when dealing with nada all choices cause pain

[Guest guest]

I've been a part of this group for about a month, and I'm still astounded at all

that I have in common with the stories I read here.

One thread that I have noticed running through so many of our lives with our BPD

parents is the very real sense of being trapped in a situation where there are

no alternatives that do not cause pain.

A past T made that observation about my childhood...that I was put in a constant

state of Catch-22 by my parent's actions. This statement really resounded for

me, and I realized that it was true. All the choices I had as a child led to

painful consequences.

As an adult, I've felt the same way when dealing with nada. Contact is painful,

setting boundaries is painful, no contact..while at first a relief, has it's own

pain of guilt and dealing with nada's escalating behaviors. I have struggled

with the belief that there is no way out for me, no real answers, no real

escape...

I realize that I have more freedom and more choices as an adult than I ever did

as a child, but I still struggle with the sense that pain is inevitable, and

that I am trapped with no choices.

I know that isn't really true...but I have noticed that many of the people here

have been put into double binds with their nadas. It's a miracle any of us are

still sane. That sense of hopelessness and pain as an inevitability are so

deadly to my soul. I want to break free of the belief that I can't get away from

her and the pain she has caused. I feel often as if I am just destined to suffer

from having her as a nada for the rest of my life.

Does anyone else suffer from being put in a double bind and feeling trapped?

Kate