You are going to have to deal with her eventually

[Guest guest]

I have been NC with nada for about 4 months. Sometimes it seems like longer. My

life has been so much more peaceful because of it.

Nada still tries everything she can to get in contact. She sends emails for any

reason she can think of, 'reminding' me of this or that family members birthday,

aniversary, funerals. She leaves pitaful sounding voicemails complaining that I

am being 'so hurtful' to her, that she wants to talk to my kids, that she

doesn't understand why I am doing this, or goading me giving half information

trying to get me to call (there is a death in the family, you need to call me! I

changed the password on my shutterfly account, if you want it call and let me

know! I ran into an old friend of yours and have information about your 10 year

reunion!)

All the while she is running a smear campaign. I've had family members and

friends call telling me crazy things she has said. She tells people that she

completly financially supports us (lies, my husband is an attorney, and I work

full time from home while raising three small children. Why would we need her

money?), that I have post partum depression/have gone crazy/need to be on

medication. That she is going to " come and get " my children.

I have been in contact with my uncle, nada's brother. It has been healing for me

to hear the 'truth' about nada's childhood, and different family situations over

the years. Of course as a child I only heard nada's twisted version, which

obviously couldn't be the truth, but it was all I knew. I also talk to my father

about it sometimes, they are divorced. He is bi-polar himself, and not great

support, but I do know he cares.

Both Uncle and my dad think that at some point I am going to need to 'talk to'

nada. That I can't just keep 'avoiding' her forever. She lives in the same small

town as them, and they have no chance of NC with her, so maybe they are just

talking from their own experiance? Nada has a nasty habit of stalking people,

driving by their homes repeatedly, calling phones 10 times until someone picks

up, finding every bit of private information possible through the gossip chain

and rubbing it in your face... she makes people's lives miserable.

The last conversation I had with nada was me explaining that she could not come

to our home over the holidays because we were sick, had lots of other

engagements, and because of her behavior during our last visit to our home. She

flipped out at me, threatened to come anyway. I had to tell her that if she

showed up I would call teh police. She started screaming that I was CRAZY, my

phone died, and I have not spoken to her since.

I don't see any need to rehash this with her. It won't get anywhere. In fact, I

feel like it will instead fuel her fire. The calls and emails have tappered off

a bit, but I know that renewed contact would give her reason to start up again.

I think the difference is that my family members think that nada is an awful

vindictive manipulative person. They want to see her 'get hers', and realize

that she is wrong. I believe nada is mentally ill to an extent that not much can

be done for her. If anything, it would be cruel to restart the cycle, it's not

going to do anything but upset her.

Who is right here? Should I call her up just to tell her exactly why I am NC?

I've toyed with the idea of telling her that if she went into extensive therapy

I might have a relationship on some level with her, but not my children. I know

she would never agree to any of this, or admit that she is wrong.

Opinions? Advice?