Would a narcissist ask this question?

[Guest guest]

My child, the recipient of genes from my nada, was having one of her " Mom's all

good " days today. I always enjoy the pedistal sitting knowing full well it will

go away but enjoy it nonetheless. At least my child is getting DBT, she's only

13 too. So this afternoon she came over, we made and ate cornbread, listened to

music and she even wanted me to dance to one especially pretty song and I did.

THen we walked down to her apartment (where she lives with her dad, my husband

with multiple personality disorder) and watched a funny movie in her room.

(The therapist said they actually do well together because they both have

similar issues and both can't figure me out and have some distrust of my

behavior, just like nadas do. And they seem to co-exist nicely while for me,

living with either/both of them is horrible. My husband actually reminds me more

of my nada than my daughter does, and she's the borderline. And I love and

always will love my daughter.)

Well I almost fell over when she asked me if it was narcissistic if she wanted a

picture of herself on her computer wallpaper. Now I ask you, would a narcissist

ask such a question? Would someone with BPD ask such a question? I was really

laughing happily when I said if she asks such a question then she can't be a

narcissist, good for her, I said.

Then I asked her what she thought a narcissist was and she said it was someone

who loved themselves and thought they were beautiful. She was concerned because

someone (a classmate that I know has serious issues herself) called her a

narcissist. I said yes, it would be weird to have her photo on her computer and

asked her to look around my apartment, and what photos did she see? All are of

her but it would be weird if I had photos of me.

She then asks if it's narcissistic to have a photo of her with a friend on her

computer. I said no. I also laughed saying that if she was really a narcissist,

she'd never think to ask or care what I said about it. I explained how true

narcissists behave and see the world and that while it was sometimes bundled

with borderline, being a true narcissist was something really difficult and that

everyone had some of it, and that was not unusual. I gave some examples and I

also said that grandma was really quite the narcissist and so on. It got her

attention and then she started showing me photos of her and her friends on her

phone.

Amazingly, the evening ended very nicely. Don't worry, I know she was bored,

didn't have plans with any friends that particular day and wanted me to help her

convince her dad to let her go to the mountains with a friend (who I like) and

friend's parents (of course) to see a bluegrass/country festival. It's funny

because I'd have done it anyway so...who's the fool?

But I ask you...would a narcissist or borderline ask anything about narcissism?

I can tell you those words never passed nada's lips nor the other borderlines in

my family. To hear them talk, everyone else was twisted.

Flowers in Oz

[Guest guest]

I think that's wonderful! Even if your child does have a personality

disorder, I believe that the early intervention and DBT therapy she is

getting is creating in her the ability to have self-insight and

self-monitoring behaviors. I think if a person with a personality

disorder has been left untreated their whole life, has basically

bullied their way through life, and they are now older, its less

likely that they have the ability (or the desire) to learn and improve.

Its also possible that your child has only 1 to 4 of the diagnostic

criteria, and so isn't a full-blown case of pd (it takes 5 of the 9

criteria for a psychiatrist to make a diagnosis, according to the

DSM-IV)

In any case, I think you should enjoy being delighted, she sounds like

a great kid.

-Annie

>

> My child, the recipient of genes from my nada, was having one of her

" Mom's all good " days today. I always enjoy the pedistal sitting

knowing full well it will go away but enjoy it nonetheless. At least

my child is getting DBT, she's only 13 too. So this afternoon she came

over, we made and ate cornbread, listened to music and she even wanted

me to dance to one especially pretty song and I did. THen we walked

down to her apartment (where she lives with her dad, my husband with

multiple personality disorder) and watched a funny movie in her room.

>

> (The therapist said they actually do well together because they

both have similar issues and both can't figure me out and have some

distrust of my behavior, just like nadas do. And they seem to co-exist

nicely while for me, living with either/both of them is horrible. My

husband actually reminds me more of my nada than my daughter does, and

she's the borderline. And I love and always will love my daughter.)

>

> Well I almost fell over when she asked me if it was narcissistic if

she wanted a picture of herself on her computer wallpaper. Now I ask

you, would a narcissist ask such a question? Would someone with BPD

ask such a question? I was really laughing happily when I said if she

asks such a question then she can't be a narcissist, good for her, I said.

>

> Then I asked her what she thought a narcissist was and she said it

was someone who loved themselves and thought they were beautiful. She

was concerned because someone (a classmate that I know has serious

issues herself) called her a narcissist. I said yes, it would be weird

to have her photo on her computer and asked her to look around my

apartment, and what photos did she see? All are of her but it would be

weird if I had photos of me.

>

> She then asks if it's narcissistic to have a photo of her with a

friend on her computer. I said no. I also laughed saying that if she

was really a narcissist, she'd never think to ask or care what I said

about it. I explained how true narcissists behave and see the world

and that while it was sometimes bundled with borderline, being a true

narcissist was something really difficult and that everyone had some

of it, and that was not unusual. I gave some examples and I also said

that grandma was really quite the narcissist and so on. It got her

attention and then she started showing me photos of her and her

friends on her phone.

>

> Amazingly, the evening ended very nicely. Don't worry, I know she

was bored, didn't have plans with any friends that particular day and

wanted me to help her convince her dad to let her go to the mountains

with a friend (who I like) and friend's parents (of course) to see a

bluegrass/country festival. It's funny because I'd have done it anyway

so...who's the fool?

>

> But I ask you...would a narcissist or borderline ask anything about

narcissism? I can tell you those words never passed nada's lips nor

the other borderlines in my family. To hear them talk, everyone else

was twisted.

>

>

> Flowers in Oz

>

>

>

>