Re: FW: Ectopic Pregnancy

[Guest guest]

Tara,

While it took me over a year to recover (as much as I believe one can recover

from something like this) from the first ep, the second one wasn't as bad for

me. I think it's bc I didn't have as much time to get attached (with the

first one, I knew for about 3 weeks and the second one I only knew for two

days). I believe that I am now in the same place with the last one (7/99) as

I am with the first one (6/7 1999). I was hoping to ttc again but with

everything that I am getting or not getting from my dr I want to give up.

Hopefully, things will change soon.

Amy

[Guest guest]

I have been so busy lately, that I haven't had time to check my emails

in the last few days, so excuse me if I am a bit late in saying welcome

to our group. I am sorry that you have had to join us though, but glad

you are here. I hope we can offer you some friendship and understanding.

welcome.

take care

sonja

Re: FW: Ectopic Pregnancy

You know, I really *hate* it when people say " relax and it will

happen " ...

or " maybe its for the best " . It is usually a chore not to respond with

" yes

- and maybe if you relax you will no longer be diabetic " or " yes- your

uncle

passing on was probably for the best too " . But I won't get started on

my

List of Ignorant Remarks.

I do have to jump in here though. I think a lot of you all are in the

same

boat as I am. Should I ever decide to ttc again, there is no test I

wouldn't consent to, no procedure I wouldn't have, and no sample I

wouldn't

give to find out what is going on with my body or how to improve my

chances

of delivering a healthy baby. I find it interesting though, that I will

stress and obsess and research the physical aspect of my ep and its

consequences, but as far as doing my emotional homework - well, I'm not

so

good. In all honesty, I think I do need to learn how to relax a bit.

Maybe

relax is a bad word - maybe 'make peace' is better - or 'heal', although

these words sound cheesy as well. I dunno. If I ever do have a baby, I

want to be able to look at it as child - not a reproductive success.

(Maybe

this is why I am leaning toward adopting right now?)

Anyway, just some thoughts. Reminding myself that *is* important to be

aware of my emotional well being helps me tolerate the 'just relax'

crowd a

little better, maybe it can help someone else. I don't see how stress

can

help, BUT I DO NOT feel that relaxing is going to solve whatever problem

causes an ep or infertility. So when this outlook doesn't work, I just

tell

myself that they are shallow people that don't know when to shut up!

(Apparently I'm not completely balanced yet.)

For those of you that don't know me (I've only been lurking, talked to

some

of you privately) here is my resume:

29, married 3 years, ep in June (1st pg), MTX failure, rupture,

laparotomy,

saved the tube. No assessment recommended, none done, other tube

appears

normal, not ttc.

A formal thanks to all that participate - this group has been a

wonderful

safe haven.

>

>>

>I think waiting a year before they do any assessment is ridiculous, as

is

>the relax mentality. My doctor was ready to do an hsg after 6 months

of

>ttc

>with no success, and I believe Krista's doctor wanted her to have the

hsg

>sooner than that.

>

>Where did you get this Doctor's email address to be able to consult

him?

>

>

>

>

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[Guest guest]

L

thanks. I have just always been the kind of person that needs to know

everything about my body, I don't like feeling out of control or not

knowing why things work the way they do, but I am glad to know that I am

not the only one. My dh. has always said that I should've been a doctor.

I have so many medical books at home, it's scary.

thanks for writing, I do appreciate your imput.

take care

sonja

Re: FW: Ectopic Pregnancy

Did ya notice it was signed by a " guy " ? Don't get me wrong. I luv guys

and

I love my DH to death BUT they seem to have a different perspective on

things

like that.

scroll...

..

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..

..

..

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..

..

..

..

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I worry constantly about my chances. Just the other day, I started to

get a

funny pain (pain is a little strong, it's more like an uncomfortable

area) in

the vicinity of my left ovary. I'm finishing up AF so I know it's not

the

Big O time but it worries me. Do I have another cyst coming back? Is

that

ovary okay? Is the scar tissue doing funny things to it? (I had part

of my

left ovary removed because of a huge cyst - that's the side with the

good

tube.)

I'm just like you, Sonja. I want to know everything I can about my

chances

and if I am to expect any more problems. I guess the doctors are merely

thinking about textbook answers and not about the people part of it.

Take care,

L

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[Guest guest]

Amy,

I agree that people can be really insensitive. But like you I hope that

those who have said these thoughless things never have to live through what

I had to understand my feelings. Unfortunately, I'm losing the " you're

still young " tag. Now that I'm 30, my biological clock is definitely

ticking - loudly. While 30 is still a comfortable age for having children,

time does pass quickly. What if it takes a while to get pg or I experience

another loss and have to go through another recovery. I could be looking

at a substantial amount of time. This is why I have decided to move

forward now, aside from the fact that I'm just ready.

My dh has custody of his 2 kids and they are 8 & 10. Since it has been

nearly 7 years since we have been raising them, I want to have a baby while

they are still young enough to be really involved in his/her life. If I

wait any longer, my pg will be embarrasing to my daughter who will be in

middle school next year. You how kids are when they understand sex. (Your

parents still do it type of thing:)) Plus I don't want to spend 30+ years

of my life raising kids. I'd like to be young enough to enjoy my kids'

kids too.

So where are you right now? Are you recently recovering from your second

ep, are you working on ttc. I can't remember your story but would like to

know.

Talk to you soon

Tara

Re: FW: Ectopic Pregnancy

Tara,

I just wanted to say that I can definitely relate to the " You're still

young " prase. I was 18 when I had my first one and 19 when I had the

second. Somehow people think that will lift your spirits. For me, it's

just that now I have that much longer to face this type of thing. My other

favorite one is " You will still be able to have more. " This came from the

dr on call right after she told me the chances of a third ep.

I don't know what makes people say these things but it seems obvious that

they haven't personally experienced (which, don't get me wrong, is great

for them)the same thing that I have. Hopefully, these people will never

have to feel the same thing to learn.

Amy

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[Guest guest]

Tara:

I just wanted to say that you never know how those middle school kids will

react to a pg...she might be embarrassed, but she might be thrilled too. My

hairdresser has a daughter that is 13-14 now. Last year she (Vicky, my

hairdresser) got pg unexpectedly with her second child. He will be a year

old in March. le (the daughter) was thrilled with her Mom's pg and

was even in the delivery room when the baby was born. She loves the little

one and is a big help with him...a doting big sister.

I wasn't saying this to make you think you should wait or anything...just

that you never know how they are gonna react, and you might get lucky when

it comes to her

[Guest guest]

,

Oh the kids are ready and looking forward to it. It's the things the other

kids say. Now that they're at the age that they are becoming sexually

aware it's all a big joke:) My daughter's reaction about sex is GROSS!

But she's dying to have a new brother or sister. Here's hoping!

Tara

Re: FW: Ectopic Pregnancy

Tara:

I just wanted to say that you never know how those middle school kids will

react to a pg...she might be embarrassed, but she might be thrilled too.

My

hairdresser has a daughter that is 13-14 now. Last year she (Vicky, my

hairdresser) got pg unexpectedly with her second child. He will be a year

old in March. le (the daughter) was thrilled with her Mom's pg and

was even in the delivery room when the baby was born. She loves the little

one and is a big help with him...a doting big sister.

I wasn't saying this to make you think you should wait or anything...just

that you never know how they are gonna react, and you might get lucky when

it comes to her

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[Guest guest]

Sonja,

How funny that this doctor thinks that upwards of 20% is only a marginal

increase! I would much rather have a 1 or 2% chance of another...

Also, suggesting that a lap should be done is kind of reckless. Any surgery

can lead to infection. I would think of a lap as a LAST resort.

I have this to say about letting nature takes it's course: Last time, I did

just that. Nature took it's course, my tube and my Tucker (and part of my

sanity).

Take care,

Krista

[Guest guest]

,

I agree with how you feel. Let me add that " relaxing " , instead of doing what

I did (research, the site, support group, etc.) would have put me in a deep

hole of denial!

Take care,

Krista