Guest guest Posted March 23, 2009 Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 I think my Nada is starting a smear campaign because I have gone nc. Do I ignore or try to defend the truth as she twists what really happened between us? Please comment & tell me what to do!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 23, 2009 Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 -I am new to group and have only been nc for 3 months so some of the others here probably have some better advice for you. I can say that everything I've read says it's a waste of time to try to defend yourself or offer explanations. My bpd mom is in alliance with my bpd sister in law and have really started making up things I've said, making up how events have happened and just blatantly lying! It's been so hard not to scream from the rooftops " I'm not the crazy one! " I've managed to just vent here in this group and not respond at all so far. They now are expressing concern that there is something wrong with me and that I need help. I keep bouncing back and forth between feeling so mad that I can't stand it to really sad and hurt that they would treat me this way. I'm sorry that you are going through this too. I think that no response is the best way to go - people who are close to you and love you will know the truth anyway and I would worry that a response is exactly what shes looking for and it will just fuel the fire. I'll be watching your posts and see what advice you get. Good luck and keep your chin up!-- In WTOAdultChildren1 , " lilbrandibuddy " wrote: > > I think my Nada is starting a smear campaign because I have gone nc. Do I ignore or try to defend the truth as she twists what really happened between us? > > Please comment & tell me what to do!!!! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 23, 2009 Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 I saw this yesterday, it may be of help to you. http://www.bpd411.org/distortioncampaign.html The whole site is pretty informative. I think my Nada is starting a smear campaign because I have gone nc. Do I ignore or try to defend the truth as she twists what really happened between us? Please comment & tell me what to do!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 23, 2009 Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 My NADA ran a pretty successful smear campaign against me for years. To this day, I'm still shocked at the lengths to which she went and the lies she created to ruin my reputation and relationships with so many folks. I tried to defend myself for a very long time but never quite satisfactorially. Most people, when I confronted them about it, would just remark " Oh! You two have a difference of opinion, then? " or something like that which would only leave me totally deflated. Or, they believed her lies, which was even worse. They never seemed to see the FOG or any other abuse. I finally came to the conclusion that the only solution for me was to just step away from the entire situation. I learned that she had started her campaign about the time I was born. By the time I was in my mid 40's, she had that much time ahead of me. It was a losing battle. I can never anticipate her moves. I'm always stunned by them. And then react badly. So, for me, the best path was to just remove myself from the equation. I have no doubt that NADA is still smearing away, especially to justify NC for almost two years now. But that is her problem and no longer mine. What a relief! > > I think my Nada is starting a smear campaign because I have gone nc. Do I ignore or try to defend the truth as she twists what really happened between us? > > Please comment & tell me what to do!!!! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 23, 2009 Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 She is probably doing that just to engage you in a conversation of some sort. Don't play the game. Ignore it and the truth will eventually come out. It always does. Maybe tell one family member the truth and it will spread. AJ > > I think my Nada is starting a smear campaign because I have gone nc. Do I ignore or try to defend the truth as she twists what really happened between us? > > Please comment & tell me what to do!!!! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 23, 2009 Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 I agree, as you sound like you figured, that the best response is no response. Nada will slip herself up eventually and those that really care and are paying attention will see that. I found the more I tried to explain, the more I put myself in the middle of her campaign. By not reacting and just playing it like life is normal with the exception of wacko nada, I take myself out of her game. If I felt a need to say anything I occasionally made statements like, " That's an interesting thing to say about your daughter. " From my experience, your nada is in self preservation mode and if she can push you off the " life raft " to keep herself afloat, she will say whatever she has to. But knowing that doesn't stop the pain of losing people in your life that you care about and who you thought cared about you. I am down the road a bit from the start of her major smear campaign. I lost contact with cousins who I was very close to and friends, despite lots of talks, still couldn't believe my parents weren't really the pretty facade that they put forth. Some have suggested writing out your frustrations with the situation to let them out somewhere (or even write them here, which we all understand fully) so it doesn't eat you up or come out at the ones you love. I just had a thought while reading your post. Nada is kind of like the wicked witch of the west in Galinda clothing. It made me laugh for a moment at least. I just signed up for facebook last week and I have reconnected with some of them but I am also sure that either nada or the topic will come up in some way. I will just have to deal with it when it does or keep ignoring it. Take a deep breath - this too shall pass. patinage > > > > I think my Nada is starting a smear campaign because I have gone nc. Do I ignore or try to defend the truth as she twists what really happened between us? > > > > Please comment & tell me what to do!!!! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 23, 2009 Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 Thanks! It really helps to know that other people are going through the same things. I'm going to take your advice and remain silent. I know deep down that she is just trying to provoke me and wants me to respond in some way. > > > > I think my Nada is starting a smear campaign because I have gone nc. Do I ignore or try to defend the truth as she twists what really happened between us? > > > > Please comment & tell me what to do!!!! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 23, 2009 Report Share Posted March 23, 2009 THANKS to everyone who responded. I can't tell you how much better I feel with this kind of empowerment and backing from a group of people who truly understand. Staying strong & ignoring nada's lies! ) > > I think my Nada is starting a smear campaign because I have gone nc. Do I ignore or try to defend the truth as she twists what really happened between us? > > Please comment & tell me what to do!!!! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.