Re: Ripples

February 4, 1970

Marilyn,

Have you ever seen the movie, " Pay it Forward " ? Same thing...one

person does a good deed for three people. The payment is that each of

the three would then do a good deed for three others. It is quite far

reaching. And it starts with one small boy. Quite touching.

G.

> Hello Everyone:

>

> This will probably be too much philosophy for many of you, but I have

> reached that point in our journey where I have had to make a major

> change in

> how I view others. I've been reading some books and they have

> effected me

> in more areas than I would have thought.

>

> Michele wrote:

> The amount that people with differences face is just way out of line.

> I

> wish there was a way to change things right now in a dramatic way. I

> guess

> my way of dealing with it is to live my life in such a way as to

> slowly and

> quietly change the world around me. If we can all do that, maybe the

> ripples around each of us will meet up with each other until we

> actually

> make waves. Or maybe that's a naive view.

>

> Michele:

> I really like the " ripple " comment. That may be a naive view, but

> having

> met and read several books by Darrell , I choose to believe that a

> ripple can make a difference beyond what we are aware of.

>

> Darrell is the father of , one of the first students

> shot

> and killed at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado. Darrel

> had no

> idea how far reaching his daughter's compassion was in her short life.

> In a

> code of ethics assignment for class, wrote: " I have this

> theory that

> if one person can go out of their way to show compassion, then it will

> start

> a chain reaction of the same. People will never know how far a little

> kindness can go. " 's code of ethics was very much tied to her

> religious beliefs, but I think they transfer across any lines one can

> draw

> if one is to live a life of decency. believed she could

> change the

> world one person at a time. I'd like to believe that is true in all

> arenas,

> including disability circles. And for another to show compassion FOR

> individuals with disabililties or their families can model an example

> that

> will go a very long way. Likewise, understanding and compassionate

> examples

> FROM individuals with disabilites or their families can ripple equally

> as

> far.

>

> It is a shame we have to fight for what our children (and adults)

> deserve or

> earn, whereas others can claim it by " ableness " , lack of disability, or

> having that label of " normal " . I like to think we can be passionate

> and

> compassionate about our advocacy efforts. It is unfortunate that

> others

> fail to see those attributes or contributions and choose to view our

> efforts

> in a negative light. I think it will always be a part of a ripple in

> the

> back of their mind, even if it doesn't become the wave that overtakes

> some

> backward thinking.

>

> The only option is not to try, and that avenue doesn't appeal to me at

> all.

> If I throw a small pebble at a glass window, it will only make a small

> sound

> and then is gone. If I throw that same small pebble in the water, it

> sends

> out ripples that will continue long after they become invisible to our

> eyes.

> I try to view people as water and fluid in their views, not as glass

> and

> inflexible. I prefer to try causing a small ripple that, hopefully,

> will

> spread rather than do nothing at all. I refuse to believe that the

> majority

> of people are so inflexible and lacking in compassion that they are not

> touched in some way. (Although I have wondered about a couple of

> people in

> the past!) Some people are trapped behind the glass, like being in a

> fishtank that the ripple can only go so far - and unfortunately, that

> is

> often their job. That doesn't mean they are left untouched; it just

> means

> that the ripples are limited.

>

> If you are interested in reading more about , she was an

> amazing, sensative, caring young woman who befriended and went out of

> her

> way to be kind to individuals like our children. There are at least

> three

> books that I am aware of that address the " ripples " sent out by :

> " Chain Reaction: A Call to Compassionate Revolution " ;

> " 's Tears " ; and

> " Smiles: The Spiritual Legacy of Columbine Martyr " .

> The publisher is Publishers (www.thomasnelson.com).

>

> Too much for many of you, I'm sure! I just couldn't let Michele's

> comment

> pass; and for those of you who know me, you'll know I don't easily stop

> writing once I get going!

>

> Friends in CHARGE,

> Marilyn Ogan

> Mom of Ken (14, ADD) and (11, CHARGE+)

> Wife of Rick

>

February 5, 1970

Marilyn,

I agree. Our school is a small, rural school, and the biggest

" ripplemaker " in that district is a 43 in. 44 lb. soon-to-be second

grader! You should have seen the kid when she played Tball this

summer. Sometimes they would purposely drop the ball or throw to a

different base just so she could make it around the bases...

She has also made a big ripple in my life as a school teacher. I am

more accepting and patient with kids that have special needs. Not that

I wasn't before, but I think I understand better or something. I have

learned that a lot of things that people get upset about at work are

not worth wasting the time and energy about, and most often my

administrators think I am able to be more objective about issues that

raise other people's emotions. I just think that when I have had to

watch battle for her life and deal with everything that I don't

have time or energy to waste on petty issues that have no impact on the

students' educations.

My, I did get on a soapbox, didn't I? Maybe we should all add the

name Ripple to our kids' names!

> wrote:

>

> Marilyn,

> Have you ever seen the movie, " Pay it Forward " ? Same thing...one

> person does a good deed for three people. The payment is that each of

> the three would then do a good deed for three others. It is quite far

> reaching. And it starts with one small boy. Quite touching.

>

> :

> Actually, Darrel ('s father) mentioned it during his

> presentation at our church. I've not seen the movie but want to.

> Time to

> hit the library's video files, I guess!

>

> It must make a big impression because our church also did a Pay It

> Forward

> campaign two years ago. At random, people received $50 to do as they

> felt

> might help another person. There was such a tremendous response to

> this, it

> was repeated last year.

>

> Maybe the Pay It Forward philosophy needs to be brought home to the

> people

> we have to advocate so hard with! Only it would sort of be in

> reverse: A

> simple reminder that they too are only a breath away from our lives

> and they

> could be on the outside looking in. They need to be reminded that the

> work

> we do now - in education, society, and the medical profession - not

> only

> effects those who currently have disabilities but those that also come

> after - and one of those could be them!

>

> Just some more thoughts. Maybe I'm fortunate in many ways. We've had

> a

> pretty good hospital - once the doctors realized we are not all

> ignorant

> parents - but we've had a great school situation with for so

> long.

> I have had people say, " Oh, you are so lucky you live in Indianapolis

> where

> Riley Hospital is so close. " We have never had anyone say that we are

> more

> fortunate that we live close to a Deaf School that allows a

> wonderful, enabling education in a truely nurturing environment. Yet

> education is one of the biggest hurdles once the medical stuff is

> handled,

> and will impact our children as much - if not more - than the long term

> medical will. (I know it is all tied together, because education

> should be

> taking into account the health issues that impact the education.)

> Yes, we

> had to " fight " to get her placed there, but when people see her they

> are

> just amazed at her confidence and communication skills. That includes

> the

> Director we had to persuade that the deaf school was the best

> placement for

> ; when she sees she comments that is doing so

> well.

> I call that a shift in attitude, and I'm hoping this result is " paid

> forward " as better understanding and compassion for other students in

> similar situations.

>

> While I too see situations where students could be better served if

> just one

> person's attitude would change, I refuse to believe that people can

> remain

> untouched by the effects of advocacy. Even if it is only that the

> person

> begins to feel more compassion, the result eventually has to be change.

>

> A chain reaction has to start somewhere: Let me become the first

> link. I

> hope the ripples continue: I'm willing to be the pebble. I hope that

> there

> will always be someone willing to " pay it forward " : I'm willing to

> start

> the action. We just have to find the right ways to connect the chain,

> break

> the surface, and up the ante.

>

> The parents of children with Rubella advocated, and eventually joined

> forces. While we have each other on this list to communcate with, we

> need

> to connect with other advocacy groups with similar interests. If we

> only

> exchange our ideas and frustrations here, it goes nowhere. If we join

> those

> who already advocate for individuals with disabilities, eventually

> everyone

> will benefit. I learned that in our Partners In Policymaking Academy.

> I

> know we all have become good advocates for our children in many areas,

> because if we don't do it no one else will. But we need to draw on the

> expreience of others who have been there before and succeeded. I urge

> you

> to find those groups in your regional areas and join them.

>

> Friends in CHARGE,

> Marilyn Ogan

> Mom of Ken (14, ADD) and (11, CHARGE+)

> Wife of Rick

>

August 1, 2003

Marilyn-

That's exactly what I was trying to express! I'll have to get those books. I

agree that people are fluid and can be affected by ripples. And it's much more

effective to approach with a pebble and ripples than to just throw in a boulder

and overflow everything!! Yes, some people have a fish

tank/glass/inflexibility, but I also choose to think that true human nature is

fluid. The inflexibility comes from external sources (jobs, life situation,

lack of knowledge) and can also be changed.

I'm so glad to hear that you understood what I was getting at from such a poorly

expressed comment. I'm still just so tired.

Michele W

Aubrie's mom

Ripples

Hello Everyone:

This will probably be too much philosophy for many of you, but I have

reached that point in our journey where I have had to make a major change in

how I view others. I've been reading some books and they have effected me

in more areas than I would have thought.

Michele wrote:

The amount that people with differences face is just way out of line. I

wish there was a way to change things right now in a dramatic way. I guess

my way of dealing with it is to live my life in such a way as to slowly and

quietly change the world around me. If we can all do that, maybe the

ripples around each of us will meet up with each other until we actually

make waves. Or maybe that's a naive view.

Michele:

I really like the " ripple " comment. That may be a naive view, but having

met and read several books by Darrell , I choose to believe that a

ripple can make a difference beyond what we are aware of.

Darrell is the father of , one of the first students shot

and killed at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado. Darrel had no

idea how far reaching his daughter's compassion was in her short life. In a

code of ethics assignment for class, wrote: " I have this theory that

if one person can go out of their way to show compassion, then it will start

a chain reaction of the same. People will never know how far a little

kindness can go. " 's code of ethics was very much tied to her

religious beliefs, but I think they transfer across any lines one can draw

if one is to live a life of decency. believed she could change the

world one person at a time. I'd like to believe that is true in all arenas,

including disability circles. And for another to show compassion FOR

individuals with disabililties or their families can model an example that

will go a very long way. Likewise, understanding and compassionate examples

FROM individuals with disabilites or their families can ripple equally as

far.

It is a shame we have to fight for what our children (and adults) deserve or

earn, whereas others can claim it by " ableness " , lack of disability, or

having that label of " normal " . I like to think we can be passionate and

compassionate about our advocacy efforts. It is unfortunate that others

fail to see those attributes or contributions and choose to view our efforts

in a negative light. I think it will always be a part of a ripple in the

back of their mind, even if it doesn't become the wave that overtakes some

backward thinking.

The only option is not to try, and that avenue doesn't appeal to me at all.

If I throw a small pebble at a glass window, it will only make a small sound

and then is gone. If I throw that same small pebble in the water, it sends

out ripples that will continue long after they become invisible to our eyes.

I try to view people as water and fluid in their views, not as glass and

inflexible. I prefer to try causing a small ripple that, hopefully, will

spread rather than do nothing at all. I refuse to believe that the majority

of people are so inflexible and lacking in compassion that they are not

touched in some way. (Although I have wondered about a couple of people in

the past!) Some people are trapped behind the glass, like being in a

fishtank that the ripple can only go so far - and unfortunately, that is

often their job. That doesn't mean they are left untouched; it just means

that the ripples are limited.

If you are interested in reading more about , she was an

amazing, sensative, caring young woman who befriended and went out of her

way to be kind to individuals like our children. There are at least three

books that I am aware of that address the " ripples " sent out by :

" Chain Reaction: A Call to Compassionate Revolution " ;

" 's Tears " ; and

" Smiles: The Spiritual Legacy of Columbine Martyr " .

The publisher is Publishers (www.thomasnelson.com).

Too much for many of you, I'm sure! I just couldn't let Michele's comment

pass; and for those of you who know me, you'll know I don't easily stop

writing once I get going!

Friends in CHARGE,

Marilyn Ogan

Mom of Ken (14, ADD) and (11, CHARGE+)

Wife of Rick

August 1, 2003

Marilyn,

Thanks for the book reference and the beautiful thoughts. You are a

person who will never stop growing and learning, and you are also a doer

so you will implement what you learn (not just contemplate it). It is a

privilege to have your perspective (and the others') on this list. I

definitely agree with you and Michele about ripples.

I was very impressed by the presentation (was it in Houston?) of " People

First Language " . It was a short speech but that made a huge impact on

how I talk. The idea was that if we change our language with respect to

people with disabilities, others will catch on. We need to focus on the

person, not the disability. For example, a child is not a " little

handicapped kid " , but rather " This is Penina. She has a visual

impairment " etc. I think it has made a difference already.

See http://www.disabilityisnatural.com/peoplefirstlanguage.htm

Regards,

Anne, mom of Penina (CHARGE, nearly 7)

August 1, 2003

Anne:

It was the Houston conference that the principle was introduced, thanks to

Brownie Shott. I think it has now become part of the Speakers' packet to

have those " People First Language " guidelines included. I'd like to think

that the professionals interested in presenting wouldn't need them, but a

reminder never hurts...even for myself!

Friends in CHARGE,

Marilyn Ogan

Mom of Ken (14, ADD) and (11, CHARGE+)

Wife of Rick

Re: Ripples

Marilyn,

Thanks for the book reference and the beautiful thoughts. You are a

person who will never stop growing and learning, and you are also a doer

so you will implement what you learn (not just contemplate it). It is a

privilege to have your perspective (and the others') on this list. I

definitely agree with you and Michele about ripples.

I was very impressed by the presentation (was it in Houston?) of " People

First Language " . It was a short speech but that made a huge impact on

how I talk. The idea was that if we change our language with respect to

people with disabilities, others will catch on. We need to focus on the

person, not the disability. For example, a child is not a " little

handicapped kid " , but rather " This is Penina. She has a visual

impairment " etc. I think it has made a difference already.

See http://www.disabilityisnatural.com/peoplefirstlanguage.htm

Regards,

Anne, mom of Penina (CHARGE, nearly 7)

August 2, 2003

Hi Marilyn,

I think the Ripples theory is beautiful and I don’t think it is naïve to

believe such a thing is possible. I think a few years ago I would have

been a bit less jaded about that theory though. I find it difficult to

maintain such a positive outlook. I do believe that people are

inherently good though. I also believe that there are people out there

who truly have the ability to empathize and therefore we are able to

reach them with our ripples. But I also believe that some people are so

wrapped up in their own issues-which may be big or small depending on

what issues your own life holds-that empathy is often forgotten about.

I also feel that I have been very fortunate with Meredith in that the

professionals have always been touched by her and her spirit, and

therefore have had empathy and given all they can to her and her care.

On the other hand I still find some of the meanness in the world

incomprehensible. How some people can think, say, and do the things

they do astounds me. I find the people to be the most difficult to

reach with our ripples are the parents of the so called “normal”

population. But perhaps with enough work they too will come around.

These children cannot have to endure what they go through just because

they had some type of genetic problem at birth. Perhaps their purpose

(besides to bring countless joys to our lives) is to be the pebbles that

create the ripples to change each of their parts of the world.

Audrey Dwyer-Wife to Bill-Mommy to -11, Meredith-10(CHARGEr), &

-8

Ripples

Hello Everyone:

This will probably be too much philosophy for many of you, but I have

reached that point in our journey where I have had to make a major

change in

how I view others. I've been reading some books and they have

effected me

in more areas than I would have thought.

Michele wrote:

The amount that people with differences face is just way out of line.

I

wish there was a way to change things right now in a dramatic way. I

guess

my way of dealing with it is to live my life in such a way as to

slowly and

quietly change the world around me. If we can all do that, maybe the

ripples around each of us will meet up with each other until we

actually

make waves. Or maybe that's a naive view.

Michele:

I really like the " ripple " comment. That may be a naive view, but

having

met and read several books by Darrell , I choose to believe that

a

ripple can make a difference beyond what we are aware of.

Darrell is the father of , one of the first students

shot

and killed at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado. Darrel

had no

idea how far reaching his daughter's compassion was in her short life.

In a

code of ethics assignment for class, wrote: " I have this

theory that

if one person can go out of their way to show compassion, then it will

start

a chain reaction of the same. People will never know how far a little

kindness can go. " 's code of ethics was very much tied to her

religious beliefs, but I think they transfer across any lines one can

draw

if one is to live a life of decency. believed she could

change the

world one person at a time. I'd like to believe that is true in all

arenas,

including disability circles. And for another to show compassion FOR

individuals with disabilities or their families can model an example

that

will go a very long way. Likewise, understanding and compassionate

examples

FROM individuals with disabilities or their families can ripple

equally as

far.

It is a shame we have to fight for what our children (and adults)

deserve or

earn, whereas others can claim it by " ableness " , lack of disability,

or

having that label of " normal " . I like to think we can be passionate

and

compassionate about our advocacy efforts. It is unfortunate that

others

fail to see those attributes or contributions and choose to view our

efforts

in a negative light. I think it will always be a part of a ripple in

the

back of their mind, even if it doesn't become the wave that overtakes

some

backward thinking.

The only option is not to try, and that avenue doesn't appeal to me at

all.

If I throw a small pebble at a glass window, it will only make a small

sound

and then is gone. If I throw that same small pebble in the water, it

sends

out ripples that will continue long after they become invisible to our

eyes.

I try to view people as water and fluid in their views, not as glass

and

inflexible. I prefer to try causing a small ripple that, hopefully,

will

spread rather than do nothing at all. I refuse to believe that the

majority

of people are so inflexible and lacking in compassion that they are

not

touched in some way. (Although I have wondered about a couple of

people in

the past!) Some people are trapped behind the glass, like being in a

fishtank that the ripple can only go so far - and unfortunately, that

is

often their job. That doesn't mean they are left untouched; it just

means

that the ripples are limited.

If you are interested in reading more about , she was an

amazing, sensitive, caring young woman who befriended and went out of

her

way to be kind to individuals like our children. There are at least

three

books that I am aware of that address the " ripples " sent out by

:

" Chain Reaction: A Call to Compassionate Revolution " ;

" 's Tears " ; and

" Smiles: The Spiritual Legacy of Columbine Martyr

" .

The publisher is Publishers (www.thomasnelson.com).

Too much for many of you, I'm sure! I just couldn't let Michele's

comment

pass; and for those of you who know me, you'll know I don't easily

stop

writing once I get going!

Friends in CHARGE,

Marilyn Ogan

Mom of Ken (14, ADD) and (11, CHARGE+)

Wife of Rick

August 2, 2003

wrote:

Marilyn,

Have you ever seen the movie, " Pay it Forward " ? Same thing...one

person does a good deed for three people. The payment is that each of

the three would then do a good deed for three others. It is quite far

reaching. And it starts with one small boy. Quite touching.

:

Actually, Darrel ('s father) mentioned it during his

presentation at our church. I've not seen the movie but want to. Time to

hit the library's video files, I guess!

It must make a big impression because our church also did a Pay It Forward

campaign two years ago. At random, people received $50 to do as they felt

might help another person. There was such a tremendous response to this, it

was repeated last year.

Maybe the Pay It Forward philosophy needs to be brought home to the people

we have to advocate so hard with! Only it would sort of be in reverse: A

simple reminder that they too are only a breath away from our lives and they

could be on the outside looking in. They need to be reminded that the work

we do now - in education, society, and the medical profession - not only

effects those who currently have disabilities but those that also come

after - and one of those could be them!

Just some more thoughts. Maybe I'm fortunate in many ways. We've had a

pretty good hospital - once the doctors realized we are not all ignorant

parents - but we've had a great school situation with for so long.

I have had people say, " Oh, you are so lucky you live in Indianapolis where

Riley Hospital is so close. " We have never had anyone say that we are more

fortunate that we live close to a Deaf School that allows a

wonderful, enabling education in a truely nurturing environment. Yet

education is one of the biggest hurdles once the medical stuff is handled,

and will impact our children as much - if not more - than the long term

medical will. (I know it is all tied together, because education should be

taking into account the health issues that impact the education.) Yes, we

had to " fight " to get her placed there, but when people see her they are

just amazed at her confidence and communication skills. That includes the

Director we had to persuade that the deaf school was the best placement for

; when she sees she comments that is doing so well.

I call that a shift in attitude, and I'm hoping this result is " paid

forward " as better understanding and compassion for other students in

similar situations.

While I too see situations where students could be better served if just one

person's attitude would change, I refuse to believe that people can remain

untouched by the effects of advocacy. Even if it is only that the person

begins to feel more compassion, the result eventually has to be change.

A chain reaction has to start somewhere: Let me become the first link. I

hope the ripples continue: I'm willing to be the pebble. I hope that there

will always be someone willing to " pay it forward " : I'm willing to start

the action. We just have to find the right ways to connect the chain, break

the surface, and up the ante.

The parents of children with Rubella advocated, and eventually joined

forces. While we have each other on this list to communcate with, we need

to connect with other advocacy groups with similar interests. If we only

exchange our ideas and frustrations here, it goes nowhere. If we join those

who already advocate for individuals with disabilities, eventually everyone

will benefit. I learned that in our Partners In Policymaking Academy. I

know we all have become good advocates for our children in many areas,

because if we don't do it no one else will. But we need to draw on the

expreience of others who have been there before and succeeded. I urge you

to find those groups in your regional areas and join them.

Friends in CHARGE,

Marilyn Ogan

Mom of Ken (14, ADD) and (11, CHARGE+)

Wife of Rick

August 2, 2003

I absolutely *love* the people first website! I use her information in a

training I do on inclusive child care.

Michele

Re: Ripples

Marilyn,

Thanks for the book reference and the beautiful thoughts. You are a

person who will never stop growing and learning, and you are also a doer

so you will implement what you learn (not just contemplate it). It is a

privilege to have your perspective (and the others') on this list. I

definitely agree with you and Michele about ripples.

I was very impressed by the presentation (was it in Houston?) of " People

First Language " . It was a short speech but that made a huge impact on

how I talk. The idea was that if we change our language with respect to

people with disabilities, others will catch on. We need to focus on the

person, not the disability. For example, a child is not a " little

handicapped kid " , but rather " This is Penina. She has a visual

impairment " etc. I think it has made a difference already.

See http://www.disabilityisnatural.com/peoplefirstlanguage.htm

Regards,

Anne, mom of Penina (CHARGE, nearly 7)

August 2, 2003

" Perhaps their purpose

(besides to bring countless joys to our lives) is to be the pebbles that

create the ripples to change each of their parts of the world. "

This is a beautiful thought! I'm still tired of it all, but this is a ray of

sunshine on all that exhaustion.

Michele W

Aubrie's mom

August 3, 2003

,

I teach sp. ed. and I agree. Having my own special needs child changed

my out look.

Lynn