'm seeing a wonderful man right now. He and I had our first date one week after my last surgery, so my neck was looking incredibly beautiful. He is gentle and considerate of areas that are sore, and he gets a big kick out of playing with my ear that is still numb. There have been friends, both male and female that could not handle being close to someone with cancer, but I have learned that this reaction is rooted in their own fears of illness and death. Having thyca as a single woman has been wonderful help in weeding out the losers from my life! Feel free to emailme privately if you ever want to talk more personally. Peace, Love and all that Hippie Stuff! Re: Problems in the bedroom > Sort of digressing here, but I have become paranoid about this (see snipet > from 's posting below), wondering if I should have been extremely > discreet about who I told that I had cancer. I have begun to feel like I > won't be desired later because I had/have cancer. I am divorced, but would > like to remarry again. > > I would welcome anybody's experiences with feelings similar to mine, and what > can be done about them, what to expect from people, etc... > > Debbi > Wash., DC > Age 41 > dx pap thyca 5/01 > TT 7/01 > 2 cm tumor/no spread to nodes > WBS sch Friday 8/24 > > In a message dated 8/22/01 1:56:16 PM Eastern Daylight Time, > soniac@... writes: > > > > I also noticed that it took me a long time to see myself as a > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2001 Report Share Posted August 22, 2001 Debbi, I think that you're not being too sensitive, and I'm sure most of us have felt the way you do now. I think that unless people have had to deal with a serious illness themselves the y really don't know how to respond or what you might need. Most people don't mean to be insensitive. This last time I went hypo, (the 4th time) and had surgery I had learned what my different friends had to offer. I was very specifc and made requests when they offered to help. I asked 2 friends to have my sons over a couple of nights. I asked another friend to drive me to the doctor. I asked a different friend to spend the night after I gotout of the hospital. In short, I tried to spread out my requests so I didn't burden anyone and I tried to tailor my requests to each person's schedule, abilies etc. I found that everyone was happy to help and feel needed, I didn't feel like a sponge, and I didn't need as much help as I had originally thought. It's a learning process I guess. I also found that once I was mentally comfortable in asking for what I needed people literally came out of the woodwork with food, visits, etc, without me asking. Go figure! Peace, Love and all that Hippie Stuff! Re: Problems in the bedroom > >>Having thyca as > a single woman has been wonderful help in weeding out the losers from my > life! > << > > Dear , > > That is awesome, and so true. I have already begun to see the light. I > thought that from being hypo I was overly emotional (and still not sure) but > I have noticed that many people will offer to do things for you, but they > ever rarely just do it. Or, offer to come visit, but rarely do. Three > people told me this past weekend they would visit. None of those three did > (although others did) and only one of those three bothered to call (at 4:00 > p.m. on Sunday to say that she just got too busy unwrapping her wedding > gifts). > > Through all of this, I think I need to make a paradigm change in my life as > far as my choice of friends. Not that I would drop the ones I have, but I > want to be able to really count on people and not feel as if I would be > interrupting their busy (and self-absorbed lives) with my needs...I can " make > do " , but it sure would have been nice to have someone call and say, " gee, > Deb, I am going to the grocery store tonight...put together a list for me and > I will pick the stuff up for you and drop it off later on my way > home...instead I get....can I get you anything? OR, better yet, I noticed > one friend was beng very generous with an offer to visit, but said in the > same breath...isn't it too bad I can't come over because you had the > radioiodine pill yesterday? > > Am I being too sensitive? When I was healthy, I thought I had an abundance > of really great friends. > > Thoughts anyone? > > Debbi > dx pap thyca 5/01 > TT 7/01 > WSB sch 8/24 > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2001 Report Share Posted August 22, 2001 Debbi, I've noticed the same thing!! After surgery, I had all sorts of visitors and dinners (had to freeze them for later, but it's the thought). Bunch of cards and well wishes.....now, a year later I find many have dropped by the wayside. I know I isolated myself from friends for awhile - just didn't feel social until meds took effect. I think everybody jumps to help when they know you have CANCER/sugery. Not many of my friends really wanted to understand the " rest of the saga " ....so some sort of drifted. I sense that they don't want to talk about it, so I make a point not to bring the subject up - which really isn't a sign of a good friendship. Anyway, I'm also taking a long look at true friendships, not the " obligatory flowers and food " friends. Strange turn of events...I'm also taking a good look at myself (am I a good friend????) Sandy I > thought that from being hypo I was overly emotional (and still not sure) but > I have noticed that many people will offer to do things for you, but they > ever rarely just do it. Or, offer to come visit, but rarely do. > > Am I being too sensitive? When I was healthy, I thought I had an abundance > of really great friends. > > Thoughts anyone? > > Debbi > dx pap thyca 5/01 > TT 7/01 > WSB sch 8/24 > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2001 Report Share Posted August 22, 2001 Well, it sure it good to know I'm not all alone with these feelings of loneliness and " where is everybody? " . I have a huge family (over 30 cousins, plus more than 12 aunts and uncles, brother and sister with spouses, 15 nieces/nephews plus in-laws) and several good friends, and they were all over me after the surgery/diagnosis last year. This year with a surprising recurrence and RAI and 10 weeks of hypo hell, I've yet to hear from anyone except my aunt Clara and my childhood friend . I'm getting annoyed! Mara TT 4/00, pap/fol thyca Scan 7/23/01, RAI 7/30/01 --- djkoplen@... wrote: > It all makes you think about them, you, etc...where > you were when they might > have needed you, blah, blah, blah...and I am trying > very hard to see it from > their perspective. I did notice that during and > after surgery, they were > here in droves. My parents were here and so many > friends showed up, called, > sent flowers, food, etc...it felt very good and I > thought that when I went > hypo, I would have the same support. NOT! I guess > there is something about > hospitals and knives, surgeons and IVs that being > hypo can't convey. But, I > will say this...and I know all of you will agree, > that by week #7 of being > hypo, surgery doesn't compare (sorry, don't mean to > scare any of you who have > not quite become hypo yet-you'll get the rhythm of > being hypo, too). Don't > get me wrong.....3 of my girlfriends call me/email > me every single day..but > there is something missing...the human element, the > dimension of touch, of > face to face dialogue.... > > Debbi > > In a message dated 8/22/01 6:07:27 PM Eastern > Daylight Time, > sandycg1@... writes: > > > > Subj: Re: Problems in the bedroom > > Date: 8/22/01 6:07:27 PM Eastern Daylight Time > > From: sandycg1@... > > Reply-to: <A > HREF= " mailto:Thyca " >Thyca </A> > > To: Thyca > > > > > > > > > > Debbi, > > > > I've noticed the same thing!! After surgery, I > had all sorts of > > visitors and dinners (had to freeze them for > later, but it's the > > thought). Bunch of cards and well wishes.....now, > a year later I > > find many have dropped by the wayside. I know I > isolated myself from > > friends for awhile - just didn't feel social until > meds took effect. > > > > I think everybody jumps to help when they know you > have > > CANCER/sugery. Not many of my friends really > wanted to understand > > the " rest of the saga " ....so some sort of drifted. > I sense that they > > don't want to talk about it, so I make a point not > to bring the > > subject up - which really isn't a sign of a good > friendship. > > > > Anyway, I'm also taking a long look at true > friendships, not > > the " obligatory flowers and food " friends. > > > > Strange turn of events...I'm also taking a good > look at myself (am I > > a good friend????) > > > > Sandy > > > > > > > > > > I > > > thought that from being hypo I was overly > emotional (and still not > > sure) but > > > I have noticed that many people will offer to do > things for you, > > but they > > > ever rarely just do it. Or, offer to come > visit, but rarely do. > > > > > > Am I being too sensitive? When I was healthy, I > thought I had an > > abundance > > > of really great friends. > > > > > > Thoughts anyone? > > > > > > Debbi > > > dx pap thyca 5/01 > > > TT 7/01 > > > WSB sch 8/24 > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > removed] > > > > > > > > For more information regarding thyroid cancer > visit www.thyca.org. If you > > do not wish to belong to this group, you may > UNSUBSCRIBE by sending a blank > > email to thyca-unsubscribe > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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