lawsuit

[Guest guest]

My,

We didn't experience legal action, but the threat of criminal action

against my brother. Nada physically attacked him, (which he defended

against only by restraining her) and she " flipped " the whole incident

into her being the one attacked, of course. She actually went so far as

to call the cops for " advice " about what to do and threatened to call

his employer, etc..... Everyone in the family knew what had really

transpired (and my brother had the presence of mind to take pictures of

the damage she had done to his face). She didn't follow through, but if

she had we were all prepared to testify on his behalf if it came to

that. Although we never deliberately said so to her face, I think she

knew it on some level. I also told her later at some point that I know

she attacked him - with the expected fall-out.

I think it wise to just stay put (and out of it) and see if it blows

over. When it doesn't get her what she really wants anyway (contact with

him), she may just lose interest. Or, if she does actually tell you

about it, you might disarm her with the " validation " technique, eg. " Oh,

Mom, you know you don't want to do that, you're just upset because you

want to spend time with him and he can't right now. You know it's not

about the money. " I've been amazed at how that validation of feeling

technique calms nada down sometimes (not always), no matter how

outrageous her behavior.

However, one word of concern. Since BP's are so good at playing the

helpless victim, and since she is on record as having " psyche " issues, I

wonder if that could work to her advantage legally, in that it could be

reasoned that she could be taken advantage of because of her

issues.....Some legal advice on that might help.

If she persists, my inclination would be to tell her (not threaten) that

it is your clear understanding that the money was a gift, and you will

" testify " to that if asked to. Of course, you have to be prepared to do

just that - and to deal with the aftershock. Hope it doesn't come to

either for all your sakes. The alternative is to advise him to just find

a way, if possible, to borrow the money and give it back, and get

himself and his family away from her for good (for all their sakes).

Good luck.

Suzy

my wrote:

>

> Hello,

>

> I will try to make this brief but enough details to be understood.

>

> We recently found out my mom is bipolar/BPD, which made sense of a

> whole lot

> of things. Since a committment to a psych ward and coming under the

> care of

> a psychiatrist she has seemed to make some progress in her moods, but I've

> essentially thought she has been faking quite a bit. She's been very

> careful

> to be 'good' with my brother and I.

>

> Before some really recent awful behavior on her part she has had a

> very good

> friend " Mark " . He is around my age and has kids and over the years, he and

> his family had become 'family' to her. Over the last year she became

> increasingly demanding on Mark's time and energy and her recent bad

> episodes

> were directed primarily at him. As a result, he decided to have NC

> with her

> at least for a while - which I and my brother have supported 100%. He is a

> really great guy and has done a ton for my mom over the years.

>

> As you might imagine, she has tried everything to try to get him to

> respond

> to her in any way - repeated phone calls, e-mails, messages, threats, you

> name it. It has been very stressful for him, but he has held firm

> other than

> an e-mail telling her he could not have contact with her right now - and

> telling her why.

>

> So, last week Mark gets an e-mail from her saying that she wants to

> talk to

> him and if he does not call her by Sunday she will take legal action

> against

> him on Monday. I advised him to not be bullied by her like that and

> neither

> of could imagine what legal action she could take other than she gave him

> money several years ago as a gift to help him buy his house. Actually, she

> insisted he needed to buy a house, he had been renting, and gave him money

> to be able to do so. (Which obviously knowing what we know now was a

> really

> bad idea to take the money.)

>

> Mark received a letter yesterday saying he is being sued by her for the

> money for the house $50,000 and for her costs. He obviously does not have

> the money to give her, which if I was in his position I'd be inclined to

> give her the money if I had it and be rid of her.

>

> My mom has not said anything about all of this to anyone as far as I

> know -

> she is doing her usual amazing job of presenting whatever face/side she

> needs to to each individual in her life.

>

> I'd like to continue to support Mark in this without getting in the middle

> (which may not be possible). I also know it will draw her wrath if I

> openly

> side with him (which I already do she just does not know that yet or even

> that I know about the lawsuit - she specifically talked to my brother

> and I

> about giving him the money for his house because she wanted he and I to be

> OK that she was giving part of our potential inheritance to him - both

> of us

> told her to do whatever she wanted - it's her money and we don't need/want

> to inherit anything. That she is suing him for this is completely unjust.)

>

> In many ways it seems that she is just making clear to everyone in her

> life,

> that if you don't do what she wants you to do, she will make sure you pay

> big time. She doesn't even need the money - she's just being sure to

> punish

> him since he won't talk to her.

>

> I'm not sure how to advise Mark to proceed nor how I should proceed

> with my

> mom. It does not seem right to just act as if it is not happening -

> she also

> is not capable of seeing things in any way but with her as the victim.

> Does

> any one have experience with nada's escalating to the point of suing

> either

> yourself or other's nada has/had relationship with.?

>

> my

>

>